I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil

July 7, 2011 Natasha Tracy

I like my job. I get to write for a living which is something many writers don't get to do. And moreover, I get to write about things that matter to me. Also a great luxury for many writers. These are pleasures as are the vast majority of people I get to meet.

I do have the great displeasure, though, of seeing vehement hatred for those with a mental illness. People who hate show up here, on my blog and elsewhere. People with a hatred for bipolar disorder seem to seek places to express their hatred.

But hatred of the mentally ill is simply another prejudice. Hatred of people with bipolar is the same as racism and just as unacceptable.

People with Bipolar Are Selfish, Whiny, Childish Monsters

No one in their right mind would say, "All [people of race] are selfish, whiny, childish monsters."

They wouldn't say that because it isn't true and it's outlandish to think, let alone say. People of any race are individuals and thus are all different. Enlightened people understand painting them all with any brush is inaccurate, insulting and quite frankly just plain wrong.

It's exactly the same for those with a mental illness. Suggesting all people with bipolar are selfish, whiny, childish monsters (and I have heard much worse) is ridiculous. I am none of those things. I'm a grab-bag of traits, much like everyone else. Except I have an illness.

Why do People Hate those with Bipolar?

There is generally one reason why people hate those with a mental illness: they have had bad experiences with them in the past. And for whatever cockamamie reason, they have generalized that experience onto everyone with bipolar disorder. And for some reason they don't see the ludicrousness of that behavior.

My Ex Was Bipolar; She Was Evil

Lots of these people have bipolar ex-significant others. And some hate their ex-others. Perhaps for good reason; I couldn't say. But here's the thing:

  1. You fell in love with that person at some point and married/had kids with/lived with them, so there really is something good there somewhere.
  2. People hate their ex-others. It has nothing to do with bipolar and everything to do with being an ex.

People also think "men are bad," because of a bad divorce, or "women are conniving," or what have you. Not because of anything intrinsic to the gender but because divorces/breakups are nasty, ill-fated, legally acrimonious affairs.

Unfortunately, when one party has a mental illness the other party often feels perfectly justified in dumping the ills of the world at the feet of the illness. And then at the feet of everyone else with the illness.

Your Bipolar Ex Might Have Been Evil

I have no idea who you were married to, and they may have been the worst person on the planet. In fact, their illness may have made their life and yours a living hell. That person may have needed help and refused it. That person may have done horrible things and blamed it on their disease. That person may have hurt those and those you love. Quite possible.

But that's not about being bipolar, that's about the individual.

I will accept this illness makes people unpredictable and challenging, like many illnesses. I will accept the fact being with a person with an illness (any illness) is hard. I will accept that we hurt people, and sometimes that hurt has to do with bipolar disorder.

I will not, however, accept any insult you want to throw at me simply because I have the same diagnosis as a person you know. I will not allow you to tell me how I am or who I am. I will not accept your prejudice and I will not accept your hatred.

Enjoy Your Hate

You can hate whomever you like. It's a free country. But do it in front of me at your own risk. I do not buy your nonsense and to me, you are no better than a racist. Go find another place to play. Because I won't let you unabashedly hurt others just because you have been hurt.

APA Reference
Tracy, N. (2011, July 7). I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 23 from

Author: Natasha Tracy

Natasha Tracy is a renowned speaker, award-winning advocate, and author of Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar. She's also the host of the podcast Snap Out of It! The Mental Illness in the Workplace Podcast.

Natasha is also unveiling a new book, Bipolar Rules! Hacks to Live Successfully with Bipolar Disorder, mid-2024.

Find Natasha Tracy on her blog, Bipolar BurbleX, InstagramFacebook, and YouTube.

March, 8 2016 at 7:20 am

Oh Moon get a bloody life! Evil is Evil!..Period!

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

November, 12 2017 at 6:33 pm


March, 8 2016 at 7:13 am

Oh please! You have a right to be nasty? can control that if you chose to, your just too lazy to do it and want attention and people to feel sorry for you is all. Listen to the doctors instead of whining all the time!

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

November, 12 2017 at 6:21 pm

If you told that to Natasha, I salute you. As far as I'm concerned ,thsi article of hers is probably some ploy as a pity party for mentally ill people. How about she put herself in the shoes of those who've been victimized by mentally ill losers? I myself have dealt with those cretins for too long.

November, 15 2015 at 10:14 pm

I totally agree with Jon Biert. I have been hurt by the lies of a bipolar person, they are cruel, insensitive, mean people. Everything came as a shock to me, I knew this person was behaving erratically at times, with a lots of ups and downs, he was nice one day and a horrible person next, with a lot of sarcastic comments in our conversations which were very hurtful at times, and then he will praise me to make me feel good. I felt compassion for that person because he was so unhappy with his life and he felt many times that his life was worthless so I took a lot of crap from him because I felt I ought to help him in case things went out of control. He drained me with his negativity, nothing I was suggesting to improve his life was good enough, he talked behind my back to a friend, kept quite about it still accepted him in my life, until one day I had enough from him and told him everything I thought about him, that was the biggest mistake I could have ever done. In my mind I thought if he was a good genuine friend he ought to know what I think about him, but to my surprise I was totally wrong. If I was aware of his condition I would have never told him my feelings, but I wasn't aware about the mental condition and boy did he retaliate! The lies, the revenge was outrageous. He is been for a long time in a high, and he's feeling so strong, powerful and super confident, and that is someone who was crying his eyes out six months ago. I have read a lot about the condition, and the worse thing is that this person is not taking medication, hopefully his family will do something about it, but the only thing I can say is that after all the stress and upsetting I have come to terms with the end of our friendship, and I feel so blessed because I don't feel responsible for him anymore, his family can take over now, I feel better emotionally and believe me I will be super vigilant next time about people's behaviour, and as soon I recognize the pattern I will politely detach from the person, I have to take this as an experience, although not a very pleasant one I have to admit to myself that has made me wiser which it's always a positive thing.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

