Verbal Abuse of Athletes Isn't Helpful

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Athletes can experience verbal abuse while participating in a wide variety of activities, from team sports to individual competitions. This verbal abuse can cause stress and possible emotional harm to the athlete. Insults, name-calling, or put-downs will not make a swimmer move faster through the water or ensure a child will score a goal. In fact, the opposite often occurs. Athletes who experience verbal abuse can suffer from low self-esteem and have increased self-doubt, hindering their athletic abilities. 

Verbal Abuse from Parents Of Athletes In Sports

In a perfect world, parents will always be supportive of their children, regardless of their performance in sports. Unfortunately, some adults resort to verbal abuse when talking to their child athletes about how they did in a game. Parents should understand that not all children will possess the same competitive nature they have or want in their child. 

Children look to their parents for acceptance and love, especially if they participate in sporting activities. Their parents' support is even more critical when children don't compete to their own expectations or if they have a bad game. In these circumstances, athletes need reassurance that they are good enough and loved no matter how they perform. 

I remember how humiliating it was as a child to be yelled at alongside your teammates because of a bad game or missed opportunity. Unfortunately, I've carried that self-doubt with me for years as I matured. 

As a mother of four, I've had children in sports for more than 20 years now. I've tried to ensure that when I'm speaking to my kids about a game or competition, I refrain from using insults, threats, or put-downs when it comes to their abilities. I never want them to feel like I did when a coach spoke down to me because of my actions during a game. 

Athletes and Verbally Abusive Spectators

In my experience, spectators can include grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors, and friends. The people watching can give the support and encouragement that some athletes need to compete. 

However, I've been witness to spectators who use verbal abuse to try and alter an athlete's performance during a game or competition. Some harmful words I've heard were directed at children of opposite teams because the spectators were upset about how the game was going. Other times, individuals on the sidelines were yelling hurtful comments at the referees because they disagreed with a penalty or call on the play.

Unfortunately, when verbal abuse happens in these situations, group mentality can take over. Other individuals may also start to express their negative feelings, encouraging this behavior.

I've recently been in attendance when spectators were using verbal abuse against each other during a sporting event, which quickly got out of hand. I tried to remain calm myself, and many people tried to diffuse the behavior. Although threats were made and harmful words were spoken, no one was physically hurt. However, this situation created tension that continued after the game was over. 

Using verbal abuse in any situation is wrong, especially when children are present. Sports are supposed to be a fun way to enjoy recreational time. Instead, there are situations when a game can turn into a battle, creating stress and hurt for everyone involved.

As a mother, I don't want anyone verbally abusing my children or any child, regardless of their performance in sports. I've talked to my children each time we've faced verbal abuse when they were athletes during sporting activities. I've reinforced how negative words aren't motivational and can hurt those who experience it firsthand. My end goal is to help my children learn how to deal with frustration and negative emotions without using verbal abuse. Then, together, we can help make a better future for others. 

My Resolutions for Coping with Anxiety in the New Year

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It's the start of a new year, and it's a good time to reflect on the previous year and the things I learned about my anxiety. It's also a good time to reflect on strategies that I used for coping with anxiety, what worked well, and what didn't. Here's how I handle anxiety in the new year.

An aspect of coping with anxiety that I like to think about at the start of the new year is what I can do differently and new strategies I can use. Sometimes, I find that the beginning of a new year is a good time to develop a plan since it tends to be a time of renewal and a fresh start.

Strategies to Cope with Anxiety in the New Year in 2023

In reviewing my anxiety management plan for 2023, I found that the strategies I planned to use were journaling, using self-affirmations, and working on self-forgiveness.

Something I talk about often in my work is the importance of taking the time to self-reflect, but also about being honest and realistic with yourself. So, it's important that I now take an honest look at what my plan was this past year to cope with anxiety, whether or not I used those strategies, and how well they worked for me.

I did increase my use of both journaling and self-affirmations. I found that journaling was a helpful way to self-soothe, especially during times when I was extremely anxious.

