I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil
I like my job. I get to write for a living which is something many writers don't get to do. And moreover, I get to write about things that matter to me. Also a great luxury for many writers. These are pleasures as are the vast majority of people I get to meet.
I do have the great displeasure, though, of seeing vehement hatred for those with a mental illness. People who hate show up here, on my blog and elsewhere. People with a hatred for bipolar disorder seem to seek places to express their hatred.
But hatred of the mentally ill is simply another prejudice. Hatred of people with bipolar is the same as racism and just as unacceptable.
People with Bipolar Are Selfish, Whiny, Childish Monsters
No one in their right mind would say, "All [people of race] are selfish, whiny, childish monsters."
They wouldn't say that because it isn't true and it's outlandish to think, let alone say. People of any race are individuals and thus are all different. Enlightened people understand painting them all with any brush is inaccurate, insulting and quite frankly just plain wrong.
It's exactly the same for those with a mental illness. Suggesting all people with bipolar are selfish, whiny, childish monsters (and I have heard much worse) is ridiculous. I am none of those things. I'm a grab-bag of traits, much like everyone else. Except I have an illness.
Why do People Hate those with Bipolar?
There is generally one reason why people hate those with a mental illness: they have had bad experiences with them in the past. And for whatever cockamamie reason, they have generalized that experience onto everyone with bipolar disorder. And for some reason they don't see the ludicrousness of that behavior.
My Ex was Bipolar; She was Evil
Lots of these people have bipolar ex-significant others. And some hate their ex-others. Perhaps for good reason; I couldn't say. But here's the thing:
- You fell in love with that person at some point and married/had kids with/lived with them, so there really is something good there somewhere.
- People hate their ex-others. It has nothing to do with bipolar and everything to do with being an ex.
People also think "men are bad," because of a bad divorce, or "women are conniving," or what have you. Not because of anything intrinsic to the gender but because divorces/breakups are nasty, ill-fated, legally acrimonious affairs.
Unfortunately, when one party has a mental illness the other party often feels perfectly justified in dumping the ills of the world at the feet of the illness. And then at the feet of everyone else with the illness.
Your Bipolar Ex Might Have Been Evil
I have no idea who you were married to, and they may have been the worst person on the planet. In fact, their illness may have made their life and yours a living hell. That person may have needed help and refused it. That person may have done horrible things and blamed it on their disease. That person may have hurt those and those you love. Quite possible.
But that's not about being bipolar, that's about the individual.
I will accept this illness makes people unpredictable and challenging, like many illnesses. I will accept the fact being with a person with an illness (any illness) is hard. I will accept that we hurt people, and sometimes that hurt has to do with bipolar disorder.
I will not, however, accept any insult you want to throw at me simply because I have the same diagnosis as a person you know. I will not allow you to tell me how I am or who I am. I will not accept your prejudice and I will not accept your hatred.
Enjoy Your Hate
You can hate whomever you like. It's a free country. But do it in front of me at your own risk. I do not buy your nonsense and to me, you are no better than a racist. Go find another place to play. Because I won't let you unabashedly hurt others just because you have been hurt.
Tracy, N. (2011, July 7). I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, September 17 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2011/07/i-hate-the-mentally-ill-my-ex-was-bipolar-and-she-was-evil
Author: Natasha Tracy
I went out for 8 years previously with another person with bipolar disorder.
Both men are lovely people. The person I am am married too is more suited to me and I met him indirectly thought the aftermath of the break up- of the first relationship.
It is too easy to blame bad relationships on mental illness. I have a wonderful marriage and my previous relationship was not awful.
The woman with bi polar is hostile and aggressive about other patients when they leave the room, tells mental health workers things about them behind their backs, and tells us fellow patients not to mention day trips to them, as she doesn't want them to come. All these things are said with the most aggressive, mean and explosive manner.
Now, as a newcomer to the group, I am being targeted by her. If I join in a conversation she glares at me really badly. She makes eye contact with others and rolls her eyes. If I place myself at a different table, she makes sure that her table is silent so that she can hear what I am saying.I feel scared and worried by her.
I cannot do anything other than not attend anymore, as she has put her self at the head of it, and I am low down in the pecking order. I cannot mention it to a mental health worker as she volunteers to help them, and knows them all, and is very friendly with them.
She is not superficially scary, she is scary deep down in her personality to the point where she controls everyone's views or she will put it across that certain patients, which will include me, are awful people.I am feeling really distressed over what I have witnessed her do. Reading others' views here, I think it is best if I stay away from her.
That said, I am bisexual, which I note because socially, as a group, we see the world from a specific place and I dated a rapid cycling bipolar II person who I suspect also had a borderline personality and he beat me one day for every inch of my life and I will personally NEVER date a cluster B personality disordered person and would only a minority of bipolar disordered folks. Most people with "bipolar" in my experience has been a self centered, rotten person.
I also have two half brothers, one from each parent who are also both bipolar. One tried to murder me and my siblings one day in the car driving into town, the other tried to murder us individually, some in our sleep. The first took his own life, the second is now getting a sex change but still spreads disgusting lies to the rest of the family when he comes into contact with us.
I also deal with many people at my job that are mentally ill. The one. Thing I have learned from 90% of individuals who are bipolar! they are dangerous people. In their fits of rage and hatred think it's perfectly acceptable to harm and murder others and they TAKE glee in it. They are manipulative to TRY and get what they want out of others, and I will always find most of them to be twisted disgusting people who don't deserve to be around the rest of society. They choose not to take their proper medications and therapies and use drugs and alcohol instead thinking society owes them everything. Frankly I can't wait for a large mental institution to be opened again so they can all be locked away, they can't be trusted to take their meds regularly and routinely. They cannot be trusted not to harm others in one of their manic cycles.
