The fear caused by abuse is an emotion that can stick with you during abuse and after the abusive relationship is over too. One of the hardest things to look at during or after an abusive relationship is the mental and emotional damage the abuse caused in us. We remember who we were before the abuse and may feel like a sad shell of that person after it. It is scary and heart-breaking. You may feel more defenseless, helpless and hopeless than before you knew your partner abused you. After all, now you fight your mind as well as the abuse your (ex) partner inflicts. You will never change your partner. You are already their target for abuse, and once you are the target it is difficult if not impossible to change back into "you" in their eyes. However, you can change yourself. You can change your thoughts, your feelings, and the way your brain is wired. But remember, although "change" is something that can happen to you, if you want to heal from abuse, change must be something you DO.

Memory problems are not owned by those of us who live with Adult ADHD, but our disorder can certainly exacerbate things.  For me, to be frank, my ears don't always work too good!  That's why I write, write, write. Taking notes is one of my number one coping mechanisms to accommodate for my lack of auditory endurance - aka I drift off when people are talking and taking notes provides both a way to stay on task and a way to review later what the heck my teachers, friends etc were talking about.

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda... Those of us dealing with mental illness in our families can't help but occasionally compare where we are to "what might have been." It's human nature, I suppose. While comparison can be inspiring, it can also lead to needless disappointment. And we have had quite enough of that, thank you. In my most Zen frame of mind, I am happy for others whose children are on their way to six-figure-incomes and a life with a clear timetable for success, love, and growth. In my not-so-Zen moments, I allow myself that twinge of jealousy.  For my son Ben can no more help his schizophrenia than I can stop a blizzard. My mantra for returning to Zennish state, after processing human emotion: "It is what it is." But that is not so easy when the human emotion is grief.

Once upon a time, in a land called Bryn Mawr, PA, I was afraid to stand up for my adult ADHD needs.  I was first diagnosed my sophomore year and started to receive testing accommodations for my fall semester finals.  It was so difficult to accept my adult ADHD diagnosis and even more difficult that I needed something extra to perform at the same level as everyone else.  It made me feel less than.

Recently, Karl Shallowhorn of our Debunking Addiction blog wrote a post called, Am I An Alcoholic? This got me to thinking about another question that people ask: Am I mentally ill? This is a good question. It’s a good question because, by and large, people don’t want to be considered “mentally ill” so they want to know if they meet the definition.

I know. I know. You might be thinking, "Is she serious? I did not lose my entire memory!" Yes, I am serious and I will work to explain why.

It’s that time of the year again…the 90 plus days that are the bane of existence for most adults with ADHD. Yes, I’m talking about tax season - when all of our best intentions from the year before can either feel like our saving grace or plunge us into weeks of despair. For whatever reason, taxes seem to combine all of the struggles of ADHD into one fell swoop. Last year, I shared the common experience of  “a week with adult ADHD” to show how even the best of intentions can lead to chaos, putting out fires, procrastination and barely making deadlines. This year, in the midst of tax season, my thoughts turn to the ADHD challenges that make meeting deadlines so difficult to meet.

As I mentioned in my post during National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, over half of eating disorders in the United States are diagnosed as "Eating Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified" or ED-NOS. It's a tricky thing to pin down, ED-NOS is. The manifestation of this eating disorder is as varied as its many sufferers and carries a stigma and set of problems all its own. So if I'm diagnosed with ED-NOS - what the heck does that even mean? What does it mean for my recovery? What does it mean for my access to eating disorder treatment?

Insecurity is one of the most cunning and inhibiting ways our minds keep us from developing healthy self-esteem. It’s like a game our ego plays on us to go down the rabbit hole of negative thinking, making it seem almost impossible to get out. When unnoticed or part of our everyday repertoire, insecure thoughts no longer become an occasional lack in self-confidence, they turn into a way of life. Insecure feelings often leave one more inhibited in their life. Negative beliefs can snowball into avalanches, contributing to low self-esteem, anxiety and depressive thoughts.

Getting from anxiety to adventure is not a very far leap, even though it may seem to be. Looking at things from different angles give us different meanings of the same event. The meanings we give these events make all of the difference in how we feel and think about ourselves and the world.