Bipolar Disorder and Ghosting: It's a Big Problem
Bipolar disorder and ghosting is a big problem. I didn’t realize the extent of this problem until I saw the number of comments on my recent YouTube video, "Ghosting and Bipolar Disorder: Why We Do It".
What is Ghosting? The Role It Plays in Bipolar
Ghosting is a contemporary term used for when a person completely cuts off all communication with a friend or romantic partner by not responding to texts, ignoring calls and acting as if the person no longer exists. It is done without a reason or an explanation from the person doing it. One day they are a part of your life, and the next day they disappear from it without warning. It negatively impacts friendships and romantic relationships. Ghosting is done by many of us living with bipolar disorder, especially during bipolar depressive episodes.
"I’m guilty of this when I’m hypomanic and in a negative mood and I’m super sensitive and I get easily hurt or angry at people and instead of confronting them, I just ghost them when they try to contact me." ~Xoxofmw, YouTube commenter
Why Do People with Bipolar Disorder Engage in Ghosting?
Those of us living with bipolar disorder definitely have a problem with ghosting people. It doesn't matter whether it's someone we're dating or friends with. Unfortunately, sometimes we're even ghosting our family members.
I have bipolar II and yes, I've ghosted people. Why? It feels more comfortable for me to cut off all communication with another person when I am struggling with highs and lows. Secondly, when I am dating someone, the fear of being rejected due to my diagnosis of bipolar disorder is always present. That makes me push another person away when they get too close. Thirdly, the stigma of mental illness causes severe anxiety in those of us living with bipolar disorder. Although a person we are romantically involved with may not be showing signs of rejecting us due to bipolar, we feel as though it is inevitable that at some point it will happen.
"I just do this on a low episode. I see it as protecting friends from me dragging them down to my level. Plus, in all honesty, I can’t deal with feeling suffocated whilst in the low and just want to be left on my own. It’s easier that way. ~ Claire, YouTube commenter
Self-stigmatizing is another significant reason for ghosting as well. Those of us with bipolar disorder subconsciously believe that we are unlovable and undeserving of friendships and relationships, which causes us to act on ghosting. The stress and pressure to explain the reasons for pushing away creates anxiety; which is where ghosting comes into play.
"I do this a lot. I stop answering phone calls and texts, and avoiding any form of communication with friends and family. In my mind, I don't stop loving them or care for them. I just feel overwhelmed and I feel the need to create a distance between me and them so I can calm down. Now, unfortunately, this can take from a couple days to a couple weeks." ~ Katia, YouTube commenter
The Affect Ghosting Has on Others
Over the years, I have realized that regardless of what is going on in my life, ghosting is hurtful to another person. I have been on both sides of ghosting, and it is very harmful and causes extreme insecurities.
"I just lost a friend who deals with bipolar. She just cut me off. I tried and tried. Dealt with the ups and downs and dealing with my own depression and insecurity, it was very difficult. ~ Embree, YouTube commenter
Bipolar disorder is not an excuse for hurting another person. Although we deal with anxiety and depression and it leads to many of us isolating ourselves, we are still responsible for the way our behavior negatively affects friends, family, and romantic partners. There are people who care about us, and they deserve a proper response even though it is difficult for those of us living with bipolar disorder to do so at times. This is something I am working on as well because I severely struggle with opening up which leads me to ghosting other individuals.
My ex, who's getting well with depression and very positive about her progress, left me since I have bipolar 2 and I isolate myself every once in a while. She doesn't like it since it triggers her. So she broke up with me and told me I can't give her what she needs. ~ Chaz, YouTube commenter
Self-awareness is essential when it comes to behaviors like ghosting. Many people with bipolar disorder do not even realize that this is a problem. Building strong relationships without openness and communication is impossible. Acknowledging the problem is the first step to self-awareness and learning how to properly communicate with others to prevent anyone getting hurt or feeling ignored by someone they care about.
"When I feel like isolating, I "check on" the people around me, my friends in recovery. This way I am not alone, but I am not talking about ME, I am checking on THEM. Seems to help! ~ BipolarLightningBug, YouTube commenter
What about you? How has being ghosted by someone with bipolar disorder affected you? And if living with bipolar disorder and ghosting others has been part of your life, why do you do it? Also, helpful suggestions on how to end this type of behavior are welcomed.
Blum, H. (2019, January 28). Bipolar Disorder and Ghosting: It's a Big Problem, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2021, May 15 from https://www.healthyplace.com/living-with-bipolar-blog/2019/1/bipolar-disorder-and-ghosting-its-a-big-problem
Author: Hannah Blum
I’ve been in a relationship for a year with a guy with bipolar. In that time I’ve seen and supported some of the worst highs and lows and he has trusted me with that implicitly. This time however as an episode has been brewing, he has decided to take personal offence to comment I made about myself, and some how completely twisted this as being a criticism of him. I’ve spent hours trying to support reassure and have been resolute in that but it’s not enough. As a result has been very nasty name calling and taken to blocking me everywhere. Very worrying behaviour not knowing if he’s okay etc but I also believe we both need a break. Kinda hopeful at some point he will unblock and we can discuss but also preparing for worst case also. Very sad given how we connect amazingly and love each other very deeply but can’t help but think maybe this is for best. Clearly I’m not what he needs or we wouldn’t be where we are today
So sad to see you’re going through this too. Can I ask how you deal with the fact he’s blocked you out? I’ve been shut out for two weeks with my guy now and I’m struggling to refrain from bombarding him with messages. How do you go from being someone’s everything to feeling like you no longer exist?
