What’s a Normal Sex Life with Bipolar?
I get asked about the sex life of the bipolar on a regular basis. People want to know what’s “normal” or can they have that mythical “normal” sex life. Some of these people are partners of people with bipolar and others are the people with bipolar themselves. It seems we’re all a bit mystified as to how this mental illness affects our sex lives.
Well, I can’t say what is normal for you, but I can tell you what I know about bipolar and sex.
Are Bipolars Sexually Weird?
Well now. If I were to tell you about what it’s like to have sex with me it would probably involve more panting, smacking, scratching, screaming, gnawing and clawing than your average person. But that’s me. That’s just how I roll. It’s not necessarily indicative of the bipolar population as a whole.
What I will say about the bipolar population, from my tiny perspective, is it seems that:
- People with bipolar are more sexually adventurous than the average
- People with bipolar are more likely to have had sex with both genders
- People with bipolar may or may not identify as bisexual, regardless
Keep in mind, none of this is to suggest that people with bipolar are any less capable of monogamy than others. Some people have issues with it while others don't.
(Mind you, I have no stats to back any of that up. To the best of my knowledge no such research has been carried out.)
Hypersexuality and Bipolar
Part of this may be the hypersexuality that many people with bipolar disorder experience. Hypersexuality tends to occur during mania or hypomania and it creates the need for sex such that it seems you could claw through a wall if it meant getting to the sex on the other side. Picture being turned ravenously on by a dish towel. Or a floor lamp. Or a piece of tuna fish. And then needing to sate that need with the nearest warm body. Hypersexuality sort of like that.
(Of course, the opposite phenomenon also occurs. When in a depressed phase a person with bipolar may want nothing to do with sex at all.)
Bipolar Medication and Sex
Some people find that taking medication for bipolar dulls their desire for sex. This is a common problem, actually. But, believe me, many people with bipolar disorder still have healthy, fulfilling sex lives while taking their medication. And if your sex life is an issue for you, I recommend discussing it with your doctor as there are things that can be done to address that need. After all, sex is a part of life and it’s a part you don’t want, or need, to hang up just because you have a mental illness.
Having a “Normal” Sex Life with Bipolar
Look, I can’t tell you what is normal for you. It might be having sex every day, every week or every month. It might involve whips and chains or it might involve beaches and sunsets. That’s something only you can decide. What I can tell you is that it’s entirely possible for most people with bipolar to achieve the sex life that they want. There are therapeutic techniques that can deal with hypersexuality or low sex drive, and, of course, there are always medical options as well.
And remember, no matter what is happening with your sex life, it’s important to be open about it with your partner. If something is amiss your partner likely feels it too and it’s by dealing with it out in the open, and by getting help, that you can make it better.
Tracy, N. (2013, January 31). What’s a Normal Sex Life with Bipolar?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2021, November 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2013/01/normal-sex-bipolar
Author: Natasha Tracy
Does anyone use illicit drugs when hypermanic also? So I’m in a professional career, same sex relationship with an amazing woman. When hypermanic i crave and sleep with men.. and crave their attention. But also find myself using cocaine? But wouldn’t dream of using it or engaging in this behaviour when stable. Please tell me I’m not alone
Hypomania reduces inhibitions so, yes, it can create a desire to do things you wouldn't normally do -- like use cocaine. It also tends to create a desire for pleasurable activities without worrying about the consequences -- again, this could be drug use.
So I seriously doubt you are alone.
- Natasha Tracy
Hi all, I recently started seeing someone I suspect may have bipolar disorder. And I suspect I won't be seeing him anymore after an abrupt and unexpected change in his behaviour that left me feeling like I had been blindsided by a very big truck. I'm ashamed to say its only in hindsight that I have realized that he may actually have bipolar disorder.
I can see from reading back his text msgs where his moods seem to shift and wanted to ask if this seems right to people with more experience with this.
I suffer from anxiety and adjustment disorder myself and am only just putting myself back together after a nervous breakdown a month ago..which is when I met J. Yes I knew it was a bad idea but he seemed so nice and understanding about my breakdown and was happy to take things slowly.. So that's how we started, nice and slow.
