I've found Valentine's Day affirmations helpful. For some people, Valentine's Day is full of flowers, candy hearts, thoughtful cards, fancy dinners, and romance. For others, it is a fun day to celebrate with family and friends. But for people struggling with depression or anxiety, this holiday can bring about feelings of loneliness, anger, and envy. It can be a reminder of heartbreak and loss. If you are going through a difficult time right now, here are some Valentine's Day affirmations for you.

5 Valentine's Day Affirmations for Self-Esteem

1. Your feelings are valid. Perhaps on this holiday, you feel embarrassed about being single. Or maybe you still feel angry at your ex-partner for hurting you. Whatever the case may be, you are allowed to have a wide range of feelings. It is okay to cry and to reach out for help.
2. You deserve to feel loved. If it has been a long time since someone made you feel loved, you might have forgotten what love feels like. Perhaps you doubt that you deserve it. Let this Valentine's Day affirmation assure you that you deserve to feel loved. You deserve to feel admired, respected, and valued.
3. You are important. Perhaps your life requires you to care for others, but no one says thank you or acknowledges your hard work. This might make you feel undervalued and unappreciated. Please remember that no matter what anyone does (or doesn't) say, you are important. Your kind actions have a positive effect on another person's life, even when no one else sees it.
4. Anything can change at any time. If you have been single for a long time, you might think you are going to be alone forever. But please remember that the present does not determine the future. Anything can change at any time. You might meet your soul mate sometime today, tomorrow, or next month. You never know. But when it happens, it will be wonderful.
5. Your imperfections make you unique and special. Maybe someone ridiculed you for having imperfections. So you spent a lot of time trying to be better or to be perfect to win that person's approval. But the truth is that you don't need to be perfect to be valuable. Imperfections make people unique and special.

I hope that some of those affirmations help you see the beauty that shines through you. Do you have any of your own affirmations for Valentine's Day? Spread the love by sharing them in the comments.

Knowing how to initiate recovery from gambling addiction is hard. The internal struggle of wanting to break free from the grasp of compulsive gambling while feeling unsure about where to start can be overwhelming. I have been there, struggling with the yearning for change but feeling paralyzed by the enormity of the task of initiating my recovery from gambling addiction.

For the longest time, I didn't know how to quit gambling, even though it drained me. Gambling had become my identity. It was the first thing I saw when I woke up and the last thing I saw before bed. I knew it was an issue, but it was so difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that I had to part with something that I loved and defined who I was. Today, I'll be sharing insights on where to start when initiating compulsive gambling recovery.

How I Initiated My Recovery from Compulsive Gambling

Recognizing the grip of compulsive gambling -- Acknowledging the need for help is the first step in initiating recovery from compulsive gambling. For me, recognizing that my gambling habits had become compulsive opened the door to change. I knew I needed to do something, so I sought the right resources.

Building support networks for compulsive gambling recovery -- Reaching out to loved ones is crucial in overcoming compulsive gambling. I know talking to someone about your struggles can be challenging. I wondered whether my family and friends would listen and not blame me. But I gave them a chance. Sharing my struggles with someone I trusted not only relieved some of the burden but also created a network of understanding and encouragement that became an anchor in my recovery.

Exploring professional help for compulsive gambling -- Considering support groups and professional help for gambling addiction is essential in initiating recovery from compulsive gambling. Support groups offer a sense of community and shared experience. They make the journey less isolated as you connect with others facing similar challenges. Additionally, self-exclusion from gambling venues and seeking professional counseling or therapy can greatly aid in overcoming compulsive gambling.

Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but strength and self-compassion. You are not alone in this journey of a life free from the shackles of compulsive gambling. It is within reach.

Advice for verbal abuse is often sought. This call for help can be subtle or obvious, depending on their personality. Not surprisingly, I've been on both sides of this scenario. Although it can be easy to give verbal abuse advice, following it may be more challenging. 

Advice for Anyone Facing Verbal Abuse

It's important to understand that every verbally abusive situation is unique. Not everyone has the immediate resources to change their circumstances. Whether you currently deal with verbal abuse in relationships or have escaped these awful circumstances, this is my advice for verbal abuse to you. 