This was really helpful to find that other people are in the same boat. I’ve been in a long distance relationship on and off for 17 years. I started talking to this guy when I was 13. He had a damaged childhood, with his mum dying from cancer when we were 15, followed by his dad committing suicide shortly after, and abuse from his step dad the following years. He’s extremely broken. We talked for hours everyday through the night and leaned on each other through our teens. At 23, my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and when I told my guy, he couldn’t handle the pain of it and disappeared for 5 years. I was unable to trace him down. Eventually I moved to Canada from England and one day when looking him up I found his old social media account had been reactivated. We got back in touch and it’s like nothing had ever happened. He told me he was diagnosed with bipolar shortly after my dad passed away in 2014 and was in a bad way, but he had kept an eye on my progress and thought I hated him for leaving me, so he thought I’d be better off. We fell back in love and he made many attempts to visit me in Canada although his anxiety and mentality stopped him every time. After a year, I decided to fly back to England to bring him back with me. We both quit our jobs and decided to start a fresh together in Canada even though this was during the pandemic.
Since being back in the uk, we have still not gotten together. he has had many depressive episodes and has now ghosted me around 6 times in the past 6 months, sometimes due to having covid, or the death of his grandfather. It hurts me every time he goes because I’m always anxious he won’t be back. He’s now been gone for 10 days. Not the longest time, but it’s a struggle being here with no income and needing to get home through these tough times. He’s the love of my life and when things are good, we are incredibly strong and loving. But it really takes a toll on my own mental health. I’m trying to be understanding and I’ve never given him the feeling that I would consider giving up on him. We know each other better than anyone else could and it’s important to me that he understands he deserves love and happiness just like anyone else. But my heart goes out to all those with this disorder. There is someone out there who will prioritise you. You just need to let them help you.
My story is similar with the ghosting when he’s upset. He drove home at midnight after an imagined slight/completely illogical after two huge glasses of wine. Would not answer the phone all night and next day. Returned things we had bought together. I have many examples of drama and pain and immaturity. We only dated for 4 months but he was so incredibly loving and sweet when not in a mood. I was never allowed to have my own moods/he could not handle it and they were mild compared to his. He insulted me SO bad the other night as we crawled into bed. I was up all night with tears and waves of stress. I begged him to apologize and he insisted he meant it and that “it was not that bad”. The entire 4 months have been either extremely loving or extremely irritable. That day I made him leave his key and take his things out of my house. All he had to do was acknowledge my pain. I just don’t understand it but it’s on par with the whole way the relationship has been. This happened yesterday and although I feel relief I still love him and want to make sure he’s ok. He is ignoring my texts and phone calls completely. I’m sure by now I’m “against him” like “everybody else”. I know in my heart I did the right thing because I’m recovering from a car accident and I also have my own mental health to worry about. I know my life with him would be very hard. It’s all so painful. I hope he sticks with his new therapist and that we can work it out one day. If anyone would like to answer this post I would really appreciate it. He’s such a tortured soul who literally does not know how to have a respectful, adult conversation geared towards resolution. Instead he just escalates. I feel my own mental health regressing.
I am seeing my relationship in these stories. My partner of over 20 years does the same thing. He is bipolar but refuses treatment. One minute he is hypomanic, saying foolish things about nothing. Then he gets irritated, puts me down for no reason or for something very minor. Sometimes this passes but at times he goes into a deep depression, talks about suicide, and completely ghosts me. If I’m with him at the time, he sleeps literally all day, refuses to talk and gets verbally abusive if I try to talk to him. If I’m at my own place, he will stop answering his phone or texts. It is very difficult to deal with. The past two days he has slept all day and refuses to interact with me at all.
Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. I have a couple of people in my life with bipolar disjunction. . When on medication they can seemingly function normally. I have one friend that goes back 60 years. We have been close. Somewhere around 5 years ago I noticed her erratic behavior. We don’t live in the same city so this became apparent when she visited us. Unfiltered and no boundaries the behavior was quite a shock. I won’t go into details but after 5 days of that and speaking with her family members much came to the surface. She said she hadn’t brought enough meds with her. Whether or not that was true she had people feeling like babysitters before she went home. She would have periods of normalcy. For a time afterwards she lived with her daughter and that not working well for the household she went to a half way house of a sort where meds would be sorted. Then she finally got her own place. Our friendship has been through many phases. I decided to move nearby because I had not recognized patterns to her behavior changing and getting worse over time. We had many conversations where she seemed herself, doing the right thing to get help. Now that I am here, after and for many months she has cut me out of her life. I was hurt at first even angry. I am approaching indifferent as I have decided to cut ties with her. It is too much of a roller coaster. Also my husband and I will be moving back to where we came from. I read somewhere a statement that addresses this issue very well. Having bipolar doesn’t give you a free pass to treat friends with no respect. So we move on. She is on meds, found a new therapist and has a life even in the pandemic. The difference is I am not in it, but it is my choice not hers.
