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For Loved Ones, After a Suicide Attempt

July 11, 2011 Natasha Tracy

It's hard to know what to do after someone attempts suicide. People who have attempted suicide need support and understanding and a reminder they are loved.

Recently, a man I have come to respect and care about attempted suicide. I am grateful he is still here to tell the tale. His suicide note was online and his pain was so evident it tore at my soul.

I was tremendously relieved to hear his friends had rescued him in time to save him. But I was then left with the problem as to what to say to this man. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was make the situation any more difficult for him.

What do you do when someone you care about just attempted suicide?

Suicide is About Pain

To be clear, people who attempt suicide aren't doing it for fun, they aren't playing at death nor are they looking for death. People who attempt suicide are trying to escape a life of (literally) unbearable pain. Suicide isn't about death, it's about pain.

The Shame and Guilt of Suicide

And most people who have attempted suicide feel extremely bad about what they have done. They're ashamed they committed the act and feel guilty they have put those around them through it. Waking up after a suicide attempt is no picnic.

What to Say to Someone Who Has Attempted Suicide

So, understanding the person is already feeling bad about attempting suicide, there is no reason to make this person feel worse. You need to be supportive. You don't need to support their action, but you need to support the person. They are hurting. All they want is to know you still care about them.

What Never to Say to a Person Who Has Attempted Suicide

The worst thing you can say to someone is about how selfish they are and how much they hurt you. These people already know that. These people are already beating themselves up. The last thing they need is to feel beaten up by you too. The more they feel rejected, the more likely they are to feel alone and to try to commit suicide again. What better reason is there to leave the planet than being in agony and finding out everyone suddenly hates you?

Stay With the Person, Remind Them Who They Are

This man I know who attempted suicide isn't "the man who attempted suicide," he's a man who is brave, bold, generous and friendly. He is a man who gives to his community and a man that I respect. He is not a "suicide attempt." A suicide attempt is only a symptom of his disease. It is not who he is. I know this. And now is the time to remind him. Because, unfortunately, he may have forgotten.

People need to feel included and loved for who they are. Yes, they may need company around them to make sure they do not hurt themselves further, but they also need it to feel human again. They feel horrible about what they did. They need to know people still love them and it will be OK.

But What about My Feelings?

You, as the loved one, have every right to feel worried, hurt, betrayed and many, many other things. I would never deny you those feelings. But right after a suicide attempt is not the moment to pick to express those. Call another friend and vent and cry if you need to. Get your own support. Make sure you are OK. But it's not the moment to enter into a deep conversation with someone who has just faced death. Wait until they are stronger. And then you can both talk openly about the act's effects and your feelings. It's OK to talk about those things, but you have to pick your moment.

But above all try to remember, this person is the same person they were before they attempted suicide. They just fell victim to a very serious symptom of their disease. No more, no less.

You can find Natasha Tracy on Facebook or GooglePlus or @Natasha_Tracy on Twitter or at the Bipolar Burble, her blog.

APA Reference
Tracy, N. (2011, July 11). For Loved Ones, After a Suicide Attempt, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, September 16 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2011/07/for-loved-ones-after-a-suicide-attempt



Author: Natasha Tracy

Natasha Tracy is a renowned speaker, award-winning advocate and author of Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar.

Find Natasha Tracy on her blog, Bipolar BurbleTwitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Lily
says:
October, 11 2018 at 12:35 am
Tonight, my husband of 10 years attempted suicide. I can't sleep. He tried to [moderated] in our garage. I found him [moderated] ... he was flailing uncontrollably. [moderated] He went into convulsions the moment he was free. I was hysterical and kept saying over and over "what are you doing!!!" Between sobs. I called 911 immediately after realizing he want lucid. They came and got him along with the paramedics. He's now in the hospital.
In between all of this our 2 year old son was laying on the couch with his bottle before bed. he didn't witness anything. But after I got my husband down, I had to keep running back and forth between the two while on the phone with 911. I was shaking uncontrollably and in shock.

I still am in shock. i have no family close to me and no friends where I live. I have called the hospital to confirm he's ok. he is. i will visit tomorrow.

I try to sleep but the events keep playing over and over in my head like some surreal out of body experience. I'm going to have to seek counseling for myself, my husband and our marriage.

Moderator: This story is important but specific details of the method were removed for public safety.
October, 12 2018 at 10:07 am
Hi Lily,

I'm so sorry you're experiencing that. I can't image what that must have been like for you. You have my very best thoughts and wishes getting through this difficult time.

I just wanted to say that you said exactly the right thing: you, your husband and your marriage all need help at this point. Make sure you get that help. And remember, many people have been through this. You are not alone. Check out this resource: https://afsp.org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/

