Trigger warning: This post involves a frank discussion of suicidal thoughts.

One thing I’ve learned about having schizoaffective disorder is how to use coping skills for my symptoms. Some of the skills I’ve developed myself and some I’ve learned in therapy. Here are some of the coping skills I’ve learned for the symptoms of my schizoaffective disorder.

Coping with the Schizoaffective Symptom of Hearing Voices

Probably the most bothersome and pervasive symptom of my schizoaffective disorder was hearing voices, and I learned coping skills to calm them down. I say “was hearing voices” because I don’t hear them anymore, thanks to a change in my medication a few years ago. But when I did have this schizoaffective symptom, my coping “skill” was to chain smoke. Well, then, I quit smoking. I tried some other things, and I always took an as-needed antianxiety medication prescribed by my doctor. I would listen to relaxing music and go on Facebook. (In 2016, because of the election, Facebook became a nasty place and has remained so. I suspect it will turn nastier with this year’s election, so it’s a good thing I don’t hear voices anymore and don’t need it.) In 2016, another schizoaffective disorder coping skill I used was watching soothing movies to calm the voices.

I want to note here that when I got knee replacement surgery last year, the narcotic painkiller I took briefly made me hear voices again, but they were different. They weren’t as intrusive. They didn’t suck up my whole consciousness. They sounded like a radio or TV playing in another room instead of screaming at me and making me feel like my head was in a fog. Since I’m off the narcotic, I don’t hear them anymore. I don’t hear voices at all and hope they never come back.

Coping Skills for Schizoaffective Disorder and Suicidal Thoughts

I’ve learned coping skills for the schizoaffective symptom of having suicidal thoughts as well. I used to go to the emergency room, which is a perfectly good way of dealing with suicidal thoughts. But then I developed other coping skills for this symptom of schizoaffective disorder. The biggest breakthrough, which happened recently, was realizing that the suicidal thoughts were intrusive and that I didn’t want to act on them. I didn’t have a plan. Also, I’ve never actually tried to die by suicide. So, now when I have suicidal thoughts, I call my mom or my therapist, I give myself a time out, I take a bath or go for a walk if it’s nice out. (Remember, you should always reach out and talk to a professional about any suicidal thoughts you have.)

I encourage myself to live through the moment, and I remember that things will probably feel better in 10 minutes. Recently, I’ve been playing the piano. The last time I went to the emergency room for suicidal thoughts was a long time ago, a few months after the 2016 presidential election. Going to the emergency room is an excellent way to deal with suicidal thoughts, and who knows, I might end up in the emergency room again. That’s better than ending up dead.

So, those are some of my coping skills for schizoaffective disorder. What are yours? Please leave them in the comments.

If you feel that you may hurt yourself or someone else, call 9-1-1 immediately.

For more information on suicide, see our suicide information, resources, and support section. For additional mental health help, please see our mental health hotline numbers and referral information section.

When you are constantly anxious, it is hard to confront traumatic experiences and process your feelings from trauma. What can end up happening as a result is that you may avoid dealing with the situation. However, processing your feelings from trauma is critical.

For example, you might avoid talking about it with someone, so when it is brought up, you sidestep any discussion about it. Or, if you come into contact with a trigger, you try to find a way to avoid confronting it. Or, you might try, as best as you can, to avoid any thoughts associated with the experience.

Why It Is Important to Process Your Feelings from Trauma

Experiencing trauma can result in emotional dysregulation; in other words, difficulty regulating emotions like feeling sad, anxious, or angry.¹ As a result, emotional dysregulation may result in negative coping behaviors such as compulsive behaviors or engaging in high-risk activities. It can also create a pattern of difficulty in processing emotions, such as experiencing numbness to intense emotions or high levels of anxiety.

In my experience, I have seen the effects of intentionally suppressing emotions associated with trauma. I've found that the anxiety I experience can sometimes be lessened by processing emotions that are associated with trauma.

