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Amanda_HP
The general public used to associate PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder with soldiers in war zones. Now we know that anyone who has been in or witnessed a consistently highly stressful, traumatic or life-threatening situation can develop PTSD. And in so saying, life for Melissa has been anything but kind. Exposed to all types of abuse since the age of five, Melissa finds living with PTSD a living hell. But she's taking positive steps and getting treatment for PTSD.
Bob was home this past weekend--for the first time in a month, one of only three he's spent at home since May. It was far from relaxing. His childhood anxiety is in full throttle, and dealing with his constant irrational fear had me looking forward to Monday.
Kate White, our anxiety blogger here at HealthyPlace asked the question: what does a mental illness feel like? Well, that's a big question. I've been writing for years to answer it. In today's bipolar video though, I expose one facet of crazy that really ruins my day.
So maybe you want to know: What is anxiety like? The $64,000 question. Shrinks, doctors, therapists, they all ask it: How do you feel? Recipe for Anxiety Take a build-up of tension Pile high with worry, and plenty of stress Add a dash of low self-esteem and/or depression A handful of racing, fearful thoughts - niggling, diving, driving  the mind to a peak
One night in 2007, I started a new antipsychotic. It was to be taken at dinner time. I did as told and took it at the universal dinner time of 6 pm. By 7 pm, I had mostly lost touch with reality. I was suddenly so tired that my eyes wouldn’t open but I was far too anxious, scared and twitchy to go to sleep. I felt incredibly ill. I was frantic, terrified and panicked. I was thrashing in a sharp, steel cage between sleep and wake with no way out. I cannot express to you the horror of that night. Bipolar medication side effects suck.
What's it like to live with depersonalization in dissociative identity disorder ? Articulating the answer is challenging for me. Partly because I don't know what it's like to live without DID; partly because describing it requires a base-line level of awareness that dissociation by nature impedes. And partly because the question is so large, sort of like asking what it's like to be female. Breaking dissociation down into the five primary ways it manifests makes illuminating the experience of living with dissociative identity disorder easier. Depersonalization - the feeling that you're separate from your body - is the first.
Fall is upon us. The shorter days and less light affects my son's mood. Have you noticed any changes in your child's mood? Or yourself?
We're all different. There is something fundamentally true about this statement. Red hair, black hair, blue eyes, brown eyes, cat lover, dog lover - see, all different and most of us are mature enough to think that's OK. But with bipolar, our symptoms vary wildly and for reason, people don't think that's OK.
My head is a marvelous place, I just wish I wasn't in it all the time. I'm practicing patient impatience; kicking rocks off a cliff whilst I wait for the spinning to stop. Waiting, waiting, waiting - wanting something different. Different how? That's key. Wondering, am I really that stressed?
Bob’s biological father and I are not together, so my husband and I occasionally find ourselves “Bob-less” when he is spending time with dear ol’ Dad. No thanks to a legal loophole, Bob is away from our home nearly every weekend during the summer break. These Bob-free times are bittersweet for me. I miss him terribly when he’s gone. Because he has bipolar disorder and ADHD, I worry about whether he’s getting enough sleep, or drinking enough water, or being given his medications properly. I worry about what sort of ridiculously dangerous activities he might be taking part in, and how he’s getting along with his father. I wonder if he’s missing us, and while I hope he is, I hope not too much.

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Comments

Sean Gunderson
Thank you for your interest in my article. I hope that you find some solace in a connection with the Earth.
CJ
I'm so sorry to hear that and I hope you're in a better place now. If you need someone to talk to about it please please reach out to me! Have been in your position before and can say for a fact that it is really really rough. That extends to anyone reading this comment who is having urges or just wants to talk.

my instagram is @chikinntenders or you can email me @ carolinelijia@gmail.com

Just know that you're not alone, and just because you feel like you should be happy doesn't mean you necessarily are. Sending love <3
Claire
Have to keep the minions busy and productive, or they might actually start to really think about living. Addiction to work is a horror story. Much more so than lost love affairs. Maybe Taylor should sing about the busy body syndrome that is killing people.
Natasha Tracy
Hi Mahevash,

Thank you for reading and leaving that comment. I wrote this piece because I know what it's like to beat yourself for not being able to do what the world says we should be able to. I want us all to stop doing that.

I'm honored to help where I can.

-- Natasha Tracy