Blogs
Navigating my life with you, my reader has been a privilege; however, this post will be my last. Anyone following my blog knows that my life has been anything but stable. It’s funny; I started writing here to help the borderline personality disorder (BPD) community by sharing my past experiences. I ended up sharing the challenges I was currently facing.
I believe trauma is often a repercussion of eating disorder treatment. Of course, clinical interventions are helpful, beneficial, and even crucial parts of healing, but they can still be traumatic nonetheless. This might sound like an oxymoron, so let me explain the possible trauma of treatment.
Paranoid schizophrenia affects my diet. I have a complicated relationship with food, and thinking something looks good or sounds good is not enough to get me to try it. The reasons are that my most persistent symptom besides anxiety is paranoia and my paranoia frequently involves food.
The holiday season seems to put pressure on indulging in big meals and celebrating with people you haven't seen in a while. These holiday traditions also disrupt one's routine, which is helpful to have in recovery. The pressure and disruption of the holiday season can cause elevated stress and discomfort around food, especially if you are in binge eating disorder (BED) recovery.
At this time of the year, I usually look forward to the holidays. But there are some years when my holiday spirit seems nonexistent. So far this holiday season, my anxiety and depression have been getting worse. Here are some ways I noticed that I am struggling with my mental health and what I plan on doing about it this month.
I know how important authentic feelings are to recognize. I'm feeling a little blue. Sorrier words have never inaugurated a blog post, I'm sure, but I'm not here to impress you, I'm here to be authentic, to share authentic feelings. What's authentic right now is that it's just one of those days.
Let’s face it: setbacks aren’t fun, and they can feel especially un-fun when they’re mental health recovery setbacks. Building resilience in mental health recovery can help with that. Resilience sounds like such a big thing, but all it means is the ability to bounce back from difficulties.
As I work through my healing journey, I've noticed some specific triggering elements that leave me feeling uncomfortable. Even as a young child growing up, I remember the emotions of mistrust and suspicion when trying to determine if someone's words and actions were genuine. My trust issues from child abuse made it almost impossible to tell the difference between a lie and a joke.
Seasonal depression is a hot topic during this time of year, and seasonal depression and stigma rear their ugly head simultaneously. It wasn't until recently that I could put a name to all the unpleasant and lonely emotions that I felt as the days became shorter and the weather colder--I guess I can thank mainstream media for that. The fact of the matter is that many individuals experience varying degrees of seasonal depression. So why do people still attempt to debunk the phenomenon and call seasonal affective disorder fake? Stigma around seasonal depression, that's why.
I am always anxious around the holidays because of my schizoaffective disorder, but this season I have the added anxiety from arthritis in my knees.
I also have this dreaded disease. I have done crazy things. I hurt a lot of the time. But what kills me most is how my disease affected by beautiful husband and now adult children(5). One, youngest is autistic. I blame myself for this because it has been reported that bipolar may cause autism. My other children are suffering trauma and ptsd. I so often pray to G- d to forgive me my sins. I pray for my family to heal and live happy normal lives.
I am currently doing yoga and meditation- they help me get closer to my inner true self and G-d.
Do not ever lose hope. I’m 70 and I still have hope things will improve. It just takes patience and self love. Loving oneself is not selfish. It’s essential . We are all wounded human beings. But we can improve one breath, one inch, one day at a time.
🌺❤️😊🐝