• Everyone deserves love and respect, especially you.
• Remember that you are a strong human. You've managed to get through every day so far. Keep going. 
• If someone mistreats you, it's because of their unresolved internal issues. It's never your fault. 
• Give yourself grace. We all make mistakes and learn from them. 
• You are never alone. There are abuse resources and supports to help you at every stage of verbal abuse recovery. 
• You can change the story of your life. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

Following My Own Advice After Verbal Abuse

As a mother of four humans, I'm someone they ask for advice and support. I've given my children numerous strategies and tips with my advice. Many of these conversations included tools that I've learned from my therapists. Although these methods may be successful for my challenges, they may not fit everyone's situation. 

I'm not a doctor or medical health professional. However, I love to help people when they are hurting or in distress. My motherly instinct takes over when my kids come to me for support. However, I'm not always great at following my own advice. 

• I sometimes forget to take a few deep breaths when I'm feeling overwhelmed. This small action can help prevent my anxiety from spiraling out of control. 
• I don't give myself enough credit for the obstacles I've overcome. I need to recognize more how strong I am and that I can trust in myself to make good choices. 
• I'm still struggling with my triggers. If something reminds me of a past verbally abusive situation, I don't always catch it early enough to avoid excess stress. I need to handle my reactions better.
• I have the tools, resources, and support I need every day to face anything that arises. I don't have to handle difficult circumstances alone. 

Healing from verbal abuse is never simple or quick. It takes time and work to recover from a hurtful relationship. Unfortunately, I find giving others advice about verbal abuse is easier than following my own. It's just another one of those elements that I am working on during my verbal abuse journey. 

Money dysmorphia involves spending too much. When was the last time you went on a shopping spree? I'm not judging you; everybody needs a little retail therapy every now and then. But if you find yourself indulging in shopping too much, you may have money dysmorphia.

What Is Money Dysmorphia? 

According to a recent study by Credit Karma, money dysmorphia is explained as follows.

"Money dysmorphia is defined as having a distorted view of one's finances that could lead them to make poor decisions. This problem was much more pronounced among younger generations with 43% of Gen Z and 41% of Millennials saying they experience money dysmorphia, compared to 25% of Gen X and just 14% of respondents aged 59 or above."¹

Money dysmorphia is why young people are overspending and going into debt. And like many notable problems young people face today, social media is to blame. 

Money Dysmorphia, Spending Too Much, and Social Media

In simpler times, we only compared ourselves with people in our social circles. Today, we have Instagram, which lets us compare ourselves with regular people, celebrities, and influencers based anywhere in the world. We often compare ourselves to others, and Instagram exacerbates this problem because many people use it to flaunt their lavish lifestyles. Plus, according to the Credit Karma study, Generation Z and Millennials are obsessed with being rich. 

The above factors are some of the reasons why I think spending too much and money dysmorphia is on the rise among youth active on social media like Instagram and TikTok. And can you blame us? Constantly seeing people vacationing in exotic locations, watching expensive makeup hauls, going on virtual tours of dream houses, etc., is bound to make anyone jealous. I think it is only natural for us to take the bait and overspend so that we also have something "noteworthy" to post. 

With Money Dysmorphia, Be Careful About Who You Follow

Just because overspending is natural does not mean you cannot overcome it. One thing you can do is be very picky about who you follow online. Do yourself a favor and stop following anybody promoting glamor and luxury as must-haves for a good life. Achieving financial stability is a far more realistic and wholesome goal. Besides, I think if you want to improve your quality of life, you should focus on your personal and spiritual growth instead of trying to keep up with others. As Sigmund Freud said,

"The only person with whom you have to compare yourself is you in the past."²

Still, you may find it difficult to stop spending too much and curb money dysmorphia. After all, we are constantly bombarded with sales and advertisements everywhere we go, especially in the online world. And since many of us have switched to cashless transactions from paper money, we are unaware of how much money we spend until it is too late. If you need help with budgeting or want someone to hold you accountable, don't hesitate to reach out to a friend. 

Sources

1. Credit Karma. (2024, January 16). Gen Z and millennials are obsessed with the idea of being rich, and it could be leading to money dysmorphia. - Intuit Credit Karma. Intuit Credit Karma. https://www.creditkarma.com/about/commentary/gen-z-and-millennials-are-obsessed-with-the-idea-of-being-rich-and-it-could-be-leading-to-money-dysmorphia
2. A quote by Sigmund Freud. (n.d.). https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/10012562-the-only-person-with-whom-you-have-to-compare-yourself

Every morning, I think about communicating with my alters. I embark on a journey within myself, stepping onto the internal bus where my alters await. With a roll call and a gentle reminder that I'm the sole driver, we set out on the day's path. Over the years, my alters, and I have traveled a winding road of unproductive, hostile communication, marked by fear and instability at the outset. But with time, understanding, and perseverance, we've learned to navigate this intricate terrain, fostering a dialog that supports our overall wellbeing by communicating with alters.

