Forgiving Yourself for Embarrassing Drunken Behavior
Forgiving yourself for embarrassing drunken behavior can be tough. Being drunk is one of the most common reasons behind people embarrassing themselves or being stupid. It’s pretty safe to assume that if you have been drunk, you have embarrassed yourself in some small, minor way. And if you’re an alcoholic, you might have some pretty epic stories of nights that ended in a major embarrassment to you or someone else. In some instances, those stories are laughable and can be shaken off or simply shared in jest. In other situations, these are the ghost and horror stories of our drinking days: embarrassing drunken nights never to be admitted or acknowledged in any way because the shame and embarrassment was too great. Embarrassing drunken stories that fueled me to drink more. If I drank more, it would be easy to forget my shame. It took me a long time to forgive myself for my embarrassing drunken behavior.
Now, as a sober, recovering alcoholic, I don’t have that escape anymore. I still have embarrassing moments and I still remember the most awful nights of my drinking days, but I deal with them differently. This is what I do.
Feeling Embarrassed from Your Drunken Behavior? Let Yourself Swear
If my mind is wandering while walking to my car and I remember a particularly embarrassing drunken moment, I will spontaneously start swearing under my breath. To someone walking next to me, it might be a bit alarming, but for me, it’s an instinctive action that actually makes me feel a little better. Swearing is actually good for you, as proven by a study in the United Kingdom, and helps relieve stress. You can release negative emotions and release emotional pain through swearing, so don’t resist it.
Forgive Yourself for Embarrassing Drunk Behavior by Recognizing Your Shame
Much like with addiction recovery, acknowledging your shame is the first part of accepting and recovering from it. A totally normal human emotion, shame, must be dealt with in order to learn, grow, and move forward from a haunting past.
Don’t Try to Rationalize Embarrassing Drunken Behavior
Alcoholism is not rational. If it were, there would not be so many unanswered questions about the disease of addiction. Therefore, trying to justify or explain your drunken antics is a lost cause. Especially because when active in an addiction, people often behave in ways that do not align with their own moral code. So if you’re dealing with shame, chances are you already know what you did was bad or embarrassing and no level of rational thought will make that go away.
Remember People You Have Forgiven
When all else fails, remember that at some point in your life, someone else had to ask you for forgiveness. How or why did you forgive them?
The highest form of love is forgiveness. The greater the offense, the more love is required to forgive that person. Double the amount of love required when you are forgiving yourself. This may be difficult to do, especially in early sobriety when self-loathing is usually at its peak. If you aren’t able to quickly identify five things you love about yourself, you need to adopt some daily practices to boost our self-esteem.
Shame and embarrassment are good reminders of how our alcoholism shaped our behavior, and not in a good way. But like everything, they are only good in moderation: too much shame hinders us and prevents us from living life fully. Work through the embarrassment to forgive yourself. Only then will the shame of your drunken past begin to fade to a memory devoid of pain.
Creative Commons photo attribution to mloberg.
Doyle, B. (2015, July 2). Forgiving Yourself for Embarrassing Drunken Behavior, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2021, May 13 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/debunkingaddiction/2015/07/forgiving-yourself-for-embarrassing-drunken-behavior
Author: Becky Doyle
I have been struggling with forgiving myself for awhile for the drunk behavior I did a couple months back. My boyfriend and I were drinking one night and I had a curfew but was to messed up to make it home, so he took me inside his house to meet his mom to see if I could stay the night and mind you he’s never brought anyone to meet his mom besides me which makes me feel even worse for this but anyways I blacked in and out when I met her and I don’t wear underwear(personal choice) so apparently I pulled my pants down to show her the tattoo on my thigh. She along with his auntie saw my private area, I don’t remember doing that, i still got to stay the night but I embarrassed myself and my boyfriend that night. I talked to her the next day sober and apologized, she appreciated that and we were okay. Then a couple weeks later me and him were drinking again and we decided to spend the night at his house, I remember pulling up to his house and we were parked outside for awhile, I wanted to go in and sleep but my boyfriend still wanted to sip on his drink and that’s the last I remember. The next morning I woke up in his house with no pants and a blanket on me. Now, his bed is in the living room out in the open where everyone goes. I find my pants outside on the truck and I put them on and go back in. His mom is in there this time though and she tells me that his dad along with his auntie and brother seen me half naked that morning as they were going to work, remember I don’t wear underwear so they saw everything! I was completely ashamed.. I talked to her again later that day and she was furious, she forgave me but it wasn’t the same. Let’s just say one more thing happened to where as I was sober but still got the blame. My boyfriend laid his hands on me one night while he was blacked out at her house, she was telling me that it wasn’t who he is, this and that (although she tells me the drunk stuff I did to her is who I am and I don’t blame her but it’s not true, I never liked alcohol 6 months ago and I never meant to harm anyone, I always apologized.) and she called the cops on him, they couldn’t find him so they left (he was under the bed that whole time lmao) but anyways I didn’t wanna be there when he woke up so I called my cousin to pick me up, I told her what happened and told her not to tell anyone. She told her boyfriend and he got mad mine laid my hands on me so he went up and hit my boyfriends moms car! I told him to get in wtf was he doin that wasn’t my boyfriends car.. even made him go back and apologize but she was mad. She thought we were trying to bash out her car windows but he didn’t and I had no idea he was gonna do that. I am no longer allowed near her house and I know her dislike for me is strong. I’m a good person, his family thinks that I’m just a drunk and always blames me for my boyfriends drunk behavior also but that’s not the case. I got a job again, quit drinking but it don’t do any good with them, they don’t care. Just sucks it had to be like that. Sucks I had to drink. Anyways drinking led to those embarrassing and shameful events, I regret it a lot. I wish they knew that wasn’t who I am. I wish I never done those things. I still feel so shitty.
