I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil
I like my job. I get to write for a living which is something many writers don't get to do. And moreover, I get to write about things that matter to me. Also a great luxury for many writers. These are pleasures as are the vast majority of people I get to meet.
I do have the great displeasure, though, of seeing vehement hatred for those with a mental illness. People who hate show up here, on my blog and elsewhere. People with a hatred for bipolar disorder seem to seek places to express their hatred.
But hatred of the mentally ill is simply another prejudice. Hatred of people with bipolar is the same as racism and just as unacceptable.
People with Bipolar Are Selfish, Whiny, Childish Monsters
No one in their right mind would say, "All [people of race] are selfish, whiny, childish monsters."
They wouldn't say that because it isn't true and it's outlandish to think, let alone say. People of any race are individuals and thus are all different. Enlightened people understand painting them all with any brush is inaccurate, insulting and quite frankly just plain wrong.
It's exactly the same for those with a mental illness. Suggesting all people with bipolar are selfish, whiny, childish monsters (and I have heard much worse) is ridiculous. I am none of those things. I'm a grab-bag of traits, much like everyone else. Except I have an illness.
Why do People Hate those with Bipolar?
There is generally one reason why people hate those with a mental illness: they have had bad experiences with them in the past. And for whatever cockamamie reason, they have generalized that experience onto everyone with bipolar disorder. And for some reason they don't see the ludicrousness of that behavior.
My Ex Was Bipolar; She Was Evil
Lots of these people have bipolar ex-significant others. And some hate their ex-others. Perhaps for good reason; I couldn't say. But here's the thing:
- You fell in love with that person at some point and married/had kids with/lived with them, so there really is something good there somewhere.
- People hate their ex-others. It has nothing to do with bipolar and everything to do with being an ex.
People also think "men are bad," because of a bad divorce, or "women are conniving," or what have you. Not because of anything intrinsic to the gender but because divorces/breakups are nasty, ill-fated, legally acrimonious affairs.
Unfortunately, when one party has a mental illness the other party often feels perfectly justified in dumping the ills of the world at the feet of the illness. And then at the feet of everyone else with the illness.
Your Bipolar Ex Might Have Been Evil
I have no idea who you were married to, and they may have been the worst person on the planet. In fact, their illness may have made their life and yours a living hell. That person may have needed help and refused it. That person may have done horrible things and blamed it on their disease. That person may have hurt those and those you love. Quite possible.
But that's not about being bipolar, that's about the individual.
I will accept this illness makes people unpredictable and challenging, like many illnesses. I will accept the fact being with a person with an illness (any illness) is hard. I will accept that we hurt people, and sometimes that hurt has to do with bipolar disorder.
I will not, however, accept any insult you want to throw at me simply because I have the same diagnosis as a person you know. I will not allow you to tell me how I am or who I am. I will not accept your prejudice and I will not accept your hatred.
Enjoy Your Hate
You can hate whomever you like. It's a free country. But do it in front of me at your own risk. I do not buy your nonsense and to me, you are no better than a racist. Go find another place to play. Because I won't let you unabashedly hurt others just because you have been hurt.
Tracy, N. (2011, July 7). I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, March 22 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2011/07/i-hate-the-mentally-ill-my-ex-was-bipolar-and-she-was-evil
Author: Natasha Tracy
Brian and Mark are right on the money. I have dealt with bipolar in my mother throughout my childhood and now in my old age with a daughter. I can't run like hell but encourage all of you that are not bound by blood to get away from people with this disorder - they will only bring you down. And, yes, when they feel better it is like the slate is wiped clean and they forget the awful things they said and did to you and you are supposed to forget it too. So very tired of dealing with this disorder as a caregiver. Like I said...RUN LIKE HELL away from this unless you want to throw your life away. You CAN'T save them.
Laura, I agree with you " Its impossible"
Brian hit it on the head. If you are involved with a bipolar... run like hell, They never change nor will they ever apologize. I am so sick of hearing its not the disease,, Total bullshit..
I see a lot of the comments are romoved because the author doesn't like the truth. BP can be very evil once the disorder is developed. Once that disorder sets in they change forever for the absoloute worst , I have family with mental illness and have notihgn against the mentally ill however BP people do evil things all them time its their choice and moderating the comments will not change that. If you are involved with one RUN AWAY ASAP or enjoy hell.
