Blogs
As a result of me sharing my story, I have helped two people get help for their own problems. For me, that makes it all worth it.
Last Thursday, I was invited to read from Ben Behind His Voices to the members and staff at Laurel House in Stamford, CT. Laurel House is based on the "Clubhouse" Model, offering programs, services, and a community to people diagnosed with a mental illness. Tonight, Laurel House will sponsor the public Book Launch Event, and we hope to raise awareness and funds for the wonderful work that goes on there.
What do they do? from the home page of their website:
Recovery...
the regaining of or the possibility of regaining something lost or taken away.
Laurel House is a “for impact” organization that creates opportunities for people with serious mental illness to work, attend school, have a place to live and experience improved health and an overall better quality of life. It is also a place where recovery begins.
Since 1984, Laurel House has operated in Stamford, Connecticut, using a self-help approach known as the “Clubhouse” model. This is a holistic, community-based approach, which focuses on the individual strengths of people with serious mental illness to lead productive, meaningful and rewarding lives in the community.
I arrived at 11 am, and was greeted by the public relations team at Laurel House, consisting of both staff and members. One young woman shook my hand firmly and cheerfully and said, "I'm so glad to finally meet you! I have paranoid schizophrenia and I'm not ashamed to say it. I also want you to know that while I love my therapists and psychiatrists, I would not be here without the love and support of my family."
Borderline personality disorder does get better if you work at it. You are worth the wait.
Sometimes when life gets crazy and your ADHD mind seems determined to make the worst of your day, finding the humor in the situation is the only remedy you have left to keeping your spirits high.
I realized the importance of a psychiatric crisis plan when I needed one and I did not have one in place. A few years ago, I was hospitalized and I don't feel that I was given the proper care by the hospital and I was certainly not in any state to take care of myself. If I had a crisis plan in place, my family could have worked with my doctor to make sure that I received the proper treatment and care at the hospital and that I had a plan in place for after I was discharged.
After a recent experience with state-dependent memory recall got me questioning the heavy focus on internal communication in Dissociative Identity Disorder treatment, I decided to ask readers of my personal blog how they learn about their systems. 63% of responders cited feedback from external others along with internal communication as the primary ways they gain insight into their DID systems. Only 9% cited internal communication alone. [See poll.] And yet in the six years since my diagnosis, I’ve never heard anyone who treats or has DID recommend engaging in the outside world as a path to self-discovery. In fact, I’ve heard the opposite: no one will understand Dissociative Identity Disorder but us; talk to yourself and to us, and no one else.
In the past, I wondered if a new partner would love me after knowing I had a mental illness. Of course, it is not a topic you disclose when you first meet someone: having dinner together, or watching a movie. It is probably not something you talk about three weeks later, but living with a mental illness is something that needs to be discussed.
Problems do not disappear when you leave your abusive relationship. I left 1 year, 8 months ago and my children and I deal with the after-effects of abuse even today.
Before I get into them, I want you to know that I am so proud of myself for leaving that toxic relationship. I am grateful that I now tackle the "after-effects" rather than the day to day abuse. I am grateful for the opportunity I now have to rewind and repair myself, and I see signs that my teenage boys will also take it upon themselves to rewind and repair with me.
I would not return to the abuse for ANY reason, and I completely adore the opportunities my new life gives me.
The anxious and curious mind
What motivates anxiety? In a sense being human is experiencing discomfort, then doing something about it. Whether that's the fear of mice that means a better mousetrap or dissatisfaction with the world that raises great ambition.
Anxiety makes me question everything. It forces its way into my head, fills it with future discomfort so that I fear not only probablity, but possibility. Natural questions become difficult to bear and I'm walking on eggshells with the weight of 'why?', 'what if', 'does it have to be this way?',
My thinness is an outward manifestation of my inner pain that I am unable to voice.
This is my last year of graduate school and I have started working on my thesis. It will be a creative non-fiction piece divided into two parts. One part will be about my struggles with anorexia nervosa, and my ultimate decision to begin the work of recovery in the midst of personal chaos. The other piece will review the memoirs and creative non-fiction writings written by women who have experienced anorexia and/or bulimia.
I deliberately chose to write my thesis about women only, in part because I plan to apply feminist theory to my thesis and I believe that eating disorders develop differently in women and men.
I have been enmeshed in writings about eating disorders these past few weeks, and I have found a common thread throughout the writings that resonate with my own experiences with anorexia.
Silence. At some point, each of these women have written about feeling silenced and having to regain their voices during recovery.
I believe at heart that eating disorders are illnesses of silence, of an inability to speak about inner pain, to give voice to what we are feeling and going through in the deepest reaches of our souls.
My point being, I'm right there with you. I hate the rollercoaster. I just want to live life without being in a state of constant fight or flight mode, only for his character to change and de-escalate and I fall for the person I fell for all over again.
Exhausting is a horrible word. The understatement of all understatements, if you will.
I wish there were better support groups for this kind of mental health condition.