I also found that using self-affirmations was helpful during times when I experienced quite a bit of self-doubt and uncertainty about the actions that I was taking and the decisions that I was making. Using self-affirmations helped me to feel more confident and sure of myself.

I also worked on self-forgiveness, but I think this is something I still need to work on. I often talk about the importance of exercising self-compassion, but I continue to feel as though I tend to be hard on myself for things that have happened in the past.

Strategies to Cope with Anxiety in the New Year in 2024

Increasing my use of mindfulness with the specific intent of practicing self-compassion will hopefully help me to lessen the anxiety I feel about things that have happened in the past. Additionally, I feel that I need to use mindfulness even during times when I am not anxious. This includes engaging more often in my use of mindfulness meditation.

I also plan to set more boundaries for myself to ease my anxiety in the new year. This includes setting boundaries in multiple areas of life, with different people in my life, and also with my responsibilities. I must decide where those boundaries are and commit to holding firm to them to protect myself. This is likely to be, by far, the hardest strategy for me to work on, but it will also be the most impactful.

So, this is my new anxiety management plan for 2024. If you have a new plan for yourself for this year, share some of your strategies in the comments below.

I Would Be Lucky to Turn into My Mother

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Many women dread the mere thought of turning into their mothers, to the extent that "I am turning into my mother" is a dramatic or hilarious trope often used in TV and films. However, in my case, this thought is aspirational instead of terrifying because my mother is one of my role models. And to quote the anonymous, "If I turn into my mother or even half the woman she is, I'll consider my life a successful one."

Why I Hope to Turn into My Mother

My Mother Is Neurotypical, but She Has a Physical Disability

Unlike me, my mother does not have any mental illness like anxiety or depression. Instead, she has a physical disability, one that deformed her foot and made it painful for her to walk. If you are wondering whether she suffered from polio as a child, you are right. Ever since I was a little girl, I remember seeing my mother walking around the house briskly and doing her chores. Even though she had a genuine reason, she never made excuses for not getting work done. What further inspired me was that she refused to hide her disability. She knew she had nothing to be ashamed of -- and this was evident in her behavior. For example, when nosy strangers approached her and asked if she had a "problem," she didn't blush and deny it or attempt to hide her foot. She had a cool "Yes, and?" attitude that I yearned to possess one day. 

She Taught Me to Find Courage in Adversity

It's only been a few years since my mother got customized footwear to support her foot. For many years, she made do without it. And don't be fooled; apart from her disability, my mama had her fair share of struggles, none of which I can list here for privacy reasons. But she got through all of them with grace and resilience. Seeing her grow through her struggles as a shy, introverted married woman living with an extroverted extended family taught my teenage self to find strength in adversity. One thing my mother often said to me was, "Don't give up when you fail. Stand up and try again. Be brave!"

This lesson stuck with me for life, and I have realized that it is one of the things that always help me get through bad mental health days

Embracing Turning into My Mother

In embracing the prospect of turning into my mother, I do not fear losing myself. On the contrary, I celebrate the woman who has consistently been my guiding light. If turning into my mother means inheriting even a fraction of her authenticity and courage, I welcome it with open arms. 

Setting Realistic Goals for the New Year

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Setting goals is great, but setting realistic goals is even better. It’s the beginning of a new year, which means it’s the beginning of New Year’s resolutions season. While thinking about my self-improvement, I believe it’s important to set realistic goals that are easier to maintain and won’t leave me feeling like I’m fighting against the impossible.

Burning Out from Unrealistic Goals

There is a buzzing and renewed energy at the beginning of the year. Shopping carts are full of healthy food, gyms are gaining traffic, and books are being read. While this is delightful, there may be pressure to create practically unattainable expectations of oneself.

Once the buzz wears off, the goals become harder. After falling behind a few times, the motivation wears off. Once I feel that a goal is too difficult to achieve, I’ll likely give up.

