Forgiving Yourself for Embarrassing Drunken Behavior
Forgiving yourself for embarrassing drunken behavior can be tough. Being drunk is one of the most common reasons behind people embarrassing themselves or being stupid. It’s pretty safe to assume that if you have been drunk, you have embarrassed yourself in some small, minor way. And if you’re an alcoholic, you might have some pretty epic stories of nights that ended in a major embarrassment to you or someone else. In some instances, those stories are laughable and can be shaken off or simply shared in jest. In other situations, these are the ghost and horror stories of our drinking days: embarrassing drunken nights never to be admitted or acknowledged in any way because the shame and embarrassment was too great. Embarrassing drunken stories that fueled me to drink more. If I drank more, it would be easy to forget my shame. It took me a long time to forgive myself for my embarrassing drunken behavior.
Now, as a sober, recovering alcoholic, I don’t have that escape anymore. I still have embarrassing moments and I still remember the most awful nights of my drinking days, but I deal with them differently. This is what I do.
Feeling Embarrassed from Your Drunken Behavior? Let Yourself Swear
If my mind is wandering while walking to my car and I remember a particularly embarrassing drunken moment, I will spontaneously start swearing under my breath. To someone walking next to me, it might be a bit alarming, but for me, it’s an instinctive action that actually makes me feel a little better. Swearing is actually good for you, as proven by a study in the United Kingdom, and helps relieve stress. You can release negative emotions and release emotional pain through swearing, so don’t resist it.
Forgive Yourself for Embarrassing Drunk Behavior by Recognizing Your Shame
Much like with addiction recovery, acknowledging your shame is the first part of accepting and recovering from it. A totally normal human emotion, shame, must be dealt with in order to learn, grow, and move forward from a haunting past.
Don’t Try to Rationalize Embarrassing Drunken Behavior
Alcoholism is not rational. If it were, there would not be so many unanswered questions about the disease of addiction. Therefore, trying to justify or explain your drunken antics is a lost cause. Especially because when active in an addiction, people often behave in ways that do not align with their own moral code. So if you’re dealing with shame, chances are you already know what you did was bad or embarrassing and no level of rational thought will make that go away.
Remember People You Have Forgiven
When all else fails, remember that at some point in your life, someone else had to ask you for forgiveness. How or why did you forgive them?
The highest form of love is forgiveness. The greater the offense, the more love is required to forgive that person. Double the amount of love required when you are forgiving yourself. This may be difficult to do, especially in early sobriety when self-loathing is usually at its peak. If you aren’t able to quickly identify five things you love about yourself, you need to adopt some daily practices to boost our self-esteem.
Shame and embarrassment are good reminders of how our alcoholism shaped our behavior, and not in a good way. But like everything, they are only good in moderation: too much shame hinders us and prevents us from living life fully. Work through the embarrassment to forgive yourself. Only then will the shame of your drunken past begin to fade to a memory devoid of pain.
Creative Commons photo attribution to mloberg.
Doyle, B. (2015, July 2). Forgiving Yourself for Embarrassing Drunken Behavior, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, May 27 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/debunkingaddiction/2015/07/forgiving-yourself-for-embarrassing-drunken-behavior
Author: Becky Doyle
I’m so glad I came across this today. I have been beating myself up all day on a stupid drunk night yesterday. Went out With some friends at a brewery. All I remember is drinking beer then everything went black..... I don’t remember ANYTHING! But my “friend” made sure to text me this morning and remind me of every foolish and embarrassing thing I did. I feel so ashamed and can’t. Sleep. Just keep replaying it all in my head and just so ashamed of my actions.
Ugh my neighbors had a get together and I mixed liquor, I don’t think I did anything too embarrassing, probably just talked way too much. I’m in a long distance relationship so of course as soon as I get back inside my apartment the first thing I do is call my boyfriend. I’m not sure what dumb ass thing I may have said while drunk but it triggered him into hanging up on me and ignoring every call I made to him after. Now I feel like crap because I’m not sure what I may have said to make him so upset but I do remember him saying “this is why I can’t be in a relationship”. I hope he can forgive me and I def will not be drinking again especially if it makes him this upset with me.
Ive struggled with alcohol for most of my life. There were times when I thought I had it under control, and times where I literally just wouldnt stop myself. Im currently sitting in bed with the shakes, my head foggy from last night.
Drunk me is a crier. All she does is cry. Ive had a long battle with my depression and self esteem. Sometimes i win, sometimes I lose. But drunk me ALWAYS loses.
I plowed through 2 bottles of wine and half a bottle of Malibu last night. I ended up curled up on the floor, sobbing and desperately praying to Allah, Vishnu, and a whole array of Gods that I dont even believe in. I talked about dying, and scared the crap out of my boyfriend. I wasnt blackout drunk, but I was definitely not in control of myself. I rambled on about how he deserved more than to be with someone as lost as I am in life.
I recently miscarried, and after a year of being sober Ive crashed hard into drunken spirals again. All of my drunken endeavors over the last month have ended in tears, ranging anywhere from softly crying to complete hysterics.
I feel so embarassed. I know better than to handle my emotions this way. I hope he can forgive me, the conversations ive been initating while drunk are 10/10 not drunk conversations. Im struggling to cope with everything in my life, and I just feel like I'm blowing it with this guy. No one should have to carry the things that I put upon people after ive had a few drinks.
I'm so sorry you're struggling with this! Addiction is such a scary beast, but please know, this is not your fault. Addictive behaviors can happen to anyone. I know just how difficult it is when you relapse after having a solid amount of sober time. The shame can eat you alive! Just know that you are not alone in this. Don't be too hard on yourself either. One day at a time. <3
Hang in there. Have you reached out for help? Have you gone to therapy to process your loss? I too have struggled with alcohol since childhood. After the birth of my son I lost it. Was on a bender and got physically violent. The cops were called. I got 5150d. Went to rehab and relapsed for the better part of a year. I’ve done such embarrassing shit. Screamed, raged, cried. Woke up with people I don’t know and in places I didn’t know in my youth. The amazing thing is that we’re still here!!! We gotta use the shame and embarrassment we feel to motivate us to do better. I never want to embarrass myself or my kid like I used to. I don’t want to be a crazy, violent, drunk mom. I’ve seen the devastation me and my illness has caused. I thank god I never seriously hurt someone or myself. You are so blessed to recognize you have a problem. You are blessed to know that you gotta shape up or you stand to lose something (yourself and your partner). The next step is harder. Now you have to do something about it. I’m telling you, you can. Some people have no insight to the things they do and the hurt they cause. You don’t seem like one of those people. Please get the help you deserve. You don’t have to hurt like this anymore.