Need some help and someone to calm me down...I drink moderately with friends on weekends and rarely have issues. I don't see myself as a heavy drinker, sometimes I go months without drinking, and sometimes I drink 3 days in a row. It is very spotty and depends on occasion (weddings, friends in town, etc.) Once in a while (about once a year) I brown out while downtown in my hometown. I live in a small town so I say and do things I typically regret because everyone knows me and my family. Anyways, recently I was very drunk downtown and can only remember moments. I recall having a conversation with an older lady who is a family friend that I do not know that well. I recall being so drunk I kept asking the same questions over and over again to the point where she told me to leave her alone and she told me that I was an idiot. I cant remember what I said/did to make her so upset but I know she wasn't that drunk which makes it that much worse. I really hope I didn't do anything inappropriate towards her, as that is not like me in any way. But I cant remember fully. My girlfriend was in the same bar, but across the way so I feel like if it was something inappropriate it would have caused a scene and my girlfriend would have been mad at me. After I got yelled at I went up to another couple and was in this girls face and she kept backing up and I kept trying to talk to her and she told me to back away. The music was super loud and I was just trying to talk but I think she thought I was the weirdest guy in the planet as my face inched closer as she kept backing away. Turns out we have mutual friends and this was the first time they met me...great. I can't function for some time when this happens. It replays in my head for days and weeks after. I am banking on the fact that they know deep down I don't typically act like that and that I am a good person, but I just don't know. I can't get over it and I'm afraid to bring it up to anyone just incase they end up revealing more bad things I did and then I have to start all over with the shame and guilt. Thanks in advance...
Hey, don't worry. The things you did are absolutely standard for drunken people. So the people in your town laughed about it the next day but now it is forgotten and they continue with their own problems. You did nothing spectacular. You were just drunken with standard drunken actions.
Don't think too much about this older lady. She was annoyed and just tried to stop your questions. What would you say to someone who are annoying you with the same questions over and over again?
But this woman knows that you were just drunken.
You have to know that this hangover shame spiral let us think that we are the center of the universe with our actions. But we are just humans and other people know that and don't give our drunken actions so much attention as we do.
Urgh, just wanted to share here as I've been feeling so mortified and sick with what I did drunk. I had just got a fresh start, moved house and a new job, things were going well until I started getting bullied at work. I tried to keep my head down and not say anything, but it go so bad I got signed off sick. I was just a mess about it as I really thought I had a job for life, it was with the local council, but things were not working out. They had got me to make a Facebook to stay in touch with them all. I deleted the messenger as it was just constant and I couldn't escape. Well the other night, the ring leader tried to friend me, I ignored it and next min her family members tried to friend me. I got really wound up as just wanted to be left alone, I ended up hitting the drink, it was just beers but I got wrecked, I started posting things about the bullying drunk, saying how my daughters dad was dead and wishing people would stop asking if she had a Dad, other things saying I was off sick and wanted to be left alone, I'm just to embarrassed to look at what I said. When I woke up in the morning I was so embarrassed, I feel like I was being pushed and I took the bait, and now have made a complete ass of myself and look like a total nut job. I never wanted an account. I quickly deleted the account, wrapped up my work stuff, posted it with my notice saying my health couldn't take it. I suffer from depression and anxiety, so can get really triggered and alcohol makes it so much worse I don't know why I drink. I basically ran away I was so embarrassed. I can't believe I let it get to me and now I look like a total fool because of my drinking. I'm 36 and I'm. So embarrassed what I am going to tell people why I left my job. My so called friend must've seen the posts (I didn't put many people due to management on there) he was so abrupt the next day and cancelled to see me. Most friends were supportive and said to just leave. But because of the job, alot of so called friends said I was being sensitive and to stick it out. Well I tried that and then made an ass of myself. Just wish I could run away
I know exactly how you feel. When I still had Facebook my fingers were so fast when I was drunken. Every morning after a boozy night I've been waking up with this strong anxious feeling and I knew exactly that I've been writing everything which bothers me on Facebook. It was so horrible. No I use Instagram instead and I don't write drunken long texts anymore. But if you think I have myself better under control now you are wrong. I discovered my drunken passion for videos now. 🤦
I'm spending drunken hours of making videos during the night. Hardly trying not to look drunken in them. The last videos which I'm discovering on my phone next morning are without my face. Just a candle and my fucking stupid drunken voice talking about politics, the deeper sense of life, gratefulness and other stuff people don't wanna listen during the night. After such nights I'm always counting the days until the point I think people have forgotten my embarrassing moments.
So the other night it was my friends birthday party and they got a party bus that went to different bars and it was really fun! I had a blast my boyfriends had a blast but... I was drinking my drinks and taking shots and mixing too many drinks so I basically blacked out. We got to their house and we were maybe there for 10 minutes and I started bawling my eyes out for some reason I don’t know. This happens a lot when I get drunk and is really embarrassing.. I only remember going outside to get air w my friend and that’s it. My boyfriends says he thinks only a few people saw me but I don’t know if that’s completely true, I think he’s trying to spare my feelings. But I’m super embarrassed about it and I feel like I possibly ruined the night. And on top of it his mom saw me bawling as well.... ugh I hate this feeling and I never want to drink AGAIN!
I am struggling with a drunken stupid night.