February, 4 2018 at 12:30 am

If I'm in that situation, I'd flat-out reject him or her.

November, 1 2015 at 5:57 am

This is a major reason that I, even though my bipolar is managed and I have not had symptoms in years, have given up on relationships. Why let someone into your life when the risk of being judged for your illness is so high? I'll stick to fishing. At least my fishing gear can't say horrible things about me on the internet.

October, 31 2015 at 9:35 pm

@Cindie: if you believe that anyone's HUMAN rights should be violated so blatantly by being "forced to be medicated for their own good" you are definitely in the wrong career field. It's hard to imagine how anyone so judgmental, opinionated, and completely devoid of empathy vould be allowed to get anywhere near a patient with a mental health diagnosis. With such a rigid, biased, and downright cruel attitude, the only thing you will be doing for the people you are working with is making their condition worse. [moderated]

October, 29 2015 at 10:31 am

The comments on here are sickening. You can't lump all bipolar people into the same category. We are, after all, individuals with our own gifts, histories and struggles. One vroup that should be lumped together is ignorant assholes. If you don't understand bipolar, or if you have only experienced one facet of it, don't demonize it. You have no right to do that unless you have met every bipolar person, ever. I have bipolar I and I take responsibility for my actions, especially when they affect others. It is not my label; it does not define me. If you can't see past the illness far enough to see the good in a person, well, that's the definition of ignorance and is your own damn fault.

October, 28 2015 at 4:03 pm

Thank you so much for the blog post, it helps me remember that when people judge me based on my bipolar disorder, they are judging me based on their assumptions or experiences with people who just so happen to share my diagnosis. Calling out stigma is always brave, and I appreciate your standing up for us. Thank you again.

September, 7 2015 at 3:27 pm

It would be great if you could write an article about how most mental illnesses are caused by childhood trauma. I think that might help the "normals" to understand a bit better. Obviously, there's a genetic component, but environmental triggers, like child abuse, are always the trigger. Could you talk about the initial triggers and the best ways to help prevent mental illness in the first place? You'd really be doing society a great service!

September, 7 2015 at 3:08 pm

Horrendous blog post, in my humble opinion. Most, if not all, bipolar people are just trying to process all their childhood trauma, usually while on very powerful psychoactive medicine which has some very horrific behavioural side effects. This article just perpetuates the stigma of mental illness, and has probably triggered a lot of bipolar people who have come to this mental health site for help and advice.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

June, 2 2017 at 10:49 pm

I agree, Guy. Most "mentally ill" people are not really "mentally ill". They are either evil or victims (or are evil because they were victimized), and chalking human thought and behavior up to genetics or chemicals does neither of these groups of people (nor bystanders) a favor.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

November, 12 2017 at 6:22 pm

You bet.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Black Zero
May, 6 2019 at 4:09 pm

"My humble opinion."

September, 7 2015 at 1:29 am

I work in mental health. Borderline personality-disordered people combined with bipolar disorder are the absolute worst. I have seen them destroy families and careers with their out of control behaviors....particularly when they refuse to take medication. My opinion is that they should be forced to be medicated for their own good. If the behavior is under control, I believe you will hear fewer and fewer stories about their antics, and the hatred that others have for them.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

December, 5 2017 at 8:38 pm

I couldn't agree more.

Krista Muller
August, 21 2015 at 10:34 am

/me sighs.
Another one of the problems with the term bipolar disorder is that it is thrown around as a catch all for MANY different issues. Bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance.
Many people self diagnose with bipolar when in fact they may be drug addicts, narcissits, antisocial or borderline personality disorders. Many doctors throw the book at people who are recovering from addiction in the first year. This is an absolutely poor way to figure out what else may be under the *addiction* when one is recovering their ability to work and their mood swings and hallucinations mimic bipolar, skitzophrenic and some personality disorders. Its very likely that after a few years one can assess more realistically what level of comorbidity there is in that particular person.
Also some people who have bipolar disorder do NOT manage their medications properly. My personal belief is that they have not been taught to advocate for themselves. I openly have refused to take medication suggested to me because I read the side effects and know I will not be able to be compliant. One has to work to find the right cocktail for them.
Basically I will tell people I dont know well I have a siezure disorder. Every single one of my medications is also used to treat seizures...which leads to another topic that i will not go through at this point.
I feel that in many ways people who suffer from mental illness are the last indivuals who need to band together and insist on our civil rights. We have more people distance themselves from us, pathologize and dismiss us, and refuse to treat us as adults with a disorder that is chronic but manageable. I have seen too much bigotry among the general population about mentally ill people. Its time to give the general population more information about who we are. Maybe then people will see that there are many more of us, and many that choose not to mention this pat of us because of the horrible reaction we get.