Blacking out is very much a thing, for me now. Over the past 18-24months, 75% of my nights out have ended up with me having to have a carer, either to make sure I get home ok, to stop me from doing something stupid/regretful or hurting myself or someone else.
I’m actually a person who doesn’t need alcohol and when I decide to drive, don’t miss it, but when I’m out, I’m out out and I go hell for leather.
I used to be able to realise when I was getting to the point of too pissed, then I slow down or stop. That filter seems to have gone. I go from, ok to absolutely destroyed with no warning for me or anyone I’m with.
I’ve been described as being completely vacant, losing body ability, being nasty, being pushy with people and a being completely obnoxious.
After a night out, recently. I had repeated this pattern. Fine - screwed, no warning, no clue. Now, lucky for me I can’t actually remember what happened, what I did, but others can..... it was a work party, too.
I’m very lucky in that I have a small amount of friends that I can rely on, one of them was with me and she took me out of the situation, had stern words and took me to my door. I doubt there’s many people would do this when their night out had just been shat on.
After giving her a couple of days to cool off, I approached her and apologised for spoiling her night, she give me both barrels and told me everything, telling me I needed to hear it because I needed a shock.
I wasdevastated!! Gutted!! Embarrassed!! Horrified.
I was too much.
I was told that she had considered ending our friendship, that she loves everyday me but actually hates drunk me. She has said that she won’t go out with me again but we can get past it. I’m grateful for this but she also told me she’s concerned about my drinking because she can see it’s a problem. I agreed, there’s no way I could disagree. I’ve known for a while, I’ve somehow managed to keep this from my boyfriend, I think due to the fact this happens more often when I’m out with friends.
I had a drink in the house a few weeks back, (This is common, throughout the week too), I was being snappy and my boyfriend told me that my aggression is getting worse.
I often get comments like, “oh, had a drink have we??!” And there’s an ongoing joke at work about whose turn it is to look after me.
I am now anxious about how to get out of drinking, this most recent night out, my plan was to drive - I got talked into it because, it’s Christmas, you deserve a drink.
I think sobriety is the only option I have, other wise I’m going to lose friends. I’m not sure I have the respect I had, at work. This all because once I start I can’t stop.
Um hello this may not be too embarrassing but it feels like it Is because it's my first time blacking out from drinking and I did something I wish could be forgotten and not happen. I was talking on the phone loud about something sexual and I think people heard me. I threw up four times. Twice in the bar, once outside and once in the uber driver's car. I'm really antisocial so for that to happen makes me not wanna really go back to the bar or even go outside because even my anxiety is making me think that I got filmed outside and that would just honestly humiliate me so bad....idk what to do honestly.
We had a 4 day break away in Ireland my mum who has alzheimers and two sisters. I get on well with older one but not middle one. This trip was really difficult for me and hard. But on the last night we all went out with cousins and family I ended up getting drunk and humiliated my middle sister in front of the family. I was awful and said horrible things. Which I can't remember because I was so drunk.
My other older sister isn't talking to me. And the one I had ago at wished me dead and said I am not her sister.
I have sent message of an apology but nothing. I told her I am sorry and I hate myself for spoiling the break away. Still no response.
What shall I do?
Thank you so much for commenting and sharing something so personal. I know that isn't easy. I think in a situation like this, the best thing you can do is offer your family/sister time and space. Let her know that you are sorry and that you are ready and waiting whenever she wants to sit down and discuss things with you. Remember, we all make mistakes, no one is perfect. Give yourself some grace and compassion though, so many of us have been there. I know all of this is easier said than done, but I'm sure in time she will come around.
First off, thanks everyone for sharing! I too have had experiences I cannot explain when I am on alcohol. I went years wothout drinking like 4, only drinking like 3 times... Then I got with a man, and we would drink together... Things got so horrible it ended in divorce, he was a violent guy. So I got out of that relationship started to rebuild my life, ran into my love from when I was 19. We hit if off immediately. He was coming out of a bad relationship so, needless to say we started turning some of that bad previous behavior on eachother... We were drinking. Heavily, which caused me to make an ass of myself quite a few times, him too. I get so angry at him at times, between the alcohol and all the situations, the lying and the leaving, I have felt so alone. We make up and love eachother unconditionally, but there are times when I wonder if I would make better decisions alone.
There was a time in particular I cant get over, we went out with friends for a birthday, me and my man had to have that extra bottle of liquor, after that went to the local bar, had to pee so bad I went past the door lady, and went to pee when I came out they told me I needed to leave so I cussed them out, told the owner to suck my d**k... I dont even have a d**k.. I dont know why, it was so rude, this was a year ago. I went back a couple times, the bar maid said I needed to apologize to the owner, but she wouldnt let me in... I told her ok said her name, and told her I wouldn't be back to her establishment... Today I went in during the day, appologized to the owner, explaining I know it had been a year and I had a problem with drinking to much and I was very disrespectful and I wanted to apologize. He said you had acted similar to that a time or two before that incident and the situation with me coming in there was not going to change, I said I understand, I just wanted to right my wrong, then I left. I wish he could have forgiven me, leaving it like that does hurt a little, I have been going in there since I was a girl with my family, and also where I found my love. But I did what I could do to try to make it right. Now I have to try to make my life right, stay away from the alcohol, find the joy again, and see where my life is taking me. Alcohol has always been a problem for me, drinking too much its time for it to be a lesson and not a life sentence.
Hi, let me share my story too . I went to drink with my friends ( not reallyclose) to a bar . After awhile, I was totally drunk and my friends were telling me that I was away from them for nearly 10 mins and they are were saying tht I was lying down on the stairs and etc . I cannot believe that they let me go and have a walk after I was drunk . Guess what? When I was back home, my panty was missing. I’m really embarrassed. I really don’t know what happened. Can someone please advise me and make me feel better ? I am afraid that someone would have taken pics or videos of me
I would like to share something that I can’t get off my mind.