I’m a new mother of a 10 month old, I was in a very toxic narcissistic relationship with the my child’s father which I feel like I’m doing fine with the break up most days but some days I can see I still haven’t allowed my self to heal and deal. ( I left him when I was 7 months pregnant) anyways , I just started hanging out with a friend I haven’t hung out with in awhile due to my ex not liking her for many reasons, she’s super slutty and a bit wild , but she’s honest and open about it. Anyways I stated to hang out with her again, 4 out of the 5 times we hung out we drank. 2 out of those 4 times I got soo hammered I blacked out and forgot most of the night, the first night wasn’t too bad I just was kinda rude to her one friend that night. But the night that just happened was Monday, and I got sooo drunk , I was once again rude to one of her friends , long story short he was hitting on me and I was not about it so I dismissed it in probably not the nicest way but like i said I blacked out for some of the night so I don’t remember full on details, but the biggest thing was aside from the fact that I was probably so obnoxious all night, so much sarcasm, and weird lame jokes, I also hit on my slutty friends guy she’s seeing. I don’t know exactly how I hit on him, but I’m sure it was just disturbing. As soon as I realized what the fuck I did, I called my friend into my room shut the door and told her hey I hit on your guy. I’m so sorry. And she brushed it off like it’s okay. But it’s really not, they left shortly after that and now my friend hasn’t talked to me in days. I first off was a wild drunk, second off hit on the dude she is all about , and was so excited for me to meet and I made a complete ass of myself. I feel so ashamed because first off I hate making mistakes like this because I am a mother, I hate that I allowed myself to get like this yet again like I’m 19 again. I have been over thinking the whole night for the last few days I just feel like an awful shitty person. I really just don’t know my alcohol limit after having a child less than a year ago and my friends limit is sooo high I can’t keep up and when I try I do the most stupidest shit. All I keep thinking about is what I kinda shit I said that I don’t remember , and wow what is she thinking about and what the other 2 people we’re thinking. I am my hardest critic I just feel like an over all awful person, and just trashy as all hell. I know in sometime it won’t hit me like it is now, but I just don’t know how to cope properly with it all. I do know that like I stated I don’t know my limit and that is a huge sign for me to really take a break, like I said it’s only been 2 times that I got like this for years but , wow do I ever just feel like an awful horrible person.
heyy, last night was my brothers 21st and i got pretty drunk but I was having such a great time. I’m straight but I was dancing with this girl who kissed me and told me she was no but after the kiss I said sorry I’m straight. After that when I danced with other people she got mad at me and left. I didn’t think too much about it but I just woke up and my brother was telling me how we kissed in front of everyone like friends and family were especially aunties and cousins. I really hope they won’t judge me from that and I feel so ashamed. I didn’t even think it was that bad till my brother told me everyone saw it. And I hope i didn’t lead the girl on. I’m not sure what to do.
I just broke up with my boyfriend because he hit me an left me with a blue eye got so frustrated an went out with my friend mixed alcohol an ended up going to a friend s house they say I was so loud ended up wandering the gated area security was called thinking am a thief .peed on his couch coz I couldn't walk .I feel like dying right now coz the was people in the house.I suffered depression for a long time an did very bad things drunk .its time to quit .I even lost my phone in the process. I don't know how I'll over come this .am so stressed .I wanna start afresh but things I did hunts me .I can't even sleep.I hope they didn't take videos .iv decided to stay away from alcohol an fix my life .am just worried they wil never forgive me
hey there, i’ve done the same things, even worse! worrying about the horribly embarrassing things i did and feel so guilty that i assume everyone i was with never wants to see me again. i felt so much shame for like a month after my last blackout but it’s just something people forget about. it’s happened to everyone and i’m sure the people you were with didnt think about it nearly as much as you did. you got this!
Hey, god do I ever know that feeling, I am 27 and have been abusing alcohol ever since I was in grade 9 , completely messing up over and over , so many tears shed and arguments , hell I done it 2 nights ago, stuff I would never think I’d do or say. Just know you are not alone, I haven’t been drinking a lot but when I do it always ends up embarrassing and just simply not ME.. The best place to start is realizing that if it always ends up anything but a good time, maybe cutting alcohol out for good is a right solution and work on you. Life is only short they will forgive you ! Keep your head up everyone makes mistakes. Especially on alcohol.
I just realized I only commented on your reply and didn’t send a reply. My post was made May 29, if that could be deleted that’d be great. Thank you so much for creating a platform where everyone could express themselves and feel validated.
I would like to delete the comment I published on here. I want to forget about the situation once in for all
Which comment is yours on this thread?
I wrote my name wrong, my name is maci, I posted it around may I think, I just have gotten a lot better and I want this part of my past to be erased.
Have you been able to find my comment, it is under Maci Winderg around May.
My name is Natasha Tracy and I'm the Blog Manager here.
I don't see a comment with your name on it on this post. If you can provide me with a link to the comment you would like to be removed, I'm happy to do so.
- Natasha Tracy
Im not sure if my messages are going through :( I can’t find a direct link to the comment but it was posted in this blog post under the name Maci Windberg on May 29, 2020.
I did manage to find your original comment and it has been deleted.
- Natasha Tracy
I don't even know where to start... I started getting blackout drunk since 2014 and it got pretty bad I would wake up scared and confused to what happened the say before..it cause problems in my relationships, with my partners and friends. I feel like my friends take it less hard because they know how I am but for strangers looking at me its definitely like wtf is wrong with this girl (in my.opinion), its weird because I will be completely fine and the alcohol just hits me out of nowhere, I used to think it was the cigarettes combined with the alcohol but sometimes I don't even smoke, so idk what it is... I quit drinking about 3 years ago, I only drank for birthdays or would have a 1-2 drinks for a celebration but I avoided alcohol heavily and started to focus on myself as blacking out really plays a toll on my mental health and its super embarrassing to find out the things you've done when you were blacked out. I've been told it seems like I got possessed with another person because I don't act like myself I start wobbling and falling everywhere. Nothing I say makes any sense. I went out the other day with my partner to a house warming and I was casually drinking trying to warm up (as I don't know these people and I have social anxiety) I was sipping on coolers because I didnt want to get super smashed and I ate a shit ton of food before I got there as well...the shots started to come around and I kept saying no and then ended up giving in to them...but made them pour really tiny shots...I ended up blacking out and find out that I probably fell to the ground 6-7 times probably made a fool of myself and I'm really embarrassed as these are my bf's really close friends so what they think of me definitely matters to me...idk what to do now I'm embarrassed to see them/talk to them....I'm sad that I put my bf in that situation...I've told him when we got together that I'm a really bad drunk and That's why I don't really drink but I don't think he took it seriously when I told him...I'm feeling really shitty about this whole situation...he said he's not mad but I'm sure he is as I just made a fool out of myself in front of his friends that are just meeting me..
