Blogs
TJ DeSalvo
One of the things I’ve done to relax, for literally as far back as I can remember, is rematch movies that I consider to be favorites. There are a handful of movies that I’m guessing I’ve seen hundreds of times because, for whatever reason, they make me feel relaxed when I watch them.
Sarah Sharp
One of the hardest parts of parenting a child with mental illness is watching my kid behave disruptively or throw a larger-than-life tantrum and wondering, "Would this be happening if I were a better mom? Is my child's mental illness a result of my poor parenting?"
Mahevash Shaikh
Self-doubt is a recurring theme in my life. It affects multiple areas of my life, from ethics and relationships to my personal and professional choices. What I experience isn't a healthy level of doubt, it is extreme and therefore unhelpful. And my depression and anxiety are responsible for this. Like many people, I have both of them, and together they make my self-doubt more potent.
Tanya J. Peterson, MS, NCC, DAIS
Being in a relationship with someone, whether it's a romantic connection or a close friendship, can feel good and boost mental health. But can you have too much of a good thing? Is it wrong for someone to want to spend a lot of time with you, or is it just a sign of love or friendship? There is a line between enjoying time together and being possessive. Knowing that line can help you keep your relationships--and yourself--mentally healthy.
Rizza Bermio-Gonzalez
When you experience chronic anxiety, it is probably difficult to imagine you could distract yourself from anxiety. With anxiety, you may find that you become overwhelmed with worry and racing thoughts. This can be difficult when it results in many physical symptoms, such as a racing heart rate, headaches, and stomach problems. It can become even more problematic when it interferes with your daily life, and you find that you are having a hard time concentrating, having a hard time sleeping, or that you are constantly on high alert.
Juliana Sabatello
Despite all of the progress we have made in society toward mental health awareness and understanding, mental illness is still a taboo topic in many circles. The stigma surrounding mental illness adds an extra layer of shame to an already difficult problem, and that shame can lead us away from relationships, deep connections with others, and fulfilling social lives with people who might truly understand, accept, and value us if we gave them the chance.
Nicola Spendlove
Family expectations can be draining for a lot of reasons. Depending on what kind of family you come from, there’s a whole bunch of different unwritten rules about the types of lives we “should” live. My brother’s mental illness challenged our family expectations in a major way, and when I reflect on it I see that he changed our family culture for the better.
Meagon Nolasco
As a lesbian who lives life outside of the closet, I have experienced my fair share of shame regarding my sexual orientation and gender expression. The LGBTQIA+ mental health community does not only experience shame based upon their sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression. These individuals also have to navigate shame feelings stemming from trauma experienced in their pasts.
Natasha Tracy
Bipolar often makes me very irritated, and I suggest you not talk to me about it. Okay, I'm just kidding about that last part, but what I will say is that when I'm highly irritated because of bipolar disorder, I don't want to talk about it or anything else. And while irritation doesn't sound like the worst bipolar symptom, I can attest to the fact that it definitely impacts one's quality of life.
Cheryl Wozny
The effects of verbal abuse are numerous. They can affect the victim during times of abuse and also long afterward, impacting their life. Some side effects have influenced my adulthood, even years after facing an abusive situation. Isolation and loneliness are factors that have made their way into my world with verbal abuse.
I still get confused and well up with tears & questions when I try to make sense of it all. Not a month before she left we were discussing buying a 2nd car, getting a place to call our own, and to finally start our own family for which we already had names for. Little notes and messages of affection were around, too. Then one day before work, she didn't want me to drive her and instead opted for the bus (over an hour ride as apposed to <15 minutes). Odd, I thought. Then, on her way to work, I get the text that pulled the rug from underneath me. She no longer wanted to be married. It hit me hard and I struggled terribly. Fell into a deep depression which led to losing an extremely promising career and drug addiction. I do not blame her for either. I'm almost out of it now and doing somewhat better. We've seen each other twice since she left. Almost 2 years after the first time I saw her, she wanted to see me in person. She was pregnant. I knew it before we even met up as we always seemed to be on the same frequency. Her adopted mother even said before we were married that it was "uncanny how well we got each other." It was true. We even had our own vocabulary to convey things to each other in public as well as in private. One such term, 'soulfly', came out of a desire to not need to say, "That's exactly what I was thinking!" We said it often. Parting for the day had its own ritual of back & forth phrases that to anybody else would seem childish if not plain gibberish.
We liked messing with people, too. Once we were having one of our game nights and a newly made friend, who was diabetic, needed to take an insulin shot in the kitchen. In a loud (but not yelling) voice I asked her from the kitchen to the livingroom, "You ok if Ben shoots up in the kitchen?" Without missing a beat & already knowing what I was doing, she replied, "Sure! Not a problem." After the guests quietly looked at each other in wide-eyed disbelief that we could possibly be letting someone use drugs openly, we both busted up into laughter.
Our first time seeing each other after she left was at a particular convection which we had volunteered at for the previous 5 years together. I was a few hours away living with some family with no job and no money. She had worked up to be 2nd in command over the entire convention (I would have been a department lead if I knew I was going to make it) and hit me up asking if I was coming. I told her I couldn't afford the gas. After a while she texted me saying she had found a room for me to stay and would pay for the gas & food while I was there. Thinking this was a chance at reconsoliation, I happily showed up. We even got intimate at one point. However, the worst thing happened: I was on medication I had not been told amplifies the effects of alcohol. At the dance of the final night, I decided to have 2 drinks. I blacked out. The next day she was furious and I was extremely embarrassed. I left for home early with my tail between my legs feeling as though I blew my chance. The following day she changed her name on Facebook. We'd been apart for a few months and that's when she decided to change her name. It's also the only time I've been drunk since she left.
I hope it's not just me, but it seemed like she still cared. We've almost been apart as long as we were married and I still think about her everyday. Course, a little distance HAS given me the clarity of mind to see the red flags going back to our dating years. But, even then, the issues had been addressed and gotten past as far as I was concerned. I dunno.
One big flag was the fact she's never sought or had any kind of counseling or therapy for her past. She didn't even want pre-marital counseling which, looking back, I should have not let go of so easily.
If anyone has ever had something like this happen, here's some advice I've gotten along the way from other people with traumatic backgrounds: it's not your fault and you cannot fight those battles for them. They cannot be forced to do anything regarding their trauma and to be frank, it's none of your business. It's their fight and their decision to seek help and must come from within themselves. It cannot be forced and do not attempt to (I didn't just to be clear). Encourage and support them, but do not tell them they need therapy or anything like it. Ask if there's anything you can do and listen. If they don't have anything for you, don't bring it up again. It's tender, volitile baggage that does not involve you. Just be a loving person and carry on as normal as you can. They may still sabotoge the relationship and believe me when I say I know what it's like to not have anything to do about it. Hurt people hurt people whether knowingly, on purpose, or not. Stay strong and try to remain as stable as you can. Knowing they can rely on you goes father than you may ever know even if the relationship ends.
Assuming your experiences with women have been better than men - I am happy for you! I don't mean to diminish that at all as I raise this point. I have many friends who have had more positive, healing relationships with women over men...I just think it's important to continue to be transparent about this in case there is another confused, hurting queer person out there in shoes like mine. Stay safe, everybody. <3
Larry D, I have that SAME LOOP! You're the 3rd person to say this in 40+ years.