Bet you like Tony Blair and vote labour
@Jackson I pity you, it's hard to believe you're an adult and not some kid in their mother's basement trolling.
@Zoe Merchant You seem extremely ignorant, it's hard to believe you're an adult and not some kid in their mother's basement trolling for your information people who suffer from mental illness is more likely to be the victims of crime than the perpetrator. Read a book! Smh I pity you
@alexis...YOU are the one to be pitied. You obviously have no clue regarding the criminal justice system. Instead of consulting your precious BOOKS, try talking to a criminal defense attorney - specifically a COURT APPOINTED defense attorney and become enlightened on the percentage of criminals who also have the comorbidity of mental illness. Then you may be able to develop an opinion based on fact. So stop your silly condescending remarks and become informed - or would that be too much trouble for you?
Do you know that 40 percent of convicted pedophiles are left handed. Maybe they should be lynched too
You tell her, Ma'am!
For everyone who has had any kind of relationship with someone diagnosed with bi polar, it. can be beyond difficult. I am diagnosed with this hell of a disorder and have made many bad choices which I own up to. All I know is that I did not ask for this illness and I have done everything and I mean everything to get well. But, there is no cure. Just treatment., I cycle very fast and that is hard on me and those who have no idea of what I am talking about at times…nor do .I. My rapid thoughts just roll right from my brain out of my mouth. I do feel guilt. I just wish all the haters of this illness from hell would step inside my brain for one week and then, maybe you would not hate, but, you might find some compassion when you are living the hell yourself.
I met the woman of my dreams 3 years ago - seriously intelligent, funny, attractive, and quirky. On the first night we met, there were serious alarm bells ringing (she got very angry I would not sleep with her) but love goggles.... She was beautiful to me, I tried to ignore that.
3 years on, I'm still with her, and she's cycling into another angry / depressive / demanding / lazy state, which happens yearly. It will probably last a minimum of 3 months, and at the end of it, although she will be happier again, there will be no apologies or cares at all regarding how bad she has made me feel and how much I have literally done just to keep us both fed, in a flat that doesn't resemble a bomb site. She will do nothing to help during this time.
As much as I love her, I find it very, very hard to deal with the continuous drama bombs and stress that is no doubt going to happen, as they always have, for the next 1/3 of a year. It's a scary thought.
The reason I stay is she is not /always bad/, and I try to keep in mind that she's ill.
It's the total lack of guilt , that's what I'm not sure I can cope with again. When she is ill, visibly, I can deal with that. When she is feeling better, it is as if she thinks the slate is totally wiped clean and there is no damage to me. Not true. This is the last cycle I am going to put up with, and I'm hoping she is bad enough to me that there is nothing to do but leave.
You don't need this. Leave now before you are tied to this nightmare and you have children that will be forced to deal with her, too through no fault of their own. Think about THAT. You may have had the "love goggles" but future children will be saddled with a crazy women after you have gotten sick and tired of the situation and left. Is that fair?
I agree, you should have left yesterday...
Man up and stop whining- it's your choice
shut up and take your damn advice!
I am married to someone for 12 years with schizo affective disorder.
I went out for 8 years previously with another person with bipolar disorder.
Both men are lovely people. The person I am am married too is more suited to me and I met him indirectly thought the aftermath of the break up- of the first relationship.
It is too easy to blame bad relationships on mental illness. I have a wonderful marriage and my previous relationship was not awful.
Evil!! Selfish people who have no impulse control, lie,cheat,rage,abusive,egotistical,self serving life destroyers. Not only do bp people want pity for their actions they want you to believe they can't control their actions, wrong!! They also think they are so intelligent, haha, intelligent people can control themselves. They lack empathy unless it's for themselves.They know right from wrong. Lock the life drainers up together and let them destroy each other. poor me, life is so hard on me, overgrown bipolar babies. It must be exhausting ruining normal people's lives!
Sounds like someone is bitter
I have Aspergers, and attend a mental health group weekly that contains patients with various diagnosis. There is a woman patient with bi polar there who I am getting increasingly afraid of. I am scared of attending this lovely group, which helped me get over a depressive time, and was recommended to me by a mental health support worker.
