Blogs
It's almost a year to the day the judge awarded primary physical custody to my abusive ex-husband. My attorney was as surprised as I was. My attorney said that the best she could figure (without being allowed to see the interview documents, if there were any), was that my older son elected to be with his father because of his anger toward me, and the judge decided for keeping the kids together.
I am very grateful to hear that many people have been asking about me and wondering about the return of "Surviving ED." I have taken this time off to take care of myself during my ongoing recovery from anorexia. I didn't have a relapse and I am still at my healthy weight. However, I needed to take some time to care for myself because of some ongoing issues in my personal life. I have been struggling with a great deal of anxiety and depression because of these issues and felt it was best to take some time off from writing.
Sometimes anxiety makes it seem perfectly acceptable to throw the baby out with the bathwater, in search of calm and peace. Even if that results in hating myself because it feels like I'm reaching for something I can never have. So what's the solution? Be someone else, of course!
Common messages spread by certain special interest groups are that “mental illness doesn’t exist” and “there is no biological evidence for mental illness.” It’s not surprising I take great exception with these claims. So do most doctors.
But the brain is an extremely complex organ and refuting the above notions is hard. It’s not a two-word response. So, I’m going to attempt to give a two-part overview, in plain English, of some of the research around the biology of major depressive disorder according to a meta-analysis done in 2010 (see below).
Let's talk about irritability.
Our children suffer irritability because of their psychiatric conditions. But I'm not talking about their irritability--I'm talking about mine.
I’ve discussed my difficulties with setting personal boundaries and some of what contributes to those difficulties. But it occurs to me that there may be a link between the high suggestibility of people with Dissociative Identity Disorder and the challenges so many of us face with personal boundaries. It seems reasonable that saying no would be more difficult for people who are particularly susceptible to the power of suggestion.
I asked myself "Why?" more than any other question during my marriage. I thought that finding the answer to "Why?!" would allow me to attack the root causes of the trouble between him and me. But, for so many reasons, why? was the wrong question to ask.
Why can be an empowering question in the correct setting. The "5 Whys" is a wonderful technique for getting to the bottom of almost any normal situation. But when using the whys to understand an abusive relationship, it causes trouble. Why? Let's find out...
Although world-wide research over the last 20 years has indicated that women experience depression at 1 ½ to 2 times the rate of men, recent research conducted by Jed Diamond, Ph.D, and others, indicates that male depression has been under-reported and is beginning to rise significantly. In his 2009 book, Male vs. Female Depression: Why Men Act Out and Women Act In, Diamond reported on a major research study that concluded “Women seek help—men die.” The study found that 75% of those who sought professional help at a suicide prevention program were female. Conversely 75% of those who died by suicide in the same year were male.
I was recently asked, "Does Bob have an IEP?"
No, he doesn't--here's why.
there's a big difference between remorse, or regret of wrongdoing, and false guilt, which is a flaming arrow in the hands of a master manipulator.
First of all, thank you for sharing your story. You are a very caring person, and I commend you for, as Tammy Wynette sings, "Stand(ing) by your man." That aside, I wholeheartedly agree with you that those living with depression may seem selfish to someone on the outside. Still, in reality, they (me also being one of them) think our loved ones would be better off without us around because of our depression. We think we are doing our loved ones a favor by leaving. Depression causes our brains to work in different ways, causing us to think distortedly -- so no, we are not purposefully being selfish. Thank you for seeing that with your loved one and not allowing someone else to convince you otherwise.