Blogs
Battling self-doubt during trauma recovery can feel like an impossible feat. In my experience with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), self-doubt is one of my most difficult struggles. I often compare myself to other people, second-guess my decisions, and pick myself apart until I feel unworthy and powerless. The vicious cycle of self-doubt in trauma recovery can be debilitating at times.
I control my daydreaming to lessen depression. I know "controlling your daydreaming" sounds a bit odd, but I've found that most mental processes can be controlled to some extent by paying attention. Interestingly, a new study has come out suggesting I had the right idea all along. If you control your daydreaming, you might reduce depression.
Now, I have therapy skills for my schizoaffective disorder, but that wasn't true when I was younger. My first psychotic episode hit 25 years ago this holiday season, when I was a student at the Rhode Island School of Design (RISD). I was only 19 years old—terrified and somewhat unaware of what was happening. I’ve grown up a lot since then. You can grow and change while living with a mental illness. I know because I did, and my mental illness changed with me. What helped me and my schizoaffective disorder grow up, along with medication, are skills I learned in therapy. Here are some of the ones I found to be most helpful.
Change is critical when healing from verbal abuse. Verbal abuse is a damaging tactic that many individuals use in relationships for various reasons. Although it may be common, this method of communication is harmful to the recipient. It can cause negative side effects for years, even after the verbal abuse is no longer present. The only way to move away from verbal abuse and heal is to change.
Having a strong support system is so important for anxiety. This is something I've learned throughout the years in my journey to learn more about my anxiety and how to cope with it. Even in times that I feel like I want to withdraw from others because I feel overwhelmed with anxious feelings, I make it a point to turn towards my anxiety support system.
Finding yourself falling into an anxious spiral is scary, and it's easy to feel out of control. Luckily, there are some physical skills you can utilize to fight off this feeling. Sometimes, in an anxious spiral, it's difficult to think clearly, so when I face those issues, I tend to lean into physical practices, meaning that I'm doing an action using my body and not necessarily my mind to find comfort. Using physical practices is a great way to center yourself and regain emotional balance.
In my life's journey, which includes nearly two decades of mindfulness practice, I have unearthed a profound connection between a mindfulness practice that creates increased mental control and the augmentation of self-esteem. This realization has been transformative, shaping the way that I perceive myself and my role in the broader tapestry of society. There is a huge potential for mindfulness to improve one's self-esteem.
I have been living with depression for 20 years, and I mean it when I say I'm both a survivor and a victim of depression. What do I mean by this statement? Let's take a look at being a survivor and victim of depression.
Drinking alcohol with bipolar is a no-no, but over the holidays, it can be hard to remember that. After all, at holiday parties, everyone seems to be drinking. What might help is understanding why people with bipolar disorder shouldn't imbibe alcohol.
I realize now that I need to accept a lack of control in my eating disorder recovery. My battle with anorexia was never just about caloric restriction or exercise compulsion. Those behaviors were surface-level indicators of a more complex issue underneath. The main fear that drove my illness had nothing to do with food itself—on the contrary, I longed for nourishment and sustenance. My source of terror was a loss of control.
When living with severe depression, it is so difficult to see any positivity about ourselves or the world we live in. I have been in very similar shoes as you. However, nothing will change until we initiate a change, even if it means taking our cognitative distortions and untwisting them. Healing/recovery takes a lot of time and practice - it is a lifelong journey. Unfortunately, there's no magic wand out there to make everything better about ourselves and the world (if only...).
One thing that keeps me going is taking life ONE DAY AT A TIME. I wear a bracelet with those exact words to remind me when I start down a dark road. One day at a time... because that is all I can expect of myself, and it's all that others can expect of me. I know it sounds cliche, but you genuinely are not alone or alone in how you feel.
Also, check out the resources and assistance at https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/suicide/suicide-suicidal-thoughts-and-behaviors-toc
We continued talking and I learned a lot more. His husband had cheated on him and he was heartbroken. They live in the same condo in separate bedrooms and were basically married on paper only. Since I was already developing feelings for him, I allowed our relationship to continue. We’ve since spent a lot of time together on dates, he met my family at Christmas, etc.
In January, we chatted and I said, “Ok, what’s the plan?” and he freaked out. While he says he loves me, and does not love his husband, he’s stuck and doesn’t know how to move forward. His therapist says he needs to go to the doctor for new meds and hasn’t. And now it’s been three months of basic texting good morning and good night, and we don’t see each other and don’t talk on the phone.
Do I just move on at this point? Every time I try to talk about us and our relationship, he just shuts down or doesn’t respond.
Help! Thanks.