August, 21 2015 at 5:49 am

Nice group of bitter and twisted folks turned up here to rave about their evil exes who have a mental illness. I have bipolar I, and was diagnosed about 10 years ago. I was already a decade into my marriage. Instead of running scared, and demonizing me, my partner has hung in with me, and worked through the things I did while I was sick with me. I'm not saying I haven't acted out when I've been sick. I own everything I do, sick or not. My husband's love and devotion through difficult times has been essential to my long term health. He is involved in my medical care, keeps track of my meds, watches for symptoms of mood change, and communicates with me about how i'm doing daily. Clearly I am very fortunate, seeing the fear and loathing spouted here. Maybe some of you people just don't have any empathy, the guts to stick by your partners or the willingness to be a help to them. Maybe the problem is just as much your lack of abilities to set boundaries, to help those people with their treatment, and be a good partner even when things aren't so easy. You all should be ashamed of yourselves. It's never just one person in a relationship that is at fault when things fall apart. Go ahead and demonize everybody with the same diagnosis as your ex. That's really helpful. We are all individuals first, not all one monolithic group. My mother has bipolar, but it was her malignant narcissism that destroyed everybody in her life. not the bipolar. I keep healthy and loving relationships over decades. It's not the disorder you have to blame, but that other person and yourself. Don't make assumptions about me or my life based on your experience with somebody else with the same diagnosis. It's offensive and ignorant. [moderated]

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

November, 26 2017 at 8:30 pm

Also, ironic that you called mental illness haters twisted when bipolars are twisted themselves. If you're reading this, Natasha, could you delete her comment? She deserve to be here.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Natasha Tracy
November, 27 2017 at 3:13 am

Hi Guest,
I took a look at her comment and didn't find it deletion-worthy although I did edit it to some degree.
- Natasha Tracy

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

December, 5 2017 at 8:43 pm

I was wrong about claiming that she deserves to be here. She actually doesn't. But I can't believe that waycthat you edited it. How could you?! You don't seemt oudnerstand how vicitms of mentally ill people feel. Take me, for example. You wouldn't believe how many times I've been mistreated by them. Therefore, I wish that trouble never existed in this world.

August, 19 2015 at 3:36 pm
Do girls find it extra hot when big guys bully small guys? | Wrong Planet Autism Community Forum
People don't mind arseholes and bad politicians being evil, but despise disabled people with weaknesses on benefits and don't mind kicking to the ground and blaming them for everything.
I know a special ed teacher who worked with autistic kids some were good, but unfortunately she had one class where they kept coming up at her and puncing, choking and spitting at her. and she quit working with them. She doesn't find bipolars as tiring as those violent autistic kids. Anyway we should support autistic people because there are many good Autisitic people like Jenny McCarthy. and Daryl Hannah. Just as athere are good bipolar people like Steven Fry. We should not beat up people with alternative weaknesses or put them all in one category.

August, 19 2015 at 3:28 pm

While people who are unmedicated and refuse to seek help can be a pain. I despise normal people blaming bipolars and people with more severe mental illnesses for every crime in the world. People on chrystal meth, people who are malignant narcissts are just as evil if not more evil than bipolars. Florence Nightingale is bipolar i don't think she was evil. They don't generally need to have a diagnosis of a mental health problem. If one is concerned about there being too many bipolars in the world why are there so many malignant narcissist evil toxic people bullying empathetic children in schools and people in the workplace causing them to develop bipolar and psychosis on a day to day basis. In a world run by corporatism where corporations pay 0 tax and poor and middle class people can't afford access to medication. I am starting to think that American society is the evil, and worships fascists like Ayn Rand. It jails the homeless. Makes it illegal to feed the poor. People in the Netherlands and Australia are better at allocating their resources to look after their disabled and mentally ill, but sadly these countries may become the lost cause that is America. A country of hardnosed selfish individualistic people.
I agree with some normal people that some mentally ill are hard to deal with. But i despise some normal people who bully the mentally ill. Don't make accomodations for them so they can keep their jobs, maintain their housing and then blame them for not maintaining their finances. These people need accomodations at work and are given nothing but crap from people like you. Some normal people are worse than the mentally ill because they make trouble for the mentally ill person and are hypercritical negative, and sterotype all mentally ill people. They are so hateful towards the mentally ill they are violent towards them and pretend they were committing self defence. But when they are guilty and end up in jail they still want to blame the mentally ill person and deny that they are guilty. Particularly normal people with malignant narcissism which Ayn Rand probably promotes Americans to follow. If people hate the disabled and the mentally ill and call them lazy benefit leeches while supporting that corporations pay zero tax it just shows how less empathetic and increasingly evil and selfish some Americans can be.