WOW! ALL OF THIS IS INCREDIBLY INSIGHTFUL AND VERY CLARIFYING TO SAY THE LEAST. RECENTLY STARTED DATING A CHILDHOOD LOVE I'VE KNOWN FOR NEARLY 30 YEARS NEVER KNOWING ABOUT THE BP UNTIL JUST A FEW MONTHS AGO. GHOSTING WHILE LIVING TOGETHER HAS BEEN ONGOING FOR OVER 3 WEEKS NOW, CONSIDERING THE VERY INTENTIONAL DAILY COMMUNICATIONS THROUGHOUT THE DAY COMING TO A VERY ABRUPT HALT HAS RAISED RED FLAGS ON SO MANY LEVELS. AFTER READING ALL THESE POSTS/EXPERIENCES IN AN EFFORT TO EDUCATE MYSELF, I'M NOT SO SURE THIS WHAT I WANT MY LIFE TO BE IN AN ONGOING RELATIONSHIP WONDERING AND WORRYING WHETHER OR NOT EVERYTHING IS OR IS GOING TO BE OKAY AS I DO HAVE TO CONSIDER MY OWN MENTAL/EMOTIONAL STATE OF HEALTH AND SELF RESPECT.....
I am going through a similar situation... I’ve spoken with a pharmacist and a counsellor to get a better understanding of this disorder. I figure the best I can do is educate myself... while I’m relieved I’m not alone, I’m sorry to see so many people going through similar situations. I see the woman I care for, not the disease, but sometimes I wonder what it all means... when she’s with me, the world just melts away! Be when she cuts off communication, the mind wonders on her safety... she’s assured me, as other have mentioned, that she has strong feelings for me and isn’t going anywhere... still doesn’t make it any less comfortable. I send her texts of support, hoping her day is going well, and fill her in on funny little things she would normally laugh at and enjoy... atleast she’s knows I’m still here... but it not easy shutting off my mind when I hear absolutely nothing back...
I too have recently been ghosted by a boyfriend of 4 years who is manic depressive. He made up a BS story and gave me 2 weeks to move out of his house. Since then he has ghosted me. There have been no calls or texts from him. I'm glad to see that I'm not alone and that other people have experienced the same thing. I have learned from other people that he's been saying that he is no longer with me. I have not gotten an explanation about anything. I know that he's been doing a lot of drinking and has been smoking weed. Over the years I have seen the mood swings and now he's in that depressive state. I hate being treated as though I no longer exist. It is very hurtful and difficult to not take it personally especially since we never fought and I did everything for him.
I am recently going through this with the exception we did not live together. We just hit our one year together. We have always said we loved and missed each other. It was in a blink of an eye that on a Sunday he loved me and Tuesday he told me he needed space, has inner demons, but healthy or happy with himself. Wished me the best. I was going over next day to bring him his things and get mine. Not but two hours before I was to go he texted, you are not welcome here, if you show up I’ll call the law on you.” I tried to get him to talk or communicate to understand what all happened. I tried a couple more times but he will not respond. Reading what everyone is saying I believe he has this disorder. I am struggling and each day I think it would get easier but it’s not. How do, or what are things you are doing that is getting you thru this? Just like you we have never fought. We had spent everyday together for a year with the exception of a total spam of 2 weeks throughout the year.
This has actually recently happened to me with a childhood love as well. He showed so much love and promised he'd never leave again as this happened 20 years ago with him and I. He eventually started not texting at night, then say it was too much pressure and wouldn't answer texts. Not until I read about bipolar disorder did I put two and two together. It definitely caused me so much pain that I experienced when he did this 20 years ago. I can only imagine it happening down the road. Its almost like you are mourning the perso because you don't know if you'll ever see that person you felt so connected to again. Thank you for sharing your story.
I WISH she would just ghost me. I've been in a relationship with somebody with Bipolar and OCD personality disorder since summer, and have been trying to get out of it almost the entire time. I realized it had been a mistake early on, but she managed each time to keep me in it with threats, fear, obligation and guilt, and frankly, she scares me. I've tried just honestly talking to her and she winds up having a panic attack. I've tried just taking a break and some space, and she felt abandoned and wound up in the ER. I wish I could just escape this. I would have just sent a text, taken the coward's way out and been done a long time ago if she didn't know where I live, but I can't risk her showing up and being crazy, and I also don't want her life to fall apart or she hurt herself.
You will probably never see this but I hope you do...
You have to just break up with her.
Gently kindly and then no more communication.
Take it from an OG.
I’m here because I got given this article after searching about being ghosted. I also default to ghosting so I figured I would read it.
The man I was just with ran off in terror. He could not take the fire and fury and that was me in all my glory of a manic episode.
I was crushed. He also flicked all my abandonment buttons inadvertently by running away without a word just saying he couldn’t hang would have been better. For me. For me I’m saying in this instance
I did hurt myself but I am ok. Sometimes hurting yourself is all you can do to get through the painful moment it takes the emotional pain and makes it physical and you’ve heard the old saying sticks and stones.
Give me a physical, injury over an emotional one any day.
The pain of the body is more tolerable then the pain of the mind that’s a quote not sure who.
Again; You cannot keep anyone safe. You cannot live your romantic life so she doesn’t hurt herself!
I have friends that love me and care for me and helped me through. I hope she does as well.
Maybe do it at her therapist.