Nice text msgs quickly turned to sexual ones. Which I have no interest in and tried to end things quick smart. He convinced me he cared a lot and I was worth waiting for for and so we continued. Again he starts with the sexual texts which I mostly either ignored or deflected with humour. We met up for a chat and a cuddle. He was so nice and caring and just loved to hold me. I was keeping my anxiety in check and started to relax and convinced myself that his sexting wasn't a big deal, tho it made me uneasy. As we texted more he would say more and I relaxed again. He works a lot and does volunteer emergency services work so not much spare time, which suited me as I like being alone. By week 3-4 the sexting gave way to venting about his boss who he had told off and who had driven away to return 4 hours later. I don't think too much of it. A few days later the tone of the msgs change again. To really sweet things and hinting at wanting to catch up more etc. I explained I had only been trying to fit into his busy schedule and cause minimal disruption in his life. Suddenly he had more time and wanted to spend more time with, saying he couldn't wait to hold me in his arms etc, so little miss adjustment disorder adjusts her schedule to meet up after work, the nite before our preplanned date, for a quick cuddle. I found it unusual he was being a bit sooky and no sexual comments had been made all day tho, so I asked if he was ok, not sleeping cos he was stressed or upset. He assured me he was fine. It was just him. So we meet up the next night and he seems a bit cranky at everyone bar me. Anyway things got a bit hot and heavy..not all the way but he was helped to 'release' ..which was over pretty quick..and that's where his next mood swing started I think. He pretty much had to go 10mins after his release. Somewhat stunned and anxious I didn't think too much of it and went home too. So our preplanned date was for 6:30 and I was getting myself organized when he sent a rather abrupt msg asking if I was still ok for date which I replied yes he then asked to make it an hour earlier which caused me to panic as I need a good bit of time to dry and straighten my hair and he msgd at 4:40pm. I said I would prefer 6:30 but can do 6 if he insists. Got back ok 6:30. When we got out our cars to go for walk in forest he looked like he hadn't slept or showered and would barely look at me. He walked ahead of me and I had to try keep up. I asked if he was ok with what happened the night before..he said yep..I asked if still thought I was a nice girl..he said yep. My anxiety started to kick in and so I tried to ignore his coldness and try get back to normal. When we sat under the trees he still wouldn't look at me, when I tried to make him laugh by kissing his ear he pulled away, when I moved closer cos I was cold he put an arm round me but his hand was on ground. Then he gets up and says he has to go to the supermarket.. An hour and quarter into our date. He gives me a quick hug and a kiss on my neck and I give him a squeeze on the but and say see ya next time and ran away before I cried. From multiple msgs a day to complete radio silence. When I msgd him 2 days later to ask if everything was ok he didn't reply until the next day late morning. His usual good morning texts are at 7:30am..his was reply was all good feeling a bit flat and took some time for myself..closely followed by a sexual one about how he doesn't regret what happened the other night listing the things and what he felt . I was so shocked all I could reply was glad ur ok. Again radio silence til I asked why are u hurting me I don't know what I've said or done for u too suddenly treat me like this. Again completely cold reply saying he's not he told me he was busy this time of year and that he had wanted to catch up earlier to spend more time with me on our date but I said no and not much he can do if he has to go to supermarket. I am ashamed to say my temper exploded and I said to stop f#*king with my head that I would take myself out of the equation so he could have all the time in the world. To which he replied ur choice not what I want but that's ur choice I was going to see if u wanted to catch up but all good. And it only gets worse from there.
Does someone with bipolar switch from being so nice and loving to ice cold in the blink of an eye? And if so do they feel bad after they switch back to nice. Does his behaviour sound like bipolar behaviour?
I'm so brain broken and after the things I said I feel terrible but I just had no idea until I read up on this
Yes, you are dealing with significant mood swings, it very well could be bipolar but he would need to be evaluated properly to know. Sounds like my college pattern, and the years right afterwards. At 24, the hypomania stayed longer and depression was cost me a very lucrative job that required being based in a foreign country for 9 months. I fell into a depression at the tail end of the overseas stay. When I had been home about a month, I abruptly quit - no idea why - it was totally impulsive during depression. I remember my supervisor tell me that if I quit I would never be welcome back. I have never held a job more than 2 or 3 years, even changing professions several times from then to now at 53. Relationships are most affected by the age I am now, 50's. My wife and son have left recently when I was in my deepest depression of my life. I was only diagnosed afterwards, age 53; taking meds for the first time and being so thankful for it. It has helped a lot with symptoms like racing or looping negative thoughts. There are no noticeable side effects, I just feel like me.
If your friend falls into bipolar spectrum, this may be an example of how his life could be, its a struggle and impossible if untreated. Our lives are very chaotic, unstable though some lives are difficult but manageable. Your best bet is to befriend this young man and encourage him to be evaluated, and treated if needed. You would change his future. Your life would be much simpler if you avoid a romantic relationship and just focus on changing this young man's future.