June, 16 2015 at 9:08 am

Every human being is unique; however that doesn't mean there are not some notable hallmarks of certain mental illnesses that should be taken into account.
If I had it all to do over again, would I have been less "open-minded?" Would I have risked pre-judging somebody's illness as being too risky to take on in a love relationship? YES, yes, I would have. More than a decade later, after a failed relationship with a bipolar man (a charming, intelligent, fun person at times who seemed quite caring when it suited him-- who would become more and more paranoid, filled with rage, threatening, violent, isolating, controlling, blaming, etc.); after seeing the tides of despair and rage growing in the eyes of my beloved child (who has only been surrounded by kindness, stability, and love); and after finding out that three members in the extended family of my ex have committed suicide after succumbing to their struggle with bipolar disorder, YES, YES I would have chosen to not be involved with this illness. I would have passed.
I feel immensely for people, such as my daughter, who were born with this illness that they did not choose and cannot undo. It is heart wrenching. I feel sick with grief, sadness, frustration, guilt.. on a regular basis. She is a victim to her illness, yet she is also an abuser to other people.
I will always support and love her; she is my daughter and she is my heart.
But I will never trust people with bipolar disorder completely, and I will avoid taking them into close friendships. My ex, my daughter, my mother-in-law, and one friend all have bipolar and while they all have very different personalities, there are consistent "themes" in how they relate to others once they are comfortable being themselves.

June, 8 2015 at 1:27 pm

... approximately 5 percent of the general population at any given time is bipolar... how do you account for the rest of the 45 percent that is NOT...

June, 8 2015 at 11:42 am

In the general public 50 percent or more of ALL marriages end in divorce. It is NEVER 100 percent the fault of just one person in any relationship ALL the time. Sometimes the things that people complain most about ARE THE VERY SAME THINGS THEY ARE GUILTY OF. Take a good HONEST look at yourself in the mirror and what do you see???

June, 7 2015 at 4:53 am

To hell with bipolar people. They are all useless painful selfish people. I was married for 10 years to a bipolar woman. If you don't know anything about bipolar personally then don't talk about it. They are not people they are evil in everyway. They are nasty money spending lazy manipulative [moderated] that I hope nobody ever has to be associated with. Someone says that they are bipolar then get away from them immediately or you will be destroyed as well.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

November, 12 2017 at 6:18 pm

I'm with you for posting that.

June, 5 2015 at 11:53 pm

Being a black man I find this authors attempt to relate peoples anger at experiences they have had dealing with mentally ill partners to racism completely ridiculous. Racism in most people has no basis in any fact & is merely a set of dislikes based on someones physical appearance as identified through skin color or ethnic origin. Many people who are racist have never even met a black, an Asian or Jew, or a Muslim person, or had a negative experience with one.
I'm sorry but I could not disagree more with idea that people should be called on to support or show compassion toward the mentally ill partner, if those mentally persons refuse to seek help and end their abuse. I understand full well that some people (rare cases) who are afflicted with BP and BPD etc seek help, and should be supported in this endeavor. But when the actions of BP or the like involve abuse and pose a danger to your own welfare and potential safety, you have greater responsibility to yourself to leave the situation.
I have endured two relationships now with mentally disordered women, one thank god ended after 18 months with no children involved. But during it I had my nose broken when she decided to thrown a book at my face, the end came when she decided to jump on me in my sleep at 3 am in the morning & try to strangle me to death. All because she found out my 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship didn't feel comfortable to meet her, by hacking into my email account?
The second one I spent 9 years with, having the life completely drained from me, I ended up in a psych ward myself at the 7 years mark under the pressure of the constant psychological warfare she waged against me. I left this person 18 months ago and they still play games all the time with the access to my child, the legal system & constant attempts to exploit me for every cent she can get. To this day she has NEVER ACCEPTED even one ounce of the abuse, and instead went told everyone she could I abused her? She even went as far as to join codependents anonymous so she could live her carefully constructed fantasy of being the victim, while she walked away leaving me thousands of dollars of debt after assaulting me & destroying my property.
It is a never ending nightmare and I understand full well why people who have experienced life with an un-diagnosed mentally ill partner who refuses to get help, feel nothing but anger and hatred. And less you have endured the abuse, you have you have little room to offer up opinions from some kind of moralistic high ground.
This person has effectively abused me directly and by proxy for 10 years now & I utterly powerless to stop her. Try enduring this and see how much you feel compassion for them!!

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

November, 12 2017 at 6:19 pm

You tell her, Ma'am, although I'd appreciate it if you woudln'tapologize. She doesn't deserve it.

May, 9 2015 at 12:31 am

Natasha, I echo Rachel's concerns and would like tlo know more about why you title your articles the way you do. Your titles, themselves, often appear hostile to whatever point you try to make in article itself. Moreover, they come across as quite sensationalist. Are you trying to conjure up negative and sometimes hateful attention to individuals diagnosed with bipolar? Because it would appear that that is both your motive and effect.

May, 8 2015 at 5:44 am

Frankly, Natasha, i'm surprised that you allow these ignorant, bigoted oafs to post their vitriolic spleen on your blog. They're the evil ones, trying to hurt people already suffering and in need of consolation. Maybe you need to screen posts more efficiently. All the sharks want is an audience.
I seldom read your blogs because of them.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

December, 25 2017 at 9:05 pm

[moderated] Because of your blinding pity for mentally ill folks, you clearly don't understand thepain that they causedtheir victims.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

February, 4 2018 at 12:35 am

Did I give you, Natasha, any permission to moderate that comment of mine?