- Natasha Tracy
Rose
says:
September, 29 2018 at 5:10 am
We ALL feel pain. The pain that people who attempt suicide feel is not unique to them.
It’s how they DEAL WITH IT that’s different.
My beloved daughter, I couldn’t love her more than I do, is attempting suicide on a regular basis. I have to deal with this, prepare myself for the end and the devastation it will bring to not only me but her father and brothers as well.
We can’t chuck the towel in because life has thrown us a few curved balls. We will have to carry on hurting for the rest of our lives.
Yes yes yes yes yes! there is a selfishness in suicide. People so consumed with their own pain that they think they feel things differently to others, a heightened intensity of some kind.
I couldn’t feel more pain than I do at this minute in time, preparing myself for my beautiful 22 year old daughter’s death.
I am not going to kill myself when it happens, I can’t because other people love and depend on me. I will just hurt for the rest of my life and hope that God takes me sooner rather than later. The pain that her father will feel will be like a knife twisting in my heart to witness, her brothers will never enjoy life again.
Suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness, remember that all you suicidal people out there
Virginia
says:
September, 29 2018 at 6:07 pm
Rose, I understand your passion in these beliefs and I recognize that as I am not a mother, I can't understand the consuming agony you must feel at watching your daughter make attempts on the life you have worked so hard to protect and prolong. However, I would like to remind you that although we all feel pain, the fact of the matter is that not all of us feel the same pain. While one person could be treading water out in the open ocean hundreds of feet deep for hours before drowning, there are some people born "negatively bouyant," meaning that there is something about how they are made that prevents them from being able to float. For some, it is so severe that they could drown in just 7 feet of water after only a few minutes, even if they have been coached ad nauseam to swim. They're both immersed in water, they face the same potential end- one is even in significantly more danger than the other. In spite of this, one of them has been made against their will so that even the "smaller" danger is much more significant to them than to others. Imagine for a second- really imagine- that you were born with very severe negative bouyancy. You tried to learn to swim at a very young age but something stopped you and you had a brush with death. Since then, as you've grown up, you have tried multiple times to learn to swim again, each to no avail. Many people think you're just not trying hard enough. Some say you're not doing it right. People don't believe you- "my wife had trouble floating when she was younger but she got a coach and now she swims just fine," etc., because not many people understand the concept of the condition you have. Your family still thinks you're just doing something wrong. They think you just need to try harder and deal with swimming differently. They want to go to the pool and all go for a swim and you protest but they say you're being selfish, that everyone gets tired after swimming for a while. You just have to learn to deal with it. So you go to the pool with them but when you get there your family doesn't understand why you can't go where the water is above your head. They don't understand that the water is all-consuming to you. It weighs you down and slows your movements with a weight that they don't experience. Their fun day out at the pool is a battle for your life. They play in the deep end, splashing around, and you watch them, waist-deep, wishing you could join in. Sometimes one of them will get a little tired and swim back to the shallow end and sit next to you, but they go back out to tread water again and tell you that you should really have learned to swim by now as they leave you alone again. See what I mean? Incidentally, when I was younger and my suicidality was based in different reasoning, hearing people say that suicide was selfish only made me want to kill myself more. If the pain I was experiencing was bringing other people down, I should get out of their lives. I was not in a place where I could understand that my parents were scared for my life. I could barely get out of bed. Nothing was enjoyable anymore, food didn't taste the same, I couldn't stay awake during the day and was plagued with nightmares all night. This started when I was 12 years old. I was lost, plagued by a disease (I have bipolar disorder, which is largely genetic, before anyone suggests it just developed and could go away if I tried harder) that nobody around me understood, and I was terrified. I was running every which way trying to find help and every day becoming more and more beaten down because nobody around me could answer. I didn't get the chance to have a childhood. There was no way for me to get out of my neurosis (and eventual psychosis) enough to see that it would hurt people around me if I died. All I believed I was was a burden. When someone said I was being selfish, that reinforced my belief. Yes, everyone experiences pain. But the pain that people who attempt suicide experience is actually very different from those who do not. Your family's day at the country club might be a potential death sentence to you. Care to go for a swim?
Brandon
says:
May, 2 2018 at 10:10 am
My wife of one month tried to commit suicide. We have been in arguments/fights/disagreements. This one didn't seem much different. I can say some nasty things. I feel extreme guilt. We had our first marriage counseling appointment scheduled for four days after she attempted. I suggested that morning that we stay separate until the appointment. She went on to say that it was too late and that she was going "home" I called 911 and they found her alive in the car in the garage. I've heard nothing from her or the hospital. I'm likely being associated as a verbal abuser. We both knew our own setbacks, but I didn't mean the things I said and certainly didn't realize the impact of them. She has also been having issues with her three daughters (14,17,22). What am I to do?
Gabby
says:
May, 1 2018 at 12:35 pm
I tried twice last year to kill myself and my dad now thinks I’m crazy and our relationship has been forever changed. What do I do? I feel more isolated and alone every day.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Natasha Tracy
says:
May, 2 2018 at 6:51 am
Hi Gabby,

I'm so sorry to hear you have attempted twice and that your relationship has been altered. This certainly can happen after a suicide attempt, but not all is lost. I find that the more people understand about mental illness and suicide, the better things get. While it's great that you're here reading this article, it's really your dad that needs to do that. Can you help him learn more? There are books and website dedicated to helping educate people who may not know enough about mental illness and suicide.

Also, you may want to look into counseling so that both you and your dad have a safe and understanding place to express your feelings -- no doubt, you have many things to say and so does he. A therapist can help you work these things out and fix your relationship.

Also, remember that sometimes it takes a long time for people to process such difficult events. Some people take longer than others.

Good luck.

- Natasha Tracy
Martha Garcia-Lopez
says:
April, 24 2018 at 1:23 pm
My adult son has bi-polar depression & tried to commit suicide about two weeks ago. This is the second time since February. He had a substance abuse issue prior to his first attempt. His dad whom my son was living with in February was able to get him into treatment. My son was living in a group home & getting counseling,etc. How do I explain to his dad who doesn't seem to understand that my son has a mental illness & the suicide attempts aren't for attention but a cry for help. His dad has cut him off & feels that it's my son's fault for a ruined relationship.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Natasha Tracy
says:
April, 25 2018 at 7:19 pm
Hi Martha,

That's a really tough situation. It's hard for all parties after a suicide attempt. I think, likely, what his dad needs is education about mental illness and suicidality.

I've written a book about bipolar disorder and it has a chapter on suicide in it. You can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Marbles-Insights-Depression-Bipolar/dp/1539409147/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1524489290&sr=1-1&keywords=natasha+tracy&dpID=41Aa9BWPOML&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch It is not associated with HealthyPlace.

If that's not a fit, then maybe do research (just like you're doing) and print off what makes the most sense for your situation and give it to his dad. His dad could also see a counselor to learn more or get in contact with a local mental health group like NAMI (just Google them) and see what resources are available there, too. There are often support groups around suicide and they can be invaluable.