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT BIPOLAR IS A MONEY MAKING SCAM AS EVERYTHING SAID ABOUT BIPOLAR IS A FLIP SIDE OF THE COIN WITH NO ACTUAL EVIDENCE. AND THIS EMPLOYS MILLIONS OF THERAPISTS AND BILLIONS IN PHARMACEUTICAL AND PEOPLE THINKING THEY ARE CLEVER WITH ARTICLES LIKE THIS. .....................MAYBE ITS ANXIETY THE UNDERLYING ILLNESS, EVER THOUGHT ABOUT TREATING THAT. """"BIPOLAR IS A PRODUCT""""" OH YEAH, THAT'S YOU!
Have you ever thought that that after all the "scratching. gnawing, screaming and gnawing" is done the partner who you no doubt DEMAND this from because "It's just you" might, in some moments. need compassionate understanding, emotionally touching sex. Maybe after a layoff. Maybe after a major taumatic event (ia was around for Sept. 11th) Maybe after comming out of an illness.
Major chances are you are not emotionally capable of any other kind of sex if you are all about the afforementioned "rough Sex". it is not an equal and healthy scenario. especially for the one often "required" to be dominant. there is no chance to show equality and vulnerability.
If I had a dollar for every BDSm woman on these post that says "me and my dom are healthy. He treats me well." Yeah, but could they TREAT HIM WELL? I don't mean sexually - I mean emotionally.
The very dynamic of the sex you say "Is just me" isn't productive, healthy or normal. It stems ALWAYS from daddy/parenting issues in my experience.
Don't normalize Agressive sex as healthy
I experience a constant need for sexual *pleasure*, but I have generally satisfied this with porn and masturbation rather than a high number of sexual partners (read: masturbating up to 10+ times a day). Part of it may be that women unfortunately learn that sexual encounters do not guarantee them an orgasm, where as masturbation does. I imagine it would be harder for men to control the impulse to sleep with many partners because they know the experience will be satisfying for them.
I am now 50 years old. I was diagnosed with BPII in 2004 just 13 years ago. In 2001 I had an affair on a very happy marriage of 13 years but it was caused by - Antidepressent Induced Mania - for YES there is a diagnosis for it. I took a antidepressant WITH OUT a mood stabilizer (It's critical anyone with BP is on a mood stabilizer) and it caused my sex drive to go into over drive and I had a 6 week affair. MY marriage survived because we worked HARD on US to make it survive. We did it on our own with no outside help. Today I have been married for 28 years and we have a VERY HEALTHY sex drive....more than "normal people" for our age of 50 and he's 54. Usually 7-10 times a week and on the weekends it's a free for all. We DO LOVE each other and enjoy expressing it. Affairs due to HYPOmania DONT have to end marriages or relationships with partners. You CAN work very hard IF you want to save the relationship. My husband would tell you today that my affair saved our marriage. I DO NOT regret the marriage and I am still friends with him on Facebook today! It was a mistake...we all make mistakes...BUT you too can work hard to over come as we did....and you can win in the end. August 7, 2017 will be 29 years of marriage for us and I love him more today than the day I married him <3
So people with this don;t have to give it up forever . With the women who are my friends I could love a woman with this
I'm bipolar one fast cycle and my number of 'conquests' is very high. As far as I know the AMA doesn't agree that sex addiction is real but I feel there is no way I could have this number of 'conquests' and not be an addict. And FYI I'm in recovery for opiod addiction so I know the concept of punching through a wall if it meant a fix. That is exactly what my sex life is like also.
Mania makes many or most hypersexual, but I've had that happen even in supposed normal times. Before going through menopause, I had a relatively high sex drive. However, I've known someone without bipolar who said she and her husband had sex everyday or a couple of times a day when first married. Whoa. That was weird to me. Gross, and too much information.
Is it possible to be bi polar and not promiscious???
I've started dating a man who has NF 2... I have NF . We met on support group online. We talked for hours the first two times. A lot of sexual things were said, I talked back. I've never really liked sex. It's like come on already will you spit as I call it.
He's bipolar, found out and read up on it, he's a sex addict. He lives 8 houses by bus, train, trolley.....we spent few nights together . No sex or anything else. He's always talking dirty or stange things to do, and places to have it. All the time....
I've come out of my shell and actually desiring it !!! Which I never ever had, old days drugs and booze did it. Been clean for many years. I'm worried that his sexual thoughts all the time will make things ugly. Reading some of response have helped.
Mood swings kind of sucks, it's more him being sex addict worries me more. I've worked with DD people all my life. Not calling him or any of that. I mean by up's and down's being so distract.