The woman with bi polar is hostile and aggressive about other patients when they leave the room, tells mental health workers things about them behind their backs, and tells us fellow patients not to mention day trips to them, as she doesn't want them to come. All these things are said with the most aggressive, mean and explosive manner.
Now, as a newcomer to the group, I am being targeted by her. If I join in a conversation she glares at me really badly. She makes eye contact with others and rolls her eyes. If I place myself at a different table, she makes sure that her table is silent so that she can hear what I am saying.I feel scared and worried by her.
I cannot do anything other than not attend anymore, as she has put her self at the head of it, and I am low down in the pecking order. I cannot mention it to a mental health worker as she volunteers to help them, and knows them all, and is very friendly with them.
She is not superficially scary, she is scary deep down in her personality to the point where she controls everyone's views or she will put it across that certain patients, which will include me, are awful people.I am feeling really distressed over what I have witnessed her do. Reading others' views here, I think it is best if I stay away from her.
I couldn't disagree with this more. Every bipolar person I've met has been a dangerous and despicable monster and I wish I lived under a government that had the courage to destroy them. I say 'destroy' because that is how you talk about monsters.
It's crazy to can be arrested for saying that about black people or muslims but perfectly acceptable to insult ginger people and those with a neurological condition. You need to educate yourself because you sound very ignorant. You will change your mind if one of your kids have the illness
If one more bipolar person says educate yourself I'm gonna scream! Most people who deal with bipoles have at some point tried to read up on it you use that to try and make the other feel stupid typical bipole. Until you people sort your issues out you should just stay away from normal people! Just leave us alone isolate yourselves or become your own community And the author can delete this if she chooses but People don't start off hating they are made to hate I was an advocate I tried to help to overlook to be supportive but none of it mattered I tell everyone now to run and don't look back!
i second that.
From my view of dealing with this monster of a woman, very self-centered, lazy, back-stabs, hateful, unfaithful, lies alot, ect.... YES, EVIL SEEMS TO SUM IT UP....
You got that right.
I personally have bipolar I disorder and have the long term manic episode flavor of it and haven't been manic in years but I find that a lot of the ones with symptoms of the cluster B personality disorders in particular and rapid cyclers are some of the most rotten and selfish people I have had the misfortune of knowing. When I was manic, I would think I was god or carry on about running for president etc and never really got dangerous until my last few. I thought I could fly at one point, adapt to breathing underwater at another and was paranoid for the last one, like schizophrenia paranoid and was more self dangerous.
That said, I am bisexual, which I note because socially, as a group, we see the world from a specific place and I dated a rapid cycling bipolar II person who I suspect also had a borderline personality and he beat me one day for every inch of my life and I will personally NEVER date a cluster B personality disordered person and would only a minority of bipolar disordered folks. Most people with "bipolar" in my experience has been a self centered, rotten person.
Anyone who haters bipolar folks are my kinds of people depending on who they are.
Unfortunately many people with bipolar do crazy and evil things because that is how their minds work. They make bad and horrendous choices because they WANT to. My mil is bipolar and she is the most horrendous selfish person you could ever meet. I found out after our wedding she tried to get my husband to leave me the night before the wedding because I was "taking away her son" and "not good enough". . She was just a sad excuse for a mother who wanted complete control over her son and he left her side for mine because I made his life a bright and happy place.
I also have two half brothers, one from each parent who are also both bipolar. One tried to murder me and my siblings one day in the car driving into town, the other tried to murder us individually, some in our sleep. The first took his own life, the second is now getting a sex change but still spreads disgusting lies to the rest of the family when he comes into contact with us.
I also deal with many people at my job that are mentally ill. The one. Thing I have learned from 90% of individuals who are bipolar! they are dangerous people. In their fits of rage and hatred think it's perfectly acceptable to harm and murder others and they TAKE glee in it. They are manipulative to TRY and get what they want out of others, and I will always find most of them to be twisted disgusting people who don't deserve to be around the rest of society. They choose not to take their proper medications and therapies and use drugs and alcohol instead thinking society owes them everything. Frankly I can't wait for a large mental institution to be opened again so they can all be locked away, they can't be trusted to take their meds regularly and routinely. They cannot be trusted not to harm others in one of their manic cycles.
