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I’m Sammi Caramela, and I’m excited to join HealthyPlace as the new author of "Trauma! A PTSD Blog." I’ve lived most of my life in survival mode, but it wasn’t until I was in my early 20s that I realized I was suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from early childhood trauma. Learning why I was suffering was crucial to healing from the extreme anxiety and depression I coped with on a regular basis.
Because I grew up with the label "shy" instead of "anxious," there are a lot of things I didn’t realize I do because of anxiety, and no one ever recognized them as anxious behaviors. It took me reading about them somewhere else or hearing someone else say them for the lightbulb to go off about my anxious behaviors.
Two weeks ago, I embarked on a massive life change in sobriety. Moving away from the town where I got sober to begin a new chapter flipped my world upside down. I had to face my fear of change and part ways with the people, places, and things that kept me grounded for three years. My comfort zone was demolished, forcing me to start afresh. 
Fear is an emotion I used to view in a negative light. However, understanding how fear influences my emotional state has helped me to harness its power and use it to my advantage. In certain situations, overcoming fear helps me achieve my goals, contributing to feelings of accomplishment, happiness, and a more vibrant life experience.
I have learned so many important lessons and revelations in the course of my interminable healing from anorexia, but one stands out above the others: I cannot take a day off from eating disorder (ED) recovery. Sometimes I want to, of course. Sometimes I'm convinced that enough time has passed since my life was at risk—or I have enough experience and self-awareness at this point—to ease off the accelerator and simply coast for a while. But I really can't take a day off from ED recovery.
Yesterday, I noticed an eyelash on my finger. I asked my husband Tom if wishing on eyelashes amounted to magical thinking, even though I already knew it did. I just wiped the eyelash away instead of wishing on it. I am trying to stop most forms of magical thinking.
Last time, I wrote about setting goals and using tasks to focus on to help channel my anxiety. But what happens when things get less busy in my life, and it is time to relax? How do I relax when you're anxious?
I live alone with bipolar disorder, and recently, someone asked me how I do it. I have rarely thought about such a thing as we all just work with the life with have, but let's talk about how I survive as a person living alone with bipolar disorder.
How often have you heard people say or imply that suicide is selfish? Well, if you are a netizen like me or have lost a loved one to suicide, I am sure you have been exposed to this line one time too many. Not only is this statement hurtful, but it is also completely untrue. I want to be clear: #suicideisnotselfish.  (Note: This post contains a trigger warning.)
As my school year draws to a close, the notion of letting go is front and center on my mind. May is always a poignant month for a teacher, but this May has been particularly heavy as I prepare to leave the world of education behind and embark on a new career path. I will miss my students dearly and the person I have become under their tutelage, but as we march toward the last day of school, I am more and more ready to let go of who I have been in order to make space for who I will be. 

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Elizabeth Caudy
Dear Aine, Thank you for your comment. I switched back and forth between different antipsychotics looking for one that didn't cause weight gain. The ones I tried may have caused weight loss, but they didn't keep me mentally stable. I found that, for me, it was a choice between mental stability and being thin. I chose the former. But I'm glad you found one that works for you. Best, Elizabeth
Soniya
I always think about jumping when I m in car or bus and my mind says that just do it don't think on it...also I think of some scenes that I will be in pain but will not show it r share it and face it alone..
Aine
Originally was taking risperdone, but changed to ziprasidone. Loss 40lbs based on a medication change.
Andreas
Great article and video. Informative and helpful.
Ronnie
I lost someone close to me in June of this year. He loved working with special needs individuals. I saw him as a friend more than just my hab coordinator. When he unexpectedly passed, I broke down. It's getting close to four months since then, and lately, I feel jealous of both my friend and my cousin who are experiencing happiness while I have lost mine. For context, my friend is in a relationship and my cousin is expecting a baby. I felt that they get to experience the happiness while I have to struggle with the fact that my happiness went with the person I lost. I've been avoiding talking to them about their recent good news as this would make me upset that I have to continue with grieving the loss of someone who makes me happy. Any advice on how to tell them I feel jealous?