Hello, i am 38 and have a lady i truly love, whos been bp2 since her senior year of high school.shes now 38. She has two young boys under 13. She has a bachelor degree in mental health. In the begining all was fine. She self medicates herself with alcohol, and mauriuana. When drinking and in hypomania she tends to over drink and no cannot be an answer. She dont have her children alot at all, even over a year. Where ever i go she wants to go. I have no free/or personal time. She did at first inform me of her episodes,feelings, and suicidal thoughts. Now 8months later she dont inform anymore. She makes bab decision such as going over a male friend house at 2am to purchase mauriuana and staying for 40 or more minutes. Shes have had sex with women before me. I am worried about her stepping out on me, as well as hypersexuality. We live together and we agreed she pays the gas and electric bill and i will pay the rest. At this point the gas is off and three months behind. Electric has not been payed since May. My love use to be open and honest and its at a decline. Im feeling its time to move on. What do you think as i truly do love her, but shes not taking on her responsibilities as she should and blames me for everything. She did stop drinking as this would make one week sober. Shes been fine lately but still smoke weed. My son is five and very attached to her, but how can i settle with her if she dont keep her on children, but do go and buy them what they want, but havent payed bills.
I have BP. I have major issues when it comes to sex. I experience hypersexuality regardless of being in hypomania or mania. I am on my medicine and never miss it. I do everything I'm supposed to and I still have these sexual urges that cannot be contained. I just don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice on how to stop the need to want sex all of the time? Any help would be great. Thank you in advance.
I'm not bp but my wife is and she used to be very sexual all the time and to be honest its what I love about her. To me I say be yourself if you constantly desire sex then enjoy it but with someone you love no need to step out plenty of men without bp feel a constant need for sex. I know for us I wanted to let my wife be totally free and in control we have brought others into our sex life and it was great the biggest thing is be honest and be yourself sex is a great thing if done within each other boundries and a constant need shouldn't bother most men. The ironic thing now is she just more recently fliped off so to speak and almost never wants sex or even to discuss it at all and that to me was a real issue but after a lot of arguing and emotional conversations we are just starting to come back to a somewhat normal sex life. So if you have a high drive then find a man who has the same and live your life to the fullest I don't hold back and I don't think anyone ever should.
"Do I stay in a risky marriage when I have the opportunity to get out safely? Or is this a part of the “for better or worse”? Or is this comin out now an escape for me?"
RUN! Run NOW while you can (before any babies or other ties are bound). After 50 years of marriage to a Bi-Polar woman, I can honestly say I would not do it over again. Indescribable decades of chaos, embarrassing behaviors, bankruptcies caused by her manic spending and my weak defenses, erratic emotional instability, social problems (never could keep friends), suspected (and very hurtful) affair with her former boss (she was a virgin when we married), great sex-life early-on to NO sex life for half the marriage, strained relationships with children and other family, passed-on BP genes to one child, and more hang-ups than an art gallery! Yet, I love her and will die her mate. I just wish it all could have been different (for HER sake first, as well as everyone else's) And, it could have been very different if I had realized at your stage of life that it was never, ever going to get better. I know it's difficult and even sounds selfish, but you MUST think about yourself and whether you want to sacrifice your life now to an early hell. Believe me, he will find someone else and eventually move on. [Wish someone had written this to ME 45 years ago.]
The comments are great!
srha,I had an ex that had the same problem. She was a grad student finishing her doctoral dissertation. During that time her grandfather died,the pressures of finalizing her ph.d and finding a job,etc. I tried myself to be very supportive,however the sex died to nothing and was very difficult to reciprocate simply because she became very unaffectionate. She would sometimes blame it on her meds and stress,then sometimes put it on me .I think that it may have indeed drug related because I caught her red handed receiving xanax at her birthday party. Xanax wasn't on her meds that she was prescribed . She was prescribed a mixture of 5 or 6 meds which included mood elevators,antidepressants, and add meds. I read that many of these meds csn suppress sexual desire. From January -May we only were intimate 3-4 times ,wheras before the stress and drug abuse we had done that in a 24 hour period. She actually ended up finishing her doctorate and took a research job in another city. I was going to move with her ,but she went on a 3-4 month manic state and nearly made me lose my own sanity.I believe that sex should be a focal point in a relationship and if it ceases the couple should use good communication skills to maintain a healthy level because . A healthy sex life is imperative to make things work . Unfortunately, I had never been in a relationship with someone that was bipolar and didn't know how to handle the erratic behavior. It took a long time to get closure,but researching her disorders and understanding that the crack cocaine drug addiction in her past had sprung up in a stressful time which complicated things even more. In one episode she took a three day weekend in which she returned talking 90 m.p.h. and even told me that she had no idea why she hasn't beenable to sleep for 3 days. She claimed that this was a hypomanic episode triggered by stress a few days later when she visited her therapist. From what I saw ,it may have been hypomania,but most likely by using her past and recent drug abuse that this wasn't stress induced and she may have even lied about the therapist visit.Throughout our time together I tried to stay strong by being there for her and calling bs on times that she said that she wasn't abusing her meds. I knew that she had some problems ,but I thought throughout that after she graduated that possibly it would get manageable. I learned through this experience that no longer how much you love someone that you cannot fix them and most importantly you have to respect yourself enough to cut yourself free and refuse to stay in a relationship that is one-sided. I believe that a responsible person that regulates their meds properly and proper therapy visits etc.can indeed be successful, yet when someone self medicates it's always a disaster as I now know. It hurts because she was a sweet girl when she wasn't abusing. It was a shame that it ended up like that the last few months ,but I had to ask myself if I wanted someone who expected me to accept that level of chaos becoming regular.
