Blogs
Recognizing When The Patient - Or the Team - Isn't In Control
Because I'm so big on getting parents to get engaged and be empowered to support an eating disorder patient to full recovery, it is hard to talk about the other side of this: letting go. But that is part of the picture, too.
Amanda_HP
Media images can be very powerful. When we see something, especially when it's "based on a true story," our mind removes the words "based on a" and we are left with "true story;" as if what we are seeing on the screen is the absolute truth. In fact, the "based on" means it's an adaptation of a story with a lot of "Hollywood" thrown in to keep you interested.
We tend to ignore the power of sound and how it can affect our mood and wellbeing. Everyday, we are surrounded by noisy traffic, snippets of conversation from chattering people, music and more. Think about how irritating the sound of nails scratching a chalkboard is; then think about the sound of birds chirping. What a difference they make in our mood (unless you hate birds).
Last week I set a goal to target one bad ADHD habit (forgetting to eat) and set so many timers against it that the odds of success would be in my favor. Let's see how I did.
As I consider posts for this blog, I keep asking myself, what do I call our kids? I’ve never been one to adhere strictly to politically correct terms, but I do want a term which accurately identifies our children as a specific subset.
Bob’s “official” diagnoses are early onset bipolar disorder and ADHD. I don’t like to say he’s “bipolar” because I don’t think of him that way—he is not bipolar, he is a kid who has a lot of positive qualities and also has bipolar disorder. That said, I’m lazy. It’s admittedly easier to just say “my kid is bipolar.” Which omits the ADHD part entirely, but “my kid has bipolar disorder and ADHD” just takes too much air for me.
Okay, I admit it, I don’t like doctors. At all. In fact, one might suggest I downright hate them. I hate going to their appointments, I hate being in their waiting room and I hate talking to them.
"It's all about control."
Not really. In fact, eating disorders are better described as being controlled: by thoughts and compulsions that lose all relationship to reality. Eating disorders take control of the person and the family. But how does one take control away from the anorexia or bulimia or binge eating and get normal life back? First: figure out who is in charge.
When I began my journey into this wild terrain called “Motherhood,” I thought I knew what I was doing. After all, I was a 28-year-old, soon-to-be college graduate with three younger siblings. I had years of babysitting experience and the gifts of critical thinking and research in my arsenal. Having a child surely couldn’t be any more difficult than having a puppy, right?
That was almost nine years ago. Boy, have I learned a lot.
I'm a 28 year old writer-photographer, poet and politico. Born in Australia, I've lived in Manhattan, London and Philadelphia, and have been blogging, tweeting and advocating about mental health issues for more than three years.
I'm your sister, your cousin, your friend; an old woman, or that kid playing in the yard across the street. Hi. My name is Kate White, and I'm 1 in 4. Haven't heard that statistic before? Then you should know that 25% of the world's population will experience a mental health problem at some point in their lives.
I’ve been in treatment for over a decade now and in that time I’ve had more than my share of doctors. Some doctors have been awful, but some have been great and at the top of their field. And when a doctor at the top of their field sees a treatment-resistant bipolar, they have some treatment options that your average doctor might not think of.
First of all, thank you for sharing your story. You are a very caring person, and I commend you for, as Tammy Wynette sings, "Stand(ing) by your man." That aside, I wholeheartedly agree with you that those living with depression may seem selfish to someone on the outside. Still, in reality, they (me also being one of them) think our loved ones would be better off without us around because of our depression. We think we are doing our loved ones a favor by leaving. Depression causes our brains to work in different ways, causing us to think distortedly -- so no, we are not purposefully being selfish. Thank you for seeing that with your loved one and not allowing someone else to convince you otherwise.
Well, eventually, the depression demons took hold and he told me on August 5th 2023 that he decided he wanted to just move to MT and isolate himself from everyone. He had been offered a free place to stay if he did some maintenance. He is very handy and that type of situation was very ideal because it was flexible; he only worked on things on the days he was physically up to it.
We talked every night like "normal" up until he left on April 14th 2023. We had a long distance relationship then and so I didnt get to see him in person often and didnt see him that last week. He told me one last time that he loved me and he was sorry to hurt me and I have not heard from him since. He didnt even tell his parents or sister he was leaving.
I still love him as much as I ever have even though it has been over a year since we last spoke. I just had dinner with a close friend who was always very critical of him because often he would have to cancel plans last minute due to the Crohn's or because he would go dark for weeks at a time. She told me tonight that he is a selfish person and that if he truly loved me he would have gotten help for the depression. Oddly, she has been depressed before and suicidal which you would think would make her more understanding. I asked her if when she contiplated suicide was she selfish? She said yes. I said but are you a selfish person and she said no. I said that was the same for him. Sure him leaving me and his family was "selfish" but at his core, is he selfish? Absolutely not. She thinks because she was able to conquer her depression that if he really loved me, he would have fought his depression. It makes me sad to think she cant see the amazing guy that is buried under the depression. I know, without a doubt, if he did get a handle on the depression, that he would NOT be selfish at all. It is hard to understand why others cant see the true person under the depression.
I hope those that are struggling know that not everyone will abandon you in your time of suffering. There are people out there that see the real you and would do anything to help.
I encourage all those suffering from depression to not only tell your loved ones what you are going through, but also to seek professional help. And for those of you who love a person suffering from depression, have compassion and understanding for their struggle. Know they do not intentionally hurt you and deep down they still love you even if they cant show it.
Thanks for reading.
p.s. I also struggle with depression and anxiety but I did get help and between medication and coping techniques, I am able to be myself again.
From the story you told, it sounds like you know when your partner's alters switch.
I'm sorry this was written in the first/second person. But maybe apply this to your situation with a grain of salt.