Sometimes, I would prefer not to think about them and even perhaps pretend that they didn't happen. However, the problem with that is that the impact of not processing trauma can lead to problems dispersed throughout your mental and physical health. For example, some symptoms that have been linked to stress associated with trauma include sleep disturbances, cardiovascular concerns, and neurological issues.¹

How to Cope with Anxiety and Process the Feelings from Trauma

I've found that traumatic events are difficult to put a finger on because they are inherently subjective. How we experience traumatic incidents depends on several different factors, and I've had to go through quite a bit of self-reflection to think about events that have impacted my anxiety.

Therapy helps process emotions associated with trauma and is helpful for embarking on a path to healing. I've found that therapy provides me with feelings of safety that allow me to be vulnerable when my inclination may be to avoid any emotions that cause discomfort.

Other helpful strategies I've found include journaling and practicing mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness meditation, in particular, seems to be quite helpful for me in calming the physiological symptoms I experience.

I think it is also important to remember that there is no specific timeline for processing feelings from trauma. This may take time, and I've found that self-awareness is a great place to start.

Below is a video in which I discuss the importance of processing emotions associated with traumatic experiences.

If having to process feelings from trauma is something you have experienced and dealt with, share the strategies you use to cope in the comments below.

Source

1. Treatment, C. F. S. A. (2014). Understanding the impact of trauma. Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services - NCBI Bookshelf. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/

Do you feel frustrated when people can't pronounce your name correctly? I can relate because my name is unique, and most people mispronounce it. Worse, instead of learning the correct pronunciation, they conveniently shorten or change it without my consent. If people can't pronounce your name correctly, read on to know how you can cope with the consequent distress.

What It Feels Like When No One Can Pronounce Your Name Correctly

Picture this scenario: you walk into a room full of strangers and personally introduce yourself to every individual. Most people struggle to get your name right the first time, and they ask you to repeat it a few times. You have no problem doing so because you get it: your name is hard to pronounce. What bothers you is when people throw up their hands, declare they give up, and decide that they are going to give you an "easier" name. 

The above scenario is something that happens to me frequently, and if you have a rare or ethnic name, chances are high that it happens to you as well. More than a lack of effort, the blatant disregard for my identity gets to me. Our names are a vital part of our identity, and someone not even trying to get them right signals that they don't respect us. As a result, I get annoyed when people can't pronounce my name correctly after I have corrected them multiple times. And I get angry with anyone entitled enough to give me a new name simply because they can't be bothered to learn my real name. 

Coping When People Can't Pronounce Your Name Correctly

It has and will keep happening, so we might as well learn to cope with people not being able to pronounce our names. Why, we should use it to our advantage. For example, as a form of self-respect and boundary setting, I filter out people who don't say my name right, even after multiple corrections. When I distance myself from individuals who don't bother to pronounce my name correctly, I prioritize those who value and respect me for who I am. 

Also, I often correct people who can't pronounce my name correctly, even when they haven't asked me to do so. By holding people accountable for saying my name correctly, I help promote cultural appreciation and sensitivity. After all, a name marks one's cultural identity and must be respected, no matter how unusual it sounds. It is hard to be assertive, especially in this regard, but it gets a little easier each time I do it. And if I, a shy introvert, can stand up for myself, so can you. 

Times get tough, and I'm not immune to wanting to shut the world out when it feels too loud, too heavy, or simply too much; that's when distraction and escapism come into play. Sometimes, a little mind vacation is needed. Just like physical vacations, it can be helpful to mentally check out momentarily to rest and reset. But as with most things in life, there is a balance, and tipping the scales can have harmful consequences.

What Is Distraction, and How Is It Used?

I'm throwing out the dictionary and sharing what distraction means to me: taking a mental break when overwhelmed. Sure, there are distractions, such as a text during a meeting or seeing a dog while driving, but I'm focusing on the practice of distraction to combat distress.