I went to my neighbors BBQ party on a Saturday evening, I was the youngest there,most of the people there were much older.I was drinking beers,chatting with people,everything was going great until a girl asked me if I wanted some gin( I agreed). I don’t exactly remember how much gin I had but it was enough for me to run to the toilet and throw up in the sink. I tried unclogging it but it was stuck.Because of my recklessness and drunken state I didn’t know what to do so I just left it. I normally don’t drink anymore because of my mental health but I made an exception there to be more chatty. I suffer from depression and anxiety so it’s impossible for me to feel comfortable around people.Long story short. I feel awfully guilty about what I’ve done. I’m really ashamed of my actions and I’m really sorry. I have locked myself in my room laying in a bed full of guilt and sorrow unable to cope with the outside world. I feel like it’s eating me from inside.I really hope you will read my apology,I’m sorry I couldn’t do it in person but believe me,writing it here feels like it(and also it’s impossible for me to tell you that in person). I hope you understand :(
I’m feeling the same, I’m so ashamed. i was nervous at at party yesterday and I lost control of how much I was drinking i dont even remember what i said or did, im scared it feels awful
I usually have anxiety after drinking heavily. Mostly it’s because I was loud or told someone something too personal and embarrassing about myself. However, there have been times when I would have rather broken my own knee caps than deal with what happened the night before.
I suffer from anxiety, badly, and when I do something while drinking my anxiety is nearly crippling the day after, or days, or months, or years...because yes, I still get embarrassed over things I said 17+ years ago.
ANYWAYS, here is my best coping mechanism, I hope it can help anyone who needs it! Disclaimer: This is in NO way a cure-all. Doing this usually gives me about 20 minutes of relief from the anxiety until I remember what happened again. 20 minutes of concentration so I can finish my work, shower, cook dinner, sleep...anything my anxiety can possibly keep me from doing. I do want to mention that after doing this for several years now my anxiety on certain situations has lessoned drastically. Maybe that will be the case for you if you end up liking it.
First I picture the situation(or as close to it as I can remember) and then I freeze the scene, as if pausing a movie. Next, I picture the walls and ground of wherever I am turning to stone, the people around me start turning to stone as well. Imagine it’s as if the stone is spreading. Finally, I turn myself to stone. This allows me to look at the situation from an outside perspective and since everything has been turned to stone it’s quiet and peaceful. Lastly, I picture all the stone being crushed into dust and blown away. I’m left with a clean slate.
One time I started making out with my brother’s friend in the backseat of my brother’s car while we were driving. The only problem was he was engaged and told me that and I actually told him it was okay and I was just drunk and that’s why I kissed him. Another time when drunk in a nightclub I started kissing a guy who was not into and got angry at me. Ugh so embarrassing. Any other time I was drunk and kissing a stranger they at least reciprocated lol. Another time I was at a reunion and started blabbering about different things in my life situation that made me unhappy like I was dating someone I wasn’t really into and I also have no kids but in reality I never really wanted kids so I’m not sure why I was even saying it lol.
I feel obliged to share today what i did over this weekend due to my problem with alcohol.
Started the evening with some shots , moved onto many many rounds of beers, switched to whiskey at a very close friends anniversary party and that's when it all came rolling in. It seems I was so wasted that i instantly went savage mode. ( Mind you I rarely do go here ) I decided to hit on my friends mom's mate till she got really creeped out and left the party. I have the most respect for this family and I proved myself wrong again. Now I'm in self disbelief and shame , been recluse in my room and beating myself up. I have problems with alcohol and feeling loved . This caused me to chase a high I have longed for since my recent breakup. I hope that the family forgives me for my bigotry.
Takes time. I’ve been there before. I made a lot mistakes. I was laughed at belittled and forgotten. My family let me die in a sense and I was bashed on Facebook by people I thought would not even go there. I guess I deserved it. Sober since 2015. When I run into people from my past they will try to bring up things and smile then watch my face. It’s humiliating. I literally gave up on all human love contact. I forgave myself and am able to stick up for myself since I’m not thrown into panic daily. It’s sucks but move on there’s better people out there who would forgive if they don’t. Don’t sell yourself short like I did. One comment I’ll never forget. My sister says. With a smile. I’m surprised you didn’t kill yourself Casey. Hm. Was she gonna check ? No.
These stories make me feel a little less alienated in my drunken behaivor but the guilt and shame I'm carrying over what happened 3 nights ago is going to stay with me for a long time. Long story short, I got engaged on Saturday afternoon and before the night ended my new fiance was arrested for allegedly assaulting me but I was actually the aggressor and I still don't know why they didn't take me instead of him. I don't remember a lot but I know we argued after coming home from celebrating, I COMPLETELY trashed our apartment, woke the whole neighborhood up because I was throwing glass candles and picture frames out of our second story window, cut my hand open and bled over every piece of furniture, every wall...I just can't even believe I am the same person that did all of this and I am in agony over my fiance being charged with committing a crime he didn't commit (I had a hand mark on my neck when the police showed up, but the handmark was from him pulling me off of him while I was biting, clawing at his face, punching him, etc.). He did everything right; he realized it was a dangerous situation and left and then called the police to have me removed but even after seeing the damage I did (it's so bad, you guys) they took him and charged him with a felony and I feel so ashamed, so so disgusted with myself and i don't know how to fix this. I didn't realize until this point that I have a dangerous relationship with alcohol and I just cannot drink. I drink and then I don't stop drinking. At least now i know I'm not alone. I just hope and pray that the love of my life isn't permanently effected by this one incident.
I hope it did change your life permanently... in a positive way. Try to forgive yourself we all do stupid stuff.
I decided to start reading these because being a person who suffers from tremendous amounts of anxiety on a day to day basis without the embarrassing drunken behavior, I'm immensely miserable at the moment. I went sober for three days one time since November but my drinking has been pretty consistent for a year now. Anyway, Friday night my boyfriend and I attended a party with his close friends in their house... Everything went really well for a while and I was super happy but it was one of those nights were you don't know you're actually drunk until you're shitfaced. I just met these people and i'm actually very fond of them and this is the happiest relationship i've ever been in and i don't want it to end. When i'm drunk my jealousy and anger comes out but when i'm sober i'm the least jealous/angry person you'll ever meet.. Late that night at like 4am my boyfriends ex girlfriend sends him a 10 mile long text message about how she wants to get back together (she's been harassing him for a while now) and he didn't want me to see it because it would upset me. Which set off all irrationalities in my head. So after being obnoxiously drunk in front of all of his friends and being loud and embarrassing and saying weird violent things i thought were funny at the time, we lay down on the floor to sleep for the night (there were also three other people in the room) and i start talking to him about his ex and it goes on and on until i'm just being blatantly mean to him and accusing him of wanting to cheat and not wanting to be with me and saying awful things.. Then i text this girls number and send really strange detailed death threats to her and at the time it was just a funny joke to me (i guess because i was blacked out.) I woke up at 9am to my boyfriend yelling on the phone at his step dad who had just saved my ass because the ex girlfriend was about to call the cops on me because i was being a crazy bitch. I feel horrible about all of this. I embarassed myself in front of his friends, I was acting crazy and jealous, I sent his ex girlfriend DEATH THREATS like a crazy and jealous person, his parents have most likely lost all respect for me, i hurt my boyfriends feelings and i'm feeling so much anxiety about all of this i just can't get over it. Every time i get too drunk i do stupid shit and i hate myself for it. I'm afraid i can't stop drinking and my boyfriend is gonna leave me because one of these days i'm gonna fuck up and say something really awful to him. I'm gonna try to be sober from now on but it's so hard.. My life is truly falling apart i've lost my job, i'm homeless, my car is breaking, my family and friends don't talk to me anymore and i'm afraid of losing more things i love due to my drinking problem. I need help i don't know what to do anymore i'm having a hard time coping with all of this.