And while education is critical, so is time. We don't all come to the same conclusion all at once. It hasn't been very long and he may need time to digest such tough information. I know that's not helpful to his son, but sometimes people just need time.

I hope that helps.

- Natasha Tracy
Toni
says:
April, 18 2018 at 7:36 pm
Confused, I'm in my own feelings,how can I help him. Don't want to say the wrong things.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Natasha Tracy
says:
April, 19 2018 at 7:56 am
Hi Toni,

I can understand not wanting to say the wrong thing. People with a mental illness want support -- just like everyone else. You may want to read this about what you should say; https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2010/10/supporting-the-mentally-ill-best-things-to-say/

- Natasha Tracy

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Leslie paternoster
says:
April, 22 2018 at 8:19 am
Thank you so much for the information. Seventeen years ago I felt suicidal and was abandoned by everyone. After all of this I haven't forgiven myself. Yet no one knew what to do. My daughter does not talk to me. She is bitter and angry. Woman. Her grandmother is 90 and in poor health. I did write to my daughter "shame on you!" I realized she is trying to.keep herself safe what she is doing is unacceptable. I am done giving her money and begging for forgiveness. I hope this will help others
Marie
says:
February, 19 2018 at 10:25 am
It is extremely difficult to walk away from someone you care about. Unhealthy relationships are even harder. There will be a lot of guilt and manipulation thrown your way. Having gone through this myself, I would suggest the following: send one LAST text stating he needs to get help. Maybe give him a couple phone numbers to call to get the help. You, however, are not able to help him.

You have healing you need to work on as well. Unhealthy relationships can do more damage than we sometimes realize. For you to move forward with your life and have a successful and HEALTHY relationship, take a look at this last relationship and find the reasons why it was unhealthy, what you did to contribute to making it unhealthy (enabling, temper, drugs,etc.) and then work on correcting them. Get help in correcting these things so the next time you find someone that is healthy you will be ready for them. Also, the next time you meet someone who is unhealthy you will be able to identify it quickly, get out of it, and move on with your life in a healthy, happy life.
Beneta Pereira
says:
September, 1 2017 at 7:59 pm
My boyfriend called me about 2 hrs ago staring hes killing himself because I ended our relationship. He attempted before. He's currently at the ER (I'm out of state and couldn't do much, but I let his brother know. While medics were on their way he decided he was gonna run from them. He had taken a bunch of sleeping pills and because of that he couldn't run anymore. He has not been a good boyfriend , he has a drinking problem. Now I'm having to deal with these emotions. While he was running he would text me "I love you". It's not a healthy relationship by any means. But, I feel lost and confused. What do I do? Do I continue to support him??? My family hates him and I can't talk to them about it. I've been told by then "good, hope he dies". He's had a VERY rough life. In and out of prison, drugs, alcohol, but that was before I met him. He really was trying. Please help, do I just give up on him and hope he gets the help he needs?? Do I ignore my family (which he has hurt very bad) and be there for him? I'm so confused and hurt. ??

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Sydney
says:
February, 13 2018 at 12:09 am
I am actually with this same exact thing and in need of help as well I'm hurt scared and i love him but our relationship is no where near healthy