My husband is diagnosed Bipolar 2 and at the beginning of our relationship we had sex every time we seen each other, it was great. Fast forward to 4 years later and were married, we have sex very sporadically. Well go 2 weeks without sex then we'll do it a couple times, then another couple weeks without. The sex we do have is always initiated by him, because I don't like to put myself in the position to be rejected anymore. He complains I want sex too much, and that I'm "needy and desperate." So I bought a vibrator.
I know that my husband had a sexually wild past and I'm often jealous I couldn't have experienced it. He is a dedicated Christian now so there is a lot that he doesn't see fit for a Christian relationship. Some things he just won't even talk to me about. I feel as though there is never any passion and he only has sex with me to appease me. I have a hard time feeling wanted and loved by him but he doesn't see anything wrong. I guess this is the other side of all these hyper sexual comments.
Yes, turned on by a dish towel, spending hours a day masturbating to try and scratch the itch. I'm a single mom and can't behave erratically...it's all I think about, I wish it would just stop. Hypersexuality is definitely not all it's cracked up to be.
My fiance and i have had not sex since mid feb, He needs his
meds adjusted, However no sec since valentins. He swears he would not cheat on me, but there has been signs. He is in a depressed state and has been for 4 months. I know he loves me and intintially dont want to cheat. However, not intimacy at all and I am a very attractive lady and very patient with him we dont fight and talk bad to each other. Very sweet to me, but now he has days in the week he stays home instead of coming over, before he would not skip a chance, I want to know if there are signs of them cheating, he is always tired and is blah all the time. he said it kills his sex drive but since mid feb?? HELP I love him deeply but never married and will be in 3 months. I just need to be 100 sure he is being faithful
Hi guys.. I'm hoping your able to offer advice. I've been dealing with bp type 1 for a few years. I'm male married for 15 years with 4 kids and a wife who loves sex.. I think she'd take it 3 times a day if she could... Well we used to early on! But of late... I've the last year and a half I have no drive.. None at all.. I've just come down from a 4 week manic episode and even during that I didn't want sex..
What does concern me though is that during that episode every female I saw I imagined her naked.. Not a conscious thing hell I'd prefer not to have done... And on the odd occasion I did feel aroused.. But still no sex drive..
This of course is troublesome for my dear partner... We have managed sex 2 in 18 months... And I'm starting to feel like a failure for not being able to fulfil my part..
Any ideas would be greatly received.. Any advice in fact just anything....
Change what you think sex is for you to. If yo are doing it for her she'll love it. If your body isn't in the mood. Play with her. Kiss her stroke her hair and body talk to her find out what she likes. And that love making would go so far. Use assistance for interciurce if that's needed. What she wants is the love, time and attention is what she's missing. Watching TV stroking her hair or arm. Sex is never just bedroom activity
I have been diagnosed with a bi polar disorder and I am in recovery from drugs and alcohol been clean 28 years . been abstinent from sex since 93 or 95 not sure when exactly.
Februaary of this year I had sex for the first time since then it was great
but I took a reisk I had unprotected sex which is something I promised never to do. I ran and got tested 2 weeks later everything is fine but I am going again in 6 moths..I have opened up a box of worms no now I am
wanting to have sex opposed to not having it in all those years Just thought I'd share (
My husband of three months saw me coming a mile away. I thought he was a sex addict but as I read up more, I think it's the hyper sexuality of BP. He was institutionalized for a manic episode (for a few months) in 2009.