When I feel overstimulated, or my emotions run high, I heat up and get flustered. My fight-or-flight kicks in, and I'm not acting my best or making great decisions. Logic goes out the door, leaving only panic. Distraction is a great way to regain some mental control.

Visual, auditory, and social outlets can be great distraction tools. My preferred distraction is reading or taking walks. Others prefer comfort shows, calling a friend, or music — there are many things you can use to take a break from the anxiety and decompress.

What Is Escapism?

In my mind, escapism can look like a distraction, but looking closer, it's hurtful. Instead of using a task to check out and calm down momentarily, it's used to avoid the problem.

With distraction, the goal is to get back to a healthier mental spot to tackle a challenge. With escapism, the goal is not to have to face the challenge at all.

There are obvious escapism tactics, like drug or alcohol use, and there are ones that seem harmless, like hours of social media scrolling. There are even tactics that could be seen as "healthy," like incessantly working out. The point is that the task doesn't need to be sinister, but if it becomes a habit used to avoid difficult emotions, it's a problem.

Avoid Letting Distraction Become Escapism

There's no doubt that it feels good to slip away for a while, but the line between distraction and escapism can be easily crossed without noticing.

The difference is intention. "I'm going on a walk before answering this difficult email" is a lot different than "I don't want to think about it, so I'm going to open a bottle of wine and scroll my phone."

There's nothing wrong with a glass of wine and checking social media. There is something wrong with not wanting to face emotions. Getting into the habit of pushing off emotions creates a snowball effect. Those emotions don't go away, and they don't get easier later.

It feels nice to continuously stow away emotions for later — trust me, I've been there. But it's not healthy in the long run. Distraction is a tremendous tool to re-center and regain control, but it comes with intention and self-discipline. Learning the difference between when I was distracting and when I was escaping helped me put my recovery back on track.

I've found that nature provides greater self-esteem. Self-esteem is a delicate yet pivotal aspect of one's wellbeing, particularly for those navigating the challenges of mental health. In my personal journey, I have found that nature is a sanctuary that extends a comforting hand toward healing and heightened self-esteem. 

Nature's Impact on Self-Esteem

Where I live, I am fortunate enough to be able to regularly connect with nature. As I walk through serene natural landscapes, an inexplicable sense of tranquility washes over me. The sheer simplicity of nature serves as a reminder that I am part of something greater, a universe that welcomes me without judgment. This connection to the natural world becomes a cornerstone in rebuilding and elevating self-esteem.

One of the most compelling aspects of nature's impact on self-esteem lies in its ability to foster a sense of accomplishment. Whether conquering a challenging trail or finding peace beneath the shade of a tree, each step and every breath resonates with profound achievement. Nature celebrates effort and resilience, offering a haven where self-esteem is built upon the foundation of small victories. 

Moreover, nature provides a canvas for self-reflection and self-discovery. The stillness of a forest or the vastness of a mountain range creates the space for introspection, allowing me to confront and understand my thoughts and emotions. In this serene setting, I have found the courage to confront my insecurities and fears, gradually replacing self-doubt with self-acceptance. Nature becomes a mirror, reflecting not only the beauty of the external world but also the potential for growth and transformation within. 

Nature's Gift to Self-Esteem: Awe and Wonder

The inherent beauty of the natural world acts as a balm for the soul, cultivating a deep sense of awe and wonder. As I witness the vastness of the night sky filled with stars or marvel at the intricate design of a flower, my perspective shifts. Nature's grandeur serves as a powerful reminder of the inherent beauty within myself, eroding the negative narratives that often accompany mental health struggles. 

In my life, connecting with nature has been a transformative odyssey toward healing and bolstering self-esteem. The embrace of the outdoors provides a sanctuary for self-discovery, accomplishment, and reflection, offering solace to those of us grappling with mental health challenges. As I continue to forge this symbiotic relationship with nature, I find myself not only healed but also empowered, recognizing the resilient and beautiful spirit that resides within. Thanks to nature, self-esteem, once fragile, now stands fortified.

