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As a feminist, I think that all women are beautiful. Except for me. I think I’m ugly. I think I’m ugly because I’m fat. I’m fat because of medication I take for schizoaffective disorder. I think other fat women are beautiful and that beauty comes in all sizes. Except in my case. Yes, I know that sounds contradictory. But think about it this way. ...
We often think of fear and pain as distinct experiences, one physical and one emotional. Emotional pain, however, is just as real as physical injury, and when self-harming and anxiety are intertwined, they may form a vicious cycle from which it can be difficult to break free.
Nighttime anxiety can make it hard to fall asleep and stay asleep. Somehow, anxiety can seem even louder during the night than it does during the day, perhaps because the world is quiet and you are trying to get some much-needed sleep. Nighttime worry is exhausting and can make you feel tired but wired the next day. ...
Verbal abuse in relationships isn't acceptable, but I've often wondered if verbal abuse is forgivable. Throughout years of brainstorming and therapy, I came to a conclusion -- verbal abuse can be forgivable in some situations, however, the abuser must actually change.
One of the most important things I've learned throughout my recovery is that I'm not just recovering from depression and anxiety; I am recovering from negative core beliefs about myself. Now that I have my depression and anxiety managed through medication and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), it's time to start changing those negative core beliefs and healing from the damage they cause.
I understand it's a privilege to have a solid and committed network of support. I know that some people must fight the treacherous current of their eating disorders alone. But I am fortunate to pursue recovery with the relentless encouragement of so many loved ones around me, and I just feel compelled right now to share an open letter to those who stuck with me through my eating disorder.
Did you know that the average American adult spends one-third of their life at work? With all the time we spend working, it's critical that we each take the time to set our career goals and make thoughtful decisions about what we want out of our working lives.
This post is mainly geared not to others with anxiety, but to any allies who may be reading to better understand how to help someone with an anxiety disorder.
Going by my conversations with friends and readers, COVID-19 has given rise to a new kind of depression: quarantine depression. As the term implies, it is a direct result of the quarantine. But like most things in life, there are ways to manage it so that it doesn't consume you.
A change of perspective can do wonders to change your mindset, and this is why, when my destructive thoughts get to be too much, I go to nature to support my eating disorder recovery.

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Comments

Josh Allen
Because you are writing this now, I’m assuming that you were able to get out of that episode. As you said, the episode was much worse because you had less support. While it may seem like praying didn’t do anything to help, subconsciously it made you know that there are ways out of the episode. While praying may not have been the way to pull you out, the family member’s willingness to give you ideas likely opened a route and gave you the ability to find a way out. It seems asinine to assume that you would’ve been better off with no advice at all, because with anxiety episodes, hopelessness spirals when you don’t see any personal support from friends or family.
TJ DeSalvo
I think you're somewhat misunderstanding what I was trying to get at. Obviously, I think people should help others in need, especially if they're friends or family. What I take issue with is someone who would blindly assume they have an ideal solution without thinking about whether the person they're trying to help would benefit from that solution. To bring in a personal example - several years ago I was having a major anxiety episode. I was in another country at the time and so had a much weaker support network, which made things worse. Someone in my extended family who I am very close to said I should try praying. I don't mean to mock their religiosity, but I'm not religious at all, and that sort of advice isn't going to do anything to help. I hate admitting this but I would've rather heard no advice at all than hear that advice. Similar things have happened with other people, including some mental health professionals. I don't want anybody else to feel like how I felt during those times.
Mahevash Shaikh
Wow, that's great! Keep at it, Ravi!
Ravi
Fantasizing sounds kind of far out, but it definitely works for me. Helped me cut down on weed too!!!
M
I have learned from experience that if I do nothing, my depression worsens as does my attitude. Therefore I try my best each day to push myself toward doing something, no matter how small, to improve my lot and I also try to do it with a good attitude no matter how I truly feel inside.

Ideally a person would go to a doctor and/or counsellor for assistance. If you can’t afford counselling then learn to be your own counsellor through books and the internet. If you don’t have affordable healthcare or can’t afford the proper medication, do your best to make positive lifestyle choices.

Yes, I understand depression makes doing any of these things a trillion times harder and everyone’s situation is different. Believe me, I get it.

Much of the time I feel like I’m running a race that I didn’t sign up for, that I’m not fit to run, I haven’t trained for it, I’m not dressed for it, my shoes are in dire need of repair, other people keep lapping me, the weather conditions are shitty, I’m hot/cold tired, hungry and thirsty!!!

Ahead of me I see a bench and maybe beside it a water fountain flowing with fresh, cold, clean water. I tell myself if I can just make it to that I’ll be ok.

But then life circumstances change and it can also seem like the miles I need to travel to my destination are increasing. I get discouraged and wonder if what I’m hoping for is just a mirage!