Hey, similar thing happened to me and I'm so so mortified! My partner and I have been together for 8 years and just moved out of the city to a country town, we're a pretty introverted couple usually and mainly stick to ourselves. Anyway this particular day we started drinking wine around midday and made our way through 2 bottles, decided it was a good idea to head to the local pub and say hello to some of the locals. We haven't really met many people since moving and really want to settle here long term. When I get extremely drunk I'm a super annoying, overly friendly person...over the years I have had some damn embarrassing moments which caused some issues in my relationship so endeavoured to cut back the alcohol. Haven't had any drunken mishaps until this particular night. I proceeded to completely embarrass myself in front of all the locals (who've lived in this town for years) and while my partner says I didn't do anything outrageous or he reckons my behaviour wasn't even that bad, I do remember a few things I said in a completely friendly way that could've been taken as flirting, because not everyone was aware my partner was there as well. But being so drunk and kissing my bf at different intervals I thought everyone was aware we were together. I also have four brothers so I usually get along with guys more. I vaguely remember saying some questionable things and made a complete fool of myself. Guh so embarrassing, it's a small town so there will definitely be some talk and I'm so ashamed because what a stupid impression to leave the locals with, my wonderful guy and his shameful gf. Bloody hell. Luckily he knows exactly what I'm like and isn't worried how it may look but How on earth do I face everyone now! So much for a smooth entry into living here long term. I won't be drinking like that again that's for sure. I'm surprised I was so happy friendly in a group of people we don't know! I'm usually so shy and quiet when I meet people! Ugh
i’m embarrassed. and need to get this out. last night i went out for a celebration and got a jumbo marg at dinner. i was completely fine when we left and started to feel it while someone drove us to the second location. my friend ordered a drink at the second location and i had some. then suddenly i wasn’t fine. i don’t remember paying, getting in the car, being driven home, or getting back in to my apartment. and i hate that so much. then the worst thing happened. i wet the bed. thankfully i live alone and not a soul knows this about me. i plan on taking it to the grave. i’m so embarrassed and no one even knows but i’m my worst critic. last night has me thinking of giving up alcohol. i don’t drink often and i’ve only ever been drunk maybe six times bc i have a fear of losing control (hence why i’m so SO ashamed of this incident). i haven’t cried about it but i feel like i need to. blacking out from drinking is the scariest thing for me and i don’t know what to do.
This has happened to me a couple of times and I still think about it to this day, your definitely not alone
I read this post and I have nothing but compassion for you. All of these things we did (I have a ton of embarrassing moments) were just symptoms of a larger problem. They weren't an indication of who we truly are at our deepest, healthiest level. It takes time and practice, but thinking of what a friend or someone who's been in similar experience would say to you is such a good exercise. Alcohol changes us mentally, emotionally and physically - hence wetting the bed. And if a friend was telling me this story, I would say, "I'm so sorry you were hurting. You are such a beautiful person."
Hey y’all I’m on here this afternoon to share my story because I made a mistake about a year and a half ago that messes my mood up every time I think about it. It was my freshman year of college and I met this guy, I started liking him quick since we started hanging out and about 2 months down the road I asked if he had any alcohol cause he was of age so I knew he had something. He let me come over and get some Hennessy he had and it was one of those flask like bottles. He told me I could stay for a little bit but not over night cause he had work early in the morning. Well I thought to myself why not get too drunk so I don’t have to leave... lol. Mind y’all I’ve never been a drinker and I’ve never been drunk drunk before. I ended up drinking the whole flask in about 45 minutes to an hour and even before I did that he asked me if I’d wanna stop and save the rest for another night and I said no so he just let me do what I want. Long story short I came up to him wanting to kiss him and stuff and everything was fine until my head eventually fell over (as he told me) and he knew I was too drunk to do anything so he stopped out of respect. The alcohol started to hit me hard and I eventually couldn’t walk (could barely even get on my hands and knees). I told him I needed to use the bathroom but mind you he stayed in a dorm still and the bathroom was outside his room so he said he wouldn’t let me go till I could show him I could walk by myself cause he didn’t want someone to see me in that state. I really had to go and he didn’t wanna help me so I said “fine then I’m just gonna piss myself” and so I did on his floor.... and eventually fell to the floor (I felt paralyzed), started throwing up, and then began shaking cause I started to feel so cold. I felt so scared and I remember telling him that. I literally couldn’t control myself at that point and he had me crawl over to him so he could clean the throw up out of my hair for me. He changed me into some night clothes and put me into bed (he had an extra bed in his room cause it was for 2 people but it was an old dorm so everyone go their own room). When I woke up I didn’t remember much of what had happened and he gave me a cup of water and some bread before he left for work. I asked him what happened last night and he said he’d just tell me later (cause it was embarrassing obviously) but I insisted on in telling me and he told me what happened but then he also told me I asked him if he was going to rape me... I don’t remember saying that at all but I felt like the worst person ever cause I’d been messing around with him prior to this and I’ve never thought about him in that way. But I guess since I felt paralyzed and being raped is one of my biggest fears that’s why I said it to him. I kept saying sorry to him and he said it’s okay but I knew it wasn’t. He just told me to stop saying sorry cause it’s not gonna change anything (not in a mean way) and that he wasn’t mad. I’m thankful that out of all people it happened in front of him cause he’s a genuine guy but since then every time I see him in person or on social media I feel nervous, embarrassed, and stupid. I see what I did that night when I look at him. He’d usually has to say hi to me first cause I feel like I shouldn’t even say hi. I hung out with him like 1 or 2 more times after all that happened so he def forgave me but I still feel so bad knowing I did that in front of him cause he was actually a good dude and I tend to put people on a pedestal. I can’t say I feel fully better about it even a year and a half later and even now that he has graduated (So I don’t have to see him all the time) I feel bad and this whole thing has stopped me from wanting to let another guy in cause I’m afraid of doing something stupid again. Idk how to forgive myself.