Communicating with Alters Is a Journey

I've found living with dissociative identity disorder (DID), communicating with alters is a fundamental aspect of daily life. These alters may manifest helpful, supportive, logistical, disruptive, confrontational, or harmful behaviors, posing challenges to stability and functionality. Yet, through patience, empathy, and creating a toolbox of strategies, we found a way to cultivate better communication and collaboration among alters within my internal system.

Communication with Alters Toolbox

In my journey living with DID, I've discovered several tools that have proven invaluable in facilitating communication with my alters.

• Listening actively -- By offering an empathetic ear to each of my alters, regardless of their demeanor or language, I validate their experiences and emotions, fostering a sense of respect and acknowledgment within my system.
• Establishing boundaries -- Setting clear boundaries and communication protocols provides a structure for my system. This lessens the yelling and fire alarms I internally experience, which makes it easier to communicate with my alteres and build trust and stability.
• Providing space -- Allowing each of my alters the space to express themselves without judgment encourages authenticity and paves the way for building trust that I will help alters get their needs met and shows that we can support each other as a team.
• Attending therapy -- For me, therapy has been a mixed-bag experience. However, having a therapist whom I connect with, whom my alters feel safe with, and who has experience with DID and internal family systems (IFS) work has offered me invaluable tools for managing conflict, addressing trauma, and promoting communication among alters.
• Being self-aware -- The way I talked about myself and having DID was pretty negative until the past year. This negative self-talk about me and my alters sent a message of hostility, which did not help establish safety or trust. I have learned it's okay for me to have a bad day, but being aware of how I am engaging in self-talk and how my self-talk is impacting my alters helps lessen the animosity within my system.

Moving Forward Communicating with Alters

I've learned navigating communication with my alters involves acknowledging their individual struggles and needs and viewing them not as adversaries but as fellow travelers who have supported me through my trauma and in life. This has helped me foster empathy and understanding for my alters, laying the foundation for constructive dialog and collaboration. 

While progress may be gradual, embracing the diversity and complexity of alters within my system enables me to work towards healing, everyday functioning, and improved overall wellbeing. 

I recently realized that eye movement desensitization reprocessing (EMDR) could be useful for members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, and asexual plus (LGBTQIA+) community. I had the opportunity to be trained in EMDR as a therapist. This is a therapy for helping individuals with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) to heal from their trauma. In addition to being a provider of EMDR, I recently started going through EMDR myself. These experiences made me start to think about EMDR as a modality that may help members of the LGBTQIA+ community in healing from their traumas.

I also started to do some research as to whether or not EMDR is an effective modality for members of the LGBTQ+ community to heal from trauma, anxiety, grief, and more. There are many issues that EMDR can help queer people deal with, and today, I will discuss what this therapy modality is and how it may benefit the LGBTQIA+ community. This therapy is different than traditional talk therapy and may be an appropriate option for folks who feel they have stagnated with traditional talk therapy.

What Is EMDR Therapy? 

The Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing International Association (EMDRIA) trains EMDR therapists and oversees the standards for the clinical use of EMDR. The EMDRIA defines EMDR as:

"a structured therapy that encourages the patient to focus briefly on the trauma memory while simultaneously experiencing bilateral stimulation (typically eye movements), which is associated with a reduction in the vividness and emotion associated with the trauma memories. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is an extensively researched, effective psychotherapy method proven to help people recover from trauma and PTSD symptoms."¹

Much of EMDR centers around the re-wiring of the brain around negative cognitions that people hold about traumatic memories and replaces these negative cognitions with more positive ones.²

How Can EMDR Benefit the LGBTQIA+ Community?

It's no secret that members of the LGBTQIA+ community often have significant trauma. A lot of our trauma centers around experiences of rejection and oppression in our communities, and in more extreme cases, we may have even been victims of violence and hate crimes.