If you’re like me, you have a love-and-hate relationship with goals. Sure, the success is great, but the pressure I put on myself can lead to guilt and shame. With bipolar disorder, I tend to set high goals in a manic episode, only to ignore them during a depressive episode. Or I get excited and set too many goals, and for someone who already struggles with focus, having too many goals makes achieving everyone harder.

Why Focus on Realistic Goals

My moods, energy levels, and ability to focus are rarely consistent. One day, I may be able to cross everything off my checklist, while another day, I may struggle to do the basics. It feels like I’m asking myself the impossible to go to the gym every day, eat only “healthy” foods, and spend an hour working on self-development on days when I struggle to leave the bed.

As someone who has to manage a mental illness, I’m working on being extra kind to myself. I already suffer from ongoing feelings of guilt, anxiety, and insecurity, so creating a new reason to get down on myself is unhelpful and hurtful; that’s why I avoid lofty goals.

How to Set Realistic Goals

When setting goals, I need to be honest with myself. I get easily caught up in the excitement, but I know I must evaluate what is doable.

I’ve tracked my habits almost daily for two years. This isn’t to say that this is the only way to self-reflect, but it works for me. I can visually see what I am capable of. For example, in 2022, I spent a little over 130 days being active. In 2023, my goal was to hit at least 150 active days, which I was able to achieve. I never asked myself to be active every day because I knew that was not going to happen. I gave myself grace and let myself rest on bad mental health days.

It feels good to create and achieve goals, especially when it’s something I know will improve my mental health. While goals can improve your mental stability, creating unrealistic expectations can hurt your mental health. Unrealistic goals create the opportunity for shame and anxiety. Being honest with yourself and creating a doable plan with realistic goals is a great way to create a better version of yourself.

Harness New Year's Resolutions for Mental Health Empowerment

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As I approached the New Year, I found myself drawn to the age-old tradition of setting resolutions for mental health empowerment. For someone navigating the intricate path of mental health diagnoses, the idea of New Year's resolutions takes on a special significance. These resolutions, far beyond the usual promises of hitting the gym or saving money, can become allies in my quest for self-esteem and purpose amid the complexities of mental health recovery. Learn how to create empowered mental health through New Year's resolutions.

How to Create Empowered Mental Health

Here are some tips for mental health empowerment using New Year's resolutions:

  • Focus on progress over perfection. For me, the essence of using New Year's resolutions to boost self-esteem lies in embracing progress over perfection. Mental health challenges often bring a roller coaster of highs and lows, and setting realistic goals allows me to acknowledge and celebrate every step forward. It's about recognizing that progress, no matter how small, is a victory in itself. 
  • Set realistic and attainable goals. The process of setting resolutions becomes a canvas for me to paint my aspirations. In navigating mental health diagnoses, it's crucial to set goals that are both realistic and attainable. Breaking down larger objectives into manageable steps not only builds confidence but lays the groundwork for sustained self-esteem growth throughout the year. 
  • Craft a personalized wellness blueprint. My resolutions act as a roadmap for crafting a personalized wellness blueprint. This includes commitments to prioritize self-care practices, engage in therapeutic activities, and establish healthy routines. It's about intentionally incorporating elements that contribute to my mental wellbeing and creating an approach that aligns with my unique needs and preferences. 
  • Build a supportive network. Sharing my resolutions with a supportive network has proven to be a powerful motivator. Whether it's friends, family, or a support group, involving others in my journey provides encouragement, accountability, and a sense of connectedness. It reinforces the idea that I am not alone in my pursuit of improved mental health and self-esteem. 
  • Cultivate resilience through setbacks. Resilience is a constant companion on this journey, and resolutions offer a platform for its cultivation. Setbacks are natural. They are opportunities for learning and growth rather than reasons to abandon resolutions. Overcoming challenges strengthens my resilience and bolsters my belief in my ability to navigate the complexities of mental health. 
  • Use mindful reflection and adaptation. Regularly revisiting and reassessing my goals allows me to adapt and modify resolutions based on evolving needs and circumstances. This flexibility fosters a positive relationship with personal growth, emphasizing the importance of self-compassion and adaptability in the face of life's unpredictability. 

