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Relapse is a possibility every self-harmer faces during recovery—but is it normal to miss hurting yourself once you get clean?
I wrote many blog posts this past year about my struggles late last summer with weeks of acute panic and anxiety that left me traumatized. I attended weekly therapy and worked hard for almost a year to get to a point where I could finally revisit the place where the worst of the trauma occurred, which I did, successfully. With that said, I'm wondering if therapy still makes sense for me.
Surviving borderline personality disorder (BPD) is no small victory. I am incredibly grateful to myself for choosing life at a time when my pain seemed infinite. Last time I spoke about why I did not consider suicide as a child. This time, I talk about why I did consider suicide as an adult. (Note: This post contains a trigger warning.)
When we think of ways to counter attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), sleep may not be at the top of anyone's list. However, enforcing sleep hygiene is an incredible tool I use for suppressing ADHD-related symptoms. Along with medication and exercise, good sleep hygiene forms the backbone of my attack on ADHD. My body took a while to adjust to a firm schedule, but it was worth persevering as the benefits of sleep can't be overestimated.
Public speaking is an act that has typically triggered my anxiety. I had to work on it for several years to get to a point where I could manage my public speaking anxiety and anxiety in general.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would look like if I didn't have borderline personality disorder (BPD) and complex posttraumatic stress disorder (complex PTSD). It saddens me to think about the experiences and accomplishments I may have missed out on due to my ongoing battle with mental illness. While it's impossible to know the life I could have had, it's an interesting thought experiment to look back and imagine how things could have turned out differently. What if I'd led a life without mental illness?
Today we'll discuss how not to hate your life. But first, in the last post, I suggested that we ought to drive a wedge between the mechanism by which we understand the world—our brains—and the product of that understanding—ourselves. In the end, I declared that you are pure observation. If you're still scratching your head about this, an easier way to view it is to equate yourself with your experience of reality, keeping in mind that said experience is mediated completely by your brain. It's critical you understand this. Because if you don't, you won't understand that your experience of reality and reality itself has very little to do with each other. The latter is unyielding. The former is entirely subject to the direction it's pointed in.
Antipsychotics are a class of medications that many people don't like to take. In fact, I was terrified of the notion that it was even a possibility once upon a time. But antipsychotics are often used to treat bipolar disorder and some depression, along with illnesses like schizophrenia, with which we classically associate psychosis. But even though antipsychotics are approved for use in those areas — thus proving they do work for some with those illnesses — people still don't like to take antipsychotics. Why don't people like to take antipsychotics? Well, if you're me, it's because you've tried them.
In this podcast episode, "Snap Out of It!" is pleased to speak with award-winning podcaster and mental health advocate Gabe Howard. Gabe has lived with bipolar and anxiety disorders since 2003. Gabe has a harrowing tale of when he was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Not only does he speak to what it is like to work with bipolar disorder before being diagnosed, but he also speaks to what it is like to “come out” at work and, finally, be fired because of bipolar disorder.
Something happened when I turned 40: I pretty much stopped dating my age. Over the past four years, almost all of my dates have been with men in their 20s. I believe the term for a woman like me is "cougar." While dating men so much younger than me has been exciting and fun, it's also been incredibly lonely. So, why have I been clinging to the cougar life for so long?
Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry you're in that situation. I know how hard it is for parents to watch a child with mental illness struggle. Know this: you are not alone. Many parents are in this untenable situation.
Your options are very limited for the reasons you have listed. Your son is an adult and get to make his own decisions -- even when those decisions are heavily influenced by an illness. And while some might disagree, the US tends to fall on the side of personal rights, regardless of illness.
If your son is a risk to himself or others, you can see about getting him treated without his consent. (In some States, this is also possible when a person is at a grave threat of decompensation [getting sicker].) I know this is a hard thing to do, but sometimes the only thing that will help someone is the treatment they refuse.
I recommend you check out the Treatment Advocacy Center. They have a hotline and a lot of information online about serious mental illness and treatment of those illnesses: https://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/
I also wrote this piece about the situation when help is refused (not associated with HealthyPlace) and it lists some additional resources: https://natashatracy.com/bipolar-blog/person-mental-illness-accept-illness/?swcfpc=1
Finally, I recommend you reach out to other parents in the same situation. You may be able to find these people through groups like NAMI (just Google them). Knowing others facing the same issues can help.
I hope your son is able to get help.
-- Natasha Tracy