I met him at the beginning of last year and we married in December. Two days ago he entered into a severe manic episode and I think his family is trying to have him committed for now.
I was a virgin and sooo naive (didn't even know the difference in looking at a circumcised penis vs not circumcised). I told him of sexual abuse in my past and how I only ever thought I was meant to be used as a sex toy and he took full advantage. Before I began to discover his acting out, I enjoyed sex and dirty talk bc I thought it was innocent and just between us, but when I began to see that he was doing all the same things with other women, I began to hate myself and consider sex a punishment.
While dating, He led me to believe he was a man of faith when in fact his sexual promiscuity since 2009 had progressed and led him into illegal activities.
I question if getting off of his meds in 2010 drive the hyper sexual side to an astronomical level.
Nevertheless, I have been pursuing a civil annulment based in fraud and duress (he had been a master deceiver and manipulator, isolating me) Having been only married three months and having to be tested multiple times as more as more truth comes out (sexual past, prostitutes in our home etc), I question my decision.
Do I stay in a risky marriage when I have the opportunity to get out safely? Or is this a part of the "for better or worse"? Or is this comin out now an escape for me?
The way I "feel" is that I would love to be everything I can be for him to help him, but I don't ever want to have sex with him again (even though I enjoyed having sex 3,4,6 or 10 times a day early on.)
Definitely torn and don't understand all of this.
I am most amazed by those who are BP and DO remain only with their partner.. To those of you: I greatly admire you!! I cannot imagine your struggle and the fact that you stay committed is a HUGE feat in providing security for your partner in the midst of your struggle of which he/she likely doesn't understand and never will. Props to you! If I could praise you from the mountaintops I would. Well done!!!
I wish that my husband would have done the same. I just don't know how to move forward in this. Why is it so hard?
I am a 30 yo female with BP I and often experience mixed episodes. At it's heights my hypersexuality includes sex with women, couples, strangers, and if I am in a relationship a strange burning desire to watch him with another woman. When in relationship, I have always been monogomous. When masterbating I can't stop until I've had 75- 150 orgasms. It's just never enough. When I come down to normal (I am hypo- full on manic 80% time )I have a healthy, normal libido. No interest in women or strangers etc. When I am on meds- it's another ballgame. I've tried almost every med and some kill your sex drive and some ramp it up- but you have to treat the BP first and then deal with side effects. All this to say, none of this has anything to do with my significant other, how I feel about them, if I am attracted to them, etc. It's just another roller coaster I ride. If I could stop it and just be still with my love in a healthy place- I'd give the world for that.
Omg.. call me lol
Hey guys, um,in August of 2014, my hubby was diagnosed with bipolar mixed episodes. My issue is that, his libido died! I know it's not me but embarrassingly it seems like he has lost interest in me. He still looks at porn and talks about sex with another woman and myself and I am being deprived even from pleasing myself... What can I do,especially since I cant use toys and I dont want anyone else in our union?
Hey, a few questions:
1) can someone be only hypomanic? or does this fluctuate from different stages of highs and lows also, but with lesser then highs and lows?
2)if the above answer is a yes then does the hypersexuality moment change for them as well? Such as last longer, or always be on.
3) this may be posted but I have not found yet but and again if hypomanic only is possible, does this change things for meds.?
Joe i think she feels like a caged and misunderstood bird. She needs new experiences to feel satisfied with her routine life, she is bipolar and has the need of consuming new information and experiences.we feel superhuman when we are manic and have no one at all to tell our secret desires too. Responsibility kills our souls. Its not what we would prefer but our brains are natural drugs. Is she an artist? Is she so bad she cant work? Its a paradox, but i cant work in regular jobs i go apeshit but i need to feel like i give back, like im valuable to others. Too much shame kills ego, and we are severely confused of all action and emotion. Are we doing the right thing, for us or them, at any given moment? At least this is how my bipolar brain behaves.
I have had bipolar(didn't know till this year) since i was 10, environmental and genetic. Mom depression, dad bipolar narcissistic, grandpa too, and too many more in family. I used to be verbally abusive to family, and overly compensating to friends, but shame shame and shame and people hating/avoiding me have forced me to be more compassionate to people and myself so yay but i feel i don't really love my significant other, but i thought i did.. I hate sex and am shamed by it. I have twisted thoughts about it too. It sucks. I like someone else but i don't think i am good for anyone. I love too many people and new people but not sex. Just emotion. Idk why its kind of ass backwards. I don't want to hurt anyone but i end up hurting everyone.