In today's video, I share some ideas for utilizing nature to boost your self-esteem. 

One of the toughest battles I have faced in my journey is the shame and stigma in recovery. For years, I carried the burden of shame, believing that my gambling addiction was a reflection of my moral failure. Society's misconceptions about gambling addiction only fueled these feelings, leaving me trapped in a cycle of self-blame and isolation. Society views gambling addiction as a matter of poor self-control. Most people still believe it is a choice and people can stop whenever they want, which is not the case. What shame and stigma in recovery do is disempower people and even hinder their ability to recognize addiction as a complex issue that requires support and treatment. 

Battling the Shame and Stigma in Recovery

Here are some strategies for those in gambling addiction recovery to battle stigma and shame.

• Take the time to educate yourself about gambling addiction's causes and effects. This will help you develop compassion for yourself and others facing similar challenges.
• Establish healthy boundaries with friends and family members who may inadvertently contribute to stigma through judgmental attitudes or lack of understanding. Talk about your needs and what support looks like for you.
• Surround yourself with people who understand and validate your experiences without judgment.
• Share your story.

Fighting Stigma and Shame in Recovery for Loved Ones

Here are some ways to fight shame and stigma in recovery if you're a loved one.

• Understanding gambling and gambling addiction can help you provide more meaningful support to your loved one.
• Approach your loved one with empathy and compassion rather than judgment or criticism. Remember that addiction is a complex and multifaceted issue, and your loved one needs understanding and support, not shame or blame.
• Create a safe space for your loved one to share their journey without feeling judged or dismissed. Practice active listening and refrain from offering unsolicited advice or trying to "fix" their problems.
• Encourage your loved one to seek professional help for their addiction. 

The Role of Gambler's Societies in Fighting Stigma and Shame in Recovery

There are several gambler's societies. Here's how they, too, can fight stigma and shame in recovery.

• Advocate for greater awareness and understanding of gambling addiction by challenging stereotypes and misconceptions like gambling is a choice or a phase.
• Advocate for increased access to better and cheaper treatment options for people struggling with gambling addiction.
• Support anti-stigma campaigns.
• Encourage responsible gambling practices.

Addressing the shame and stigma of problem gambling is essential in promoting successful recovery outcomes. Raising awareness and challenging misconceptions can create a more supportive and inclusive environment for all recovering gamblers.

Professionals can help you deal with, recover, and move away from verbal abuse with therapy. But is therapy the only way to heal from a verbally abusive relationship? With so many tools and resources available, some people may wonder if therapy after verbal abuse is the best route for them. 

You May Need More than Therapy After Verbal Abuse

I've had great results from using professional therapy during my verbal abuse recovery. However, there were many other things that I also incorporated into my daily life during my healing journey. I know I wouldn't be where I am today without seeking therapy, but it wasn't the only beneficial strategy for me. 

I have relied on several methods on my healing journey away from verbal abuse. These strategies included: 

• Talking to professional therapists
• Acknowledging the abuse and its harmful effects
• Learning to manage my emotions and reactions to triggers
• Setting boundaries
• Using self-compassion
• Prioritizing self-care
• Processing emotions in a healthy manner
• Using meditation and mindfulness
• Developing proper coping skills

In my experience, my therapist reinforced many of these methods and helped me use the necessary tools for healing. Although I understood concepts like self-care and mindfulness before, I wasn't actively using them in my life. 

I started incorporating these strategies daily as I became more comfortable with my therapist and myself. I'm confident I wouldn't have gotten as far as I have on my healing journey without therapists for verbal abuse guiding me with these tools. 

Therapy for Verbal Abuse Isn't a Solution for Everyone

Unfortunately, therapy isn't a one-size-fits-all solution for everyone. There are many different types of professional therapy. I've come across some therapists who wanted to help me, but their strategies didn't fit me well, leaving me unable to cope with some verbally abusive situations. I've changed therapists a few times over the years to find someone who's best suited to my needs. 