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Toni
says:
April, 18 2018 at 7:34 pm
I feel just like you two helpless, guilty. I didn't go to the hospital this time, because I'm in my own feelings and that won't help him. Our relationship is not healthy. I Love him, but mentally exhausted. Any advice?
Jeanna
says:
July, 31 2017 at 1:30 pm
My boyfriend attempted suicide last night. And I witnessed the whole thing. I was outside talking to him trying to calm him down because he was angry over something and upset, and the next thing I know [he attempted suicide. He didn't succeed] I am so thankful he is still here. He was just transported to an inpatient facility for treatment. But witnessing that and going thru this has me on an emotional rollercoaster of anxiety, hurt and just tears flowing. One minute I'm semi ok and the next I'm hysterical. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even think. I didn't know what to even do with myself all day today. I know I'm going to need some counseling, what happened just keeps replaying in my head. And I wish I could just be with him and hold him. I don't know what to do, I've never experienced this before. It's horrible ?
Kin
says:
July, 8 2017 at 6:17 am
I have not had an experience like this but its a really sad situation. you advice on how to handle it is very useful.
Jamie
says:
July, 2 2017 at 11:39 pm
Ever since my brother's suicide attempt, and I was the one to call 911 on him since both of my parents just stood there in their denial and basically egging him on antagoizing him and pretty much just making a joke out of the whole thing like "he was just crying wolf like in the past always, and not going to really do it and if he did, they certainly acted as if they DID NOT CARE ONE BIT- once calling 911 he was baker acted for only 3 days then returned home. After being home for only 2-3 weeks and on his medication they put him on while in the hospital, he completed and entirely STOPPED taking any of the medication the psychiatrist had prescribed him at the time. And now, to make matters even all the more worse, ever since he has been off of the meds prescribed for whatever the reason was he attempted suicide in front of my very eyes, while downing pills with straight vodka and asking/screaming from the top of his lungs while crying hysterically asking, "please dad, please someone just take a knife please and stab me in the heart to end this PLEASE.." -while also batting a wooden mallet against his head, asking my mother to wack him over the head with it and end his life as I watched both parents stand there in mere calmness and it was as tho they were acting like they totally did not care what he was doing, even when he said, "this is not going left un-noitced" which is when I myself called 911 who came, and used charcoal to eliminate the toxins within him in addition to SAVING HIS LIFE= WHICH I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ABANDONED FROM MY OWN 2 PARENTS ABOUT, I KNOW THEY R IN DENIAL TO THE MAX, HOWEVER; WHY NOW EVEN MY BROTHER (WHO IS THE ONE WHO ATTEMPTED SUICIDE) IS NOW JUST LYING PATHOLOGICALLY AND BEING SO INCREDIBLY DISTANT OF HOW HE WAS BEFORE HIS ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, NOT TO MENTION BEING OFF OF ALL MEDS NOW FOR A WHILE, SIMPLY BECAUSE MY PARENTS PUT A STIGMA IN OUR HEADS ALL THROUGHOUT GROWING UP UNTIL NOW, BEING YOUNG ADULTS OURSELVES, THAT NONE OF US "REALLY NEED TO BE ON ANY MEDICATIONS" AND I KNOW THEY HOLD A BAD STIGMA TOWARDS THEM, EVEN THOUGH I MYSELF, AM ON SOME FOR HAVING SEVERE ANXIETY, followed by depression usually, and, not to mention, severe PTSD=FROM CHILDHOOD, WHICH, I FIND MYSELF NOW AT THE AGE OF 33 STILL LIVING WITH THE SAME EXACT PEOPLE THAT I WAS THROUGHOUT MY CHILDHOOD- I MEAN, THE MERE RAGE OF MY FATHER OR MOTHERS VOICES CAUSE ME TO SHAKE INSIDE/&OUT, LITERALLY; AND THE FACT THAT MY OWN FATHER JUST TOTALLY DISCREDITS WHATEVER I SAY, & ACTUALLY HAD THE NERVE TO LAUGH AT THE FACT WHEN I WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO HIM HOW I HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED NUMEROUS TIMES SINCE EARLY 20's of having PTSD, which made me feel all that more bad and lower about myself- and they already know that I have lower self esteem than I used to since everything I went though while growing up in addition to being in verbally & physically abusive relationships. Now, few months later/after "brothers suicide attempt" =the 3 of them, MOTHER, FATHER, & BROTHER ARE ACTING BEYOND STRANGE AND FULL OF ANGER TOWARDS ME AND ME ONLY...PUTTING ALL OF THE BLAME ON ME IN REGARDS TO JUST ABOUT EVERY SINGLE "PROBLEM" THEY HAVE HAD IN THE PAST OR CURRENT LIFE= WHICH JUST HEIGHTENS MY ANXIETY&PTSD AND FILLS ME WITH CONFUSION THAT I BECOME VERY DEPRESSED- NOT TO MENTION MY BROTHER DOES NOT SEEK OUT ANY HELP OR TALK THERAPY LIKE I PERSONALLY FEEL HE SHOULD BE AFTER A TRAUMATIC INCIDENT LIKE THAT; BUT INSTEAD I TRULY FEEL AND HAVE A GUT FEELING AS THO HE JUST BLAMES ME FOR CALLING 911 WHO CHOSE TO BAKER ACT HIM THAT VERY DAY/TIME, IN ORDER TO SAVE HIS LIFE! MY PARENTS NOR BROTHER NEVER EVEN THANKED ME, WHICH I AM OKAY WITH=NOT LOOKING FOR PRAISE HERE, JUST SOME UNDERSTANDING OF WTF IS GOING ON AND WHY JUST WHY THEY ARE NOW BEING VERBALLY ABUSIVE TOWARDS ME=WHICH IS NOTHING NEW, YET THEY WONDER "WHY I HAVE ALWAYS CHOSEN THOSE SCUM BAG ABUSIVE BOYFRIENDS AND RELATIONSHIPS I GOT MYSELF INTO IN THE PAST/ETC/ETC/ETC." PLEASE, ANYONE WHO HAPPENS TO HAVE ANY SORT OF ADVICE, OPINIONS ON THIS MATTER, AND OR WOULD BE SO KIND AS TO OFFER ME ANY TYPE OF HELP (BEING THAT MY DR SUGGESTED I STAY WITH A FRIEND UNTIL I AM FINANCIALLY STABLE ENOUGH TO LIVE ON MY OWN, FOR MY OWN SAFETY PURPOSES & TO PROTECT MY OWN LIFE FOR GOODNESS SAKES=WHICH OF COURSE MY MOTHER JUST LAUGHS AT AND GETS ENRAGED THEN FULL OF RAGE BUT ONLY TOWARDS ME, WHICH ONLY PROVOKES MY PTSD, AND SHE CONTINUOUSLY SAYS TO ME, "OH JAMIE YOU JUST HAVE TO GET OVER THIS...I MEAN, SNAP YOURSELF OUT OF IT, YOU NEED TO LET THIS GO!" -EVEN ABOUT 2 WEEKS AFTER THE "INCIDENT"(MY BROTHER, WHO IS 40YRS OLD, 8 YRS OLDER THAN ME, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE)- I APPRECIATE ANY AND ALL OF YOU WHO MIGHT BE SO KIND AS TO NOT ONLY READ THIS POST, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY OFFER ME ANY TYPE OF FEEDBACK... ANY, in regards to "what to do" from here.....

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Natasha Tracy
says:
July, 4 2017 at 8:55 am
Hi Jamie, I'm sorry to hear you are in this situation. It sounds very, very hard. I have to agree with your doctor -- you absolutely must get out of that environment NOW. You should stay with someone until you are financially stable yourself. You should also look into therapy for yourself as you are going to need to process all that you have been through. Also, there are helplines you can call that may have further suggestions: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-referral-resources/

In short, get space. You need it.