Joe, I am a three time divorcee. I am hypersexual and impulsive and gravitate to assholes. I have had my moments where i can rip another asshole in someone because I have had enough. I wasn't diagnosed until this last marriage. That was probably the worst thing possible because my husband looked for things to blame on my diagnosis. Come to think about it before i was ever diagnosed and right after we got married he turned over after sex, looked at me straight in the eyes, and said that married people don't have sex everyday. Truth is your wife's medication could easily affect her labido. I have a friend who is diagnosed Bi-polar and rarely ever wants sex. I wish more women would realize how much intimacy and sex release the endorphins that are needed to better function. Unfortunately, my hypersexuality has put me in places and relationship that were not healthy. You both need a support group. I have a support system in place. It is nearly impossible to get through most days without them.
I am 34 and my wife and I have been together for 16 years. We have sex maybe once a month she was diagnosed with bipolar about 5 years ago we struggle everyday with how her mood is. She can be very verbally abusive towards me and our two sons. When we do have sex it is awesome but it is very rare. I will try to have a good evening and set the mood but rarely ever works. We have tried to plan it that don't work we have went to the therapist and done marriage counseling and it seems to help understand the issues that we are having but definitely does not fix them.I am a very patient man and love my wife more than anything in the world I just wish that we could have sex more than once or twice a month. We have even went six to seven months with no sex. And I get discouraged because she wont have sex and she gets discouraged because I want sex. I can't tell when she is in the mood or not and when I tried to talk to her she wants nothing to do with it. Can anybody with bipolar please help me figure out what I should do? thank you very much.
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 8 yrs. We first got togather we had sex everyday and last year she was diagnosed with bi polarism. I always knew she had it, but she was never diagnosed. Now she says she doesn't like sex and we sleep in separate beds. We have 2 little girls; she is highly abusive verbally; not physical and I feel she is not on the right meds. She feels like she is and will not be truthful with her docter, but we all suffer everyday in this home because of this diorder. I hope she would not cheat on me and feel no normality will ever come to this family if something is not done. Can someone pls. help give some advice on what to do ? ?
Hi all. I enjed and appreciated your comments. I am a 50 year old male BP2. I have always had an insatiable sexual desire. The thing is with mem it actually seems to increase as my mood heads south, like I need the high of orgasm to make me feel alive and validated for a few moments. Can any one else relate to this. Ive never been able to personally comprehend losing desire due to depression. It is compounded by the fact that my wife of 30 years has no interest in sex. I love her but find her disinterest very hard to deal with. It is often the trigger that sends me into a downward spiral. Due to my Christian beliefs seperation is not an option, besides, I really love her, I just wish she desired me physically. Its not that we dont have sex however what amounts to vaginal masturbation is less than fulfilling. At times i'm ravenouse and envy those who satisfy the super powerful urges through pormiscuity during the highs and seem to get away with it. Ive only ever had the one partner. So often wonder what it would be like to share intimacy with someone else, someone who actually wanted to satisfied sexually. I often feel if my wife would only make some effort to understand and accomodaye my needs then my life would be a lot more balanced. Ive tried to speak to her about it again and again over the years. All I get is empty promises that are forgotten ad soon as theyre made and nothing changes. Sorry if Ive rambled a bit, but thanks for letting me share. Can any ine else relaye to my frustrations?
Hi Mark, I'm actually going through the same issue but I'm in your wife's shoes. My husband is BP and we've had this exact problem going on 10 years now. I understand the hypersexuality need he goes through, but at the same time it gets so frustrating because it's not like food or something I could make him to help him feel better. Sex takes an intimacy that is really difficult to fake when it seems to be asked to be given like medication. My hubsand has the same feelings of Sex ending up just feeling like vaginal masturbation, but it's hard to be intimate like that so often for someone who is not at all in the mood for it. I don't know how to offer "medication sex" without it feeling like a procedure for me and it not being satisfying enough for him. I am guilty of promising to fix things and not following through but I also feel that I can't be expected to align myself to his Sex drive which does not natch mine at all and then be criticized for the "quality" of Sex he receives when I'm forcing myself to do it when I don't want to. Does that make sense? It also makes me want to have Sex even less because of the criticism I know I'll receive afterwards. I don't have any real answers for you but I just wanted you to know that you're not the only one going through that, and maybe help give you some of your wife's perspective if these are some points you maybe haven't heard before. Thanks.
I am a 31 year old married bipolar on Lithium and Quetiapine for 1.5 years and struggling with my sex life: I hardly get any desire at all and as reaching climax is so complicated I don't want it and it gets more and more painful everytime we try.
I've tried to find information on alternative medication or therapy that could help me improve but data on this is really limited.