we all make mistakes.. you can't take back what you did but you can learn... Just try to be a good person and do the best you can with what comes tomorrow.. it's a new day! cheers.
we all make mistakes.. you can't take back what you did but you can learn... Just try to be a good person and do the best you can with what comes tomorrow.. it's a new day! cheers.
Dang dude almost the exact same thing just happened to me last night. I’ve never been more embarrassed in my entire life.
Ugh, once I did an incredibly stupid thing when drunk. I was wasted at a club and saw the girl I liked kissing some other guy. In my drunken stupidity, I didn't think 'Oh, she's with another guy', I thought 'Aw, sweet, she's making out with people, guess it's my turn!' and I grabbed her and pulled her towards me to try and kiss her, obviously she pulled away and stared at me, shocked and disgusted. Immediately security grabbed me and threw me out, it looked worse than it was, I think they thought I was trying to sexually assault her, it wasn't quite as bad as it looked, but I still feel really ashamed of trying to forcefully come onto her like that. Ughhhhh, I know I didn't rape anyone orecommend anything, but I feel really horrible for thinking and acting the way I did, drunk or not.
I came here looking for support to try and help me through yet another drunken episode. I went out Saturday, got absolutely wasted and remember very little of the day. I woke up the next morning trying to piece together the evening before, but I can't remember a thing. Then I get the messages come through, "do you remember doing this...?". And then the whole reality of it kicks in. What did I to, what did I say? This is the hard part, not remembering, being so out of control, anything could have happened. Because I can't remember, I fear the worst, where in reality, I was probably just a little loud and annoying, and I do swear quite a lot when I'm drunk. Also, someones perception of the events will be be different to how you think it was. You might be dying of shame inside, you were just the talking point of the evening and no-one gives you a second thought. Can you remember the last drunk person you saw out? What did you think of their behaviour? And a week later, did you think about them? Probably not as we don't have time to worry about other peoples mistakes. In time, people will forget, we all make mistakes, drunken or not, we are only human. This doesn't justify what we have done, I think the most important thing is that we show remorse for our actions. Apologise to anyone we may have hurt and if they care about you, they will forgive you. Secondly, if alcohol is a trigger then avoid it, completely. If, you are like me, I can't just have one drink. I need to get obliterated. I've ruined so many of my nights out purely because I can't remember what I did. I can live with the guilt of being drunk and acting like an idiot, it's how my friends perceive me that bothers me. I don't want to be "that guy" who always gets drunk when we go out. So, I have decided the only way forward is not to drink. Its going to be tough as I do have social anxiety hence the excessive drinking. I can't wake up feeling like this again.
What you wrote helped me. Thanks.
I am writing here in the hopes that maybe sharing this will make me feel better. So I went out with a few friends (who i have not known for long at all) to a club the other day and had some shots. I remember dancing and having so much fun in there, I don’t remember having more than four vodka shots which I usually handle pretty well. However, the next thing I remember is waking up from a hospital in the morning still completely out of it. I just gathered my things and said goodbye without even asking what happened. I even got lost on my way home from there and managed somehow to call a taxi for myself. When I got home I had numerous messages from friends telling me that there’s no need to worry that I had just suddenly lost all my power while dancing, thrown up at the toilets and then totally passed out and they had called an ambulance on me and came with me to the hospital. I do not remember anything of this at all. I had puke and blood all over my clothes when I left the hospital and I had needle marks from having the drip and blood taken out of me. My friends were being so nice and some of them said that it’s suspected that my drink had been spiked. Regardless I’m feeling so embarassed for ending up in a hospital on a simple night out and having my friends worry and look after me. Especially not knowing whether I got into that situation myself or if I was spiked and not remembering absolutely anything that happened. I know things could have been a lot worse and apparently I had not said or done anything embarassing according to one of my mates, and I did express my gratefulness to all of them afterwards but I just really wish I could erase the whole night. I called my ex boyfriend whom I’m still really good friends with in the morning and he said that it’s alright we’ve all been there once or more and that made me feel better and I guess that’s why I’m here.
Not too long ago I(a girl) got drunk and thought it was a good idea to make out with this girl in the middle of the club. It got abit heated and appretly their were videos taken by people I know. Eventually I got home and refused to go inside so I slept with my dog in the garage outside... please give me you advise I feel like a disaster.
I am too early, trying to quit this alcohol. 2 days before in my office party, drunk heavily and fell down in front of all my subordinates and colleagues. Got hurt severely on my forehead (bleeding forehead) felt ashamed really and I lost respect too...I need to forget this... Can anyone suggest?
My friend and I got drunk together and I completely backed out with vague memories of what happened, I thought it was just a little oopsie because you do stupid things when you’re drunk. But it wasn’t. It was so much worse. I remember making advances on my friend but when they said what actually happened I don’t know how I can live with myself anymore. I just wouldn’t leave them alone and I was kept on trying to make stuff happen to the point where my friend was crying and I didn’t even know. It could have been much much worse, but I didn’t even realize how unsafe and scared my friend was in that moment. I didn’t even remember what happened. I said all that I could to him and I’m giving him space. I can’t stop thinking about how damaged and betrayed they must feel. That your best friend just completely abused you when you were expecting a fun night with a friend. I know we won’t ever be friends again, and I don’t even care if they forgive me. I want them to be okay. I don’t know how to forgive myself because it feels like more that just embarrassment. My drunkenness didn’t only affect me, it hurt others. Which I can stand. I don’t even drink often, but every time I do, it’s awful. Escpecially this time.
I used to be a heavy drinker, like 3-8 beers a day heavy. Never did anything stupid to the level of embaressment; we all we drinking and it was understood to my friends crazy stuff may just hapen so we all took silly brawls, stupid comments and property destruction with a grain of salt. That is if ammends were made of course. My drininking didn't really stop but since 2015 it was at the point of like 1 beer a week. The other night I drank because of nervousness; and low self esteem and the feeling was givng me majori issues. I ended up blacking in and out; and my activities during this time (thank the universe) were only in my own home with 2 of my best friends.
