advertisement

Blogs

Mary-Elizabeth Schurrer
One of the first lessons I had to confront in eating disorder (ED) recovery is that, more often than not, triggers are unavoidable. As much as I still want to insulate myself from these triggers that activate my harmful thought patterns, sheer avoidance is an unrealistic goal. The fact is, I will encounter situations that trigger me because I am a human who lives in the world. Many areas of life are chaotic, stressful, anxiety-inducing, and just plain uncontrollable—I cannot hide from this reality. So, a more effective use of time is to equip myself with tools to deal with ED triggers in environments outside my control.
Nori Rose Hubert
We've all been there -- professional setbacks happen to everyone from time to time. You're passed over for a promotion, you mess up on an important project, or you're hit with a poor performance review that you didn't see coming. Maybe you've even been put on probation or, worse, terminated from your position. Or perhaps you have a patchy work history and feel doomed to repeat a perpetual cycle of hopping from dead-end job to dead-end job, never finding fulfilling work or achieving your full potential. And professional setbacks can be a big hit to one's self-esteem. In some ways, the stakes are higher when you work with bipolar disorder.
Sarah Sharp
One afternoon, I talked to a friend after work about the disconnection I've been feeling lately with my child. My kid argues with almost everything I say (at least, it feels like everything), he never stops talking or moving, and he's been having problems at school. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing control of the situation because I'm not always sure what to do about my child's mental illness, much less how to treat it. What my friend asked me next was, "Have you tried coloring with him?"
Tanya J. Peterson, MS, NCC, DAIS
If you have difficulties with friendships and mental illness, you're not alone. Friendships are trickier than TV or movies make them seem. Also, living with mental health challenges--whether it's a diagnosed mental illness, personality disorder, or anxious thoughts and low mood that aren't diagnosable but still bothersome--adds a layer of difficulty to things that other people take for granted. You don't have to be forever frustrated by friendships or the lack of them. By starting with yourself and gradually moving outward with purpose, you can have quality, meaningful friendships no matter what mental health challenges you may face.
Megan Griffith
Self-help books have been immensely helpful in my journey to recover from mental illness and generally improve my self-worth, but despite their usefulness, I'm often ashamed to admit how many self-help books I read. In my family, I'm known as the "self-help junkie" and teased as if that is a bad thing.
Rizza Bermio-Gonzalez
It's important to develop self-compassion when you live with anxiety. One of the things I have found challenging about dealing with anxiety is feeling as though I should simply be able to stop feeling anxious. When I can't stop the endless string of intrusive thoughts and fears, or I can't stop worrying, I feel even more anxious and upset with myself because I feel like I should just be able to change my feelings.
Meagon Nolasco
Sleeping with purpose has worked wonders regarding my nightmares associated with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I struggled for years to obtain restful sleep due to nightmares and flashbacks related to my PTSD. I learned that being present before sleep at night allowed my mind to rest emptily and instead of it being full of thoughts. Here are some ways that helped me, and hopefully will help you, in being active and present in my sleep or sleeping with purpose.
Martyna Halas
Music can be an excellent tool to regulate and process difficult emotions. It can also serve as a self-harm distraction and a temporary escape into a world of sounds and rhythm. Research also suggests that music can help you develop greater self-awareness, which is essential for long-term self-harm management.
Kate Beveridge
I was diagnosed with COVID-19 just over a week ago. Battling with the symptoms has tested my physical strength and my emotional fortitude. Because of the illness itself and its implications, I've had to focus on balancing my physical and mental health after a COVID diagnosis.
Nicola Spendlove
When we're supporting someone with mental illness, I think it's very important to constantly examine how healthy our relationship with that person is. As my brother lives with chronic mental illness, I have first-hand experience of how unhealthy behaviors can easily creep into relationships, even with the best of intentions.