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Natasha Tracy
February, 5 2018 at 7:40 am

Hi Guest,
All comments here are subject to moderation. We do not allow abusive comments, among other things.
- Natasha Tracy

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

May, 31 2018 at 10:06 pm

that's pretty ironic of you considering that i saw abusive comments from Lauren Martin.

April, 25 2015 at 5:38 am

Sorry Nan
I didn't mean to sound so harsh. You sound like a loving caring individual who deserves some happiness. There needs to be some balance in any relationship in order for it to work. Relationships can be hard to build and maintain and unless both parties are willing to put the work into it to keep it alive, it withers and dies. Having a mental illness and caring for one with it can restrict someone's life so many ways...
When someone is abusive, oversteps boundaries or shows little or no respect that's totally understandable why you would want to back out of the relationship and it makes perfectly good sense to do so. If someone doesn't appreciate you then why would you put up with that
It bothers me though that most people with a mental illness are not considered on par with someone who has a physical illness. A person with a mental illness does not wish to be sick anymore than a person with a physical illness does. There is also a lot more stigma for people with a mental illness than there is for someone with a physical illness. Stigma is isolating and can deeply affects one's self esteem. Having a mental illness makes you vulnerable. Without the proper supports mental illness can be deadly

April, 25 2015 at 2:41 am

Psychosis can be very scary for the individual experiencing it. You can not reason with or use logic on or love someone out of psychosis. You just can't. Psychosis is like a medical emergency. By not getting him help you are enabling him. By help I mean getting him committed to hospital. If he refuses to take medication when he gets out there isn't much you can do 'til he reaches that state again. Any good doctor would admit a psychotic person to hospital. Psychosis is treatablle. The symptoms can be managed
I would think having cancer and losing an eye would also be very scary for someone as well.
While I understand your need to take care of yourself, there is such a thing called compassion fatigue that many caregivers feel, maybe you just need a break.
Pardon my bluntness but you are not the seriously ill one here who is dying and cannot take care of themselves. A large number of people die of cancer and a large number of people also die of mental illness as well.
To turn a blind eye to someone in need is heartless. How would you feel if it happened to you...
If your son became ill would you abandon him too?
Who will be there for YOU when you die?

April, 24 2015 at 9:09 pm

I woke up thinking about what I wrote late last night and thought "I'm in for comments from people who think I'm heartless for pulling back after 18 years".
I have to clarify: my son's father has never been diagnosed but suffers from serious mental illness -- he's more than bipolar, he suffers from psychoses, paranoia, has serious unrealistic fears that people are following him in helicopters, radiating his apartment (he refuses to stay there, he has filled the place with a "protective wall" of junk but still believes the neighbours are getting him with their laser guns), he even believes I want to poison him. He comes to me when he needs me but speaks ill of me behind my back.
I have been his best friend all these years but perhaps I have also prevented him from getting the help he needs. Now I have been told that he has been living with his illness for so long (he is 61, I am 48) that it would be difficult to treat him with medication, and you also can't "talk someone out of" their psychosis. The head of a clinic here told me this.
It is horrible to watch, also considering his medical condition and the loss of his eye (if only he had seen the eye doctor sooner ...). And I know that when he is stable again we will have contact because there are so many things I love about him -- he's a wonderful person in so many ways -- but I realize now that this has all been slowly eating me up over many, many years.
It took me two years to write a book about what I've been through, the story spans nearly two decades and covers three continents. It has been an incredible journey and I will always love this man, but I feel like I have been slowly losing my life and my energy, have devoted so much of my energy to him and his illness.
I have been with him now through the most difficult time of his life, and it has been the most difficult time of my life. And now I need to simply shut the door -- for just a while perhaps -- because I cannot take it when he comes and breaks into my house like a storm. I also suffer when I see him suffering, he knows how much I care and each time he manages to "get inside" of me. It is difficult because I am torn apart inside, I care about him and worry about where he might be sleeping (he has his own apartment, rented a holiday flat and chose to sleep outside -- and it's still cold where we are!).
I have to learn compassion for myself, not just for him.
It has helped to write this, thank you for this site!
By the way, all the local kids here call him Jesus. Like I wrote last night, he is far from evil, he is a good soul and it breaks my heart to see him suffer. I want my heart to be whole again, and that means taking a step back. Perhaps by doing so, I will be able to see things more clearly ...
I can still feel love for him and send him my best wishes, but I realize that for my own health, I will have to do that from a distance.