I asked a guy to hangout I used to work with and ended up hanging out and having some drinks. Didn’t eat anything that day and got completely wasted and don’t remember anything after. My girlfriend had come to see me and saw I was wasted this day with her boyfriend and his co worker. I fell on my butt in front of all of them and then did more embarrassing things throughout the night I don’t remember. Don’t even know how to recover from this. At all. Been two days and I still can’t stop thinking about it and the stupid decisions I made.
I embarrassed myself once again last week Saturday and I can’t stop thinking about it. I was drinking wine with my friend and I lost control (again for the 100th time). I went to knock at a guy I used to have a thing with door, we live in the same building because we’re in college. I knocked so loud that everyone on his floor came out, and then when I entered his room I just started throwing up. I then left and when to knock on another person’s door but I don’t remember what happened after that. I hate myself so much that I don’t ever want to show my face to anyone . I am so embarrassed and the bad thing is that I always embarrass myself.
I have a problem with alcohol and drugs and carried a TV out of my house trying to sell it I'm so embarrassed I don't want to show my face in my neighborhood I live in apartment complex.Im going to get help tomorrow I'll do good for a few months then mess up.I pray it works this time you'll get through
I am sorry you have gone through this , and I understand the feeling of always embarrassing yourself all too well...
I myself developed a really bad drinking problem throughout my teen years and into my early adult years. Around 2018 I had a complete life crisis and was drinking basically every day and going out to clubs every weekend , which resulted in many drunken embarrassing moments as well as being victim of sexual assault and harassment many times as well, many times which I can’t even remember fully.
I have walked with my dress up to my belly button, fallen all over crowded clubs and streets.
Talked to people and grabbed them to dance without their consent
And many more countless things which still haunt me to this day and we’re almost in 2021.. and I have been clean for almost two years.
If you end up reading this one day; just know there’s always someone that knows what you feel :)
Or worse, you’re not alone and we make mistakes hopefully in time we find a way to forgive ourselves!
Thanks for sharing - I’ve dealt with feelings of shame and guilt due to binge drinking. Blacking out, flashing my breasts, hooking up with guys, not remembering the night and just an all around mess when I’d binge drink...basically complete opposite person when sober. It feels less lonely knowing that there are other people who share these experiences.
Although the flashing, hook ups and black outs were several years ago and in the past - the memory will haunt me sometimes. Thoughts of paranoia of whether or not someone recorded me, if people still remember and beating myself up over the past will happen from time to time... But I think like many have already mentioned, forgiveness is the key - I’m just trying to figure out how to get there.
You’re not alone :) I
thanks for sharing! i’ve been struggling with this as well and was wondering if you had any tips lol
Reading all these stories makes me feel so much less alone. I have had issues with over drinking since early teen years. I've been good recently since I know better than to go out but the other night I was so excited and of course over did it. It was with some coworkers and their friends. First we went to a bar and I had 3 beers and that was fine, however upon leaving my old supervisor asked me if I wanted to hang out with him and his friend afterwards. I have brief snippets of the night but I know we were sitting in his friends apartment drinking whiskey and I was talking passionately about whatever the subject was. I have anxiety and I always assume I was messy and incoherent and exposed too many personal experiences of mine but am too anxious to ask. I have felt many times like this in my life and work really hard to tell myself that in one month or two or three it won't matter but I find a few days after a drunken embarrassing night I actually speak "I hate myself" aloud. It's such a sick cycle because I know that drinking puts myself into these situations but I still tell myself I enjoy drinking.
I’ve been laying awake for two nights now just reliving the parts of last Saturday that I do remember, and immensely cringing at everything others told me about my behaviour. I moved out of a big city that I had lived in for 5 years (where my worst moments and worst addictive behaviours took place) and was finally doing better for myself in this new city. I got invited to a friends birthday back in the city that I hadn’t been to since I had moved. I debated going because I knew there would be a chance that I would see destructive people who I hung around in the darker times of my life, but convinced myself that I had grown past them effecting me in any way. WRONG. The party started out fine and I was handling my alcohol well. Unfortunately this all changed when a group of people, some of which I had prepared myself to see, and some of which not walked in. An ex of mine who I am still hung up on unfortunately walked in with the women he started seeing immediately after me. The last time I was in a situation similar to this I threw a drink at him in a bar and accused him of being a terrible person (as there was overlap between myself and her) . I was a complete disaster the last time I saw either of them face to face so even though I was shocked and upset to see them yet again I tried to convince myself that this had to be my redemption moment to show that I had truly changed. However, in true addict fashion I turned to drinking. Heavily. And before I knew it everything went black. I woke up remembering zero of it with a pounding headache but was informed that I made a huge scene, threw up 3 times, and cried very publicly. On top of that I fell a bunch of times and had terribly embarrassing conversation with about every guest there. It feels like I’m back to square one and the same person I was years ago. I’ve been trying to forgive myself but I’m so humiliated by my actions. I just needed to get this off my chest because I’m tired of ruminating alone with it. Thanks for anyone who took the time to read, I feel less alone.
Jade, you are not alone two nights ago I acted and did something very similar and I can relate.
I lived in the same city practically my entire life and then moved to a new city in a different State a few years ago.
A new beginning right ?
I thought I had left all my baggage behind.
Moved to the new city sober quit drinking and refrained from drinking all alcohol. (Until I didn’t) I can say I don’t typically drink liquor (from past experiences) if i go to dinner I can have a few beers eat get a nice buzz and go home just fine, the stress from the day melts away I go home and sleep, no harm done.
