Experiencing Depressive Episodes: Will It Ever End?
When you have chronic depression, a depressive episode can rear its ugly head unexpectedly. You’re just going through your days, living your life, managing your depression as best you can and then . . . you feel the decline. This happened to me this week, surprising me because I had just survived a brief dip in my mood in early May. I wasn’t expecting this depressive episode so soon after the last.
Signs the Depressive Episode Was Really Happening
On Saturday, during breakfast, I started bitching at my husband. Stupid stuff. Nit-picky stuff. Bam, bam, bam . . . insult after insult. We kibitz, Hubby and I, but this was different, and I could sense the change in myself. I was edgy and irritated all day.
By Sunday morning, after 10 hours sleep, I had a massive headache, zero attention span, blank stare (my husband told me about this one), no motivation. I was in decline and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I cried while hugging my son. He comforted me saying, “Don’t worry, Mom, it’s out of your control. Don’t feel like you’re less because of it.”
I knew what was happening and was helpless to “fix” myself. Why can’t I just get better? When will this end?
Last Monday, I recorded the video you see at the bottom of this blog.
More Depressive Episode Symptoms
When I went to see my doctor (on Thursday), she asked the typical questions and I revealed several symptoms of depression.
D : “Was there a catalyst?”
L : “Not that I can pinpoint. I gave blood, which made me feel great. My daughter graduated university, which made me feel great. They’re doing construction on the floor above mine at the office, which I don’t feel at all but they say the air quality isn’t great so you never know.”
D : “How have you been feeling?”
L : “Crying for no reason. Guilty. Sleeping way too much – 12 hours last night. No motivation. No focus. Feel stupid. Hopeless. Helpless.”
D : “How long have you been feeling this way?”
L : “Three to 4 days. Not feeling any better yet. Hoping this won’t last long.”
D : “Are you in danger of hurting yourself?”
L : “No. Thankfully. But my dermatillomania has been out of control.”
D : “If it goes longer than 2 weeks, we need to consider whether or not you’re having another major depressive episode. For now, rest, set yourself a couple of goals, and make a follow-up appointment for about 10 days from now.”
When asked by a friend how I feel during my depressive episodes I told her the best word to describe it would be “heavy”. On the flip side, it is exactly one week since the bitchy breakfast, and I feel “lighter”. I’ve been smiling again, laughing, motivated and my focus is better. I cleaned the house and not one tear.
One week later, I am cautiously optimistic that this depressive episode, this dip, albeit a deep and troubling one, is finally coming to an end.
Scott, L. (2013, June 23). Experiencing Depressive Episodes: Will It Ever End?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, August 23 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/copingwithdepression/2013/06/depression-will-it-ever-end
Author: Liana M Scott
Stay well X
What I learned is that depression will never stop its like a sore it may go away from sight but it will always be there. You just got to be strong and try to push it aside for now.
Everyone goes through this at one point some just don't know how to control it.
I hope you get better it can be a scary thing. I may know a few things from my exeriance. Just use yours to help someone else who is going through it.
Life is great at the moment then to top it off I met a great guy a few months ago. Life couldn't be better until a few weeks ago when bang like a slap around the face the darkness is back. I don't understand it and to make it worse I'm so scared that I'm messy up my new relationship I need to feel better and I don't know what to do. I'm back in the meds 1 week now but I've spent two days crying.
followed almost immediately by a horrific depression, the like of which I have never experienced. I'm on a half dozen drugs: Lithium, Effexor, Neurontin Atavan, Seroquel.
My doctor says this episode may only last 6 months.
I don't see it going away that fast, though I'd be just as glad. Anybody have any idea what the source might be?
Thank you for sharing your story. I hate that you are going through the dip you're going through, but, as you say, it helps to know we're not alone.
I really related to your "bitchy" feelings. I get like that and its almost like I pick a fight with my husband. I yell at him and then in the same breath apologize to him. I often wonder why he doesn't just cut his losses and leave. I am sure it is not easy being married to me.
And lately I have had a lot more issues with "panic attacks" where I get an actual physical sensation.
I am 47 and have been suffering since I was about 15. I often wonder if it is ever going to go away. I am currently not on any medication since I don't find that anything is helpful. I have tried them all.
Thanks a lot for your comment.