Many LGBTQIA+ folk like myself also have religious trauma that stems from experiences where we were rejected, judged, and shamed by communities of faith that we come from. Some of us, like myself, have undergone conversion therapy in our lives. These experiences can be damaging and create shame-filled narratives in our brains that can be hard to undo. Eye movement desensitization reprocessing therapy has helped me with this. In my own life, I have just started to use EMDR to process my trauma related to the religious community I come from, and I have found it incredibly useful for undoing messages of shame that I internalized, especially around my sexuality. Through EMDR, I have begun to unlearn the belief that I am bad and have begun to replace it with the knowing that I am simply human and there is nothing wrong with me. 

Moreover, the psychological community is catching onto the fact that EMDR can be helpful for the LGBTQIA+ community. In the book Cultural Competence and Healing Culturally Based Trauma by Mark Nickerson, there are numerous chapters devoted to how EMDR can be an affirming treatment for queer and transgender individuals.³ He writes about ways in which EMDR can help dismantle prejudice and build resilience in clients from marginalized backgrounds and devotes three whole chapters to EMDR in clients with diverse gender identities and sexual orientations. The EMDRIA also affirms the use of EMDR in the LGBTQIA+ community and states that it can be a helpful modality for healing from religious trauma, specifically. 

I want to state that while EMDR is an incredible treatment that is helping many people from a variety of backgrounds, races, ethnicities, sexual orientations, and genders, it is also a difficult treatment.⁴ It is not easy to go through, and I have also experienced many painful emotions as I sift through my trauma and process it. I recommend that you have a strong support network, many coping skills at your disposal, and a strong relationship with your therapist before embarking upon the reprocessing of memories.

This therapy comes in stages, and it's really important to build grounding skills in the early stages before delving into reprocessing. Jumping into reprocessing too soon can cause distress for some people with trauma.⁶ Many people I have spoken to who are in the LGBTQIA+ community and tried EMDR quit after a few sessions because they felt it was too intense. In these cases, I think therapists failed to prepare them for the side effects of EMDR. Please discuss these fully with your therapist before embarking upon this journey. 

Sources

1. EMDR International Association. (2024, February 1). About EMDR therapy - EMDR International Association. https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/
2. EMDR International Association. (2024, January 8). Experiencing EMDR Therapy - EMDR International Association. https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/experiencing-emdr-therapy/
3. Cultural competence and healing culturally based trauma with EMDR therapy. (2016). In Springer eBooks. https://doi.org/10.1891/9780826142870
4. Cultural competence and healing culturally based trauma with EMDR therapy. (2016). In Springer eBooks. https://doi.org/10.1891/9780826142870
5. Kim Howard. (2023, November 13). EMDR Therapy with LGBTQ Populations. EMDR International Association. https://www.emdria.org/blog/emdr-therapy-with-lgbtq-populations/
6. EMDR International Association. (2024b, January 8). Experiencing EMDR Therapy - EMDR International Association. https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/experiencing-emdr-therapy/

Waiting for depression to pass is interminable, but sometimes it's the only thing to do. In bipolar disorder, what goes down must come up -- at some point, anyway. The trouble is, no one knows when that's going to happen. There can be a lot of waiting for depression to pass in bipolar disorder. I hate it.

I'm Waiting for My Depression to Pass

I'm currently in a place where I'm waiting for depression to pass. Depression has hit me -- hard -- and now I'm waiting for it to abate. This waiting is so painful. Waking up every day to the weight of depression on my chest makes waking up a thing I don't want to do.

When I'm awake, it's not passive waiting, either. It's more like running and hiding from terrifying demons with spikes for teeth. I'm trying to make sure they don't kill me while I'm waiting for depression to pass.

What Can You Do While You're Waiting for Depression to Pass?

You absolutely, positively need to be getting the help of a doctor when you're waiting for depression to pass. But it's important to acknowledge that even with the best treatment, you'll likely wind up in a waiting loop at some point anyway. Treatments take time to work. Doctors take time to see. Waiting is inevitable. 

During this time, you need to be using every coping skill you know to escape the demons. Coping skills tend to be personal, but distraction is a big one for me. If I let my brain just think, then it becomes a very dangerous place to be. If I focus it on other things (typically trivial things because they are easier to deal with), the dangerous thoughts are pushed out. Keep in mind distraction is not something you can do forever. I've found that keeping all your dangerous thoughts and feelings bottled up constantly will hurt you in the end, so if you use distraction as a coping technique, make sure you also set time aside to let go and talk to someone about what you're really feeling. (A therapist is great for that.)