- Natasha Tracy

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Ginger7
says:
July, 22 2017 at 1:23 pm
I tried to kill myself. It did not go as planned and instead of hiding in the woods where no one would find me to save me i did it at home in a locked bathroom. My husband found me and too me to er. When i was unconsciuos after finding me he was rude and saying mean things and being rough with me after he went and got the kids to see me. He trashed talked me the whole time until he dropped me off at hospital. The kids told me all this later. When i came to in the intensive care my husband walked in belittled me asked me how i feel now that i lost my husband and children and i have no place to come home to and calling me names. He left me at the hospital for days without ever once saying sorry or that he cared or that he would be there by my side. This happened in april of this year and i am currently home with family but i think about this everyday its driving me crazy and sad. What do i do? Any advice
Audrey
says:
June, 8 2017 at 3:18 pm
I just found out today that one of my best friends attempted suicide. She's always had stomach issues that she's been hospitalized for in the past, and she missed months of school earlier this year because of them. So when she suddenly stopped coming to school about two weeks ago, I figured that was what she was out for. I tried to contact her, but she didn't have her phone while in the hospital/psychiatric ward, and I think her parents grounded her after she got out. But we finally connected and I came to her house today after school. This is where she told me the truth about what happened. She'd overdosed on pills.
What really scares me about how she told me this, is how calm she was. She mentioned it almost casually, as if she were admitting to cheating on a quiz. Like, she knows it's bad but she's able to talk about it with a smile. I'm so worried that her depression is really bad to the point where she's detached from the situation, or she suffers from some sort of depersonalization disorder, though I don't know what that would be called. Basically, I worry that she'll attempt again. And I hate that I don't know how to help her. I'm just going to try my best to be someone she can trust and vent to.
I definitely didn't handle her admission that well today. I almost cried but I held it in and I sort of treated it casually, I guess since she was acting like it was no big deal. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. I just asked her how it was at the psychiatric ward. But she did have a lot to say about it so maybe I didn't totally mess up. Okay, I don't really know why I wrote this I think I just needed to vent. But if anyone has some advice for me I would very much appreciate it! (Btw, my friend and I are both younger high schoolers, for reference)
Salama Steenkamp
says:
June, 6 2017 at 3:33 am
My husband tried to kill himself on 25 March. Luckily, 5 minutes of not hearing or seeing him p, i started to wonder where he was. Mybson went to look for him in his workdhop (behind5 the house). He came across his stepdad, [moderated] On hearing his shrieks, I went to investigate, I found myblufeless hubandvhunging. Ivwas jot about to give upbthe very best person in my lfe. I jumped into emergency mode ( [moderated] is still a mystery), how i managed to carry a 95kg dead weight is unimaginable (im petite).
I had to resuscitate my own husband for 25 minutes before emergency medical oersonnel arrived.
The weeks that followed were the worst ever. He was on life support for 3 weeks. Initially the medical team was not going to be aggressive with treatment, but Inpushed forth, Inwas not going to give up.
The 4th onwards, he recovered remarkably.
What he said to me after one if his counsellingvsessions, still baffles AND angers me. He blames me for what HECdid, not only to himself, but to me, our kids and our family and friends. He claims thatnif I trusted him more this would not have happened. He says he did it to prove his love for me.
Yes, I am angry. I never saw the signs. In a marriage there are ips and downs. But to kill yourself, not thinking of the aftermath IS selfish, and the readon, to me, is somewhat controlling.
To cut a long story short, I am afraid to disagree with him because I am afraid it will set him off again. I am a bit distant (physically), because I am still angry that he wanted to leave me, the kds and our family. All the love I showered him with, to me, seems was not enough.
I still worry that he will attempt it again, and that I will not be around to save him. But I am also angry that he will not lusten to my reasons for not trusting him.
*Both of us were at fault for our disagreement.......he entertaining other women, me not trusting him enough not to question him.
How do I move on from here? When do I let go of the guilt, anger, and blame?

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Sammy
says:
August, 24 2017 at 10:03 am
Oh my gosh.. my partner completed suicide march 25th 2017 and was 95kg unfortunately i couldnt save him.
Tammy East
says:
May, 4 2017 at 12:47 am
April 10th one year ago my husband, killed himself in front of me and our son. I felt for sure God would heal him, when he came home he could not even lift his head, now he's in a wheelchair, can move right leg and arm, at first I worked with him everyday. Now I'm burned out, I'm scared and lonely, depressed and have anxiety. He doesn't want to go to therepy, and he doesn't want to participate in PT, he just sits around with his head covered up, doesn't interact with the family but does with anyone that comes by. I honestly don't know if he wants to get better, he's not looking to the future. I'm 53 yrs lod I can't care for him forever and I don't want too, I want a life this was not my choice, and he didn't act depressed he had been on FB all day talking with friends. We have never had a good marriage, it's always been one sided his side, used too many years ago I used to talk to him, but after years of him walking off I just quit, and now we really don't have much to say to each other. He's always been a handful, PTSD, Anxiety, sleep disorder, violent outburst, walking on egg shells around him, I want him to be healthy I NEED him to be whole. I just want out, I had know support people when he did this and I have none now, all sites like this say, DON"T talk about what happened, tell them you love them, don't tell them how much they hurt you, well what about those people like my husband who was always right, never at fault, I don't want to hurt him, I think he loves me the best he can love someone, but it's no longer enough. What do I do with him now? I've lost me and my hope, i'm being swallowed in misery.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Lin
says:
May, 22 2017 at 3:53 pm
You find god in you and everyone. God has never left you or him. I'm dealing with a attempt suicide son. I completely understand where your at. I have no one either besides a working husband. But I'm alone all the time. I'm getting things ready for him to come here. It's the inner pain in the person. We can only be love to them. Even when we don't feel it. I have no plans for my son who only has clothes. But I know God the love in me will come through. If he's with you, maybe that's what God wants and you did want him saved. It wasn't perfect before and isn't now. Same with me. You can email me anytime.
Inês
says:
February, 28 2017 at 5:05 am
I almost lost my best friend, she tried to kill herself, it was a few months ago but I still can't stop thinking, what if no one had saved her how would my life be? When my mother told she attempted suicide I didn't know what to do, how to act or what to say. While she was in the hospital I was always crying, because I didn't know she was in so much pain, I also felt angry because she didn't tell me anything and I understand why she didn't, I also have my secrets. When I went to see her in the hospital, her aunt came to be and asked me how I was, it was the first person that really cared about how I was feeling in that day and I will never forget what she said "Don't let this destroy you" and I'm trying to, I really am but it hurts to know she was almost left me.
We still didn't talked about the suicide attempt and I'm afraid to ask her why she tried to kill herself. I guess what I'm trying to ask is, how do I talk to her, what advices should I give her?
Gengar
says:
February, 18 2017 at 5:56 am
I really can't stress this enough: IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW ATTEMPTS SUICIDE, TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL.

