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Yesterday evening, I physically and emotionally disconnected from myself for some time due to my depression. I felt like I was watching my meat suit cry because she could no longer take being locked in at home with no physical escape. I was watching myself have it as if I were another person. This out of body experience is a form of dissociation.
My schizoaffective anxiety spikes with the summer heat. But it’s spiking dramatically this summer, the summer of COVID-19. I dearly hope--with everyone else--that there will be a vaccine by next summer. For now, here’s how I’m coping, or, in some ways, not coping.
When you consider how sex addiction might impact a marriage, some might believe that the effects would be more positive than negative. However, after being married for a couple years now and actively fighting through sex and pornography addiction, I can tell you that is not always the case.
Self-injury, like most mental health disorders, exists on a spectrum. Some people only ever engage in relatively minor acts of self-harm, while for others the situation may become more serious. If you suspect your self-harm is getting worse, it is important to not only recognize that truth but also take steps now to keep yourself from sliding down a dangerous slippery slope.
An anxiety plan is something you can create on your own or with a therapist as a type of mental health treatment plan. Such a plan can be as simple as anxiety-reducing ideas jotted down in a dedicated notebook or as complex as a detailed record of medications tried and the success you had with each, notes you take when visiting with your doctor and/or therapist, the symptoms you experience and the circumstances in which you notice them, and any other detail about your anxiety and treatment of it that you find helpful. For the purposes of this post, the concept of an anxiety plan will be simple and involve a record of activities that help you reduce your anxiety levels.
There are many stereotypes and assumptions about introverted and extroverted people. For instance, extroverts are stereotyped as social butterflies. Introverts, on the other hand, are stereotyped as hermits. However, the stereotypes and assumptions for introverts and extroverts are not true for everyone.
In a recent post, I discussed the frustrations I’ve encountered dealing with people reacting to anxiety who, in my opinion, don’t do it in a way that’s helpful. I mentioned viewing anxiety as something scary and deviant isn’t the right way to do it, and that the reality of living with anxiety should be viewed with more nuance. I want to go a bit further into this in this post, suggesting that the reality of living with day-to-day anxiety is much more mundane.
The decision to disclose your bipolar at work is an important one. You may feel unsure of whether or not you should speak to your employer about your illness, or worried that you could face professional or personal repercussions for speaking up. There are risks to talking about bipolar at work, as well as potential benefits.
If you have a history of eating disorder behaviors or mindsets, then you have most likely body checked yourself, or stood in front of a mirror and scrutinized your reflection with a severe and merciless eye. Chances are, you understand how it feels to wither beneath your own cruel gaze which repeatedly dissects the size, weight, shape, and curvature of a frame that will never be adequate to you. This ritual is known as compulsive body checking, and it can worsen your eating disorder tendencies. But if that toxic pattern sounds familiar, rest assured, it is possible to break yourself of a compulsive body checking habit.
When you trust your decisions, your self-esteem will grow. People with poor self-esteem often second-guess themselves and defer to others' opinions. While it's true that there are people who know more than you do on almost every topic, there is one subject on which you are the world's leading expert, and that subject is you.
I lived in the same city practically my entire life and then moved to a new city in a different State a few years ago.
A new beginning right ?
I thought I had left all my baggage behind.
Moved to the new city sober quit drinking and refrained from drinking all alcohol. (Until I didn’t) I can say I don’t typically drink liquor (from past experiences) if i go to dinner I can have a few beers eat get a nice buzz and go home just fine, the stress from the day melts away I go home and sleep, no harm done.
I am a regular at most places in town have dinner and go home
Well the other night I went out to dinner and for some reason I decided to have a martini then two three, four, Or more, I was over served
next thing I know everyone on the outside patio is sitting with me and we were having ourselves a party with people I had just met.
As the night continued on we were all taking pictures and I was fine. (Then I wasn’t)
Why was I hanging out with strangers ?
I was stumbling, couldn’t sit up, walk, like you I fell a couple of times upon making it home in a cab getting out of the cab and getting into my apartment. (Barely)
I’ve never been so embarrassed, ashamed in all my life I live in a small town the people at the restaurant know me since I go in often
and I’m so frightened I’m gonna see someone I saw that night in the grocery store or somewhere else in town. (And I’ve never been more embarrassed)
What’s worse is the Restraunt bar manager had to get me a cab home because I couldn’t even get into my phone to order it myself and there wasn’t any in the area at that time
Yes I made it home safely but I feel like I lost control for some reason that night, and I put my safety at risk and it was such a foolish thing to do I just can’t shake the worry and anxiety I’m now feeling and the horrible feelings I’ve since felt since that night.
I barely made it up to the many stairs into my house and sat at the bottom of the stairs and laid on the ground, until I later got up to get into the house maybe an hour later! (Who does that?)
I’ve not done anything like this before if so not in years. And it’s like I know better!!!!!!
Then to be so foolish and make such an ignorant mistake
What was I thinking ?
I’m not sure why I kept drinking? There was no off switch in my brain signaling to tell me to stop I drank so fast and the drinks were so strong that by the time i had the 4th one I’m not sure how I must have looked? Thing was I had a video and photos of how I looked so I did see myself and I’ve never seen myself look so bad. I wish I could erase this image from my mind or the entire day from my consciousness all together.
I couldn’t hold my head up and I had taken my pony tail out and my hair was everywhere. 😣
What scares me is what if something could have happened to me ?
Or someone could have turned me in for public intoxication which is a crime
I did hurt my arm pretty badly from breaking my fall and I fell on my bum which is a continuous reminder of my stupidity.
I think we all do things we are not proud of especially while drinking but I don’t think I had almost ever been this drunk in my life.
I have the worst anxiety even leaving my apartment now because I feel like someone probably saw me stumbling around Outside my house which is humiliating!
My Stomache Has been in knots since this happened and I’m just mortified at my behavior!
Does that help?