Blogs
People with mental illness have various levels of functioning. Sometimes a good day is when you talk in your group therapy session at the psych ward. Sometimes a good day is getting out of bed. Sometimes a good day is going to the doctor. And sometimes a good day is giving successful presentation to a bunch of executives.
It varies from person to person.
And while anyone can tell you to “take your meds,” that doesn’t really tell you how to get from non-functional to functional. It’s true no one has the exact answer, 33 high-functioning people with bipolar disorder identified six things that keep them moving forward.
Happy is what brings healthy, and viceversa, so it can't be that much of a surprise anxiety and depression have had some pretty rough consequences on my health; High blood pressure at 25, on-and-off flings with anemia, near-constant sleep deprivation.
I may as well have an imp bouncing up and down on my kidneys whilst someone tells my nervous system to pump out all the stress hormones its got, so I can feel normal, or at least prepared. Like a Girl Scout on crack. That's PTSD hypervigilance for you.
It's also that sometimes our bodies express what we are otherwise unwilling, or unable to say.
One day in 2001, I recorded in my journal: "I don't know why I am so angry." Hindsight is 20/20 (or maybe the "hindsight bias" is at play). Either way, by piecing together the evidence from my journals, I was angry because my abuser:
dishonored the goals I set for myself, following only his own
ignored my thoughts or feelings when planning "our" life together
demanded I raise our children by his rules, as if he were their only parent
and on and on...
In short, I was angry because he denied that "I" existed. "I" meant so little to him that he wanted to pretend he was the only person in our "relationship".
I’ve written about what to do when your doctor gives up on you and while I consider this to be unacceptable, it does happen. And you have to deal with it.
But sometimes, you need to give up on them.
Sometimes you need to fire your doctor.
My therapist said to me today, "This is your recovery."
Each person is unique, and that includes people with eating disorders. There may be a checklist of symptoms, but how an eating disorder manifests itself in each person is different. It is logical that each person's recovery process from an eating disorder also would be unique.
Then why do I find I compare myself to others in recovery and often feel I come up lacking?
Continued from Part 1
As you may have guessed, the large dog, startled by the remote control car fast approaching it, bolted--knocking its elderly owner off her feet and dragging her along the sidewalk before she was able to regain control of it. (The only witnesses to this were the kids, the victim, and the dog--but the victim's neighbor came to our door the next day looking for the glasses she lost in the scuffle and reported she was "pretty bruised and scraped up.")
The predictability of domestic abuse is, overall, easy to see; but case-by-case, domestic abuse eruptions are unpredictable. The predictability of domestic abuse exists because you know that the abuse will happen again, following a pattern; the unpredictability is in when it will occur.
When mental illness meets recovery, does community matter?
You bet it does.
I just returned from a meeting with my son's new support team. This meeting was demanded by the the Wicked Witch (me, in this case), who was upset with the way the transition was handled from group home to supervised independent housing. In the space of two weeks, I've seen signs that Ben is lost, lonely, unmotivated, forgetful, swinging from depressed to hyper, and probably not taking his meds when he can get away with it. Schizophrenia still looms underneath all the progress he's made.
Back and forth went the conversation, over and over again.
me: Where was the support for Ben's transition from 24/7 supervision to independent living?
Since this is a blog on “Addiction” I thought it would be important to discuss the diagnostic criteria and terminology the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) uses, because the current manual does not include the word “addiction.” The current manual uses substance abuse and substance dependence. For the definitions and criteria on what substance abuse and dependence is see here.
It is sometimes hard to maintain a positive body image and stay in recovery during the "bikini season." HealthlyPlace blogger Angela E. Lackey talks about how to stay with recovery during a time of year when people are flooded with messages about dieting and having the "perfect body." Watch here:
First of all, thank you for sharing your story. You are a very caring person, and I commend you for, as Tammy Wynette sings, "Stand(ing) by your man." That aside, I wholeheartedly agree with you that those living with depression may seem selfish to someone on the outside. Still, in reality, they (me also being one of them) think our loved ones would be better off without us around because of our depression. We think we are doing our loved ones a favor by leaving. Depression causes our brains to work in different ways, causing us to think distortedly -- so no, we are not purposefully being selfish. Thank you for seeing that with your loved one and not allowing someone else to convince you otherwise.
Well, eventually, the depression demons took hold and he told me on August 5th 2023 that he decided he wanted to just move to MT and isolate himself from everyone. He had been offered a free place to stay if he did some maintenance. He is very handy and that type of situation was very ideal because it was flexible; he only worked on things on the days he was physically up to it.
We talked every night like "normal" up until he left on April 14th 2023. We had a long distance relationship then and so I didnt get to see him in person often and didnt see him that last week. He told me one last time that he loved me and he was sorry to hurt me and I have not heard from him since. He didnt even tell his parents or sister he was leaving.
I still love him as much as I ever have even though it has been over a year since we last spoke. I just had dinner with a close friend who was always very critical of him because often he would have to cancel plans last minute due to the Crohn's or because he would go dark for weeks at a time. She told me tonight that he is a selfish person and that if he truly loved me he would have gotten help for the depression. Oddly, she has been depressed before and suicidal which you would think would make her more understanding. I asked her if when she contiplated suicide was she selfish? She said yes. I said but are you a selfish person and she said no. I said that was the same for him. Sure him leaving me and his family was "selfish" but at his core, is he selfish? Absolutely not. She thinks because she was able to conquer her depression that if he really loved me, he would have fought his depression. It makes me sad to think she cant see the amazing guy that is buried under the depression. I know, without a doubt, if he did get a handle on the depression, that he would NOT be selfish at all. It is hard to understand why others cant see the true person under the depression.
I hope those that are struggling know that not everyone will abandon you in your time of suffering. There are people out there that see the real you and would do anything to help.
I encourage all those suffering from depression to not only tell your loved ones what you are going through, but also to seek professional help. And for those of you who love a person suffering from depression, have compassion and understanding for their struggle. Know they do not intentionally hurt you and deep down they still love you even if they cant show it.
Thanks for reading.
p.s. I also struggle with depression and anxiety but I did get help and between medication and coping techniques, I am able to be myself again.
From the story you told, it sounds like you know when your partner's alters switch.
I'm sorry this was written in the first/second person. But maybe apply this to your situation with a grain of salt.