Everything turned upside down, I have a very long story on Quora where I explained everything in detail.
I was a very good caring husband, been together for so long, did so many things for her that not even her parents did, supported her everywhere possible, worked like a dog to support her in her education and everything, I don't understand how can an illness turn someone into so much trouble, and been causing me so much pain.
I used to be a very strong person, in just 2.5 years, now I feel like crying with no tears left. We started treatment immediately and never stopped, we even went overseas and I made sure in advanced to arrange for Psychiatrist to monitor her there as well regularly.
I like she lost the part of her mind that reasons and because a nasty person.
But the thing is, she is able to calculate somehow those calculative nastiness, because it is all executed so perfectly well, to harm me. She likes to humiliate me in public, so that I lose face, she would shout in the neighborhood, and lie etc.
Bipolar can be a very dangerous illness, no wonder why there are so much stigmas surrounding it.
The people who lives, work, care and love become the victim that is unnoticed.
I saw these testimonials here by accident, I kind of feel relieved, but at the same time sincerely feel for the people who needs to suffer those experiences.
There need to be a much better treatment system around these, and fast.
That's all I can say.
Another one of the problems with the term bipolar disorder is that it is thrown around as a catch all for MANY different issues. Bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance.
Many people self diagnose with bipolar when in fact they may be drug addicts, narcissits, antisocial or borderline personality disorders. Many doctors throw the book at people who are recovering from addiction in the first year. This is an absolutely poor way to figure out what else may be under the *addiction* when one is recovering their ability to work and their mood swings and hallucinations mimic bipolar, skitzophrenic and some personality disorders. Its very likely that after a few years one can assess more realistically what level of comorbidity there is in that particular person.
Also some people who have bipolar disorder do NOT manage their medications properly. My personal belief is that they have not been taught to advocate for themselves. I openly have refused to take medication suggested to me because I read the side effects and know I will not be able to be compliant. One has to work to find the right cocktail for them.
Basically I will tell people I dont know well I have a siezure disorder. Every single one of my medications is also used to treat seizures...which leads to another topic that i will not go through at this point.
I feel that in many ways people who suffer from mental illness are the last indivuals who need to band together and insist on our civil rights. We have more people distance themselves from us, pathologize and dismiss us, and refuse to treat us as adults with a disorder that is chronic but manageable. I have seen too much bigotry among the general population about mentally ill people. Its time to give the general population more information about who we are. Maybe then people will see that there are many more of us, and many that choose not to mention this pat of us because of the horrible reaction we get.
I took a look at her comment and didn't find it deletion-worthy although I did edit it to some degree.
- Natasha Tracy
Do girls find it extra hot when big guys bully small guys? | Wrong Planet Autism Community Forum
People don't mind arseholes and bad politicians being evil, but despise disabled people with weaknesses on benefits and don't mind kicking to the ground and blaming them for everything.
I know a special ed teacher who worked with autistic kids some were good, but unfortunately she had one class where they kept coming up at her and puncing, choking and spitting at her. and she quit working with them. She doesn't find bipolars as tiring as those violent autistic kids. Anyway we should support autistic people because there are many good Autisitic people like Jenny McCarthy. and Daryl Hannah. Just as athere are good bipolar people like Steven Fry. We should not beat up people with alternative weaknesses or put them all in one category.
I agree with some normal people that some mentally ill are hard to deal with. But i despise some normal people who bully the mentally ill. Don't make accomodations for them so they can keep their jobs, maintain their housing and then blame them for not maintaining their finances. These people need accomodations at work and are given nothing but crap from people like you. Some normal people are worse than the mentally ill because they make trouble for the mentally ill person and are hypercritical negative, and sterotype all mentally ill people. They are so hateful towards the mentally ill they are violent towards them and pretend they were committing self defence. But when they are guilty and end up in jail they still want to blame the mentally ill person and deny that they are guilty. Particularly normal people with malignant narcissism which Ayn Rand probably promotes Americans to follow.
http://leftfootforward.org/2013/10/hate-crime-comes-in-many-forms/ If people hate the disabled and the mentally ill and call them lazy benefit leeches while supporting that corporations pay zero tax it just shows how less empathetic and increasingly evil and selfish some Americans can be.
If I had it all to do over again, would I have been less "open-minded?" Would I have risked pre-judging somebody's illness as being too risky to take on in a love relationship? YES, yes, I would have. More than a decade later, after a failed relationship with a bipolar man (a charming, intelligent, fun person at times who seemed quite caring when it suited him-- who would become more and more paranoid, filled with rage, threatening, violent, isolating, controlling, blaming, etc.); after seeing the tides of despair and rage growing in the eyes of my beloved child (who has only been surrounded by kindness, stability, and love); and after finding out that three members in the extended family of my ex have committed suicide after succumbing to their struggle with bipolar disorder, YES, YES I would have chosen to not be involved with this illness. I would have passed.
I feel immensely for people, such as my daughter, who were born with this illness that they did not choose and cannot undo. It is heart wrenching. I feel sick with grief, sadness, frustration, guilt.. on a regular basis. She is a victim to her illness, yet she is also an abuser to other people.
I will always support and love her; she is my daughter and she is my heart.
But I will never trust people with bipolar disorder completely, and I will avoid taking them into close friendships. My ex, my daughter, my mother-in-law, and one friend all have bipolar and while they all have very different personalities, there are consistent "themes" in how they relate to others once they are comfortable being themselves.