I am a regular at most places in town have dinner and go home
Well the other night I went out to dinner and for some reason I decided to have a martini then two three, four, Or more, I was over served
next thing I know everyone on the outside patio is sitting with me and we were having ourselves a party with people I had just met.
As the night continued on we were all taking pictures and I was fine. (Then I wasn’t)
Why was I hanging out with strangers ?
I was stumbling, couldn’t sit up, walk, like you I fell a couple of times upon making it home in a cab getting out of the cab and getting into my apartment. (Barely)
I’ve never been so embarrassed, ashamed in all my life I live in a small town the people at the restaurant know me since I go in often
and I’m so frightened I’m gonna see someone I saw that night in the grocery store or somewhere else in town. (And I’ve never been more embarrassed)
What’s worse is the Restraunt bar manager had to get me a cab home because I couldn’t even get into my phone to order it myself and there wasn’t any in the area at that time
Yes I made it home safely but I feel like I lost control for some reason that night, and I put my safety at risk and it was such a foolish thing to do I just can’t shake the worry and anxiety I’m now feeling and the horrible feelings I’ve since felt since that night.
I barely made it up to the many stairs into my house and sat at the bottom of the stairs and laid on the ground, until I later got up to get into the house maybe an hour later! (Who does that?)
I’ve not done anything like this before if so not in years. And it’s like I know better!!!!!!
Then to be so foolish and make such an ignorant mistake
What was I thinking ?
I’m not sure why I kept drinking? There was no off switch in my brain signaling to tell me to stop I drank so fast and the drinks were so strong that by the time i had the 4th one I’m not sure how I must have looked? Thing was I had a video and photos of how I looked so I did see myself and I’ve never seen myself look so bad. I wish I could erase this image from my mind or the entire day from my consciousness all together.
I couldn’t hold my head up and I had taken my pony tail out and my hair was everywhere. 😣
What scares me is what if something could have happened to me ?
Or someone could have turned me in for public intoxication which is a crime
I did hurt my arm pretty badly from breaking my fall and I fell on my bum which is a continuous reminder of my stupidity.
I think we all do things we are not proud of especially while drinking but I don’t think I had almost ever been this drunk in my life.
I have the worst anxiety even leaving my apartment now because I feel like someone probably saw me stumbling around Outside my house which is humiliating!
My Stomache Has been in knots since this happened and I’m just mortified at my behavior!
Honey - you are okay. You are a human being that had too much fun one night. You don't live like this is your lifestyle. You had one rough night. So have every single one of those townsfolk you are referring to. Some of them don't even have to overdrink to be immature, stupid and jackasses sometimes, I guarantee it. Don't torture yourself like this. If it really upsets you that you behaved like that, remember this next time you consume and switch from martinis which are like 100% alcohol and ask for a 4% white claw in a fancy glass with a lemon wedge and you can have fun guilt free with a slight buzz after 3 or 4 as opposed to the 3 or 4 martinis. You're a good person - that is what people will think when they see you and if they are good people too they will probably giggle with you about it. Nobody cares about the things we do nearly to the degree that it bothers us - its probably a nonissue in their self centered lives. I said some really stupid things last night when I was drunk with my girlfriends about another friend of ours bc deep down I am a bit hurt by her and it bubbled over...and then I fell off my chair. It tells me that I need to confront my friend kindly so that it doesn't get broadcasted to people not involved. But, I have seen these girlfriends do 10x worse like go home with strange men while completely incoherent, so to hold that over me would tell me that its time to find new friends.
Oh Jade, I am so sorry that this happened to you. Do not beat yourself up. You reacted how 99% of people would in that situation. You were in a traumatic surprise emotional ambush in a public forum and no way to really cope. Your real friends that were there and witnessed this will not judge you or run away - they will feel for you and realize that under very unnormal circumstances, you coped with it how you could at the time. A couple of drinks in caused you to react less rationally than you normally would, but everyone else there was guilty of alcohol consumption too. Ask any of them what their biggest fear is, biggest sadness, biggest anything walking in and clobbering them on the head and how they would handle it themselves. You are human, you deserve to have fun like everyone else, and you deserve pity instead of judgement in this scenario. Praying for your peace. Forgive yourself and put it away. You do not need to torture yourself for this my friend.
I totally relate- i went to a friend of a friends house to watch a football game and i have no memory of it. a guy there got me to do shots with him and i ended up going outside and doing things with him i have no memory of while everyone else (including two good friends of mine) were inside watching the game. it could have gone way worse, like getting raped or something, but i was in the right mind enough to ask my friend who drove me to leave. i ended up pouring a friend’s antidepressants out the car window and almost having to call an ambulance to see if i had taken any of them myself. the police were called to try and find the pills on the side of the road where i poured them out. this was so unlike me and i was in disbelief when i was told what i did. my sister had to come pick me up at 2am and i apparently screamed at her in anger. i was talking nonsense. my parents waited until i got home to see me with no pants on. i’ve been spending almost every hour since crying and feeling so shameful i can barely eat. i haven’t blacked out in 6 months because i broke my foot the last time. i don’t know why i let myself get to that point, but i use alcohol as a crutch for social anxiety. i feel so guilty for putting my friends through that and for all the stuff i don’t remember saying or doing. my friends i went with forgive me and were just worried, saying they weren’t mad at all, yet i’m furious with myself. thanks for making me feel less alone.
Oh my word Jade, I feel you.
I came in here as I just full out embarrassed myself with a new boyfriend. I was harbouring secret resentments from some things he’d revealed. Instead of asserting myself in sobriety and walking with dignity claiming ‘this won’t be for me’....I was invited to his home. His adult children there with their partners. Despite my own grieving through multiple deaths this year (including my mother, Godmother and two best friends), I reluctantly went. The new boyfriend was hardly around. My nerves got the better of me. His children were grieving as their friend had just committed suicide. I felt SO out of my depth I began drinking not one, not two but three bottles of high volume red wine, on an empty stomach whilst on meds. I vaguely remember being sat with a crying partner of my new bf’s son. Next thing I remember is waking up next to my bf. Zero recall of how I got there. Instinctively I reached out to touch him. He yelled ‘DON’T’ and got up and left the room. I’ve no idea how badly I behaved or what insults I will have slung (I know myself, it won’t be good). I got up and took
My things and left.
