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I have an extreme case of schizoaffective anxiety, and I’m preparing for major surgery. I’m getting knee replacements in both knees--one at a time. This anxiety spike about surgery is multi-faceted.
Mindfulness can be a helpful tool for coping with anxiety. Mindfulness is something I have become more familiar with and increasingly utilized over the years as I have practiced it as a strategy for managing my anxiety.
I left the UK to undergo alcohol treatment in South Africa, so it was inevitable that this would alter my perspective somewhat. However, after spending more time in this new environment, several striking realizations about the UK's negative relationship were crystal clear. After talking to numerous people from the same country and background, there was a common thread of early exposure to alcohol having long-lasting consequences. In short, I learned that teenage drinking can lead to addiction.
My depression is a disability. In my six years as a mental health blogger, I have often encountered people who believe that depression is temporary and those who cannot overcome it quickly are weak-willed. Despite various depression awareness campaigns, I have noticed that most people still minimize the effects and consequences of depression. These folks are so close-minded that they hang on to myths and misconceptions even in the face of cold, hard facts. It can be impossible to silence such naysayers for those of us who are living with this condition. But even if we cannot silence them, we must not internalize their misconceptions about depression and realize that depression can be a disability.
One surprising part of my mental health recovery journey was experiencing heightened emotions. I had successfully dodged painful feelings for years, developing a fear of feeling. But now that I'm recovering, I've felt my emotions more deeply, in almost an overwhelming way. Fear of feeling can be difficult to navigate, but it ultimately enhances my life experiences.
Sometimes you need to surrender to yourself. I learned this recently in the most unusual way. To jump right into it: I can't orgasm. Well, that's not entirely true. I can orgasm by myself with relative ease, but I can count the number of times I've orgasmed with another person on one hand, and most of those occasions have been helped along by technology. For a long time, I figured it was just my anatomy; some bodies were built to orgasm, but mine was not. I had other things going for me—it was what it was.
When I sit down to think about it, I often trace my anxiety back to James Parker. James Parker caused childhood trauma that left me anxious for years.
It is one thing to struggle with a gambling addiction; it is a new challenge when dealing with a loved one’s gambling addiction. As someone who has experienced gambling addiction, knowing the depths it took me to makes me worry because I understand the devastating impact it can have on every aspect of life. I also realize how hard having a loved one with a gambling addiction is.
The grieving process can be traumatic for verbal abuse victims, although the experience is unique for each person. When major life events happen, victims of verbal abuse may work through their grief differently than others. It can take more or less time to heal and move through grief than expected. It's important to recognize that there is no right way to grieve. Verbal abuse victims should seek the help and support they need while working through grief, especially if the grieving process is traumatic.
It is essential to my wellbeing to have supportive friends in the workplace. We all need a support network that we can rely on when feeling down. I have always had one supportive colleague I can trust and rely on for support when experiencing symptoms of bipolar or depression. I navigate my mental health in the workplace by finding one person I can confide in. I set up one hour per week where we can talk openly about workplace stressors and my mental health. A supportive friend at work can be an advocate and provide emotional support.
Once a year or so, things will get better and suddenly my mood lifts. However, I’ll soon make another mistake and go right back to my long term severe depression. Thus, it is clear to me that I don’t have a chemical imbalance or some sort of mental disorder. Instead, my depression is completely explainable. I’m a lonely screw up despite decades of effort. These circumstances would make anyone suicidal. I made major attempts three times. At age 20 I had a major anxiety attack the day before my junior year. I went in the woods near my house with a pistol. I held it to my head but eventually chickened out. I convinced myself that things were would get better. Deep, deep
down inside I knew they wouldn’t and that was the case. Most recently I’ve found a large rock outcropping at the exit I take for the gym. I wish
I wasn’t so afraid. I feel regret every day that I didn’t go through with it at 20. So much pain.
Every other suicidal person I’ve met has flawed thinking and can get back on track. In my case, however, my thinking is clear: I am a friendless screwup. The evidence is there plain as day.
Thank you for your comment. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I wish I could say something to make it feel better, but I suspect that's impossible.
What I can say is that you're right to hope. There is always the possibility of positive change. Getting help -- new help, additional help, etc. -- can be very hard and even disheartening at times, but it can also work, too.
I'm sending you some warm fuzzies. I know how hard it is, but the fact that you're still here speaks to your strength.
-- Natasha Tracy