I am dealing with the suicide of a kind 43 year old male neighbor that I spoke with 3 days before he died. It seems that most people I speak with can't understand the pain that I feel and suggest I try to forget/not feel this horrible pain. Even though I was not a part of his family, this loss is immense since he had begun to interact and spend time conversing and texting me. No other neighbor had taken interest in my plight as a single woman taking care of her 98 year old mom. He was incredibly intelligent, and don't understand why he would do this.

We live in such a fast paced go go want it now drive through world most people don't want to talk about the depression let alone try to understand and just judge label you asc razy how does one go about generally have no idea my work though

Hellooo. Im Kris, 15 yrs old, almost 16. Ive been really obssesed with DID since i read a book abt a boy with DID about 3 or so months ago. Ever sense i realized that theres a lot abt the main character, Ian, that i relate to. In the book, hes different at school, at home, and out with his friend. All slightly different versions of him. He also has a main alter, who can take over, and when he does Ian loses consciousness. I have similar things, except i dont think ive ever been exactly taken over. The thing is, i have this voice in my head, but im very confused if its just my voice or an alter. I call her Alexis. She sounds the same as me, which is why its confusing, but her voice is one i cant control. Sometimes i feel like i can manipulate her into saying something specific, but most of the time it doesnt work that way. Shes often extremely rude and judgemental of other people, and criticizes them, when i myself like the person. She criticizes me as well, but sometimes really helps me feel better about myself in ways. Shes the main voice in my head. I actually gave her the name Alexis when my little sister and i were playing a game. Anyways, shes never, that i know of, taken over me. Moving on, i sometimes randomly do a little kid voice, mostly around my girlfriend. Ive only heard the little kid voice in my head maybe once, but i do it in person out of nowhere. Today, i was on call with my gf, and i spaced out and then started laughing uncontrollably, and did the little kid voice. I was aware of everything happening, and i was confused if i was in control or not. I kept acting silly and wanting to say "kris" instead of "i". Id eaten a lot of chocolate and drank soda and my gf said im sugar high and i kept saying "no no just silly". At some point she said "its funny how this only happens when youre out of school" and i wanted to say "kris very careful at school" instead of "im careful at school". So im not 100% sure if its another alter, because im conscious while all this happens. When i do the little kid voice, i feel very childish, silly, joyful, loving, and playful. I eventually spaced out again and i was back, but still extremely confused if i was controlling it all. As far as trauma goes, i know that usually, you have to have had a very traumatic experience to develop DID. Ive had many traumatic experiences, but im not sure if theyre traumatic enough to cause DID. Last year, i was sexually assaulted by a boy i thought i could trust. That still effects me and im trying to get therapy. In middle school, i was hated by a lot of people just for being myself. I often had to help people almost everyday, talking them out of killing themselves. Ive self harmed before too. And i have many issues with my biological and step father. Ive almost ran away about 5 times, and ive always had a packed bag just in case. Theres a lot more ive been through as well. I kinda feel like im going insane, and i feel like maybe im making all the alters up in my head. Not sure if theyre real or not. Its all so confusing and sometimes overwhelming. Ive mentioned Alexis to my gf a few times before, and pointed to my head when i said "the child is being very stubborn", but i think she thinks im talking about an actual person, and not the voice in my head. Im kinda scared to tell her, scared she'll leave me thinking im insane, or hate me and think im lying and making it all up. I dont know what to do with myself anymore.

Hi Lizanne,

Great point that this takes practice. I know that personally, this is something that I have to constantly work on. It can be easy to allow yourself to be swept away by those thoughts that increase your anxiety. I absolutely agree that it is important to practice self-compassion as you make these adjustments in your thought process.

Stay safe,
Rizza

Lizanne,

Thank you! It took a long time to come to that realization, so I am happy to share it. Breaking longstanding habits takes so much work.

Juliana