Other people’s safety is not your responsibility.
You cannot be responsible for someone’s else mental health.
Every day you take from a girl is running down her clock too.
You are stealing time from a woman.
We don’t have as much time as men do.
A man at 45 is seasoned handsome; a silver Fox. A woman if she has some grey omg! put her out to pasture.
She Looks old. Her Times up.!
You think you are doing her a favor but you are not.
I appreciate the sentiment
you are kinder then the man who just fled while I was talking on the phone..
Somewhere in the middle of you two guys is what they call “the golden place”
The perfect balance.
Let her go.
With kindness and love.
Bet let her go.
For both of you.
I'm going threw exactly the same right now, its been 10 days living in my vehicle, yesterday I misplaced my phone, when I found it I read the most discouraging hurtful words just because I did not reply qick enough, one text is I miss you the next text is I never want to see you then its why are you not responding omg it is truly a Rollercoaster ride on top of all this she has very rude disrespectful lazy think that they are entitled give me give me children who them selfs have called police c.p.s on there mother each time c.p.s and police come they find that the house is clean food etc she will not do anything to correct her children, it has gotten worst my emotional state of mind as well as my health is being affected I really do love her though I am really taking these days away from all this to get some peace of mind
My girlfriend of three and a half years ghosted me. She was diagnosed BPD-1 about 20 years ago. I believe she also deals with bipolar psychosis or bipolar with “features.” I don’t think she’s aware of the psychosis aspect of the disorder and that she suffers from this. Her mind creates alternate realities and delusions. She blocks out or represses stressful, anxiety-inducing topics or experiences. We both have children and decided to try living together. We discussed before taking this step, that if blending families didn’t work out for any reason, she’d move out and we’d continue our relationship. Well, it didn’t work out because of differences in parenting style and philosophy. We talked about how the best thing for the children would be for us to live in separate households. We were in agreement and she said she’d start looking for a new place. After about a month, she hadn’t looked for a place so I asked her about it. She told me that we didn’t have any such conversation. I asked her every couple of months if she was looking and she began changing the topic or ignoring my question all together. There were several heated exchanges after that and finally two years later and more heated exchanges, she looked for and bought a house. She tried to get me to ask her to stay at every step in the process but I held firm. This was in the best interest of our children after all. Once the deal was done, we talked again about how we would continue our relationship. I pointed out that it wouldn’t be too different since her new house was only 6 blocks away. Everything went downhill from there. When it was time to pack and move her belongings she said she was too overwhelmed. I ended up packing and moving all of her stuff. As the move was nearing completion, I was dropping a few things off and noticed that she hadn’t been to bed in many days and was manic. A day later I asked if she was manic and if she should make an appointment with her doctor. She told me that she wasn’t manic. I had moved the last of her things. I hadn’t heard from her in about a week and her mail was piling up. I texted her and asked if I could bring her mail to her. She responded that I was not to call, text, come to her house, or go to her daughter’s school or she would call the police and file for a restraining order against me. I checked in periodically and the threats started coming from her girlfriend. She accused me of stalking and harassing her friend. One of her psychoses is paranoid delusions, the belief that someone is out to get her, wants to cause her harm, or is stalking her, etc. She has vilified me and developed alternate realities to cope with her feelings of rejection, despite my letting her know that I wasn’t rejecting her and that I wanted her in my life forever. I told her we’d live like this for a few years and then when the children are older, I would marry her. Her response was that I was trying to manipulate her. My best guess is that her manic episode triggered her psychosis. She believes the alternate realities her brain has created to cope and has ghosted me ever since. It’s been 9 months and she hasn’t contacted me in any way. I want to reach out and suggest that she talk to her doctor about psychosis but I’m afraid she’ll follow through with her threats and call the police. I don’t believe she will ever realize any of this on her own and I’ve most likely been ghosted for life. She didn’t formally break up with me and the last I heard from her we had a wonderful future ahead of us, then nothing. It is very painful to have the woman I love go from a bright future together to all of this with no contact in 9 months with not so much as an explanation.
Does anyone know if while they’re ghosting you specifically, would they still post on social media? I went through a mania phase with a women and she just stopped talking to me and blocked her post on FB. I had no clue what happened. So I checked with some mutual friends and that’s how I found out she was still posting here and there mainly about her kids. I mentioned that I knew she was doing that during a text when I was trying to figure out what the heck happened. I mentioned a post she hidden. Next thing I knew she blocked a few mutual friends so they couldn’t see post moving forward. She lifted the blocks and finally reached out 3 weeks later. Then she went silent again for two weeks and blocked again! (Is that normal?) she said sorry for being flakey and she’s working on it) Anyway just wondering also if it’s common to do this and still post?
My ex does this exact thing.... I don’t get it either. Everything was fine between us... but he has a habit of ghosting me for no reason.
I too just got ghosted for no reason. Everything was fine and then BAM! He suddenly tells me that he needed his space and gave me 2 weeks to move out of his house. It has been a little over a month and there has been no texts or calls from him. I was this guy for 4 years! Now he just acts like I no longer exist! I know he's a manic depressive but I feel like his problems are now giving me problems. I'm depressed and feel stuck and unable to move on.