Because I didn't, and the anger ate me up. I was so furious that my friend attempted suicide but I didn't want to speak to anyone because it felt like nobody wanted to listen. The only resources I could find were ways to help my friend, which is extremely important, but when you've literally been traumatized and you're trying so desperately to find someone to help you and all you can find are lists of instructions, it does make me feel so unimportant. It made me feel like nobody cared about me. I made a near suicide attempt myself because I couldn't deal with it anymore. I just couldn't deal with feeling so angry.

I'm still a little bitter over it, to be honest. I've forgiven my friend (dear god that took a long time) but I am still furious that society disregards the friends and family of people who attempt suicide as unimportant. I should not have had to end up suicidal for people to see that I was hurting. I should not have had to end up self-harming for people to see that this affected me, too.

So, please, just, talk to someone. It doesn't matter if you need to talk to them for 2 weeks, 2 months, even 2 years about how this has affected you. Get yourself a counsellor if that's what you need. Please help yourself, because I didn't do that, and I ended up paying for it. It's okay to talk about how this affects you. You're not attention-seeking, or taking the spotlight away from the suicidal person, or whatever the fuck else I've seen people implying elsewhere.

I literally can't stress this enough. It's okay to be hurt. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to feel whatever it is you feel. And it's okay to talk about it.
Sierra
says:
January, 28 2017 at 1:02 am
Hi my name is Sierra and I just witnessed my boyfriend trying to attempt suicide tonight. I feel so selfish that I feel I need to reach out to people and talk about it right now because I feel he needs all of the attention and help, not me. I called suicide hotline a little bit after it happened. I talked to them and they told me I should call the cops and have him placed on a hold. I ended up calling 911 as suggested. They just took him about a half an hour ago and all I can feel is guilt. He kept said this is my fault. I tried comforting him afterwards but he didn't want to hear anything of what I was saying. I just feel like maybe it is my fault he feels that way which I know theres something else going on that I don't understand and I feel useless. We have a 11 month old son together and all I kept telling him was he needs to be here for his son more than anything. This is the most emotional thing I have been though and I just don't know who to talk to. I don't want to talk to anyone about it because I feel it would make him feel embarrassed and I don't want to make him feel worse than he already does. Thanks for listening.
Brittney
says:
January, 23 2017 at 4:06 pm
What about when they have tried multiple times? Where to now? What services should I be looking for? I'm just not sure how to approach this. =

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Natasha Tracy
says:
January, 24 2017 at 8:49 am
Hi Brittney,

I'm so sorry you have someone in your life who has attempted suicide multiple times. I can't tell you what, specifically, to do as it depends on your location, but I would say that professional psychiatric help is absolutely needed and possibly inpatient care. To learn more, you might want to look at our resources and hotlines page for someone who can help. http://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-referral-resources/

- Natasha Tracy
HOPE
says:
December, 12 2016 at 1:47 pm
Hell please don' t hurt yourself,I lost my mother in law the day before Easter this year and I am heart broken.I was so mad at her looking at her that way sick in a hospital bed because of what she drank I did not say that to her because it felt rude and not my place and I'm glad I kept my mouth shut.I was with her to the end my husband held her hand,I stood there emotionless,my girls laid 2 roses at her feet. I miss her everyday.My children will never be able to stand in kitchen watching her cook again.It's so sad and I hope before anyone thinks about taking there own life please think of who you are leaving.May God Bless xoxo
Abena
says:
September, 11 2016 at 5:59 pm
I remember attempting suicide a couple years ago. I've been through a lot of emotional trauma in my life and I suffered from so much loneliness I just couldn't take it any more and wanted to end my life. I swallowed pills and wrote a goodbye note to my cousin. One of my childhood friends came to my house that day. I wanted her to leave but she knew something was off with me and wouldn't leave. My cousin came by after reading the note and took me to the hospital. I realized it was a mistake but I still wanted it to end. There was a social worker that was there trying to counsel me, she made me feel stupid and she rolled her eyes at me a couple of times. To make matters worse, my dad came and yelled at me in the hospital and told me I was selfish and called everyone he knew and people I didn't know, and told them about my attempt. I felt humiIiated. I didn't even feel good talking about what was going on with me to my phyciatrist, I felt like he was looking down on me and anythjng i wold tell him, he wold tell my father.