April, 24 2015 at 11:03 am

This is an eye opener. I myself have been closely involved with an undiagnosed sufferer for over 18 years -- am still married to the man who is the father of my 17 year-old son, although we have lived apart for 15 years now. I am his confidante, his "soul mate", his best friend. But our connection has nearly destroyed me --
In December 2014 he was diagnosed with a tumor in his eye, his eye was surgically removed six weeks later -- needless to say, this set him off. We were all involved in this crisis, he had nowhere else to go so he stayed with us before and after the operation. I was glad to be able to help, I truly felt with him, felt his pain in a way I have never before experienced the pain and suffering of another human being. We still don't know if the cancer has spread as he has not undergone all the tests.
Well, that's just some of the background. And I won't get into all that we've been through in the past 18 years. I have lived with his psychosis and I have shut the door many times, but I have also opened the door again and again and embraced him when he has been well, been there for him during hard times.
Now I realize that his illness has been eating me up. I know he doesn't mean to do it and it is impossible for me to "hate" but I have to finally end it. I realize it is making me ill. I realize I attracted him and he attracted me -- two magnets -- he has given me a wonderful son and has enriched my life in many ways. But his illness hurts me again and again. Again and again he is abusive to me, oversteps my boundaries, shows little or no respect, frightens me ... So now, after 18 years, it is time to say good-bye.
The stories posted here -- insightful stories of compassion as well as the stories of anger and hatred -- are very real for me. I have experienced both sides. I have experienced deep love and joy over nearly two decades with a man I met while on holiday in Australia (!) yet have also SUFFERED guilt, anxiety, sorrow, fear -- and it is time for me to live. My son's father has refused all intervention, has never been diagnosed, has never sought treatment for his mental illness (which is now compounded by the loss of his eye and the threat of cancer). He blames me for his illness, takes no responsibility for his actions, is narcissistic, egocentric and extremely unreliable. I am certainly far from perfect myself but it is time for me to stop revolving around this charismatic man.
I followed him from Australia to NZ in 1997, travelled halfway around the world before settling with him in Europe (where he's from). It's been a whirlwind tour, I have carved a new life for myself and my son in a foreign country, have "accompanied" my husband through fits of madness which have lasted for up to four months at a time (we're currently at four and a half). Writing this down now helps me to be clear about it -- I've done it for long enough now.
He is not evil. I believe he is a good person, a deeply spiritual person ... but confused. Somehow deeply confused and unable to cope. I will always care for him but it is time to start caring more about myself. Time to be happy ... and to let go.
Thank you for listening/reading.
Love and let go.