Waiting for Depression to Pass Is Worth It

I know that waiting for depression to pass can seem endless. It can seem like depression will never leave. This is normal. But this is a lie that depression tells us. Depression will leave, eventually. Depression will respond to treatment, eventually. Waiting may feel impossibly hard, but it's worth it because when depression does pass, your self will be back. And that is worth all the waiting in the world.

Softening the impact of borderline personality disorder (BPD) triggers means creating a buffer against the onslaught of emotional turbulence. For instance, rather than succumbing to impulses, I channel my energy into soothing activities like taking a warm bath, and I substitute self-harm with self-nurturance. Yet, life isn't always so neatly compartmentalized. There are moments when triggers ambush me mid-sentence, and the simple rituals of daily life offer little sanctuary. In these instances, my anchor is in the art of coping ahead to soften the impact of BPD triggers.

Impact of Borderline Personality Disorder Triggers: Recurring Themes

From the sting of exclusion in a group to the ache of being left behind, I'm all too familiar with these recurring themes of abandonment and rejection. Through countless cycles of self-observation, I've learned to identify the sting for what it is: a trauma response; my body is undergoing emotional dysregulation. When I am calm again, I assume the role of emotional detective to untangle the threads of each trigger. Through these deliberate acts of self-exploration, I soften the impact of BPD triggers that will inevitably bubble up in the future.

Impact of Borderline Personality Disorder Triggers: Reframing Suicidal Ideation

For half a decade, I brushed aside my diagnosis, letting it collect dust in the corners of my mind. Untreated BPD gifted me a collection of coping mechanisms, each one a relic of survival. Among them is a dark gem: suicidal ideation. No, I wasn't plotting my exit, but the thought of fading away was a frequent visitor. Softening the impact of this BPD trigger required understanding the symptom at its roots. I've learned to ask myself, "What is my body trying to tell me when I receive intrusive thoughts of suicide?" This fundamental shift in perception has been central to my recovery.

Yes, I'm on the journey of healing, and that means making room for the raw truth: suicidal thoughts emerge from deep wells of pain. In softening the impact of BPD triggers, I lean into the advice of trusted confidants and mental health professionals. And when words fail me, when the weight of it all feels too heavy, I find release in song or the unfiltered flow of stream-of-consciousness writing. Instead of viewing suicidal ideation as a sign of weakness or inevitability, I've come to recognize it as a potent indicator of inner turmoil and a call for compassionate self-attention.

Accepting the Impact of Borderline Personality Disorder Triggers in My Story

The reality is living with BPD means my days will be marred with triggers. I win my life back by reframing impulsive urges as opportunities for mindful reflection and intentional choice. Consciously opting for deliberate action empowers me to reclaim agency over my response to triggering stimuli. Borderline personality disorder is a part of my story, sure, but it doesn't hold the pen. 

See Also

• "Using Suicidal Ideation as a Depression Coping Mechanism"

As someone with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), I've learned dealing with uncertainty is akin to sitting in the middle of a field during a thunderstorm, praying lightning won't strike you. Uncertainty and PTSD are not my friends. They have not been kind or reassuring. They have not taken my hand and led me toward the sunlight. They have only ever presented as a long, dark tunnel with no end.

Unfortunately, lacking certainty is simply a part of life — and learning to deal with uncertainty has been a huge part of healing from my PTSD. 

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and Uncertainty

Research indicates that an intolerance of uncertainty is associated with posttraumatic stress symptoms.¹ In other words, after experiencing trauma, individuals might develop an aversion to or extreme fear of uncertainty. Being able to anticipate an outcome gives the sufferer more perceived control over the situation at hand.

This was the case for me. After a life-altering trauma at age four, I began to struggle immensely with doubt and panic regarding the unknown. Any time I was uncertain about the future — which, in retrospect, was quite often — my brain would fill in the blanks with worst-case scenarios. I never really considered a bright alternative; my brain only ever saw horror. I thought if I could anticipate a potential disaster, I would at least be prepared enough to handle it. If it all went wrong, at least I'd have multiple outs and options to flee. I would have a plan to save myself and others. All the responsibility then fell on me, as it always did.

