Blogs
One common trait of abuse victims I've noticed is their resiliency. I found that through the years, I perfected being self-sufficient. This admirable attribute is not as terrific as some may believe, however. My ability to tackle struggles on my own without asking for help is a negative side effect of years of abuse.
Although I am not a fan of claiming labels as an identity, I have noticed the more I use the term "anxiety," the more people seem to relate to me. But I have had to separate the concept of being anxious versus feeling anxious. I used to say, "I have anxiety," making it a part of who I am. Since starting my journey to enlightenment, I have learned that anxiety is not something that I am. It is something that I feel.
I am grateful for the podcasts that help me maintain mental wellness, but first, this background story: In April of last year, while the world was just beginning to open back up, I was experiencing the bleak fallout from a traumatic breakup. Much like when I was at my lowest low, battling depression later that summer, I was constantly searching for ways to forget. One of my favorite ways to accomplish this was going for long, and I mean long, walks. I would put on my shoes, walk down my apartment stairs and just walk. Sometimes three miles, sometimes five, and nine or 10 on the bad days.
My dad has a way with words. Decades ago, when I started hearing voices, he dubbed them the “Blue Meanies” after the bad guys in the animated Beatles movie Yellow Submarine. And he calls my negative self-talk the musings of “Bad News Betsy.”
Whether you do so intentionally or unconsciously, using emotional blackmail to stop self-harm is one of the worst things you can do to someone struggling to recover.
Did you know that neurodiversity includes borderline personality disorder (BPD)? Most people associate the term with autism or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). But, the scope of neurodiversity is much larger than that. The term is new in the mental health community and evolving quickly. However, while information on it is plentiful in the ADHD and autism world, there is surprisingly little information on neurodivergence concerning BPD. So, how does neurodivergence manifest in BPD?
With this post, I want to talk about how trying new things has helped boost my self-esteem. There have been many times when I feel like I'm stuck or in a rut, and those times typically lead to questioning my self-worth and doubting what I want to do. Today, I'll share how trying new things -- and even reviving some old ones -- helped boost my self-esteem.
If you often deal with anxiety, sometimes it might seem as though it is difficult to be happy and anxious. While anxiety is not the same as depression, I think that dealing with it can sometimes lead to depression because, when you're anxious, you may find that you experience negative emotions that lead to a general feeling of sadness. You might also find that you focus more on those negative feelings than other ones.
I used to subscribe to the toxic positivity message. I wanted to believe that if I could maintain a persona of relentless confidence, enthusiasm, resilience, and optimism, then I would eventually outdistance the pain of my eating disorder.
When most of your life has been a struggle to perform tasks thanks to attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), it's hard not to become preoccupied with productivity. So zero percent productivity days can lead to self-criticism.
A few months later, I knew that I had a problem. So, I decided to take care of my mental health myself a looked-up ways to cope and help me get better. A couple of months, IT DID!! I wasn't completely healed but tactics like the Box Breathing method and the Name 5 Things you can smell (or something like that) kind of helped me stay grounded. But because I never received the treatment that I needed it never went away.
My first panic attack was scary, I kept on sobbing rocking back and fourth. I tried to stay quiet, so that my parents wouldn't find out. But to keep myself quiet I would bite, scratch myself, or repeatedly tell myself to shut up. And then I would get suicidal thoughts and find out ways to try to kill myself. But during all of this, there would be a part of me terrified that I might just kill myself.
I don't really get a lot of these types of panic attacks. But they are mostly cause by a verbal fight between my parents sending my thoughts to spiral out of control. I do plan on getting help from a professional when I move out, which won't be for a while. But for the mean time, I just really want answers from someone who can help me that won't charge money and can keep it from my parents. I honestly don't know what to do! I'm just a kid trying to fix the mess she's in!
Sorry if it's a lot to take in, it is for me too ':)
Thank you for reaching out. I am so sorry to hear that you are in such distress. I know it can be difficult, but please consider seek out a mental health resource that can assist you. HealthyPlace's list of hotline numbers is a useful place to start. Here's a link to find the contact information: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-referral-resources.
Sincerely,
Mary-Elizabeth Schurrer
HealthyPlace Comment Moderator