It's not just hard to say "this is what's going on" - as a couple people above have explained. It's needed to settle down or because you don't want them to see you like that. Ghosting tells somebody the opposite. It says, you mean nothing to me and never did, not even as a human being let alone somebody I at least said I loved.
Maybe the disease is responsible for wanting to ghost.
But your lips still work or fingers to write a note
Unbelievably cruel to another person
Would agree with this statement 100%. Currently my wife of bipolar II is ghosting me. She sent a text I’m leaving you don’t text me. Then blocked me and hasn’t said a word or message since. All for reasons that a normal relationship would easily be able to resolve with a little open communication. It’s hurtful and I honestly don’t understand how she said she ever loved me to treat me like disposable trash.
Hi yes very cruel I've just gone throu the ghosting today had a nice evening planned and bam I'm blocked on everything no explanation at all like I just don't exist anymore he has just vanished... Everything was good yesterday no signs of this at all.. I'm a mess today can't get hold of him he has vanished I know he has bipolar so I'm assuming it's because of that unless I've just been dumped for someone better this has affected me big time not sure how you deal with this very sad 😔😔
My best friend who is BP2 just ghosted me. We got into it a little over text, nothing big or crazy just a misunderstanding... literally went back and forth maybe 4 times total about something she was trying to tell me and I was misunderstanding. By the end of that (can’t even call it a fight or disagreement) I told her thanks for clarifying and moved on to the next subject... then she blocked me off her phone, then I noticed she blocked me on fb! For what exactly I don’t know 🤷🏻♀️ we’ve literally had actual fights in the past and just give each other time, but this time she just blocked me from her life. Truth be told I’m super hurt 😔 I struggle with my own issues (anxiety and PMMD) that take their toll on me and I really don’t need this either. I’ve been there for my friend always and I want to be here now but honestly for my own peace of mind and mental health I may need to just let her go.
I was engaged to a man with bipolar for 16 months, he just broke it off in 24 hour turn around, one minute I love you more than anyone the next goodbye. I am divorced and wanted to wait on marriage because of his bipolar and some odd behaviors I was seeing, but committed to the relationship. I had been married to a man with major undiagnosed mental illness so jumping into marriage quickly was not good for me. My previous husband had another family behind my back so major betrayal and he did this as a pastor.....yes for real. So I wanted time with this person to see how his bipolar played out, reasonable request. Well as time passed I began to see some behaviors that were strange, child like behavior, like making boy noises and turning objects at the dinner table into animals, giddy behavior, constant immature joking, and other more risky talk constantly. Then rude comments about how I look but when confronted could not understand how that would hurt me, then continued to beg me to marry him and tell me how much he loved me. Then I caught him flirting with women on FB, caught him in several lies. Did not get me a birthday gift for a pivotal birthday, more odd statements that reflected promiscuous behaviors but when confrontation he goes silent. Obviously this was going south, how he talked to his parents was horrific, never would take responsibility for his own actions, oh he did in the beginning, told me about his bipolar in a deceptive way and then lied about it. Yelled at me in public, having to explain simple things to him and he literally was having trouble with easy tasks, cognitive issues, having to rephrase a sentence so he could understand, major issues, and I did my best to support and prayed as we believed God had brought us together initially and many of these behaviors ramped up recently. Well Obviously I had major reservations, and knew I could not take all of this on, it was not safe. This is not a stable person, so I knew I had to end it, however he did before me. Some of this behavior is bipolar immaturity, impulsively, pressured speech and cognitive impairment from bipolar aging, but some was just plain selfishness, pride and arrogance all wrapped up in a nice package, nice expensive clothing, nice house, nice dinners, you get the picture. People need accountability, we can't act anyway we want and trample others, Obviously he did not act like this in the beginning or I would have walked so if behavior at times can be controlled in the beginning what happened. Glad its over, don't like the sudden turn around but thankful he revealed his true self.
The man I love keeps ghosting me. He shows up showers me with attention then disappears for months.
Last time he even asked to marry me. Then disappears. He told me he was in a dark place.
I feel so sad about all that is happening.
My wife of 7 1/2 years was diagnosed BP2 last year after she went into a depression and moved out and had a short affair with an ex. She started meds and after a while we started putting the pieces back together and she moved back home eight months ago. Things had been going seemingly well, with a spell here or there that would last a week or two where she would question whether she should be in a relationship. After a short time, she always would come back. But things had been going well until the coronavirus put her working from home for six weeks. During that time she started drinking more and more, going to bed by 8 p.m. and just not her normal self. Then, as soon as she could start going back to work, she told me she had rented an apartment in another town 30 minutes away and moved out the next day. She said if she can't make a relationship work with me, she'll never be able to make one work. She says she needs her own personal space and needs to rely on herself for all the things she wants and needs. She has barely been in contact since she left three weeks ago, just occasionally texting to say she is sorry or to ask if I'm ok. The last thing she said to me is that maybe we could have some sort of relationship someday. What? I'm giving her the space she wants but I really think her drinking with her meds may have triggered something. She talked to her doctor but lied when he asked if she'd been drinking. So I'm also wondering if this is the end or just another spell I should try and wait out? There is no easy answer I know.