In conclusion, my New Year's resolutions for mental health empowerment have become powerful companions in building self-esteem amid mental health recovery. Approaching them with a mindset of progress, setting realistic goals, creating a personalized wellness blueprint, building a supportive network, cultivating resilience, and engaging in mindful reflection empower me to embrace the transformative potential of the new year. As the journey unfolds, these resolutions are not just goals to achieve but rather stepping stones toward a more empowered and fulfilling life. 

Please check out today's video for more ideas for using New Year's resolutions to empower your mental health. 

New Outlets in Recovery from Gambling Addiction

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Gambling addiction recovery extends beyond breaking free from the grips of compulsive gambling. I learned the importance of identifying and cultivating healthier outlets for stress and excitement to prevent relapses and embrace a fulfilling life in recovery. My addiction was primarily fueled by excitement and stress, and in my recovery from gambling addiction, I have discovered activities that offer a sustainable and enriching alternative to gambling.

Stress and Excitement Outlets in Recovery from Gambling Addiction

First is physical exercise. I walk more now than I did when I was hooked on gambling. Besides walking, I have dabbled in cycling and occasionally hit the gym, proving a powerful antidote to stress. Exercising has become a way to channel excess energy and a surefire way to enhance my mental and physical health.

Practicing mindfulness and meditation in recovery from gambling addiction has also been a great help. I used to be strongly anti-meditation because I could never focus enough to get into the state of calm needed for meditation. However, since I began my recovery journey, I have been more intentional, and it has become easier for me to meditate. I’ve also found that mindfulness and meditation help me self-reflect and maintain emotional balance; thus, I’m able to manage my stress and anxiety better.

Indulging my creative tendencies, such as writing poetry, has given me a constructive channel for emotional expression during my recovery from gambling addiction. When stress or excitement strikes, channeling the feelings on pen and paper provides a healthy escape that ends with a great sense of accomplishment. It has also helped me reconnect with my passions.

As a generally introverted person, outdoor activities and social connections are my Achilles heel. Engaging in social activities takes a lot of mental preparation, but I have discovered that controlled exposure does wonders for my wellbeing. Now, I don’t automatically say no to social interactions or outdoor excursions. And through rebuilding my social circle and connecting with nature, I have developed a healthier, more balanced routine.

Distraction During Recovery from Gambling Addiction

Even as I’m partaking in these healthier habits, discovering new outlets for stress and excitement has become a great way to distract myself from my gambling compulsion. It has given me a renewed sense of purpose as I rediscover life and continue my gambling addiction recovery journey.

Check out the video below for more insight on the topic:

Signs Along the Road to Recovery from Borderline PD

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The road to recovery from borderline personality disorder (BPD) has been a tumultuous journey. You will get no arguments here. Life might be a tad smoother minus the BPD baggage, but catching those glimmers of hope and progress on the journey to recovery from BPD? That's where the real soulful rewards lie.

How to Recognize Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder

First off, let's talk about healing along the road to borderline PD recovery reflected through stable and fulfilling relationships. Borderline personality disorder used to turn connecting with others into an emotional tug-of-war, but now, I find a more balanced and steady emotional landscape, fostering healthier interactions with friends, family, and partners. This looks like no longer feeling like a needy puppy when my favorite person or partner is away. Now, it's all about wrapping myself in the warm cloak of independence and relishing in sweet solitude when I need it.

A stronger sense of self-identity has emerged as another key sign of my progress. Borderline PD often left me grappling with an unstable sense of self, making it challenging to establish personal goals and aspirations. Now, I'm discovering a more solid foundation of self-awareness and a clearer understanding of my values, interests, and ambitions. No more strolling past those wonky funhouse mirrors when I glance at myself. My values are like my north star, leading the way through choices that sync up with my real, unfiltered self. 