Therapy can be a costly way to heal from verbal abuse. Not everyone has access to medical and health benefits or a local professional therapist. These barriers can make it challenging to seek therapy to recover from verbal abuse. From transportation to budget restrictions, therapy may not be a viable option for some individuals. 

I would love to say that therapy for verbal abuse is an excellent way to heal. This strategy worked for me and continues to be a resourceful tool in my daily life. However, I'm sure many individuals can still successfully recover from verbal abuse without using a professional therapist. Each person's healing journey is unique. As long as you are seeking support and using healthy tools and resources, you can work toward verbal abuse recovery. 

Remember that there is no perfect way to heal from verbal abuse. How you manage your recovery journey is your own story. Don't let others tell you what you need to do to find closure and seek healthy relationships away from verbal abuse. 

Do you feel like something is missing in your life? You are not alone. From time to time, so do I. A recent session with my therapist revealed that this isn't new: humans have always been dissatisfied with their lives. She said we are only experiencing it more frequently today because of factors like social media comparison, increased capitalism, and the belief that one can have it all. These factors have come to define civilized life, and we cannot control most of them. However, we can control our reactions to them to minimize life dissatisfaction. Let's take a look at what my therapist told me about feeling something is missing. 

Why I Feel Something Is Missing in My Life

When I was younger, I often wondered why thoughts like "Is this all there is? There's gotta be more to life," came into my mind. It took me a fair amount of time to understand that depression was a leading cause of my chronic dissatisfaction with life. Only recently have I learned that feeling like something is missing in your life is also a trait that comes with the territory of being human. 

I think being dissatisfied is a common human experience for several reasons. In my case, it's the evolutionary cause, or as my therapist put it, "We are hardwired to want more to ensure survival."

She explained that this is why, after achieving a goal, instead of savoring it, I overlook it and quickly move on to something else. Current social norms also dictate that we should keep achieving big goals and brag about them online.

She told me that if you cannot be satisfied with what you have while working towards a better future, you will always feel like something is missing. Sure, depression will always be a cause. However, measures like blocking people who bother me and distancing myself from rigid societal expectations will significantly reduce the void in my life. 

How You Can Deal with the Feeling that Something Is Missing

It's okay if you don't know why you feel this way or what you need to make your life "complete." What matters most is knowing that you are experiencing a void in your life -- because you can deal with this feeling only after identifying it. Once you identify it, don't beat yourself up because it is only human to feel like something is missing in your life. 

If you are experiencing dissatisfaction frequently, consult a mental health professional to learn how to reduce its impact. Otherwise, the next time you feel like something is missing in your life, feel it, accept it, and move on. 

For those grappling with borderline personality disorder (BPD), the aftermath of a BPD breakup can feel excruciating. The aftermath of a BPD breakup isn't just about saying goodbye to a partner; it's a deep, existential unraveling. The experience of a BPD breakup is akin to mourning a death, where I am forced to confront the fragments of myself and painstakingly rebuild from the ground up. After a BPD breakup, I've not only lost a loved one, but I've also lost myself.

After a Borderline PD Breakup: Recognizing Over-Attachment Patterns

The existential crisis that occurs for me after a BPD breakup is almost unbearable. As I delve into its roots, I trace it back to my penchant for becoming overly attached to my partners. My tendency to cling too tightly in relationships becomes painfully evident after the BPD breakup. With the help of my therapist, I pinpointed the moment I began losing myself in someone else's identity. I was happy, but the truth was I was suffocating in paradise; it was slowly snuffing out the real me. The signs were there. I morphed into their reflection, embraced their beliefs, and danced around conflict to preserve the illusion. I cared more about what this person thought of me than what I thought of myself.