I was rambling, I was trespassing in my roommate's room (above friend #1) blatantly just taking things and tossing them around. I would k eep going in my room and saying I was ok, let me lie down, then under 10 seconds I'd be walking out into the living room again and acting a general moronic dickhead as if nothing happened.. I kept saying the same things, i was reading aloud my thoughts. How much or what I drank is irrelevant to my post here. I was blacked out is the issue. The details are to myself spared as it pains me to think im even capable of what I was told i was doing. I remember a bit of the worst.... I took a shower, got out fully nude no care in my mind stumbled around "acting normal" and walked into the living room and sat down on the tv couch in full glorious view of two people I really have respect for as a clear headed mindset. But no, it was as if being soaking wet, dishevel and nude was normal. GOD how could this have happened. is all i keep saying. I must have thought I was clothed or at least covered. I fear this is really going to ruin friend #1 \ 2 and my own relationship wioth myself which isn't great all the time anyway.
Once i sobered up I just played recluse in my room . 1# he took my dog out, the trash dishes etc. Once my shaking hands (they still are sorry for any typos) and nerve was adequate he asked if i was clear headed, I said yes. He told me we've had this convo 11 times in the past 2 hours last night. So I sat there and he sure let me have it. I didn't even know what to say I was jaw dropped. He told me what I had did, previously it was all just a blur. I knew something bad had happened but not what. He started bringing up past events, attributes on my personality and mindset generally in life which were shocking as he had never mentioned any of these events as having such a lasting impact. I understand that concept of empathy; im not a sociopath, but it only pushed my grief and pain and shame deeper down. I was so distraught I panicked and asked why he didn't tell me before, I asked why he didnt he said I'm a grown man I should know. He pulled the scalding father card "youre lucky we didnt kick your ass or knock you out' etc... His response was seething anger. His main tangent of arguing was that this is an ongoing issue. Not the drinkking or the INSANE drunk criminal behavior, but just aspects of what Ive done on impulse day to day that bother him. For example once I ate a few ceral bars and took a pack of smokes from him. We've been friends years, and each those times I made it right after him catching me red handed (strawberry filled bars) and for the latter I just straight up admitted it to him. He forgave me then. I took responsibility. He then went on and brought up things I didn't know about or even realize were HUGELY bothering him. I will omit the details but its similarly comparable in level of dastardliness to when I went into with entering his room while he's at work to say grab a pen or a pair of shorts. Those are examples and yes it's wrong to not ask an do that. Plain and simple. I know that and I never did those kind of thiings again. It's impulsive my stupid mind; it needs to be told not to do things otherwise my impuslivity will kiill me, He mentioned "he can't bring people over" becausae he's "afraid" I would offend. Not, buy drinking or acting a loon but just who I Am. I speak my mind so I get that people don't like to hear the truth. This is something I will work on now that it has hurt others. All this must have been his anger at me spilling over into other aspects of our living situation. GOing back into the previous night, he slayed me out some more: I was apparently also disrespectful verbally, and mumbling to people who weren't there; hallucinating and mumbling to my self incoherently. I was 0-100 with my impulse. How can I get him to believe me that I have learned and will by GOD NEVER do this. Im shaking crying and in so much shame but so defeated I can't even bear myself. Is that empathy? is that guiilt? I really feel I deserve the chance to prove that this was isolated; yet i twas so extreme how can I ever not forget but move on? I had no regard for anyone or theyre respect or dignity. I mean I committed indecent exposure essentially. Thats illegal here in the states! I didn't get sick or pass-out... I wish i did. I Just kept coming out my room nude 3 or 4 times, taking stuff that wasnt mine or moving our furniture. My friend (if he still is) 2 left in apparent disgust. I must have humiliated him and embarrassed not only me but especially those who trust me. I'm so overridden with pain now. Drinking never turned its back until Yesterday Feb 22 2018. I honestly can forgive myself, I honestly can move on, I know that honestly God forgives me or whatever the concept forgives me.
Next steps are improvement only. That has become my newfound M.O. No more booze. I feel i have the passion to follow through with that, as I have many aspirations and passions and dreams. I feel i can conceptualize this because I am mentally fit personality wise but i Know i must suffer from something else, like a physiological mental illness that causes this. Although, is it really too much to ask someone who claims to be your good close friend, someone who didn't beat the %%%% out of me when i deserved it the most, someone so accepting to the point where it bottles and burst out of them to keep me in line for his own sanity? For at least his own peace of mind.
It's the next next day now I had to take off time to myself and basically recluse in my room circling all that I did and remembered and beating myself badly.. i mean really doing a number. Nothing anyone could say to me has hurt me as much as I beat myself up. It will be soon he's home again... and as far as his demeanor it's been ignore, walk by or quick Hi, and his here or there. I really wanna know how to approach this. During the initial brief convo today earlier he didn't want to talk or hear my subjective experience. IS that important for him? I believe it should have been addressed at once so he can feel the empathy or at least feel sorry for me... Why did he bottle it up, all these minor things, things i would have gladly undone, changed or affirm and make right. Why did he wait until I do the ultimate stupid thing of my past 27 years. I told him (since nothing was broken) I would clean up the house and make it back to normal i.e. make it right physically. I asked for basic forgiveness with a valid sincere "brother I have made a bad judgement and my actions/behavior were incomprehensibly inexcusable" He didn't forgive me I think, at least didn't say it and albeit amicable he was not wanting to hear it I could tell.
It's a few hours later and he is a lot chipper. I'm still a dead mess mentally. I am so ashamed. I want to lay out how I feel to him, but first ask him what is an appropriate set of boundaries to frame around the conversation. He was on the phone as I type. I told him real quick I wanted to talk.. Its al I can do, but I may never forgive my self. Just learn from my own actions and learn from the words of people who care about you. Maybe it will end up taking going our sepparate ways, which is sad and I will have that chip on me my whole life. I accept life for what it throws at you now though, and I just have to start rolling with it and quit worrying about what people think of me. They aren't important, not when my own mental anguish is causing my issues. It comes off callus but its the best thing I can think of doing now if we arent' on improved or amicable terms after this travesty. Advise? What do you think I should have done differently and do next? I know im a responsible adult but is it so bad to ask for a little outside accountability? Not baby sit just if someone says they are a good friend why is that such a difficult thing? This whole situation could have been avoided, (not me drinking, just friends 1 and 2 helping someone obivously in need instaid of just waiting it out and hating me for it.... I've been told I hold others accountable with their mistakes and they have thanked me. I wish someone can clear up my turbulent mind and make sense of this all for me. Please I can take all the shame humilation but I can't understand how this could have happened the way it did. When I asked friend 1 said "we tried closing you in your room, and locking the door" but my door doesn't lock he knows that.... Idk ive got so much cognitive dissonance IDK what im going to do.