Do you have similar experiences and?or have found treatment that helped?
Does anyone ever experienced hypersexuality when their not hypomanic or manic
I Love love sex and never realized why when married 3-5 a day and when fighting something sexual a few times a week. I have also lerned I'm rougher than most up for darn near anything, never want to stop. It is truely a drug. I'm now divorce and struggling. Made some jacked up choices a lot... Still have sex with ex...but get a rush when chockek tied down etc ok I'm really messed up one more thing to hate myself for. I have felt a decrease but never dry time which is still higher than the average. It's a drug. Even touching my skin which is the largest organ. For me I have to meditate alot because I always want that connection
Yes I do. I'm a 48 year old female Christian divorcee who basically wants wild sex all the time!!! I've been divorced For over 28 years. I can go For hrs and hrs at a time drenched in sweet. When I'm like that, the guy always asks why im so wet. They think that they are doing something special! And some drive me crazy just my using there hands. (There must be a class that some take. I say that because its like a skill that they have learned).Years ago I stopped counting how many orgasms I had per session. 40. The sex these day wild and reckless. After my body calms down I seem to chill in a different world. I'm in a mixed state and I hardly sleep. The last person I was with made a comment," I guess you will will sleep good tonight!" I thought it would work to. I didn't sleep at all. ITS SO FRUSTRATING! I want to find away to kill my sex drive. Im not married and I've been kicked out of my church until I straighten my life out. How can I stop wanting Sex All The Time?
Having a women who wants sex all the time is just great you just need to find the right man who understands your mind and body to satisfy you. Y ou just to find the right men and also not switch and change there is no betters than in a committed relationship.
Well done for making the commitment and the effort to support your wife and your family! I respect where you are coming from and I understand the questions you have. Unfortunately, I'm sorry to say that what your wife says is true - you are unlikely to get one without the other. I have been happily married 10yrs (+2 kids) to an awesome man. I also have BP and experience hyper sexuality in the up cycles but then find it hard to get going when I'm "normal" (which is most of the time). We still have a good sex life, but I get what you mean, it's not the wild exhilarating sex that I hunt him down for in an up cycle! ;-) I bet your wife wishes she could turn it on as much as you do. But I'm sorry they are not dormant desires that are "trapped" inside her, it is just something that is isolated to the up phase of BP. Of course, that's not to say you can't or won't experience that sex again. We have, but we both accept that it won't always be that way. Enjoy the memories. ;-)
My husband is bipolar. We have been married for 2 months. He is stable and takes medication but I have definitely noticed changes in his mood if we are not having sex regularly. He started to sink into a really low and irritable mood that he was having a hard time pulling out of but we started having sex on a regular basis again and he has gotten back to "normal" almost immediately. This is all new to me but I'm gathering as much information as possible about my husband and BD. Is this normal?
Perhaps someone could shed some light on a question that I have. I've been married for ten years to my BP wife. She was diagnosed five years ago. After our third child she had what we now refer to as her "mom gone wild" period, after which she hit rock bottom. She and I have been working together and are now on good ground. During her extended manic phase her hypersexuality manifested itself mainly outside of our marriage; however; within that time frame our sex life became much more open, experimental and exciting than ever before. This leads me to my question. Do the sexual desires still reside within my wife now that she is level. She is much more reserved and seems to hide some of those sexual behaviors that I enjoyed. She made the comment once that I don't get one without the other. Does anybody have any thoughts on this. Also, our marriage has survived and we are stronger now than we ever were before because of our experience, work and love.
Your welcome Liz,actually i am on day three of not calling friend with bipolar, i read natasha"s blog here to help me understand a friend, i know they have an illness, and it helps to learn all you can, i am told or learned here its not about me,in other words the pushing away has nothing to do with me, and that i should detach lovelingly and take care of myself, and when they come back, if i want to, i can be there for them, and that deep down they really do appreciate it,you sound very positive i think you will be ok too,
Thanks George for the advice. I am attached to him very much and honestly I don't know why. Maybe deep down in me I want to help and save him. It is very hard not calling him it is only day three. I know time will go by and I will be okay.
liz,i would let him go for now ,give it a break ,i don"t know how much you are attached right now, but it might be a good time to give it a break ,and then you can decide for yourself what is best for you, what i have learned as much as we want to help, we still need to put ourselves first, i know its not easy, but it will work out, as long as you keep the focus on yourself,
I have been with a guy who has bipolar but now he wants to take a brake from me. I really like him. Should I give him space like he said? Is he never going to call me again? I don't know what to do. He does get mean at times too telling me he never wanted me. Should I just let him go?