I never had any support and I still don't. I pretend im fine, but im dying inside. Sometimes, I still wanna end it. I don't really have anyone that I trust to reach out to.
Richard
says:
August, 25 2016 at 5:31 pm
My brother wrote a sucide note and told me he was going to go jump in front of a train that frequently passes where we live. I thought he was just joiking but when he said his will was in his gmail i was like wtf. so i went and look at it and it was no will it was a sucide note saying good bye. i infoed my family and what not and lucky we found him before he cound hert him self. he was sent to the hospotal and then off to common gound. he would not see any one nor talk to any of my family members. he was suposto be held for a minimum of 72 hrs is what we were told. I went to drop off clothes and a new tooth brush to him 2 days later because i was afaid he would hate me for stoping him to find out that hey relesed him alrdy. he lives with me and none of his friend or faimily have seen him sence. I just doint know what to do any more is it my falt for not going to see him sooner whould he even see me i doint even know. Should i be mad at common ground for negleting my brohters care. He has no phone no wallet no id on him just wanding the steets felling he has no were to go or has he alrdy killed himself and is a jone doe some where. i just doint know what to do.
Special person
says:
August, 11 2016 at 6:07 am
I myself have tried to commit suicide By gun and I thank God everyday I'm still here I woke up in the hospital after brain surgery to save my life I did not know why I was there or where I was then they told me I had been in a coma for a week I still suffer from my depression and I need help but no one again will listen in my life I have lost many people I loved this includes My Momma and son it has been one hell of a road but I can't get off now if I'm still here there is a reason. Thank you for this post I know how y'all are feeling
Rich
says:
June, 26 2016 at 6:36 pm
I have a child on the way and me and the mother of my unborn child had gotten into it i was working 60 hour weeks on salary pay with unpaid overtime. i recently was weak and cowardly enough to attempt suicide by hanging myself. Before i had i prayed to the lord that if im meant to be here to stop me. My phone went off i ignored it. And continued to do my foolish deed. In preperation i prayed that the lord forgive me for what i was about to do. I tied the rope tight to an i beam and stepped off the chair i felt the rope tightly sinch my neck. I remember the last minute realizing what i had done and went into a dream like state. I saw my girlfriend standing there holding what i believe to be our unborn child it had my hair and her nose its all i can remember about that. Then i remember i had people grabbing at my arms and pulling me downward. At that point i thought i had taken the rope from around my neck and i was ok but in reality i hadnt. At that point i pushed them off of me. The next thing i knew i woke up on the floor. The rope had snapped. But was still tight around my neck i quickly started pulling at it to do all that i could to get it off of my neck i finaly found a pair of scissors and cut the rope off thanking the lord that i didnt die. Im ashamed of my attempt to take my life, but im proud of my survival and i want to tell all those reading this that there is hope there is reason to go on. Im not sure how the rope snapped or why but no one was there or knew of this. Until now.... This being said there is great shame in surviving an attemp on ones own life but theres also great pride and happiness in knowing that were given a second chance at life theres always something worth fighting for. Im not sure if its a common thing what i had went through and im actively seeking counseling for this but in all honesty the best thing you can do and the best way to approach a post attempt person is to allow them to come to you to talk about the attempt. They just need to know that you care about them and youll be there for them. The thought of being alone is unbearable and the thought of having everything taken from you is terrifying but to know someone loves you and someone there is the best feeling that anyone could ask for through all of it. Give the person a hug and just tell them you care and are always there to listen. Thats how you can save a life and never pass up an opportunity to tell that person you love them. I hope its okay that i had posted my story here but others can see it and hopefully learn from my mistake and find strength in the message befause i dont want anyone to do what i had done and risk losing their life in a moment of weakness.
Lale
says:
May, 6 2016 at 10:00 am
I found this article in Internet.my English not good... But I had read all article and almost all comments...
My bf.,shoot himself in fron of me ... The reason was I wanted break up with him...
He has a surgery it was 3 days ago...
I'm still don't see him... He is in trauma unit and what's will be after I don't know ... Anybody don't tell me anything... I can't understand what I feel ...
I'm in schok,I think I will never can back to my normally life... I wanna talk with him,I need him,but I can't cuz they don't let me... Eveybody telling me I have to to think about me and don't think about him anymore cuz he is sick and he will be try again but now he will try hurt me...
I don't know what I have to thinking about cuz I still love him,worry about him and I need him but at the same time I feel how I'm upset I don't feel anything even my body and I scare of everything ... This happens made me in depression ...
I wanna help him and believe he will get his treatment and he will feel better and we can to be together forever and we will try to make a family!
ROSE
says:
April, 8 2016 at 8:28 pm
Yes I would like to join a forum! But I don't know any around me.
ROSE
says:
April, 8 2016 at 8:24 pm
@ listner , yes if that will help! But I don't know any around me.
Listener
says:
April, 3 2016 at 6:55 pm
Rose, is there a forum you'd like to chat in?
ROSE
says:
March, 24 2016 at 11:27 am
I attempted suicide year ago,but this feeling of depression has not left me! Iam. Seriously broke now that I may not be able to pay my house rent by June this year,i also want to be married and get a job but to no avail! Please I need help! I'm becoming addictive to cigarette,it's not good for me I know,but it tends to ease the pain,i cannot get out of this depression,i can't even afford my drugs,pls I need financial assistnce!
It's time to let go of the past
says:
December, 10 2015 at 6:30 pm
Today is the 49th anniversary of my biological mothers successful suicide (by gun). She died the day before my 1/2 sisters birthday

I was adopted at birth so I didn't know her growing up. My 1/2 sister who's a year younger was raised by her biological grandmother that died of cancer when she was a preteen. From that point on she was put in foster care. Once or twice a year she calls me usually babbling for 2 or 3 hours about the past

Yesterday I called in work sick because I was getting rundown and completely exhausted with all the rushing around for Christmas and the stress lately at work. When my sister called I told her I wasn't feeling well and would call her back. She proceeded to call me 3 more times with in the hour. I suspected she was either drunk, high or both so I let the answering machine kick in. I slept most of the day but in the eve I went out for dinner with some friends and didn't get home until late
I have bipolar and if I don't take care of myself I start to get sick again

When I got home from work today I had a message on my answering machine from my moms brothers ex wife asking me to call my sister. I was so pissed off that I deleted the message before listening to all of it
Then as I was headed out the door to go swimming with a friend I get another voicemail message from my sister swearing at me because I didn't call her back