I am struggling with self forgiveness months after a bad day on the booze. Weirdly this article and reading everyone else's story in the comment section has made me feel a bit better so I guess it's only fair to share.
My sweet best friend paid for me to come visit and attend an event with her and her friends - this involved weeks of excitement. On the day, I experimented with tequila for the first time (bad idea) and got too drunk to the point where I blacked out. The next day I discovered I had done some pretty horrible things; pushed people, attempted to start fights, cursed at her friends and basically just be an a** for most of the day. Alcohol usually doesn't have this affect on me and blacking out is super rare. I feel like I would be able to forgive myself easily in different circumstances but letting my best friend down like that makes me feel sick to my stomach months late =[ She has forgave me but it is going to make me even more time to forgive myself.
I ruined Christmas AGAIN because of booze! FML! I had started a new relationship summer of '17... Finally, I met the man of my dreams... I adore him and still do however he is not feeling the same towards me... especially after the episode this Christmas Eve. I can't drink....plain and simple and I am completely embarrassed of my behavior...and extremely depressed because I have lost him. Let's go back to a few months after we met.... episode 1... We were having drinks and once again I had way more than I could handle and insecurity not feeling good enough started creeping in.... Started telling him to go back to his ex and family and that he didn't love me. The next day I felt so ashamed...and apologized. He forgave me thank goodness. Now lets one year ago.... Episode 2... We are fairly new couple, our first Christmas together- we were head over heels for eachother and so happy that we found eachother (we are in our 40's and was new to the dating game ) A couple of nights before Christmas I had my friend in town for the holidays so naturally she came over to visit me. This is the first time for her meeting him and we had a blast! Then another friend came over ( was not invited by me but by the friend who was visititing) I had recently just started talking again to this "friend" after over a year of not talking so our relationship was still shaky. By the time she arrived I was already buzzing pretty good and my crazy mind was going...I could feel insecurity running thru my mind. Both of the friends left for a moment to go grab ice. During that time I lashed out at my boyfriend accusing him starring at the friend #2... Screaming at him that he was smittened with her etc.... saying some pretty mean things that he did not deserve He ended up leaving my house and I continued to drink by myself , In a rage... throwing presents, crying etc. This continued well into the next day. My neighbor called the cops and I received a noise complaint and a fine. I don't remember talking to the police at the door. My daughter filled me with the details as she came to my house at some point during my drinking bindge... After 2 days of drinking, it was time for me to hide in my bed, die with a hangover and hate myself for my behavior. My boyfriend came back, and told me he loved me and took care of me. He forgave me for my actions. I was so grateful that he still loved me. We put it behind us and enjoyed what was left of the holidays. Now lets move onto Episode 3 ... In May we went to Cuba for a week.... 2 Nd day in once again I drank too much and started a fight....that he wasn't attracted to me , that he didn't love me and so on. Needless to say he was hurt and upset with me a didn't talk to me for a good day... I apologized once again and asked him if we can please just enjoy the rest of our trip and It's best that I don't drink too much... We started speaking to eachother but through the rest of the trip it was off... I could feel the distance...I really fucked up and he was pulling away from me ... We arrived home and things started to get back to loving normalcy for us..... Months go by and we are back to the lovingcouple that I adored until one night this November....we are having wine....again I am drinking way too much... Started getting rude and saying mean things...shit he doesn't deserve. He told me he hates when I drink that I am a different person and that he is sick of it. He went to bed.... I slept on the couch. He didn't speak to me for a good couple of days...I begged him for his forgiveness and that I was sorry again... He told me the next time I treat him like that again that he is done with me. That he is not putting up with it.... he says in one breath that I am an alcoholic then says he don't care if I drink but I can't act the way I do and treat him so horribly or hes gone .... Now lets bring you to this Christmas Eve.... We go out, finish our shipping, come home have a beautiful seafood dinner and WINE..... Well I guess u know what happens next... Yep I drink too much and we are fighting , screaming at eachother.... He smashed our pictures.... Told me we were done..( as he said would happen if this shit happened again).... Woke up the next day (Xmas day) and cried ....so ashamed .... Gifts still sitting under our tree, him not speaking to me, my family worried about us, it is 4 days after the he does not want to talk to me. I have tried to communicate with him but he doesn't want to talk to me I seriously ruined it....I have contacted AA for some help.... I know full well I cannot drink...That it had ruined and will continue to ruin everything in my life. I have been feeling ashamed, sad, angry, lonely for days...all because of my alcoholic behavior. I Quit... I am done. I have a long road ahead of me but I will do this. Losing my love may be the savoir I need. Kills me that I hurt him so much.... So ashamed but hopefully in time we will both heal. Thanks for listening to me. Be good to one another xo
Two nights ago I went to my girlfriend's family Christmas party. This was my third time going with her. They have one every year . I hung out with my buddy before meeting my girlfriend to head there. I had a Steelie and a tall can of keystone ice with my buddy then I went to go meet my girlfriend.
Already she could tell I was a little buzzed but I said I was fine. She stops at the gas station on the way there and gets a case of budlight. Immidiately when we go inside her uncle's house all the family is already there and I take the beer and set it on the bar ( her uncle has a built in bar at his house pretty cool) anyway I start drinking more. The night goes on and I think I was already down three beers then I notice the whiskey so I take a shot of whiskey. And then another. That's all the alcohol I remember drinking that night.
Anyway after awhile she told me I need to slow down because I'm the drunkest one there and I'm getting on people's nerves. But apparently I didn't stop. I woke up the next day in my bed and they told me stories of what happened.
Apparently I almost fell on her aunt and her aunt's newbord baby, one of her other family members told her to get me away from her 13 year old son cuz I was talking to him and being drunk and swearing. I don't remember leaving at all. But she told me one of her aunt's breathalyzed me and I blew a 0.27.
