Blogs
When I was first diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, I did what I always do when faced with something I have no idea how to handle: I went to the library. As a rule, I don't read autobiographical accounts of DID but I voraciously digested everything else I could get my hands on. Most of the literature agreed on the basics of Dissociative Identity Disorder treatment, including the consistent message that establishing internal communication is an essential first step, second only to stabilization. "Ask inside" quickly became the most irritating, eye-roll inducing directive I heard. I hated it for one reason: it didn't work.
It seems to me that navigating life with a mental illness is a full-time occupation. Not only that, it can feel awfully futile at times - like Sisyphus ceaselessly rolling his rock up a mountain only to watch it tumble back down again. Employed or not, the 2 million plus Americans with bipolar disorder are certainly working. Marked by shifts between dramatically high and low moods, bipolar disorder is a serious psychiatric condition that can be fatal, particularly during depressive episodes. I suspect that managing the symptoms of bipolar disorder is a job in and of itself.
You woke up this morning with dread in your heart—you slept in and were late for a meeting with your boss. When you arrived to your meeting, you started wishing you never had; this so-called meeting turned out to be a nice way to tell you that the company you have busted your derriere over for the past 2 years is doing some ‘corporate restructuring’ and you will be out of a job at month’s end. On the way home, the weather reflects your stormy disposition and you end up getting soaked in the torrential downpour in your nice new suit and splashed by an obnoxious driver.
October is one of our household's more hectic months. My biggest time consumers are Bob's birthday and Halloween (our favorite holiday). My birthday gets thrown in there somewhere (I refuse to cop to when or which one it is). There are about umpteen school "holidays" when the kids are home. And, of course, there's that day that strikes fear in the hearts of parents and children alike...
Parent/Teacher Conference Day.
A drunk man began to touch me and another woman. He refused to stop and began to be aggressive. How would I get through this situation and its aftermath without going into psychiatric crisis?
Is it possible to think anxiety away? I know that navigating the maze of mental health isn't easy. Sometimes I feel like it just doesn't matter how well I've marked the path, I still can't find my way round the blasted thing. Thankfully, the mind tends to (subconsciously) organize around patterns. Even when we're struggling. Seeing the negative patterns, or cognitive distortions, will help you change them and then you can think anxiety away.
I know that as a semi-public person with bipolar disorder I am supposed to beam hope. I am supposed to remind people of it, write about it, speak about it, and give it to everyone wrapped in a shiny happy wrapper.
I don’t do this.
There is, without doubt, hope to be had, out there in the bipolar treatment world, but that doesn’t mean I particularly feel too strongly about it personally.
I'm one of many people with dissociative identity disorder (DID). I lose time, regularly forget pretty important stuff, and I have alters who behave according to their perceptions of the world, not mine. How does that translate to daily life? I mess up - badly and often. As I see it, the fact that I can't control DID is beside the point when it comes to personal responsibility. I don't believe my mental illness entitles me to some bad behavior or extra leniency. But just like I can't use DID as an excuse, neither can anyone else.
In treatment for Dissociative Identity Disorder (previously classified as Multiple Personality Disorder) since 1992, Sarah E. Olson fully integrated more than fifty alters. "Integration doesn't make your life instantly healed," says Sarah, author of Becoming One: A Story of Triumph Over Multiple Personality Disorder and the Third of a Lifetime blog.
Following on from my last post, choosing a therapist -
Most therapists will ask for a brief overview of what brings you to them, either over the phone or when you attend an interview session. It's helpful to have an answer already prepared.
Write down or mentally list the main issues you want to deal with - treating panic attacks, managing social anxiety, getting anxiety relief, depression related issues, or anything else.
Sometimes people don't have many words for what exactly is bringing them into therapy but they know there's a problem they don't want to deal with alone any more. It's OK to say that.
Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry you're having such overwhelming experiences. That sounds hard.
I would say that when I get really wrapped up in talking to myself because of hypomania, it's similar but I don't feel like I'm in an imagined place or dreaming. That's the part that may be concerning.
If you're experiencing distress because of these experiences, you absolutely should tell your doctor -- and make it clear that it's causing your distress. It does sounds like it falls into the mild psychosis category, but that doesn't occur with cyclothymia. That only occurs in bipolar I. Of course, you may be experiencing bipolar and psychotic symptoms, just in an unusual way. (There is a category of bipolar disorder for this called "Other Specified Bipolar and Related Disorder.") https://www.healthyplace.com/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-types/what-are-the-types-of-bipolar-disorder
Experiences like that are normally treated with antipsychotics. A low dose of one of those medications may be just what you need. Antipsychotics are serious medication, though, so you want to carefully consider whether you think it's worth taking them. Thoroughly discussing your options with your doctor should help you make that decision: https://www.healthyplace.com/thought-disorders/schizophrenia-articles/antipsychotic-medications-for-treating-psychotic-illness
If you choose to go down the medication route, go slowly and continually assess along the way. There are many antipsychotics available, so it can take time to find the right one for you.
It's really good that you've recognized these issues in yourself. Now you can work on lessening them.
Good luck.
-- Natasha Tracy