Blogs
During my own PTSD decades (yes, I struggled for 25+ years!), one of the toughest things for me was having to be around other people when I felt horrible, depressed, anxious, angry, sleep-deprived and just generally dysfunctional.
There are some truly wonderful people out there who are loved ones of people with mental illnesses. These people want to help their loved ones with mental illnesses and many of them read this blog in an effort to understand what it’s like to have a mental illness and how they can help.
It’s a beautiful thing.
So if you’re the loved one of a person with a mental illness, here are some things you might want to think about during the holidays.
When the disease of addiction goes untreated, the ends of this disease are jails, institutions and death. There is hope however when an intervention is possible. This video explores these topics.
If you are like me, you want to make sure those around you are happy. We strive to keep peaceful relationships in our lives and often assist others in need. Hey, we care about them right? The problem is if you always feel compelled to help or overextend yourself, it can come at the expense of your own happiness. That's what usually happens to a people pleaser.
Guilt can mobilize or motivate. Which would you prefer? Guilt is an all too common trigger for anxiety. This video covers what to do about it.
Guilt Can Immobilize
Guilt keeps us stuck when we feel like we are unforgivable. It is so definite, there is no room for anything else. Why try anything or attempt to see yourself another way? You are unforgivable. This thought pattern not only keeps you from healing, it also prevents you from contributing to anyone around you. It can make you anxious, avoid activities and people, and let go of dreams and relationships.
Ben has a friend. A real friend. They actually socialize. Last night, "the boys" were up until 2 am playing a video game, and I am about to drive them both to school so they can take their finals. They studied. They care about their grades. They talk about life, philosophy, favorite foods and TV shows, and just plain old everyday stuff.
This - as you may already know - seems like a miracle.
It's as though Ben is finally getting to have his adolescence back - the years that schizophrenia stole, slowly and then nearly completely, until he began to stabilize with the right schizophrenia treatment - and then begin to rebuild.
Bust Stigma to Help Nurture Relationships
Certainly the symptoms of schizophrenia created the biggest obstacle. But the stigma that comes with mental illness came in a close second - and still does.
That's why this new friendship - and, happily, a few others like it - is so miraculous. Ben, after years of hiding his illness, is finally finding some friends who know who he is. Not all know as much as others, but every small step toward acceptance can inspire others.
A recent study by the Karolinsk Institute in Stockholm has provided evidence for what I have always believed; that there is a positive aspect to Schizophrenia. Though Schizophrenia is destructive to people afflicted with the illness, their family members are more likely to display brilliance in the arts and sciences. This seems true in my family as my brother is a renowned engineer and my sister a skilled Nurse Practitioner. Many of my relatives graduated from Ivy League schools and hold prestigious positions in society. Is it possible that my illness is linked to their success? According to this study this may be the case.
When I first started my PTSD recovery I read a slew of books and articles about how trauma recovery is supposed to happen. Many of the theories, dating all the way back to the late 1800s (check out Charcot and Janet if you want to do some research), spoke about the need to 'integrate' the trauma by being able to tell your story.
Huge road block: I couldn't tell my story. Did that mean I wouldn't be able to heal?
Christie Stewart
In this video blog, I discuss how to talk to your family and friends who may be in denial about your mental illness - or simply do not believe you at all. I have experienced this personally, and what I have learned is -- some people you can reason with, and others you can't. Here are some tips on how to deal with family in denial, and when to move on from those who won't understand, no matter what you do.
One troubling symptom of mental illness is an unsettling belief that one is receiving communication from an unknown other wrapped with the utmost subtlety in various coded communiqués. What did he mean by that? – you might ask – indeed – if I know you – and I don’t – you did – or did you?
You see my point.
The universe itself, steered by some invisible hand wrapped in a cellophane glove, is apparently stirring symbols of every description – words, pictographs, numbers, sounds – into a bubbling stew that is very, very you – and yet – there is no way to be certain what, if anything, it all means.
Thus we confront the central challenge that mental illness presents, which is – am I one frog’s leg shy of an entrée at a chic French bistro, or, conversely, is the world simply bonkers whether or not I am in it?
One may labor over this debate at great length and come up empty.
Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry you're in that situation. I know how hard it is for parents to watch a child with mental illness struggle. Know this: you are not alone. Many parents are in this untenable situation.
Your options are very limited for the reasons you have listed. Your son is an adult and get to make his own decisions -- even when those decisions are heavily influenced by an illness. And while some might disagree, the US tends to fall on the side of personal rights, regardless of illness.
If your son is a risk to himself or others, you can see about getting him treated without his consent. (In some States, this is also possible when a person is at a grave threat of decompensation [getting sicker].) I know this is a hard thing to do, but sometimes the only thing that will help someone is the treatment they refuse.
I recommend you check out the Treatment Advocacy Center. They have a hotline and a lot of information online about serious mental illness and treatment of those illnesses: https://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/
I also wrote this piece about the situation when help is refused (not associated with HealthyPlace) and it lists some additional resources: https://natashatracy.com/bipolar-blog/person-mental-illness-accept-illness/?swcfpc=1
Finally, I recommend you reach out to other parents in the same situation. You may be able to find these people through groups like NAMI (just Google them). Knowing others facing the same issues can help.
I hope your son is able to get help.
-- Natasha Tracy