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Developing anorexia nervosa in my early forties still feels a bit surreal. As I begin to recover and regain health, I am looking for answers that might not ever be found. Why would a woman with no previous history of any eating disorder suddenly fall into the hole of anorexia starting at the age of 41?
Like Alice in Wonderland, I have been moving through the strange world of anorexia perplexed by my very presence here. The questions continue to hammer at my brain.
Anxiety can stop me from trying new things. Lately I've been okay except when I go to try something different. Then it's all systems panic, followed up with a few days of fatigue and uncertainty. Some of this anxiety is about keeping me in my safety zone. A part of my brain figures that if I stay right there, nothing too terrible can happen. Then that annoyingly rational part chimes in to tell me that A. it pretty much already has, and B. staying in my safety zone won't treat anxiety, or PTSD.
I've had a horrible, terrible, awful, no-good, very bad week. Suffice to say it's winter, I hate snow, I feel like I could drink a lake and still be dehydrated, and situations beyond my control at work and at home are driving me to childish behavior.
And Bob? Well, after Tuesday's camera debacle, he's done rather well. I received an email from his teacher yesterday, telling me what a fantastic day he'd had. Even though he wasn't at all thrilled with carrying his stuff to school in a $1 Joann's reusable shopping bag, he didn't protest too much when I advised him he would be using it for the remainder of the week, regardless.
Due to my frequent flirtations with treatment-resistance over the years, I have discussed ECT with a variety of doctors. To the first doctor, and the one after, I said simply, “I would rather die than do that”. Well, as it turns out when faced with death, you’ll do a lot of things you didn’t think you would.
There are several ways to make your abuser feel like you do and get some sweet revenge. It is possible for your abuser to feel unloved, controlled and disrespected. It's relatively easy to get some revenge on your abuser by irritating your abusive relationship. Try these tips and see if you can’t elicit the hostility your abuser holds under the surface of his otherwise calm demeanor. You too can get revenge on your abuser by making him feel like you do.
I was on the radio recently as a guest of Dr. Stan Frager on WGTK, and he asked about depression or bipolar disorder disclosure to an employer. Although many people think they are familiar with bipolar disorder these days due to the attention it has received in the media, by and large they have the wrong idea about it. Mental health stigma on the news and in the media show mental illness to be something it usually is not. So my answer to whether you should disclose bipolar disorder to your employer has to be...
While most of us would like to think of ourselves as flexible, adaptable beings, the reality is that the mere thought of even a necessary change makes the best of us want to run and hide. Most people are creatures of habit and slight changes to our regular routines can turn us into stressed out, crabby people. But as Roseanne Cash, singer/songwriter and daughter of Johnny Cash, says, “The key to change...is to let go of fear.”
Like millions of other Americans, I don't get enough exercise. I’m more keenly aware of that fact in the month of January, when every gym and athletic goods store ramps up their advertising efforts to take advantage of the New Year fitness fever. But that doesn’t mean I’ll do anything about it. Ultimately, it’s just not that important to me. For some people, the opposite is true – exercise is one of the most important things to them. Does that mean they have an exercise addiction? How do you know if you're over-exercising?
Remember when I said I didn't know what to do about mental health warning signs when they flare up? The past two weeks of my life painfully demonstrate the consequences of that ignorance, along with some of the ugly truths about dissociative identity disorder. I knew my mental health was deteriorating. I was talking about it, writing about it, and actively looking for solutions. I saw the edge of the cliff and did everything I could not to fall. But fall I did.
Today's Phone Call from School involved a camera. My first (horrified) thought was that Bob had been sneaking bathroom-cam video of his female classmates, but it wasn't quite that serious. He had merely taken his camera to school, insisted on having it out during class, and refused to put it away. But when the teacher took it from him, his anger escalated to the point he shoved another student, threw a book, and ran out of the classroom. Staff found him hiding in the restroom and the principal escorted him to the office.
And it's only Tuesday morning (What Works When Disciplining a Child with Mental Illness).
Thank you for understanding that the man I love is not selfish. Even though I know that, when close friends tell you that you are blinded by love, you can sometimes wonder if you are wrong. But then talking it out on here I know I am not wrong about him.... he is a beautiful soul :)
Good luck in your journey! I pray you are able to stay in the light!