Unfortunately, I am currently going through the same thing. Married for 2 years and together for 10 years. He left this weekend to visit family and then I was upset when he turned off his phone. Start smoking weed (he never smokes weed) and started drinking all weekend. Long story short he said our relationship is not going to work and he is not coming home. He did not get on the plane. I am hear heartbroken. I did disconnect his phone so I have no contact. He is with someone else because I found her number on the call log. This has happen 5 times and he eventually comes home. But this time I can’t have him back until he gets back on meds. If he does not come home, I hate to think of it...but it would be better for me. I am tired of being hurt. Sorry your going through this. I never realize how much harder it is to have a relationship with a bipolar person.
Hi, mine is using olanzapine 20mg daily, guess he is bipolar. We were planning to marry, then he told me that he doesn’t want. 2 months later this issue, he broke up with me and wanted to remain as friends. And exactly like yours, sometimes he was chatty sometimes, sometimes ghosted. Yesterday I told him that I get hurt when he ghosts me and found out that he read that message and blocked my number. I don’t know what to do, I just love him too much. Will he unblock me?
I am really stuck and torn on what exactly my situation is. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years and he has bipolar 2. He came out and told me about his bipolar 4 months ago, in which I didn't see anything wrong with it, as I'll always love him regardless. Shortly after, in January, he began considering going on meds and taking lithium.
Once he began lithium, I noticed that he had hypomania quite often. When he does, we tend to argue more.. and I would try to avoid these arguments as much as I can, given that he's not listening or trying to speak loudly and overlapping me.
During this time, we've been in the process of talking about getting engaged and having a future together. His goal was to propose sometime this year. In doing so, he suggests that we should try living together, so he began his process of looking into apartments. We started going to apartment viewing, while also trying on ring styles/sizes, etc.
One month ago, we got into a small argument in which it triggered into him asking for 3 days of space. This 3 days turned into 1 week, then 2 weeks, then 3 weeks and now a month. During this entire month, he ignored both calls and messages of mine when I had asked if he was ready to chat. So 2 days ago, I decided to reach out to him to see if he was ready to talk and he said he was. He told me this wasn't going to work out and that the last 3 weeks, he was able to spend all that he wanted and do things whenever he wanted. This was devastating for me to hear because he had always been able to do and spend however he likes/wants.
I'm just a little confused on whether this is all part of him having bipolar or the effects of the meds, or if it's just simply commitment issues. I'm so tired of excusing his behaviours and being stuck on what's acceptable and what's not. I'm currently in the last semester of my college and battling practicum at this point and this world-wide COVIC-19 pandemic. Having to move on seems almost impossible, given that I can't even do normal things with this social distancing and isolation. I'm just so torn that he's selfish enough to not even recognize the mental stress he's putting me through. When I asked what he was thinking, he would only reply with 'these are my thoughts, you don't get to know them.' How does one go from so loving to a completely cold and mean person? It's like he threw everything that we had planned for away. I just don't know who he is, what this is, am I in denial and excusing all this behaviour for him having bipolar. I just want answers.
It’s not your fault and it’s not his. It’s definitely the Bipolar. Idk if he is coming back to you, but in my experience..once they realized that they hurt you they would usually will call you and come back. only time will tell.
My bipolar husband went off all his meds and the urging of his family and left me and the kids two and a half years ago after 12 years of marriage and went to live with his mom . He didn’t tell us he was leaving just walked out and said he was never happy and told us to keep or donate all his stuff and he would take two suitcases only and he ghosted us . When we were together he would often go radio silence off and on and dissapear for days or hours or weeks at a time and ghost but would always reappear . This time he hasn’t shown back in our town for 2.5 years. We have had 5 seperate good week long visits but in his new location and he ghosts on and off in between and texts and calls very sparingly and refuses to barely answer any calls and often ghosts and refuses to answer texts off and on ghosting sometimes refuses to see us when we visit or not following thru with visiting us but he has been quite good with at least texting something every two weeks if not every couple of days . He goes thru period where he is really communicative and then really uncommunicative. He is very adment he doesn’t want a divorce and has apologized repeatedly for hurting me like that for ghosting and leaving and promises we will have a traditional marriage again . He is currently jumping locations again across the United States with his mom and wants me to wait an additional 2 years for him to save up money to buy us a house in yet a different location . I really love him and enjoy when he isn’t ghosting and take my marital vows seriously and hate to give up on a sick spouse but how do I tell the difference between ghosting because of illness and ghosting to play games ? I suspect he just doesn’t want me to forget him and move on with my life without him and he might be playing games but when I accuse him or ask him nicely he gets really offended and his feelings are hurt and he accuses me of thinking he’s a asshole and thinking bad about him and not giving him the benefit of the doubt and ghosts again . He says he doesn’t mean to ghost but doesn’t know what to say .. Is this typical of bipolar ghosting or is this simply playing games how do I tell the difference ?
Michelle, this is amazing. It is exactly what my husband has been doing all the time. We have been married 12 year and have an 11 years old son. In 2017 he ghosted us for 2 years. He then reappeared, stayed more or less with us for an year and now he ghosted us again. No answers to calls, no texts, he is even asking his parents to ghost us. I thought he might be playing games but as he is in lock down for the pandemic I am not sure what he can do. He is also home with mum and dad at 49. I decided I am not going to ever call him again.
U can't tell the difference but as long as you been apart that should help you with your answer this is not what a marriage should be like. You should love yourself more and go on with your life because he has he is not present in your marriage. I wish you strength,motivation,courage and peace of mind good luck to you.