April, 23 2015 at 4:27 pm

Let me tell you, the negative comments posted here surrounding bipolar are absolutely TRUE. BE ADVISED, STEER CLEAR from these individuals at ALL COST. They will suck you into a vortex of mental abuse which will later turn into physical abuse in addition to the mental abuse, if you are too late to react.
I had the highest level of misfortune to date, in my life, coming across a bipolar individual (female), who then later became my friend (unfortunately). At the time, when I had first met her, and for a few months into knowing them, I was unaware they were bipolar (manic/depressive). She was very nice to me the first few months I knew her. She always said thank you for everything, and overall she was very kind to me. I am a male, and I feel like part of the nice attitude may have been due to the fact that this female had never really been treated correctly by their male counterparts in any relationship. I treated her nice and she appreciated it. I helped her kids, I helped her find a new place to live & got her out from a residence that she hated staying in. She told me she wound up telling her family how much she appreciated me and my help. She appeared to be grateful.
I was friends with this person at the time, and wanted to remain so, so nothing was advanced on beyond that point due to me not being comfortable with it. I had seen little bursts of anger at this point towards other people over frivolous things & frivolous generic situations, which was an automatic turn off for me, so I kept to myself. She kept pressuring me by making little comments that suggested I take her out, wife her up, marry her, etc... too strong & too much for me to hear in the first few months so I left it be. I was uncomfortable with her strong behavior & didn't pay mind to it.
She had told me she believed she was bipolar within a few months of knowing her, but I shrugged it off. I half believed it when she said she was bipolar, but didn't take it seriously. Only now do I WISH I HAD.
The first red flag to me came, when I was being positive & having fun with a friend of hers over the phone. I called my friend (bipolar one) "my sister" and started laughing to her friend on the phone. She (bipolar) later called me with a negative tone and said "I'm not your sister" then told me that I could block her number if I wanted to and be on my way if I felt like it. I found out this is when her ex had come back into her life, so I was then highly disposable. This was the first negative thing I had witnessed directed at me for zero reason. She turned a positive into a negative.
Once the ex came into her life, I stayed & continued to help both of them so that they could try to be happy together. They ran into issues and parted ways again. She then jumped back onto me again with the attachment, saying that she had to be with me, that I was a good guy, etc - again it was too strong for me & completely out of the blue, especially after the first time around I decided to take it nowhere. I ignored it and just remained friends.
We started going to places just for fun a few times in a two week period, and a week later she had gone on vacation. She contacted me out of the blue professing how much of a great guy I was and that she liked me, that I looked good, etc - all positive remarks. I started to go with it because it felt genuine at that point, as where before it felt fake and pushed. She returned from vacation and I couldn't even tell that she had a care in the world for me. I let it stagnate again and just kept it as friends because I was not feeling it. A few weeks later she asked to be intimate with me three separate times, but because of the odd behavior and previous situations I ignored it and left it be - I just wanted to remain friends.
We stayed friends and she brought the same ex back into her life yet again. Her & her ex ran into problems again so they parted ways.
By this time period, and slightly prior to, she had begun making some slightly negative remarks to me here and there. Not frequent, but very out of place & insensitive. Her daughter's birthday was approaching, so I help set it up. Upon the day of her daughter's birthday she had a slight temper because I was an hour or two late with food, while I was getting all of her daughter's birthday stuff at the same time & trying to work my own business. Later in the day I had picked her friend up that I paid for, to have her bussed into town. Once she arrived, I picked her up & got her food, with no drink. I dropped her off at the daughter's birthday party. I went to the store to get one last thing for the birthday & this is when I encountered the first fit of extreme rage.
I was told that I hated her friend for not buying a soda with the food (she made this up in her head). She told me that I only help her cause I'm trying to buy her, and that I'm a pervert trying to buy her. I was dumbfounded at this point & once I returned to the party to try and talk to her, she started screaming non-stop & then threatened to hit me. Another adult had to stop her from becoming violent.
Instead of being thanked for spending over $100 on her daughter's birthday, buying food for her friend, busing her friend into town for the birthday party, buying drinks for the daughter's birthday, and helping to set the birthday up, I was mentally abused (& almost physically) for not buying a soda for her friend, and forgetting 3 minor decorations at the store, that the store never even carried to begin with.
A few months passed, the ex tried returning, but she told him to go away. He started vandalizing the property & stalking her, so I moved her into a new property because her ex was dangerous & mentally ill to my observation. I did this to protect the lives of her, and her two daughters, due to the ex's capability of becoming extremely violent. She thanked me for this & was very happy.
I had lent her some money at this point in time & it was agreed to have been paid back by an SSI settlement, soon due. Christmas was approaching & she wanted to visit her family, so I sent her to her family via plane & I covered the cost. I asked her if she would help me with a paper agreement on the money owed & she went off the deep end, and exploded in a fit of rage again. She said I was trying to get her to sign paper because I was jealous that she wasn't with me (although I previously denied her 3+ times). She started becoming extremely derogatory & calling me every name under the sun. Originally I was schedule to fly with her, but I denied due to her behavior. She had apologized & said she still wanted to fly with me, but I didn't acknowledge any of it. THIS IS WHEN I SHOULD OF LEFT FOR GOOD.
Upon her returning, her behavior was changed in many ways. She was always derogatory towards me. She made negative comments to me all the time, over everything. She would turn positive situations into negative ones frequently. She started telling other people I was a pervert. She stopped trusting me completely. She used to let her kids ride with me to the store in the car, then she became extremely paranoid that I was a child molester, so she refused to let them go anywhere with me unsupervised or on the phone with her. I believe she began to make up negative stories about me to her kids, because one of her children started calling me "bad", but the kid still loved me & prior to then, loved me even more. I never harmed them, never would, and both the kids loved me to death.
The last and final instance where I cut this crazy lady off, is when I picked up her daughter from school. Her daughter was on the phone with the crazy lady (bipolar), and accidentally hung up. I picked the phone up when she called back, and without letting me speak she went into a full fledged furry of rage from hell......
I dropped the daughter off 5 minutes late & all hell broke lose from this lady. She threw a plate at my car, called me a pervert, insinuating I'm a child molester, threatened to call the police on me, threatened to hurt me. She then threatened my with other people, including her ex. Her friends started threatening me. A friend of her called me asking for money. She also threatened to call family members of mine to defame me.
She began filing false police reports on me. She filed some reports for harassment but they did not result in charges because the substance of my behavior did not constitute the allegations. She then began to manufacture threats on my behalf via fake text messages, in order to get charges drafted on me, and thus burden me with the court system & also by placing warrants on me. I was facing over a year in jail because of what this lady had claimed I had done....
I was also facing the possibility of 3 different people hurting me, which also involved a death threat from one of them.
Had I followed my first gut feeling, I never would of had to deal with this crazy person who has NO REGARD for other people. They drew up illogical assumptions in their head like nothing I have ever seen before & put me through hell because of their own mental instability.
She went from liking me, to telling me I could go away, to loving me, to not liking me & friends, to wanting to be with me, to hating me, to being friends, to going wild on me. This person was an absolute roller coaster, but she always had a way of placing all this blame on me. It was ALWAYS my fault, I was the bad guy, I did everything wrong, I was the negative one, so on & so on... the make belief stuff she made up in her head was endless & the anger that resulted from some of their perceived issues were just plain mind boggling.
This person stole from me, lied to me, talked behind my back to others, smiled in my face, said they appreciated me, but then blamed me for everything I had done, because to her everything I had done was for the wrong reasons, although I was simply helping a friend. Small acts of help & kindness always found a way of getting reversed onto me, which led to me being yelled at, being called names, and being threatened with physical violence. I even wrote an apology letter once after I back-talked her, to try and calm her down & that was met with the threat of calling police on me.
STAY AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE. They will take you down with their misery. I was so kind, helpful, and considerate towards this person & they tried their best to destroy me. I believe part of this was due to my rejection of them, but I will never know & don't want to know - I am glad I am removed from their life. All I know is that it's crazy to try & help crazy, like I did. My compassion & kindness was met with hatred & hostility due to the delusions of bipolar disorder.
This person was ultimately diagnosed with bipolar disorder towards the end of out friendship. This is when I came to make sense of everything that had previously occurred.
Her name is [moderated]
This message is based on a true account of an encounter with a bipolar. All information in this post is true & accurate. There are no intended recipients of this message. This message is simply a real life story that I have decided to publicly share to warn others of the dangers of dealing with a bipolar.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

February, 4 2018 at 12:38 am

As much as I support your dislike for bipolar people, I'd appreciate it Natasha left your comment alone.