Follow Us

advertisement

Most Popular

Comments

Sara B
Hi Tonie. Thank you so much for all the articles written about your experience. I was diagnosed with ADHD (moderate to severe and combination subtypes) when I was in my early 20s and have super struggled with all the things you talked about in this video and blog post. I so appreciate you opening up about your experience because I relate on so many levels (especially the unmasking). It’s so hard to understand that I’m a beautiful person deserving of love and affection because of my ADHD but that your video is as so encouraging for me to find people in my life who love and care about me. Thank you!!!
TheOneTheyCallMe
I believe this is confirmation of what my soon-to-ex-wife is going through. We dated for 3 years and were living married together for almost 5 when she left me for co-workers she'd hadn't even known 3 months. I never wanted a divorce and still don't. But, it's been almost 4 years now and she's had a string of relationships since then, moved to another state for one, and then moved back for another. Then she ended up moving back to our hometown in a place her father fixed up for her and her newborn. The baby daddy is from a neighboring state and not involved (which apparently how she wants it).
I still get confused and well up with tears & questions when I try to make sense of it all. Not a month before she left we were discussing buying a 2nd car, getting a place to call our own, and to finally start our own family for which we already had names for. Little notes and messages of affection were around, too. Then one day before work, she didn't want me to drive her and instead opted for the bus (over an hour ride as apposed to <15 minutes). Odd, I thought. Then, on her way to work, I get the text that pulled the rug from underneath me. She no longer wanted to be married. It hit me hard and I struggled terribly. Fell into a deep depression which led to losing an extremely promising career and drug addiction. I do not blame her for either. I'm almost out of it now and doing somewhat better. We've seen each other twice since she left. Almost 2 years after the first time I saw her, she wanted to see me in person. She was pregnant. I knew it before we even met up as we always seemed to be on the same frequency. Her adopted mother even said before we were married that it was "uncanny how well we got each other." It was true. We even had our own vocabulary to convey things to each other in public as well as in private. One such term, 'soulfly', came out of a desire to not need to say, "That's exactly what I was thinking!" We said it often. Parting for the day had its own ritual of back & forth phrases that to anybody else would seem childish if not plain gibberish.
We liked messing with people, too. Once we were having one of our game nights and a newly made friend, who was diabetic, needed to take an insulin shot in the kitchen. In a loud (but not yelling) voice I asked her from the kitchen to the livingroom, "You ok if Ben shoots up in the kitchen?" Without missing a beat & already knowing what I was doing, she replied, "Sure! Not a problem." After the guests quietly looked at each other in wide-eyed disbelief that we could possibly be letting someone use drugs openly, we both busted up into laughter.
Our first time seeing each other after she left was at a particular convection which we had volunteered at for the previous 5 years together. I was a few hours away living with some family with no job and no money. She had worked up to be 2nd in command over the entire convention (I would have been a department lead if I knew I was going to make it) and hit me up asking if I was coming. I told her I couldn't afford the gas. After a while she texted me saying she had found a room for me to stay and would pay for the gas & food while I was there. Thinking this was a chance at reconsoliation, I happily showed up. We even got intimate at one point. However, the worst thing happened: I was on medication I had not been told amplifies the effects of alcohol. At the dance of the final night, I decided to have 2 drinks. I blacked out. The next day she was furious and I was extremely embarrassed. I left for home early with my tail between my legs feeling as though I blew my chance. The following day she changed her name on Facebook. We'd been apart for a few months and that's when she decided to change her name. It's also the only time I've been drunk since she left.
I hope it's not just me, but it seemed like she still cared. We've almost been apart as long as we were married and I still think about her everyday. Course, a little distance HAS given me the clarity of mind to see the red flags going back to our dating years. But, even then, the issues had been addressed and gotten past as far as I was concerned. I dunno.
One big flag was the fact she's never sought or had any kind of counseling or therapy for her past. She didn't even want pre-marital counseling which, looking back, I should have not let go of so easily.
If anyone has ever had something like this happen, here's some advice I've gotten along the way from other people with traumatic backgrounds: it's not your fault and you cannot fight those battles for them. They cannot be forced to do anything regarding their trauma and to be frank, it's none of your business. It's their fight and their decision to seek help and must come from within themselves. It cannot be forced and do not attempt to (I didn't just to be clear). Encourage and support them, but do not tell them they need therapy or anything like it. Ask if there's anything you can do and listen. If they don't have anything for you, don't bring it up again. It's tender, volitile baggage that does not involve you. Just be a loving person and carry on as normal as you can. They may still sabotoge the relationship and believe me when I say I know what it's like to not have anything to do about it. Hurt people hurt people whether knowingly, on purpose, or not. Stay strong and try to remain as stable as you can. Knowing they can rely on you goes father than you may ever know even if the relationship ends.
s
I am reading this article, and this comment, as a queer woman who is trying to manage recently leaving an abusive relationship with a female partner. While most intimate violence is sadly perpetrated by men against women, it can be dangerous to assume and continue to perpetuate the myth that we also don't hurt each other.

Assuming your experiences with women have been better than men - I am happy for you! I don't mean to diminish that at all as I raise this point. I have many friends who have had more positive, healing relationships with women over men...I just think it's important to continue to be transparent about this in case there is another confused, hurting queer person out there in shoes like mine. Stay safe, everybody. <3
Elizabeth Caudy
Thanks for commenting, John! We should spread the word far and wide that everyone should get the vaccine! Love, Elizabeth
Daniel S
REALLY??
Larry D, I have that SAME LOOP! You're the 3rd person to say this in 40+ years.