On my road to BPD recovery, setting and maintaining healthy boundaries has become a more natural part of my journey. Borderline personality disorder often leads to difficulties in establishing boundaries, resulting in codependent or chaotic relationships. Now, it's all about ditching those destructive patterns. My therapist dropped this wisdom nugget: instead of being impulsive, aim for being intentional. I'm keeping that gem close. I've enhanced my problem-solving skills and decision-making abilities. The newfound clarity allows me to approach challenges more rationally and measuredly, reducing the tendency to react impulsively or catastrophically. 

Self-Discovery in Recovery from Borderline PD

One of the most empowering aspects of my borderline PD recovery is the ability to tolerate and navigate distress. Borderline personality disorder often involves a paralyzing fear of abandonment and an inability to cope with emotional pain. Now, I'm developing healthier coping mechanisms and facing distressing situations with resilience and adaptive strategies.

Check out my video below to explore how the road to borderline PD recovery is a path of self-discovery and growth. Recognizing these signs of progress reaffirms that the path toward recovery is not only possible but an ongoing and achievable process with dedication, support, and time.

Verbal Abuse in Team Sports Is Unhealthy

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Verbal abuse can happen in team sports. Sports have existed for thousands of years, available to people of all cultures and ages. Unfortunately, so has verbal abuse. When these two worlds integrate, the results can be devastating. Verbal abuse in team sports can come from coaches, players, parents, or spectators, affecting everyone. 

Verbally Abusive Coaching in Team Sports

Often, coaches will try whatever they can to motivate their team, including using verbal abuse in team sports. In some cases, they use verbal abuse as a tactic to inspire the players to try harder. While their intention may not be to cause harm, using verbal abuse in team sports can produce the opposite results. Coaches should never resort to insults, put-downs, or threats to make players behave the way they want. 

Players with a verbally abusive coach may lose respect for this authority figure and refuse to comply with their strategy. Alternatively, some athletes will take these words to heart, trying harder to gain acceptance from their coach. Both circumstances can produce a strained relationship between the coaching staff and their players. 

In one particularly upsetting game for my child, they complained about their coach and how this person spoke to the players during the game. I empathized with my kid, and told them that although the coach is a good technical coach, they aren't the best person to connect with children. 

I've coached several teams, while my children have enjoyed playing soccer, hockey, lacrosse, and more. I've been there when coaches lose their temper or find connecting with a kid on the team challenging. Thankfully, I could recognize how to diffuse these situations and was able to build a healthy relationship with the children. 

Verbal Abuse Among Players in Team Sports 

The competitive nature of sports can bring out the best in people but also the worst. The team dynamic can create rivalries between players or enhance feelings of self-doubt. All my children have participated in sports throughout their childhood, and I've seen how insults and negative words affect their performance. 

From blaming a goalie for losing a game to name-calling another player because they missed a shot, these actions are hurtful. Players who use verbal abuse in team sports create conflict and can divide a team, creating a challenging situation for working together. 

When verbal abuse occurs between athletes, emotions can get out of hand. Players may refuse to participate with someone else or go out of their way to avoid the other teammate. It's up to the coaches to observe these hurtful behaviors and help kids navigate these challenges without using verbal abuse in team sports. 

Where I live, coaches and players must sign a code of conduct. This agreement outlines proper rules for behavior while playing sports and outside the game. Each individual must recognize there are implications for their actions and agree to participate with respect for everyone.

I know sometimes tempers flare, and words get spoken that shouldn't be. However, coaches and players all need to be held accountable for their behaviors to help keep the world of sports a safe place for everyone to enjoy. In the end, it's just a game after all. 

