Blogs
Chronic anxiety sufferers can greatly benefit from learning relaxation techniques. Relaxation is a practical coping strategy used to help manage stress in our lives. While taking a hot bath or watching TV can be relaxing, in order to have a noticeable effect on our anxiety we need a regular daily practice of some form of relaxation or meditation. This is important because we need to balance out all of the heightened intense feelings (heart rate, blood pressure, respiration, muscle tension, etc.) our bodies experience when in the fight or flight mode.
Amanda_HP
I was reading one of the self-injury conference transcripts on HealthyPlace about getting help for self-harm. In it, Dr. Sharon Farber, therapist and author of When The Body Is The Target: Self-Harm, Pain and Traumatic Attachments, discusses her belief that self-injury is an addictive behavior. And it got me thinking, like many addicts, do self-injurers carry on their self-injurious behaviors throughout their lives, do they face relapses over time, and is it something they manage, much like any other addict who fights the urge to return to the bottle or some other addictive substance?
It’s hard to trust my psychiatric nurse. How do you trust someone completely who could turn around and put you in a mental hospital? I used to tell her what was going on with me in small doses. She was on a need to know basis. And, then one day, I began to tell her everything. She constantly tells me that I have a lack of coping skills, but I disagree. It’s not the coping skills that are holding me back. It’s my bipolar disorder.
Amanda_HP
I began self-injuring at age 13, after I felt like I wasn't understood by anyone and fell into a deep depression (What Is Self-Harm, Self-Injury?). Fights with my parents, having a hard time with school, and general anxiety prompted me to self-injure for the first time, because I felt like it calmed my nerves and alleviated my anger almost instantly. From there, I began using self-injury to respond to almost every emotional situation - be it sad, angry, disappointed, depressed, or general thoughts of self-loathing and body image. I felt like it numbed all of my emotional reactions and I began to depend on it.
I caught the bus on time, but did I catch the right bus? Learning to laugh at our ADHD mistakes helps us keep our self-esteem intact.
I've often been asked how I can be so high-functioning as a bipolar. I would say that my number one most useful bipolar management tool is empowerment. I'm talking about self-empowerment in which you believe in yourself. Empowerment, a bipolar management tool, causes you to think positively about bipolar disorder. It doesn't negate all the bad, but it makes you see the good. It's important to see the good. Life can't go on without it.
Treat your anxiety by drinking more water and less caffeine. Caffeine provokes anxiety and can trigger panic attacks. The research shows a clear correlation between caffeine and anxiety (Nutrition Therapy for Anxiety Disorders).
One aspect common to many adults with ADHD is low self-esteem. When you live your life making stupid mistakes, falling short of—or forgetting entirely—your goals, or being yelled at by figures of authority, you'll likely be a mess when you reach adulthood. If you haven't learned to laugh off the gaffes, you might either adopt an insouciant attitude over time, or internalize the criticisms. I was of the internalizing variety (Signs of Self-Stigma: Do You Stigmatize Yourself?).
Imagine you are on a beautiful island, surrounded by palm trees, sand, and the soothing sounds of the ocean. How could anyone be anxious in a place like that? Yet, several years ago, when Mr. T and I went on vacation to the beautiful islands of Maui and Kauai, each day began with horrible panic attacks. I was sick the entire trip. Ever since then, I get really bad travel anxiety when traveling far from home.
Do you ever get so angry that you want to spit? I'm talking about the kind of anger that crawls up inside of you and squats, like it's never going to leave. The kind of anger that makes you slam doors and snarl tersely at your family when they ask you questions, has hit me today and I need to make it leave. I want it gone, but the internal struggle against my bipolar triggers is a battle to the finish. My chest is tightly constricted and I find myself wanting to be in a dark room.
Well, eventually, the depression demons took hold and he told me on August 5th 2023 that he decided he wanted to just move to MT and isolate himself from everyone. He had been offered a free place to stay if he did some maintenance. He is very handy and that type of situation was very ideal because it was flexible; he only worked on things on the days he was physically up to it.
We talked every night like "normal" up until he left on April 14th 2023. We had a long distance relationship then and so I didnt get to see him in person often and didnt see him that last week. He told me one last time that he loved me and he was sorry to hurt me and I have not heard from him since. He didnt even tell his parents or sister he was leaving.
I still love him as much as I ever have even though it has been over a year since we last spoke. I just had dinner with a close friend who was always very critical of him because often he would have to cancel plans last minute due to the Crohn's or because he would go dark for weeks at a time. She told me tonight that he is a selfish person and that if he truly loved me he would have gotten help for the depression. Oddly, she has been depressed before and suicidal which you would think would make her more understanding. I asked her if when she contiplated suicide was she selfish? She said yes. I said but are you a selfish person and she said no. I said that was the same for him. Sure him leaving me and his family was "selfish" but at his core, is he selfish? Absolutely not. She thinks because she was able to conquer her depression that if he really loved me, he would have fought his depression. It makes me sad to think she cant see the amazing guy that is buried under the depression. I know, without a doubt, if he did get a handle on the depression, that he would NOT be selfish at all. It is hard to understand why others cant see the true person under the depression.
I hope those that are struggling know that not everyone will abandon you in your time of suffering. There are people out there that see the real you and would do anything to help.
I encourage all those suffering from depression to not only tell your loved ones what you are going through, but also to seek professional help. And for those of you who love a person suffering from depression, have compassion and understanding for their struggle. Know they do not intentionally hurt you and deep down they still love you even if they cant show it.
Thanks for reading.
p.s. I also struggle with depression and anxiety but I did get help and between medication and coping techniques, I am able to be myself again.
From the story you told, it sounds like you know when your partner's alters switch.
I'm sorry this was written in the first/second person. But maybe apply this to your situation with a grain of salt.