Tomorrow is my sisters birthday and I had planned to call her but not anymore. I don't need to listen to a drunk stoner swearing at me and going on and on about the past. After 49 years it just gets old...
Chris
says:
June, 26 2015 at 11:34 am
I need some help, 4 weeks ago my girlfriend left me for no reason, a couple of weeks before she was claiming she was the happiest she had ever been then all of a sudden she dumped me by text. Without boasting, I am 6"4, dark hair with green eyes and I am as strong as an ox, I get quite a lot of female interest but I am loyal, I am honest and most of am faithful, (always have been) I took her out for so many great weekends and we had some amazing times, she even said she had never been so happy etc but now I feel like she dumped me for her ex, a druggie, abusive, violent manipulative former boyfriend. I had a 7 year relationship beforehand and I made sure I wouldn't get hurt again but I have been. I can't stop thinking about her, I haven't slept in outlr bed since we broke up, (I can't even go in the bedroom) I wake up about 3am every morning with a bottle of spirits and try to drown out the day (when I am not working) I make out to my friends that I ok but I'm not :( I attempted suicide about a month ago, I took pills and was shocked when I woke up. People found out about this and I was humiliated. Since then I have cut myself. Where will this end? I know I am in sound mind, I am extremely unhappy though and can't take any more pain. I am sat here now with 2 bottles of Bacardi and I know I am going to do something bad. I just can't help myself. I feel so rotten. I look in my mirroe and where I see (once stood) a big shouldered well set male, all I see is a pathetic 30 hear old man with no kids, bo woman and no future, I feel so low :( :(
elizabeth
says:
June, 1 2015 at 3:25 pm
I'm a 14 year old girl, and around 4-5 weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I was alone, I felt hopeless.The people around me did the exact opposite of what the article stated or suggested. When I woke up in the hospital, I felt more alone than ever. My parents kept saying things like "well if you hadn't swallowed all those pills we wouldn't be here". All of my friends left me. They completely stopped talking to me. And as I was being beat up by myself, I was also being beat up by them and my parents. My parents make me feel like " the suicide attempt", 2 weeks after I came home from the hospital they were restricting me from leaving the house and talking to my one friend who was still there for me. They did however make me go to school, the next day , as soon as I got home. I wasn't ready to face the people who knew what I did and decided to turn on me anyways. Now, 5 weeks after the incident I still beat myself up for it. My parents keep demanding an apology for what I did. But I'm not ready to give them one yet. I'm feeling more hopeless than ever.
Amy
says:
May, 18 2015 at 12:58 pm
This was really useful, thanks for the advice. One of my friends recently attempted suicide and is now in a phsyciatric hospital. She has been in there for a week and I have been in visiting her every day with her family but she still says (to others) that she will do it again when she gets out, and that she will succeed! She tells me however that she will never do it again. Whilst I want to continue visiting her, our friends, who have not yet been in to visit her are telling me that I am smothering her and that we should not visit so often, as she needs to learn that its not normal her being in there, and that she needs to get better. I was just wondering what you would suggest I do as they seem certain and whilst they know no more about phsyciatry than I do, I fear that if she was released and did it again, it would be my fault, and that unless I give her all the love and support I can offer her, I will feel I have not done enough but my friends may then blame me if it happens again. Clearly, I want to do all that I can to prevent it happening again so I do encourage her to speak to the doctors and I think she is slowly starting to realise that, I was just wondering if you feel that I should continue visiting her. Whilst I understand that you can't guarantee anything, I just appreciate being able to speak to and ask somebody about it as whenever I go to the hospital, the doctors have already left for me to ask them and its good to ask somebody impartial.
Jem
says:
May, 4 2015 at 10:32 pm
My sister was going to commit suicide last week. She managed to get to the school nurse (she's in high school) with the help of one of her friends. I found out she was going to do it when me and my mum went to Norwich, so she'd be alone with dad, when she would "find something sharp".

She seemed to blame everyone around her for her wanting to die. She ended up dragging up every little thing that's ever happened to her as a reason.

She's never told me the truth in her life, I don't trust her when she says anything to me anymore so I know I can't trust her when she says why she wanted to.

She's really hurt my mum, my dad keeps arguing with my mum now (even though my sister said that's something that hurts her). I've already been through all of this, how come I managed it without all this and she couldn't?

In the article you say survivors feel really bad about what they've done. If anything my sister seems pleased about the attention, and she's never really been one to understand anything.

I really don't know how to treat her now. I want to stay away at my boyfriends house, but mum mum wants me looking after my sister, and my dad wants me to stay away because I (apparently) can't be trusted. I "can't be trusted" for one thing my sister said was a cause; for the fact that when we were a lot younger I used to pick on her and push her around.

What am I meant to do!?
Jahnavi
says:
April, 25 2015 at 5:31 am
hi
I live in India. Student suicides due to less than exemplar grades are a sad reality here. I particularly liked the what not to say part.
One of my bestfriend's neighbours killed himself recently.
I wish she'd read this earlier. Here's a post I found about dealing with suicides that might help.
http://revivingingenuity.blogspot.in/2015/04/ridiculed-on-death.html
Renita
says:
February, 20 2015 at 5:51 pm
When my mother passed away from suicide my little sister was only 3 years old. Her grandmother literally raised her as HER daughter. Growing up my sister called her grandma MOM because she didn't know any better. She was too little to remember her real mom. Our uncle and his mom used to get into terrible fights because he wanted her to tell my sister the truth. Eventally my uncle's mother completely cut her son out of her life as a result of these countless fights. Grandma never did come to terms with her real daughter's death. It was only after our grandma died of cancer and my sister was put into fostercare that she found out the real truth.

Karen I think I understand why your family doesn't want to talk about your suicide attempt. Surviving family members almost always feel a sense of shame and guilt over a loved one's suicide. I believe that's why in some families, at least in mine, it's just not talked about
Karen S
says:
February, 20 2015 at 12:32 pm
My family's solution is to never, ever talk about it. Even if I want to

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