I Don't Want to Make ED Recovery Resolutions This Year

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Confession: I don't want to make eating disorder (ED) recovery resolutions this year. In the past, I have dutifully written an exhaustive list of all the milestones I intend to reach in my healing journey, but as 2024 rounds the corner, this ritual suddenly feels more like pressure than motivation. I am a firm believer that recovery is not about ticking off certain boxes or following an arbitrary schedule. I set goals for myself, but I have learned to release expectations as to when I might achieve them. Maybe I'll form a healthier relationship with my own body as soon as tomorrow—or maybe it will take me a lifetime. Either way, I am done trying to force specific outcomes, so I don't want to make ED recovery resolutions this year.

Instead of Making ED Recovery Resolutions

Even though I don't want to make ED recovery resolutions this year, I do think it's vital to remain conscientious and intentional about honoring the ED recovery process. Whenever I drift into a state of complacency, those old behaviors start to resurface, so how can I walk the line between releasing expectations and still hold myself accountable? The answer to that question is a continual work in progress, but instead of making ED recovery resolutions, here's how I plan to sustain my perennial commitment to healing in 2024—and beyond.

Are you tired of feeling the pressure to make ED recovery resolutions? Do you find this practice to be more stressful than helpful in the long term? Would you rather pursue a different course of action this year? How do you plan to focus on your healing commitments in 2024 without overwhelming yourself with a list of arbitrary goals and expectations? Please share your insights in the comment section below.

PTSD and Emotional Flashbacks

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I've found that emotional flashbacks are not as commonly discussed as "regular" flashbacks in posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). When I was first diagnosed with PTSD, I questioned my diagnosis because I hadn’t been experiencing the common symptom of a “flashback.” Flashbacks are a major part of PTSD, typically occurring in the form of visual memory and negatively stimulating our physical senses. However, I learned that many people — myself included — experience “emotional flashbacks,” or intense feelings of fear, shame, anger, and despair that are associated with a specific trauma.

What Are Emotional Flashbacks?

According to the CPTSD Foundation, emotional flashbacks are “the triggering of emotions instead of the five senses.”1 As with other flashbacks, a specific scent, place, person, or situation can trigger emotional flashbacks by causing a wave of extreme emotions that are difficult to regulate.

As someone who endured sexual assault at four years old, I often experience emotional flashbacks with my PTSD when it comes to intimacy. To this day, even when I’m in a healthy, loving, and consensual relationship, I still sometimes face heavy emotions like fear, disgust, embarrassment, and shame after getting close to a partner. Though I might not feel like I am physically back in the moment when I endured the assault, the debilitating rush of emotions can be just as overwhelming and confusing.

During emotional flashbacks, I often go into survival mode, dissociating and reverting to my childhood state of seeking validation and reassurance. No matter how much I tell myself, “I’m safe now,” my body just doesn’t feel that way.

How to Cope with Emotional Flashbacks

Emotional flashbacks can make you feel like you’re regressing on your PTSD journey, but your brain is trying to protect you. Here are some ways I support myself through emotional flashbacks:

  • I identify when I'm triggered. Understanding triggers can help you anticipate and identify an emotional flashback so you’re prepared for and aware of its effects. For instance, I know intimacy can set off my PTSD, so I try to separate myself from any negative or obsessive emotions or thoughts that might occur after sex.
  • I refrain from judging my emotions. Because of my trauma, I battle shame more than any other emotion. I often tell myself I’m being overdramatic and irrational or “acting like a child” when I have an emotional flashback with my PTSD. Rather than judging yourself and your reactions — which are driven by your trauma and do not define you — practice remaining neutral.
  • I practice grounding techniques. While it might seem impossible to find control or peace during an emotional flashback in PTSD, try a grounding exercise that will bring you back into your body. Simple grounding techniques — like taking a warm shower, calling a loved one, or stepping outside — can help you get back in touch with the present moment.

Emotional flashbacks might make you feel unsafe and out of control, but you’re not alone — and they will pass. For more on emotional flashbacks and PTSD, watch this video:

Source

  1. Davis, S. (2021, January 11). Managing Emotional Flashbacks | CPTSDfoundation.org. https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/01/11/managing-emotional-flashbacks/