She said we left and I was too drunk to go home (we live with my parents and I'm already on strike 2 of coming home belligerent) so we met up with some friends and went to a punk show and I guess I was hanging out with everyone and running up and down the parking lot and acting like a damn fool. They found me with a group of people who I thought I knew but when my cousin found me the people said "thank you for getting her we don't even know who she is". I swear I knew them idk. I have some flashbacks but I don't know what's real or not. Then apparently I got into a fight with my girlfriend and said hurtful shit and then I tried to punch one of my best friends in the head for no reason. Like idk they said I was being really scary and then sometimes funny and then really effing annoying. My girlfriend said I embarrassed her so bad at her families Christmas party and I seriously have been feeling so bad about myself and about that night. I made a fool of myself. I have an alcohol problem but I acknolodge it but then I don't want to be an alcoholic. I want to be able to drink and not black out but every single time I say I can have a couple beers and chill it always turns into me getting so messed up I can't remember things and do foolish and embarrassing things and make people angry. Everyone knows that when I start drinking they're gonna have to deal with my dumbass. I always wake up with such bad hangovers. I can't drink in moderation.
I tried to fight my mom one night. I think I need treatment. I'm just sad.
Thanks for sharing everyone. I'm Feeling awful. I told a girl to f off last night. I was in the wrong and just reacted to her speaking rudely to me. Was like ok I'm in the wrong but you don't have to be rude. So now I'll be rude back but i went overboard.
There's always some truth to what you say when your drunk. Points out I have an issue in dealing with this in real life.
It was at the end of a work Christmas party. Most people had gone and it was a stranger. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed. Worried that work will find out and I'll ruin my career.
In the scheme of things compared with what others have experienced maybe it doesn't sound bad. I've been working hard on myself and it's like... really? Wtf are you doing. Ive done lots of other things I'm not proud of when drunk in life but not so much these days.
I'm going to try forgive myself. I can't apologize as it was a stranger. Pray the girl recognises that I was a drunken fool and doesn't take it to heart.
For those with humiliating stories. I empathize with you. We all have made mistakes. You will get past this. How? By learning from them. You can change. If you repeat the process then you can try again. This never stops.
We all have made mistakes. You will get past this. How? By learning from them. You can change. If you repeat the process then you can try again. This never stops.
Good Point.. Makes sense and helped me.. thank you.
Hi. I really need help I went on my works night due and everything was great to start with. I was really nervous cos my bosses family was there cos they are only 3 of Han where I work. Anyway one second I wasn’t great the next minute I was in hospital crying to my boss. I have no idea what happened i completely blacked out and I’m so embarrassed bear in mind i was the second youngest there but anyway I went to work today and was so scared and embarrassed to go but my boss messaged me over the weekend asking how I was and stuff I did apologise to her daughters and and my colleague but I still was scared. I got to work and she said I am so disgusted with you I can’t bear look to look at you. You ruined the night for everyone. And hearing all this really makes me wants to end my life. I have depression and I drink to numb the feeling but I’m the past it’s been fine I did have on every night where I tried to kill myself but the police stopped me and I didn’t tell my boss or anyone’s for tht matter only my collegue at work. I’m only 19 and I have ruined everything my boss hates me and so doesn’t her whole family and they have every right to but I don’t know what happened one minute I wasn’t talking to this guy and he buys me a drink we get along and next i was told I could barely walk and I keep crying and trying to say things but it’s isn’t coming out and then I started having a fit infront of my bosses daughter. But before tht apparently I was trying to bite my wrists. And no one knew why. But when they said tht to me I know why would do that. I scratched and bite wrists when I was in high school to try and kill myself and I do it when I get very low and go into a dark place and I’m afraid I’m in it again anf I cant find my way out. And the only way to get out if the embarrassment is to end my life. I guess the answer I’m hopjng for is maybe someone’s has done something like this before and if so how’s long do you feel this way. Cos I really need help and don’t be know how to ask.
I'm feeling for you Natalie. I wanted to write just because I was worried for you.
You made a mistake. Your boss hasn't made it easy on you either. Providing no empathy for what happened. That's very harsh. You have beaten yourself up enough about this. You need to be kind to you. If you were giving advice to a friend who went through the same thing what would you say to them? You would be compassionate and sympathetic. Give that to yourself. In regards to work all you can do is apologize which no doubt you have done. You turned up to work and faced things. That would have been so hard. Thats amazing.
If it's no good working there after a little while if it's possible you could consider getting a job somewhere else.
Your going to be ok.
Well said Buz. That was awesome. thank you... inspiring words... Chris.
I also have a stupid drunken moment that I feel so ashamed and embarrassed.. the other night I went out with friends and then when they were going home I got dropped off at a bar to meet one on my girlfriends ... and I was already prettt drunk I dunno why I just didn’t go home then ... so I went to the bar and I lost control had tonz of shots and drink tonz And I totally blacked out .. and my friend told me the next day that I was totally wasted I feel asleep on the bench made out with some guy and then tried to hit some girl that I got kicked out and then just asked someone for a ride home ... and lucky made it home alright .... and the next day I felt so bad cuz it’s not the first time somethingbad happens .. I’ve decided to quit drinking but I would just like to be able to forgive myself and stop thinking about that night
I drank over the weekend for the first time since new years as alcohol doesn't really sit well with me; and again I proved myself why I shouldnt have bothered. Each time I drink, for some reason I end up in an argument with my partner. Its never her, always me - over the most stupid reasons. I really love her, and it'd kill me if I lost her, she means the world but each time I drink, im embarrasing, horrible and I dont understand why she stays with me? She loves to go out and have a drink with her friends and dance, and she feels safe when I come along but it always seems to end the same way no matter what I drink, it just turns me nasty. I love this girl to pieces, I want to go out with her and dance, have a nice time but I feel like if i carry on she wont stay with me, because why should she have to? I don't act this way on purpose and waking up being told and reading the messages that i sent have just made me feel sick to my stomach, because none of the things I said are remotely true. I am so full of sorry's, I feel like I cant say it enough because the damage is already done. It was my first time meeting her Best Friend and her partner, and i've just made myself look like a cock all because I got jealous over something whilst being a little too drunk and kicking off about it.. I just wish this hadnt have happened, drunk me just seems to overthink without the thinking and just acts on things that arent even true. Right now I dont know what to do, I love my girlfriend so much and I don't want her to leave; but at the same time, I dont want to make her have to put up with this each time she'd like us to have a drink together, so i think im screwed :(
I'm back! Yes it's 3:46 a.m. in the morning, and I'm obliterated. Yeah I went out drinking all kinds of rum and tequila. Oh yeah and tonight's feature, I went around telling people all kinds of things I did that were not true I was making them up to look good. Because you know I'm just not good enough Who I Am by myself I got to be something better something cooler then what I really am. The reason I'm documenting this, so that other people may find some kind of Soace that they're not alone. I'm so incredibly shamed of myself and everything I've done. My wife was so angry when she left last night and I didn't give a f***? All this is my fault all of this is my responsibility. Just 24 hours ago I was posting on this or something much less less embarrassing. Just so you know my wife is probably going to leave me because my drinking. And I don't blame her one bit. How can I expect her to watch somebody she loves kill themselves slowly each day. Just when I thought things were going to get any worse LOL guess what? My worst nightmare Happened. I'm such a loser! My sweet wife just wants me to be healthy and sober. And she's just tired of the alcohol? She works so hard, deserve way better than me. Like I said this morning, I went right out and bought another bottle. I lied to people for no reason, I'm the worst sorry excuse for a human!
