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Anger is often anxiety's evil twin. We may express ourselves out of anger, but our problem is anxiety and all of its worries and fears. It can be very helpful to know when anxiety is behind anger; then we can address the right problem. So, do you have an anger problem or an anxiety issue?
It's a myth as old as trauma--"I let it happen." It's easy to believe it and blame ourselves for the trauma that led to our symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD). But it's a myth that can be very destructive, and we need to realize that.
No one ever says, "When I grow up I want to be a drug addict." As for myself, I recall my mother using that term and I had not a clue as to what she was talking about. I could not conceive of the idea that a person could not control his behavior. Becoming an addict was the furthest thing from my mind.
I like the topic of the post--although I do not like living with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It's something I have not written about in previous posts, so let's talk about it.
I certainly don’t need to convince any of my readers that mental health stigma is a living, breathing entity that can exist in all walks of life. But ask yourself just how much of that stigma is created in our own minds due to our distorted perceptions of the world around us?
Although not my favorite doctor to quote, Dr. Phil has in fact said it best. “You wouldn’t care about what people think about you if you knew how little they did.’
One of the challenging things about being a person with a mental illness who talks about psychiatry (and doesn’t hate it) is that all those people who do hate psychiatry perk up and get mad. These people often identify as “antipsychiatrists” and I’m not their biggest fan. While I consider it quite reasonable to question your doctor, psychiatrist, treatment, therapist and other treatment aspects, I consider going after an entire branch of medicine ridiculous. There is no “antioncology” faction in spite of the fact that a large percentage of people with cancer die (depending on the type, of course).
And this manifests in many of our lives. It’s not that antipsychiatrists just attack me; it’s that people of that mindset attack your average person who is just trying to deal with a mental illness. It’s the people who say, “mental illness doesn’t really exist” or “psychiatric medicine doesn’t work” or many other things that many of us hear online and in our real lives all the time.
So how do you talk to these people who have decided that your disease doesn’t exist and you shouldn’t be in treatment?
Last month I wrote a post about finding the right work to fit with ADHD symptoms. One reader, Jeff, wrote in to state that he found journalism to be a fantastic career for him because there is "lots of variety [and journalism] allows for spontaneous changes in direction throughout the day."
I like Jeff's thinking on this issue because as the DSM IV states, I "often [have] trouble keeping attention on tasks or play activities." So, like Jeff, I prefer a lot of variety in my day as well as some spontaneity.
Often, we tend to focus on the negative aspects of having an eating disorder or other mental illness.
It (almost) destroyed my career. My relationships. My marriage. My life.
All of this is true. I am still rebuilding the trust and intimacy of family relationships. My marriage is over; we will be filing for divorce soon.
And I almost died from anorexia.
However, I also have grown and become a better person because of my struggles with anorexia.
Earlier this week I wrote a piece about being scared of trying antidepressants and as one commenter pointed out, there are increased risks associated with treating a person with bipolar with antidepressants. In fact, some would say that treating a bipolar person with antidepressants can worsen the course of the illness (always contraindicated as monotherapy and possibly undesirable altogether). Now, when I wrote the article I was only thinking of unipolar depressives, but, as one commenter pointed out, being diagnosed, correctly, with bipolar disorder, in itself, can be a challenge.
And this is absolutely true. Studies have found that it takes 5-10 years (from the time of the first episode) for a person with bipolar disorder to get an accurate diagnosis. There are many reasons for this, predominantly that people don’t get help when they have their first episode, but a major contributing factor is also misdiagnosis. People with bipolar disorder are often diagnosed with depression or schizophrenia first and this can have devastating outcomes.
Articles about lying in abusive relationships usually talk about how the abuser lies. Not this one. I lied all the time during my abusive relationship. Mostly I lied to myself, but I lied to my abuser, too. The whole time I felt my lies were justified - I had to lie to protect my family, myself or him. Despite my lying in the abusive relationship, I feel I kept my integrity. Before you laugh me out of town, take a minute to see why lying in abusive relationships is almost the only way to get by.
Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry you're in that situation. I know how hard it is for parents to watch a child with mental illness struggle. Know this: you are not alone. Many parents are in this untenable situation.
Your options are very limited for the reasons you have listed. Your son is an adult and get to make his own decisions -- even when those decisions are heavily influenced by an illness. And while some might disagree, the US tends to fall on the side of personal rights, regardless of illness.
If your son is a risk to himself or others, you can see about getting him treated without his consent. (In some States, this is also possible when a person is at a grave threat of decompensation [getting sicker].) I know this is a hard thing to do, but sometimes the only thing that will help someone is the treatment they refuse.
I recommend you check out the Treatment Advocacy Center. They have a hotline and a lot of information online about serious mental illness and treatment of those illnesses: https://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/
I also wrote this piece about the situation when help is refused (not associated with HealthyPlace) and it lists some additional resources: https://natashatracy.com/bipolar-blog/person-mental-illness-accept-illness/?swcfpc=1
Finally, I recommend you reach out to other parents in the same situation. You may be able to find these people through groups like NAMI (just Google them). Knowing others facing the same issues can help.
I hope your son is able to get help.
-- Natasha Tracy