Blogs
Wanting to be in a romantic relationship is normal. But borderline personality disorder (BPD) can add difficulties and frustration to an already complicated situation. More Than Borderline's, Becky Oberg, offers advice on how to know if you're ready. Watch this video on borderline personality disorder and relationships.
Soon after I began researching anything and everything related to Dissociative Identity Disorder, I came across the idea of state-dependent learning. And though the concept – that things learned or experienced under certain conditions, internal and/or external, are easiest to recall under those same conditions – made sense to me, it didn’t make much of an impression. But recently I had a profound personal experience that illustrated clearly to me both the power of state-dependent learning and the revelation of state-dependent memory recall.
When you are in the process of recovering from a chronic mental illness, when you have achieved a state of remission and are free from psychiatric symptoms, you will never forget the impact, the memories, of when you were sick. The flashbacks.
When I heard my ex-husband tell me what I was thinking, doing or feeling, he was usually wrong. He painted a picture of me that was so far from my reality that I felt it was imperative to correct him; I was not the person he described. The argument that followed invariably left me in tears, hurt and feeling unheard, misunderstood, and hopeless of finding intimacy with the man I loved.
I wondered why he married me when he thought I was such a selfish, conniving, miserable woman. I was the same woman at 35 as I had been at 20. His constant nit-picking at my faults (and my willingness to examine myself to see if he was right) practically halted my personal development. I spent so much time double-checking who I was that I didn't have time to consider who I would like to be.
How do I explain anxiety to my spouse, lover, friends?
I really don't think you can do it without first coming to grips with the idea that the people we love may never fully know, and probably won't "get it" the way we hope. But that doesn't mean they can't be valuable allies in managing anxiety issues.
The law doesn't help abuse sufferers much unless
you have photos of bruises or other injuries and
were brave enough to go to the hospital to have them treated and
filed a police report and
immediately left your abuser - the first time.
That may be simplistic, but it appears to be true in the news stories. So, because most abuses occur before anyone gets hit, sufferers of abuse and relationship-related trauma must learn to find justice for their battered psyche on their own.
We expect our name and address to be available to various agencies, but here's some food for thought. Is your mental health status a data point on a government screen somewhere? It is if you're from up north, and it's affecting their lives in unexpected ways.
What would a world without eating disorders be like?
It would be a world of unimaginable freedom for everyone. It would be a world that each one of us could thrive in.
It is only a dream of mine. But think of the possibilities . . .
Here we go again--another school year, and with it, another round of Laying Down the Law. I do it every September--advise Bob (my son, who has bipolar disorder and ADHD) of what is expected of him in terms of his scholastic efforts.
And every year, I ask myself (and everyone else)--Am I expecting too much? Are my standards too high?
This week, I taped an interview with the PBS show To the Contrary, which I hope will make it to the air. The show is in its 20th season, and is billed as "A Discussion of Issues from Diverse Perspectives."
I am thrilled that this show has selected to discuss Ben Behind His Voices, and allow me to share our story with its viewers, along with the messages of understanding, respect, hope, and the need for better services and more research. I'm finding, though, as I work the media circuit, that coverage is very much dependent upon what the interviewer wants to bring out, whether he/she has even read the book, and their personal experiences with mental illness.
Right before we taped this one, the producer shared something with me that I found disturbing, and wonder if you do too.
When living with severe depression, it is so difficult to see any positivity about ourselves or the world we live in. I have been in very similar shoes as you. However, nothing will change until we initiate a change, even if it means taking our cognitative distortions and untwisting them. Healing/recovery takes a lot of time and practice - it is a lifelong journey. Unfortunately, there's no magic wand out there to make everything better about ourselves and the world (if only...).
One thing that keeps me going is taking life ONE DAY AT A TIME. I wear a bracelet with those exact words to remind me when I start down a dark road. One day at a time... because that is all I can expect of myself, and it's all that others can expect of me. I know it sounds cliche, but you genuinely are not alone or alone in how you feel.
Also, check out the resources and assistance at https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/suicide/suicide-suicidal-thoughts-and-behaviors-toc
We continued talking and I learned a lot more. His husband had cheated on him and he was heartbroken. They live in the same condo in separate bedrooms and were basically married on paper only. Since I was already developing feelings for him, I allowed our relationship to continue. We’ve since spent a lot of time together on dates, he met my family at Christmas, etc.
In January, we chatted and I said, “Ok, what’s the plan?” and he freaked out. While he says he loves me, and does not love his husband, he’s stuck and doesn’t know how to move forward. His therapist says he needs to go to the doctor for new meds and hasn’t. And now it’s been three months of basic texting good morning and good night, and we don’t see each other and don’t talk on the phone.
Do I just move on at this point? Every time I try to talk about us and our relationship, he just shuts down or doesn’t respond.
Help! Thanks.