I’ve cried for 4 days straight for letting myself down & hurting others without cause.
I’ve finally written a short, sincere apology and his only response has been to block me.
Where I live in the UK, it’s a small town.
Additionally, the union did have potential.
Iam a notorious self sabotagor.
I think I’ll definitely try sustained therapy.
And I’m 52!!!!.
You haven't done anything that 100% of us grown ups haven't done at some point in our drinking lives. I get so sick and tired of sanctimonious assholes that will drink with you, but then judge you bc you had a different tolerance that evening for whatever reason. I find that when I stick with white claws that I don't have these same problems any more when going out bc its lower in alcohol and I still feel like I am participating. I also changed the people I was hanging out with that when a bad night does happen, they shrug, laugh, and move on from it bc they don't pretend that they have never embarrassed themselves. I mean, if people are going to go out and drink, what in the world do they think is probable to happen? Do they expect that out of x number of people that everyone is going to behave like a saint? Did you throw punches or have sex with someone's spouse? Then forgive yourself and learn to be your own best friend - would you dump any of these people from your life if the tables were turned? Probably not, so any of them that do that to you would do it eventually over a lesser offense any way.
I’m so glad I came across this today. I have been beating myself up all day on a stupid drunk night yesterday. Went out With some friends at a brewery. All I remember is drinking beer then everything went black..... I don’t remember ANYTHING! But my “friend” made sure to text me this morning and remind me of every foolish and embarrassing thing I did. I feel so ashamed and can’t. Sleep. Just keep replaying it all in my head and just so ashamed of my actions.
Ugh my neighbors had a get together and I mixed liquor, I don’t think I did anything too embarrassing, probably just talked way too much. I’m in a long distance relationship so of course as soon as I get back inside my apartment the first thing I do is call my boyfriend. I’m not sure what dumb ass thing I may have said while drunk but it triggered him into hanging up on me and ignoring every call I made to him after. Now I feel like crap because I’m not sure what I may have said to make him so upset but I do remember him saying “this is why I can’t be in a relationship”. I hope he can forgive me and I def will not be drinking again especially if it makes him this upset with me.
Ive struggled with alcohol for most of my life. There were times when I thought I had it under control, and times where I literally just wouldnt stop myself. Im currently sitting in bed with the shakes, my head foggy from last night.
Drunk me is a crier. All she does is cry. Ive had a long battle with my depression and self esteem. Sometimes i win, sometimes I lose. But drunk me ALWAYS loses.
I plowed through 2 bottles of wine and half a bottle of Malibu last night. I ended up curled up on the floor, sobbing and desperately praying to Allah, Vishnu, and a whole array of Gods that I dont even believe in. I talked about dying, and scared the crap out of my boyfriend. I wasnt blackout drunk, but I was definitely not in control of myself. I rambled on about how he deserved more than to be with someone as lost as I am in life.
I recently miscarried, and after a year of being sober Ive crashed hard into drunken spirals again. All of my drunken endeavors over the last month have ended in tears, ranging anywhere from softly crying to complete hysterics.
I feel so embarassed. I know better than to handle my emotions this way. I hope he can forgive me, the conversations ive been initating while drunk are 10/10 not drunk conversations. Im struggling to cope with everything in my life, and I just feel like I'm blowing it with this guy. No one should have to carry the things that I put upon people after ive had a few drinks.
I'm so sorry you're struggling with this! Addiction is such a scary beast, but please know, this is not your fault. Addictive behaviors can happen to anyone. I know just how difficult it is when you relapse after having a solid amount of sober time. The shame can eat you alive! Just know that you are not alone in this. Don't be too hard on yourself either. One day at a time. <3
Hang in there. Have you reached out for help? Have you gone to therapy to process your loss? I too have struggled with alcohol since childhood. After the birth of my son I lost it. Was on a bender and got physically violent. The cops were called. I got 5150d. Went to rehab and relapsed for the better part of a year. I’ve done such embarrassing shit. Screamed, raged, cried. Woke up with people I don’t know and in places I didn’t know in my youth. The amazing thing is that we’re still here!!! We gotta use the shame and embarrassment we feel to motivate us to do better. I never want to embarrass myself or my kid like I used to. I don’t want to be a crazy, violent, drunk mom. I’ve seen the devastation me and my illness has caused. I thank god I never seriously hurt someone or myself. You are so blessed to recognize you have a problem. You are blessed to know that you gotta shape up or you stand to lose something (yourself and your partner). The next step is harder. Now you have to do something about it. I’m telling you, you can. Some people have no insight to the things they do and the hurt they cause. You don’t seem like one of those people. Please get the help you deserve. You don’t have to hurt like this anymore.
I don’t want the label as a drunk who can’t control her drinking. And as much as I dont want that label. I don’t stop drinking even though I know it’s not just one drink or 2 drinks or 4 drinks nope I have to drink all the drinks until they are all gone.
Well tonight I did it I fucked up big time couldn’t drive myself home.
my friend with her 3 kids were at her sister and brother in laws house with there 3 kids. I showed up around 12pm. Brought a 15 pack with me my friend probably had 3 out of box I had the rest. Didn’t eat anything all day. Sitting out on their back porch, all the kids running around
friends brother in law Going over with his friend/ worker about what they are doing with their backyard (the friend is a guy who owns his own company who actually knows my husband Bc of my husband’s company ) while I felt the puke 🤢 coming up couldn’t more so I put my had over my mouth only to have puke go every where... everyone jumped into action trying to clean up my puke from their deck 😞
I made a huge ass of myself. I want to crawl into a hole and never come out. This isn’t the first time I have ended up like this. How do I make this up to my friend and her sister and brother in law and their 6 kids wondering why I can’t walk and puking everywhere... I’m so embarrassed 😩 I didn’t even call my husband. My friend called him to tell him I drank once again to much to drive safely home.