After a Borderline PD Breakup: Rejecting Binary Thinking and Embracing Nuance

The intense emotional investment in relationships can blur the lines between individual identity and the perceived identity of the partner. To recover after a BPD breakup, I need to cultivate a deeper relationship with myself.

Rebuilding after a BPD breakup means feeling every emotion, even the ones that sting the most—no more drowning in black-and-white thinking or resorting to devaluation to ease the pain. I'm learning to confront the pain head-on without inflicting further harm. Hatred and bitterness are not my allies on this journey of healing.

Rebuilding is also a process of unearthing my buried passions, the ones I shelved in the name of love. For example, dusting off my writing and diving back into spirituality feels like reclaiming fragments of my soul that I'd abandoned. And above all, rebuilding is about embracing the evolution within me. I'm shedding the skin of who I once was, and that's not only acceptable but liberating. This path isn't about lamenting the past but about gleaning wisdom and resilience from it. I've been through some serious heartbreak, but now I'm unearthing parts of myself I didn't even know were there.

As children grow up, they eventually leave the family nest to pursue their dreams and aspirations, and that empty nest can encourage depression. Whether they go to college, explore the world, or start a new job, it may be a challenging and emotional step for parents. Therefore, by preparing for the empty nest chapter of life, parents can be proactive in not letting depression set in for an extended period. For me, the empty nest phase is creeping up quickly, and I am unprepared. 

As the end of March is only weeks away, I will move to the next town, and my 19-year-old son will not be coming with me. So far, I have been in denial that I won't have either of my children living with me for the first time. It will just be me and my pup, Buddha. I have caught myself becoming depressed at the thought of an empty nest while packing up the apartment. When this happens, I move to another room to distract myself or stop packing entirely for the time being. I am aware this is unhealthy. Consequently, knowing myself as I do, I must deal with my upcoming empty nest phase head-on. Otherwise, my depression and emotions will become overwhelming, and I will not be able to function correctly. 

So, how do I plan to prepare for moving? That's a great question. Today, I formed a list of activities (an empty nest wellness toolbox of sorts) that I can initiate when my depression begins to spiral.  

Fighting Depression While Becoming an Empty Nester 

Here are three coping strategies I am prepared to use to fight depression while becoming an empty nester at the end of the month.

1. I give myself pep talks. I can't envision myself standing in front of a mirror saying things like, "You've got this" and "You can do it." When I say pep talk, I am referring more to reminding myself that I am moving because I need to distance myself from the confines of the town I'm in now. I must also remind myself that I was 20 (my son will be 20 in May) when I moved out independently after taking a year off from college. Thus, it is time for my son to spread his wings like his older sister did. Lastly, I will remind myself that this is a natural part of life as a parent and that he will only be 30 minutes away.
2. I decorate to my liking. This will be the first time I can decorate my home to my liking. Previously, I would ask the kids or my husband their opinion, and I would take their input on where to place the furniture and what pictures to hang. This time will be different. This time, I get to put furniture, photos, and kitchen items where I want them, and I don't have to ask anyone if they are alright with it. 
3. I keep busy. It seems simple enough, but once everything is unpacked and put away, there will be times of lull that need to be occupied so depression doesn't set in again. I already know I have a blanket to finish knitting, puzzles to do, blog posts to write, movies to watch, new places to explore, etc. Plus, my son and I still have basketball games to watch together, even if it is virtually. 

Empty Nest Sadness Versus Depression

To be sad about my baby boy flying out of the nest is natural, and I will embrace the emotions that are a result of it. All parents react to being empty nesters in various ways, and all their reactions are perfectly normal. How I cope with the emotions of this life event will either allow me to persevere or not persevere through the grief of having my children move out. 

I know it won't be easy, and I am not looking forward to it. However, I know if I'm proactive and prepare myself and put my coping skills into place, it will be better than it could be as far as my depression in the empty nest phase goes.

I would love to hear how you coped with the empty nest phase.