Not everyone does this, it actually further perpetuates the stigma to say that people with Bipolar disorder ghost people, people shouldn't use their diagnosis to excuse themselves for being a coward.
I have never ghosted anyone and wouldn't want someone to do that to me,
the idea that were are slaves to our moods is as much a fallacy as it is for other people.
The only difference between someone with bipolar and someone without it is that someone with bipolar will experience cyclical mood changes that are somewhat more extreme, its up to them how they manage them and if they allow how they feel to affect how they behave, the same with every other person, there is literally no difference.
None of us have a choice over our moods we do however choose how we treat people and it's honestly a little saddening to hear the amount of people either using this as an excuse for their own bad behaviour or others using their diagnosis as a way to understand it.
Everyone is different. My ex swings by every so often, wants contact and is quite chatty but then generally just ghosts me, or in other words reads messages but stops replying, even when asked a question. I have got used to it.
I have been seeing my boyfriend since July of 2019 so for about 7 to 8 months now and he informed me he has bipolar on our second date. I accepted him anyway because I didnt care (I have a friend who is bipolar so I was familiar with the mental health issue but only on a friend level) during our first 2 months together he went through a hypomanic episode and he allowed me to support him throughout the episode. In December the week of Christmas I was staying over and he asked if we can do it another time because he was going through something so I gave him space even though I was angry because he did this while I was at work at my job . The week of new years he finally spoke to me and let me know he was diagnosed with clinical depression on top of his bipolar and would be MIA for about 2 months. I told him that was fine just so long as he keeps me informed he agreed but that was the last time i saw him. Despite me texting and calling a few days apart maybe about once a week he has only responded once which was January 14th and it was literally just one message (my birthday was the 13th he informed me he didnt forget about my birthday and hes sorry I have to deal with this) I told him idc about my birthday i just wanted to know he was ok. He didn't respond we havent spoken since and hes blocked my number. So idk what to do or if he even wants to be with me. Its driving me insane at this point.
GIRL!!! Same thing just happened to me a month ago! He didn’t even say Happy Birthday and just ghosted me, blocked my number and social media! After dating since August 2019. We are better without them. We don’t need to deal with bipolar men. Normal men are already enough of an issue smh.
I need help I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl who's younger than I am .. she is not diagnosed but we've been together long enough to know she is bipolar.. also she mentioned to me at the start she might have bipolar..
At the beginning she was very loving and was willing to do anything with me now that we are together long enough I guess she feels more comfortable in showing her symptoms instead of hiding them at the beginning of the relationship is this something that will happen??
Also she does abit of ghosting now and then like sometimes she wouldn't even text me as much but when she did reply that same day .. she seemed abit okay so I don't really know what's going on
Hi, my girlfriend of 3 years recently left me. She has been untreated bipolar abs an eating disorder. We were both happily live and she is the most loving caring person I know. Two days after graduating from college she suddenly got very depressed. She was saying she was miserable and life was pointless and wanted to break up. Apart from that she gave no specific reason..in fact she giving reasons to stay (I’m her best friend, done more for her than anybody etc). I made contact with her 2 weeks after the break up but her reply was cold and distant. She has also ghosted me when I see her at the gym. It’s like she doesn’t recognize me. After 3 years I’m heartbroken. As far as I know she is working away as normal and living life as if the previous 3 years didn’t happen. It’s difficult to get me head around things. She may be going through a depressive cycle and trying to put a brave face on things, I don’t know. My heat sinks as I doubt she’ll ever speak to me again and I don’t know why. Any advice welcome
This hurts the ones you love more than being angry with them. It messes with them psychologically and emotionally. It's 100% selfish. I understand wanting to be left alone and needing a lot of space. But to not acknowledge a person for a week or two is wrong. Just one or two messages per week would be ok actually. With depression, trauma, and bipolar it's natural to be comfortable with isolating but to deal with this you should fight against your mind and try to always remember that humans are not made to be alone. If you are isolating it means you should say hey i'm going off the grid for awhile, i need time or something. I've done this and people actually understood. But to go completely off the grid and not tell anyone puts everyone you love in a difficult position and can lead to getting police involved if it goes on for too long. Do yourselves a favor and reach out at least once, fight the demons in your mind with every ounce of energy you have left. you are stronger than you think and people who love you will eventually understand.
I had been dating a nice guy with bipolar disorder for a year. We live in different cities (not so close). In the city where he lives, my family also lives. I try to visit the city time to time and he also visited me. Two months ago I came to the city where he lives and I called him but he suddenly GHOSTED. I was shocked and didn’t know what to do. I requested to our common friend to ask him what was happening. He said her that he hadn’t wanted to see anybody, even his best friend. A week ago I came to the city again. He sent me message. When I jokingly said that I had been offended to him, he didn’t understand at all and asked what he had done to me. I called him, texted him and he GHOSTED again. I tried not to care so much because I thought that maybe he didn’t feel so good. But that day I ran across him at our common friend’s bar. He was with his best friend. He was laughing and looking good. When he saw me, he was surprised and embarrassed. But he didn’t call me or text me from that day. I am very upset right now and still don’t understand what was happening. I am waiting for your advice.
Hey, i'd like some advice.