Dealing with Uncertainty with PTSD

I write this as someone who still struggles with PTSD and is actively dealing with uncertainty. Throughout life, we won't always have the answers, but there are some shifts we can make to manage anxiety. Here's how I've learned to deal with uncertainty and PTSD:

• Focus on what you can control. We live in a world of what-ifs, and though you might crave power over external events and forces, all you really can do is focus on yourself. A game-changer for me has been defining what I can and cannot control. For example, in romantic relationships, it's natural to wonder about the future and whether things will work out. In those instances, you can only focus on being the best partner you can be while also staying true to your values and needs. You cannot force someone to want what you want or love how you love, but you can control whether you communicate your desires and whether you choose to stay in the relationship.
• Brighten the narrative. What if you replaced the word "uncertainty" with "serendipity?" To me, serendipity is the happy-go-lucky version of uncertainty. It's a reminder that even though we might not know how a situation will pan out, that doesn't mean it won't be even better than we could have imagined. For example, if you're worried about your career and whether you'll land a job that pays the bills, shift the narrative and dwell on the positive outcomes that might manifest. Perhaps you'll make even more than you thought possible — all while doing something you love every day. Trust you'll get what is meant for you.
• Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. As someone with PTSD, you likely know this best: life isn't always comfortable. It's filled with pain, fear, and sadness, but it's also filled with joy, passion, and love. Two things can be true at once. To lead a fulfilling life, we sometimes must accept the good with the bad — the comfort with the discomfort. Think of some (minor) ways you can expose yourself to stress while working on regulating your nervous system. For example, yin yoga has expanded my ability to deal with physical discomfort. For minutes at a time, I sit in an uncomfortable position and breathe through the slight pain and tension while reminding myself this will help me become more flexible — in body, mind, and spirit.
• Make friends with uncertainty. I mentioned earlier that uncertainty is not my friend because of PTSD. This got me thinking: what if I made more of an effort to be friends with my uncertainty? What if I sat with it, asked it questions, got to know it better, and empathized with it? Maybe that part of you — the part that sends your heart racing and makes you dizzy with fear at the thought of "not knowing for sure" — just wants to be understood. Can you show it more compassion?

How do you deal with uncertainty while battling PTSD? Share in the comments below so we can all help each other.

Source

1. Oglesby, M. E., Gibby, B. A., Mathes, B. M., Short, N. A., & Schmidt, N. B. (2017). Intolerance of uncertainty and post-traumatic stress symptoms: An investigation within a treatment seeking trauma-exposed sample. Comprehensive Psychiatry, 72, 34–40. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.comppsych.2016.08.011

I consider conditional love to be part of verbal abuse. Not all verbally abusive behaviors are apparent. Instead of demeaning insults or threats, sometimes it involves less obvious actions, like withholding affection. This type of conduct can still be harmful to anyone who is the target of conditional love and verbal abuse from a person they care about. 

Conditional love happens when one person withholds affection from someone to try and alter their behaviors or actions. This passive-aggressive tactic is just as hurtful to the recipient as other verbally abusive strategies. 

Conditional Love In a Verbally Abusive Relationship

Unfortunately, I've been in more than one verbally abusive relationship that involved conditional love. After having someone withhold their love from me, I developed an unhealthy attitude toward myself. Some observations I've made from my past experiences are: 

• Love is only handed out when you follow the rules or obey orders.
• If you don't listen or if you fall out of line, you risk losing others' affection.
• You must work to be loved. 
• You don't deserve unconditional love and affection.
• You aren't good enough just as yourself. 

As I matured, I carried these emotions with me into other relationships. Often, I would be terrified that my loved one would leave me if I upset them or didn't meet their expectations. 

Leaving Verbal Abuse and Finding Unconditional Love

With the help of professional therapists, I've managed to leave verbal abuse behind and find unconditional love. This doesn't mean that I am perfect or receive undivided attention all day, every day. I've learned that love is complex and can exist even when you have arguments with your partner or loved ones. 

I never wanted my children to grow up feeling the same way I did. I tried to reinforce my unconditional love with them, even when I was upset.

After an incident with one of my kids, they declared they were stupid and made a dumb mistake. I was quick to correct them. Instead, I told them they were not stupid; everyone makes mistakes, and that's how we learn. I don't want my children to have that negative voice inside them telling them they aren't good enough. I need them to know that no matter what they do, they can always count on their mom to love them unconditionally. 

I'm no longer afraid my spouse will leave me if we disagree on a topic. I can express my feelings without fear of rejection or the threat of verbal abuse. And when I face someone who withholds affection to try and alter my behavior, I know to keep my distance. Those individuals aren't beneficial to my mental health.