Thank you everyone, all of your painful, heartfelt stories really helped me feel like I'm not alone. I drink. I drink alot, I drink every day and in the morning too. I like tequila and it only know how to party.I woke up today and am doing my daily self beating over feeling like the biggest Loser.I really want to quit and I cant? It's scaring the shit out of me. I take Methadone for pain, and I'm drinking over a pint every night or more? I'm afraid that I might go to bed and never wake up? So many things I wish I could take back, just this recurring nightmare that I can't control! FML! I've got to get through today and not drink! I have to but I'm probably gonna go get a fucking bottle as soon as the liquor store opens. I feel so useless.
I was embarrassingly drunk last night at a work party and it has been eating at me.
I am so glad for this article and all the comments; very helpful for me to deal with my embarrassment feelings.
REGRETS for the past two years. I really need help on this. I have deep regrets over my drunken behavior. First, I exposed my HIV positive status before a multitude of villagers and became a laughing stock. I sank in depression and got into more drinking. I once insulted a family friend, one who is my dad's agemate and one who assisted my family in planning for her wedding as a wedding committee chairman. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to start. Never been to my village ever since. Oh, what do I do? Can I be forgiven?? my reputation that was good is spoilt. Please I need an advice.
Thanks for sharing everyone. I've been embarrassing myself for the past 12 years and alcohol has caused me to spend a lot of time in juvie/jail. Every single bad decision I've ever made has been due to alcohol. The time before last (March 2018) I got so drunk that I started hitting on several men while at a party with my boyfriend of 8 years and our 4 kids. I was hitting on married men too and while their wives were there ? although I don't think any of them heard me. My boyfriend nearly left me but his love for my true self would not let him. I feel so bad for him but I can't let him go b.c I feel that I will die alone if I do and I don't even have friends or family because I sabotage all relationships while drunk :'( the last time I drank was about two months ago all alone at home and I don't remember a single thing. I just woke up SOAKED with urine :-( my 2 year old was in the bed with me and I peed so much that the stain almost covers the queen mattress. I just thank the highest power that my boyfriend wasn't here to witness due to being out with his friend. I have a history of flipping out on him when I'm drunk and I don't know why bc. I love that man more than anything in this world. All I know is that I have to leave drunkenness in the past (I'm 26) and I'm almost 1000% sure I can do it b c I'm tired of hating myself and ruining my own life. Thank God my kids haven't felt the full effect of it.. I have more stories fo anyone who needs to hear some more in order to feel better
I went out with a coworker on Friday afternoon for a couple of drinks, which ended up turning into 4 glasses of wine and three shots. Unfortunately, I am one of those drinkers that cannot stop once I start, so I kept going. When I got home, I decided to take a walk around the neighborhood and ended up having drunken conversations with three different neighbors. My husband told me that I was swearing in front of my one neighbors kids. I don't remember any of this. This was the first time that I drank in a year, because I was pregnant and had our second child. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed. I am going to go and apologize to her, but I feel like everyone is now going to think I am the neighborhood drunk because of one stupid day. I am definitely not drinking anymore because it doesn't seem to result in any fun for me anymore, just shame and embarrassment.
A week ago I went to a co-worker party that started around 5 pm. I started drinking right when I got there and everything was going good until the party was coming to an end around 10 pm. When I got into the taxi to head back home, I called one of my friends to see if he wanted to go out. He said yes and he will pick me up from my house. I was pretty drunk when he came to pick me up, but I know I was acting okay because I remember everything. When we arrived at the bar, that's when I remember I started to get bad. I'm having flashbacks about seeing people I knew at the bar, but not remembering how I was acting or what I was saying. I know I am a very generous person when I am drinking and I remember when I saw people I knew, I would offer to buy them a drink. One part of the night I do remember is I was buying drinks at the bar for someone and my card got declined. Apparently, I had made too many transactions on my card that day and my bank decided to cut me off. I am stressing very bad about my behavior this night for many reasons. First, I've lived in this town for a long time and have been know to be "that guy" at the bar who is always super drunk. Second, a large portion of the people that live in this town go to the place I work at and I remember seeing a lot of them that night. Third, I have had a lot of problems with alcohol in my past. I have been known to do ridiculous things when I am blacked out and I'm pretty sure that this time was no different. My friend that I went to the bar with ending up leaving shortly after we arrived so he wasn't there that long. He called me the next day to make sure I got home okay because he said I was "real fucked up" and was "being real generous towards people by buying them drinks." The thing I'm worried about is that I can't remember what time my card got declined and I'm pretty sure I stayed at that bar until closing time at 1:30 a.m., so I'm hoping that I didn't do anything too bad after that happened. Something small like that can trigger me to act completely different when I am intoxicated. The reason I am stressing so much is because it was such a long black out and I cannot remember how I acted or who saw me. I just know that I saw a lot of people I knew there and a lot of people I do know, go to this bar every weekend. It's been over a week and I haven't drank since and do not plan to. I'm worried though because this has happened before and I wouldn't drink for a few months, but then repeat this behavior after I have gotten over it. This has happened too many times and I'm now 28 years old and sick of feeling the shame and embarrassment of things I do when I am drinking. Maybe I am just overthinking it because I had so much of a blackout that I am just assuming the worst had happened. Whatever the case may be, I am tired of being that drunk idiot at the bar and feeling so humiliated that I never want to show my face in public again. I'm almost too scared to know what happened that night because I am afraid of what people are going to say. This is not how I want to be remembered.
I am dying of shame and guilt right now. My husbands family were down for my birthday and I had too much to drink. My husband accused me of hitting on his friend, I don’t think I did. But then I said so many horrible things to my husband and his family, I screamed and swore and just said the most degrading things. My husbands family have said if he doesn’t leave me they will disown him. Its 5 days in and I’m still having extreme anxiety over my behaviour. I can’t sleep because every time I close my eyes, I get flashbacks. I feel nauseous and sick. I’m not that person and have no idea how to deal with knowing I acted in such a way. I’ve sworn off alcohol now.