I was in a relationship with a woman who has bipolar. Towards the end of the relationship she went really cold and eventually we spoke and she ended up leaving me.
She gave me the whole i deserve better and apologised for being an arse to me for the last few weeks. She said she couldn't expect me to wait for her but she wasn't going to cut me out of her life.
I tried reaching out to her as a friend a couple of times after giving her space and didn't get a response. So i then asked her if i could ask her a question, i got a pretty nasty and short response about her needing space, it had been 5 weeks since i heard from here at this point.
So i gave her the option. Asked if she wanted me to be part of her life or if she would rather i disappear, i was hoping to get some form of closure. She just exploded quite offended that i asked and told me i was being selfish and shed speak when shes ready.
Its been over 2 months since i heard anything from her. At this point i have no idea what to do. I have no idea what she wants from me but i genuinely want her to be ok.
I suffer from anxiety and the ghosting without a real answer is killing me. She turned from being loving and needy into something really cold, that hurts, but the not speaking is doing farvmore damage than the breakup. I've really tried to give her space, but i'm at a stage where i dont know if should ask her outright what she wants from me.
I'm genuinely at a stage where i can feel myself breaking down. I've not told her this because she's under enough stress, but like i said, the ghosting is eating me alive.
Any advice would be amazing.
Ok. Some bipolar episodes last awhile and communication during this time is futile. All you will get is being pushed away and angry responses. BUT, hang in there say caring words like I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, I care about you... something like that. You will probably get venom back because something takes over a person's mind and maybe they are so irritated they can't say anything nice. Doesn't make it ok but just put it out there and wait it out. She won't be able to make decisions right now. Keep checking in periodically and she my eventually come up for air. At this point treat her like a friend and when she's better you can talk to her normally again. I'm sorry to say but episodes can last for a few months, it's more like cycles and they can occur at certain times of the year, it's different for everyone but some people cycle in early spring and it lasts until may. Yeah and don't take any of it personally, it's not about you it's what is happening to her mind. It's more like a sickness, she could benefit from treatment and medication. I should also add there are different types of bipolar, in Bipolar I I've seen people start using drugs and become very sexually active and manic that way, bipolar II is more irritable, angry and depressed and stuff. If she's got bipolar I you may be in for some real trouble so watch her behavior and see what you are comfortable with. Everyone needs support.
The amazing thing about this as I read the same scenario over and over and over again is...it's all about them. They agree to get into a relationship, the other person relies on them and the behavior when they leave treats the other person like a discarded piece of trash. When I break up with someone I try to if not appropriate to help them through it, at least ease the sting, not do everything I can to rub salt in the wound and hurt them even further. Are there any therapists out there who work with people to try to get them to see...This isn't ok to treat people like that?
Thank you! That’s exactly how I feel. Constantly taking care of him, then he looks me in the face says he will be home for dinner..... then gone/silent:/won’t respond.! I feel so disrespected. He says he won’t do it again... but now that I think about it he has slowly cooked the frog! First it’s hours of. It responding to a text, then next time hours of not picking I up the phone- now gone until 11pm, next time got a hotel and didn’t come home. Somehow it’s always my fault! I called too much, I text something he didn’t like. Can’t just be an adult and tell me what’s really going on! Never takes any responsibility..... talks a good game “I’m sorry, I get it, I’ll communicate” nope 👎
When you are pulling away and ghosting someone who you were dating, does it bother you if they continue to try and talk to you or is it nice that they are trying to be understanding and there for you? I feel like there is a fine line of being supportive or intrusive.
You're right, the line is fine. What I always recommend to people is that they just be open about it. Say something like, "I want to support you and I know that your silence might be related to your illness. I'm going to keep checking in on you once in a while unless you ask me not to, which I will completely respect."
I think if you're unsure about something, just say that. Give the person the option of saying yes or no and then communicate in the way you want unless they ask you not to.
- Natasha Tracy
- Breaking Bipolar
My boyfriend has kept his disorder from me and won’t talk to me. I did tell him that I’m here for him day or night, that I would text him ever so often to check on him and his son, asked that he would just let me know. He never responded to say yes to letting me know or no, do not.
Do you think I should text, or should I let go?
Hi Aislinn ,
You ask a good question. In my opinion, I would err on the side of more communication, rather than less. This lets your boyfriend know that someone cares. That's a big thing when you're not doing well. And if you feel good about making that connection, then yes, I would say go ahead.
Now, if he asks you to stop, then that's different, but without his input, I say, yes, make contact.
- Natasha Tracy
Hi Aislinn, I’d continue to check in every now & then if you truly care about him & would like a relationship with him. My ex (relationship of 3yrs) has ghosted me in the past & ended our engagement just before Christmas in an angry reaction which I considered to be an overreaction. He has regularly blown normal relationship discord into huge issues & has been unable to acknowledge his over reaction. I do understand this is part of his illness, despite how difficult it is to cope with his behaviour. When he ended our engagement & then quickly bounced into a rebound relationship I found it very difficult to cope with. Got myself into counselling to save my friendships, & I’m still on my healing journey. What I’d like to say to you is that committing to someone with bipolar is an enormous loving & giving thing to do. It is not the persons fault that they behave in challenging ways. It stems from emotional trauma usually. What you need to do, to protect both yourself & him from further emotional harm, is determine whether you think you can cope with the challenges long term xx