April, 11 2015 at 11:02 pm

You cannot compare people who are negative about bipolar sufferers with racists! That's an outrageous statement - racists hate because of physical/cultural difference but the majority of 'normals' (there is no such thing btw) are prejudiced about bp because, I'll bet, they have all had HORRENDOUS (and mostly totally indeserved) [moderated] experiences when they are trying to help and support these people. Let me let you all into a simple human truth/secret: no decent loving person can deal with (over a prolonged period) unpredictability, moodswings, hypersexuality, constant job loss, total financial irresponsibility, lack of routine, crappy personal hygiene, abuse of mind altering substances (legal or not), 1000 broken promises, lies, negativity, stupidity and most of all so much self-absorbed [moderated]. I lived with a bp guy for 10 years and I tried so [moderated] hard because, once upon a time, I loved him - His behaviour has wrecked my opinion of all men - You're loyal, supportive, keep yourself pretty, cook, great bjs everyday, listen to their [moderated], be an excellent mother, forget yourself ... for what? Natasha Tracey you can [moderated] off with your bp sensibilities - RUN to the hills you people - DO NOT entertain their asses - look after your children, yourself and spend time with those that inspire, not those that TAKE and DESTROY - Peace :)

Sally Walters
January, 20 2015 at 4:56 pm
Dear Zoe Merchant i feel sorry for you having to parent someone's child and think are trying to be a good person but no one can be perfect. But there are good normal people and bad normal people just as much as there are good insane people and bad insane people. It's a pity you said you studied psychology and workedin mental health becauise now it makes me glad that some psychology graduates are not getting jobs in mental health and are still looking for work in more appropiate areas even if they trained work in that area. It's just studying it doesn't mean they are equipped to work in the field in the short term or the long term, but dealing with a mentally ill relative is probably enough. People who manipulate and are jealous and shifty are not necessarily bipolar. They could be sociopaths or malignant narcisssists. It's a pity that because of your bad experience that you have to contaminate the lives of people with mental illnesses who are coping better and families that get along better with their mentally ill relatives so that other people start giving them a hard time and mistreating them. I hope you recover and you realise that your daughters's problem is not everyone's problem, and that your mental system is severely lacking of compared the one in the Netherlands. I know someone is censoring this because they prefer to censor some true statements they don't want to hear. Florence Nightingale was bipolar by the way.

Jennifer Roberts
January, 20 2015 at 4:39 pm

There are good normal people and there are bad normal people. Like there are good normal insane people and bad insane people. Only a stupid person or an evil malignant narcissist or sociopath would have the gumption to blame the mentally ill for all the problems of the world. Florence Nightingale was bipolar by the way. If you have problems with the mentally ill. You should look at how crap your mental health system is compared to the Netherlands.
The government in the Netherlands doesn't put homeless people in jail either. America is not as good as before.

December, 3 2014 at 1:06 pm

jon, sounds to me like you've got bigger issues than dealing with your wife for the rest of your life, one of them being your ignorance. You think it's hard to live with someone who has bipolar disorder? Try being bipolar and living with someone like you. It's jackasses like you that make us "crazy"

December, 3 2014 at 2:56 am

I have bipolar II. It's my diagnosis. It's not who I am. The reason why I was diagnosed is because my moods would go from really happy to really depressed for no reason. I don't take my moods and anger out on others because hurting anyone else appalls me. I stuff my emotions and hurt myself instead. That's how I react to my mental illness. Other people with bipolar have the same highs and lows. It's how they respond to these highs and lows that makes them mean and dangerous. I have known many people with no diagnosis of mental illness who are manipulative and elitist as well. These are things so-called "normal" people can be as well. People with a bipolar diagnosis sometimes have other mental illnesses along with the bipolar that effect their bipolar. Narcissism, Borderline personality disorder, psychopathology, cleptomanyism, schizo-effective disorder. These are just a few disorders that can be comorbid with bipolar. A lot of doctors, once a bipolar diagnosis is made will look no further and lump all these other disorders under the "bipolar umbrella." That's part of what contributes to the crazy,evil bipolar stereotype. Did it ever occur to anyone that these people are crazy and evil people who just happen to be bipolar? We all know Charles Manson is crazy and evil. Put a bipolar label on him and all of a sudden he is evil because he is bipolar? Bipolar is not what's evil. It's the person's response to their bipolar symptoms that's evil. This response often has to do with many other undiagnosed disorders this person has along with their bipolar disorder. Don't sentence tthe rest of us with bipolar to the same crimes just because everyone you know with bipolar is a violent egotistical ass hole. There are enough of them out there without conjuring up more just because of the bipolar diagnosis. By the way, do you apologize to black people for all the atrocities commited towards them by white people simply because you also identify yourself as white? For the same reason that you are not responsible for centuries of slavery, prejudice and violence committed by whites toward blacks, I take no responsibility for the actions of those cruel, conniving violent people who identify themselves as bipolar and who use that diagnosis as a blanket excuse to treat other people as horribly as they want to. No white person who beats a black person gets away with saying "I can't help it, I'm white." Neither should a bipolar's detestible actions be excused because of their diagnosis.

December, 2 2014 at 3:51 pm

All of the characteristics that many have claimed are due to BiPolar, are just what many people are.
Dont blame it on the illness, it is just the person, with or without Bi Polar.

December, 1 2014 at 6:46 am

Having a child with a bipolar woman feels like a prison sentence. Knowing I have to deal with her for the rest of my life....

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