And that I would be sleeping here with already to many people in the house. Why? Why? Do I always put myself in these predicaments????? Bc I have to quit drinking or nothing will ever change!!
Blacking out is very much a thing, for me now. Over the past 18-24months, 75% of my nights out have ended up with me having to have a carer, either to make sure I get home ok, to stop me from doing something stupid/regretful or hurting myself or someone else.
I’m actually a person who doesn’t need alcohol and when I decide to drive, don’t miss it, but when I’m out, I’m out out and I go hell for leather.
I used to be able to realise when I was getting to the point of too pissed, then I slow down or stop. That filter seems to have gone. I go from, ok to absolutely destroyed with no warning for me or anyone I’m with.
I’ve been described as being completely vacant, losing body ability, being nasty, being pushy with people and a being completely obnoxious.
After a night out, recently. I had repeated this pattern. Fine - screwed, no warning, no clue. Now, lucky for me I can’t actually remember what happened, what I did, but others can..... it was a work party, too.
I’m very lucky in that I have a small amount of friends that I can rely on, one of them was with me and she took me out of the situation, had stern words and took me to my door. I doubt there’s many people would do this when their night out had just been shat on.
After giving her a couple of days to cool off, I approached her and apologised for spoiling her night, she give me both barrels and told me everything, telling me I needed to hear it because I needed a shock.
I wasdevastated!! Gutted!! Embarrassed!! Horrified.
I was too much.
I was told that she had considered ending our friendship, that she loves everyday me but actually hates drunk me. She has said that she won’t go out with me again but we can get past it. I’m grateful for this but she also told me she’s concerned about my drinking because she can see it’s a problem. I agreed, there’s no way I could disagree. I’ve known for a while, I’ve somehow managed to keep this from my boyfriend, I think due to the fact this happens more often when I’m out with friends.
I had a drink in the house a few weeks back, (This is common, throughout the week too), I was being snappy and my boyfriend told me that my aggression is getting worse.
I often get comments like, “oh, had a drink have we??!” And there’s an ongoing joke at work about whose turn it is to look after me.
I am now anxious about how to get out of drinking, this most recent night out, my plan was to drive - I got talked into it because, it’s Christmas, you deserve a drink.
I think sobriety is the only option I have, other wise I’m going to lose friends. I’m not sure I have the respect I had, at work. This all because once I start I can’t stop.
Um hello this may not be too embarrassing but it feels like it Is because it's my first time blacking out from drinking and I did something I wish could be forgotten and not happen. I was talking on the phone loud about something sexual and I think people heard me. I threw up four times. Twice in the bar, once outside and once in the uber driver's car. I'm really antisocial so for that to happen makes me not wanna really go back to the bar or even go outside because even my anxiety is making me think that I got filmed outside and that would just honestly humiliate me so bad....idk what to do honestly.
We had a 4 day break away in Ireland my mum who has alzheimers and two sisters. I get on well with older one but not middle one. This trip was really difficult for me and hard. But on the last night we all went out with cousins and family I ended up getting drunk and humiliated my middle sister in front of the family. I was awful and said horrible things. Which I can't remember because I was so drunk.
My other older sister isn't talking to me. And the one I had ago at wished me dead and said I am not her sister.
I have sent message of an apology but nothing. I told her I am sorry and I hate myself for spoiling the break away. Still no response.
What shall I do?
Thank you so much for commenting and sharing something so personal. I know that isn't easy. I think in a situation like this, the best thing you can do is offer your family/sister time and space. Let her know that you are sorry and that you are ready and waiting whenever she wants to sit down and discuss things with you. Remember, we all make mistakes, no one is perfect. Give yourself some grace and compassion though, so many of us have been there. I know all of this is easier said than done, but I'm sure in time she will come around.
First off, thanks everyone for sharing! I too have had experiences I cannot explain when I am on alcohol. I went years wothout drinking like 4, only drinking like 3 times... Then I got with a man, and we would drink together... Things got so horrible it ended in divorce, he was a violent guy. So I got out of that relationship started to rebuild my life, ran into my love from when I was 19. We hit if off immediately. He was coming out of a bad relationship so, needless to say we started turning some of that bad previous behavior on eachother... We were drinking. Heavily, which caused me to make an ass of myself quite a few times, him too. I get so angry at him at times, between the alcohol and all the situations, the lying and the leaving, I have felt so alone. We make up and love eachother unconditionally, but there are times when I wonder if I would make better decisions alone.
There was a time in particular I cant get over, we went out with friends for a birthday, me and my man had to have that extra bottle of liquor, after that went to the local bar, had to pee so bad I went past the door lady, and went to pee when I came out they told me I needed to leave so I cussed them out, told the owner to suck my d**k... I dont even have a d**k.. I dont know why, it was so rude, this was a year ago. I went back a couple times, the bar maid said I needed to apologize to the owner, but she wouldnt let me in... I told her ok said her name, and told her I wouldn't be back to her establishment... Today I went in during the day, appologized to the owner, explaining I know it had been a year and I had a problem with drinking to much and I was very disrespectful and I wanted to apologize. He said you had acted similar to that a time or two before that incident and the situation with me coming in there was not going to change, I said I understand, I just wanted to right my wrong, then I left. I wish he could have forgiven me, leaving it like that does hurt a little, I have been going in there since I was a girl with my family, and also where I found my love. But I did what I could do to try to make it right. Now I have to try to make my life right, stay away from the alcohol, find the joy again, and see where my life is taking me. Alcohol has always been a problem for me, drinking too much its time for it to be a lesson and not a life sentence.