I DO NOT DO BAD OR HORRENDOUS THINGS BECAUSE I WANT TO. I wish I didn’t have this disorder but I have it and I have to try to deal with it. You don't understand how it feels to not be in control of your emotions. I take responsibility for my actions. I feel guilt, shame, and hate myself when I explode. I apologize profusely and try to fix the situation. You are lumping those with bipolar into one definition. You have no idea how it feels so how can you say that someone with bipolar doesn't take responsibility or lacks empathy. I sociopath lacks empathy and no where in the DSM-V does it say those with bipolar lack empathy. I am bipolar. ALL of my friends have made comments that I am the most empathetic person they know. I can here about someones bad day and I will feel their pain I can understand. I am not a liar. I am in no way selfish. I do everything in my power to put others ahead of me and make sure everyone I love is happy. You lack empathy. Why? because you lack the ability to understand how it feels to not be in control of your emotions. You lack the ability to understand what it is like to go from extreme depression to extreme energy and agitation. Bipolar isn't just about being explosive or getting angry. The main components to bipolar are CONSTANTLY dealing with cycling manic and depressive episodes. Do you know what it feels like to feel every happy emotion feeling and thought leave your body for WEEKS ON END. Do you know what it feels like to feel in despair but are so afraid to mention it to anyone because you are so terrified someone will call you SELFISH or UNPREDICTABLE. Would you say someone who is blind, or deaf, or that is a parplegic is a horrible THING to be around? NO. They are a human being. AND SO ARE PEOPLE WITH BIPOLAR. I am a human not a thing. I have feelings. So does everyone else. I may be bipolar but I take medication. It allows me to function normally. JUST LIKE YOU. You may not need medication to regulate your emotions, but I do. I am proud to say I am bipolar and sought out help. I am proud to say I have a fantastic doctor who treats me like a HUMAN and found a medication that could allow me to get my life back. My medication gave me back the control of my emotions. Think twice about being so judgemental to a disorder that you don't understand.
There are mainstream religions out there that are openly homophobic, yet no one except Trump will speak out against . But it's okay to generalise about the mentally ill. What's the difference? Prejudice is prejudice
What makes you not prejudiced?
I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 also ptsd in 2010 after years of confusing episodes,highs and lows.Id like to point out that i have not been the victim of any childhood trauma or abuse.Also i am compliant with medication and recieve ongoing therapy.I came to this site for advice as have been having problems with certain members of my partner of 5 years family.Mainly acceptance of my condition,going as far as being abusive,terms such as "crazy prick" "nutter" etc also old classics like "man up" "its all in your head" etc...Now this may seem trivial to some (sticks n stones) but it has put my partner (who has been amazing since we met & we have two lovely daughters together) in a very awkward position.Im no more of an angel than any one else here,i have my ups n downs,be it bp related or not.I guess i just wondered if anyone else had experianced this or anything like it as has been very stressfull of late?
You should ignore the insensitive comments from others and enjoy your life. Sod them
The more I read about all these testimonials, you see, I am completely non-religious, but the term EVIL, to properly put that word into context, Bipolar, it an EVIL symptoms. Of course the person who is suffering it, I feel for then too, because I know that they are not in control once the psychosis takes over. But, my friend, I do not know that person. That's a completely different person, I have no link with that person, never met. The one that I know, and love was in talking in your body just before, how come suddenly you go outside, then, out of nowhere, we did not do anything, certainly did not want any arguments, or troubles, did not freaking open a mouth and said anything, she thinks that's I was thinking of something. I don't know what I was thinking of myself, how the heck did she know now? That's where I know, that I will have to buckle up, because the big wave is coming, she would go outside, and come back in, tell me how much she hates me. Just yesterday, I sat with her for hours, to listen to ask her problems, solved all, made her feel so good, happy and beautiful. The next morning, I'm being threatened, verbally abused, shout so that all neighbours hear what she thinks of me, in the state of psychosis and anger. You know, I somehow came across some scary horror movies these couple of years, in there, what is depicted is clearly a psychotic/ psychosis entranced person as being possesed by a evil spirit etc. I for being a complete believer in science, always never believed in those things, still don't. But, this is exactly what it seems like. It's a transformation, almost supernatural, or unnatural. And funny thing, the hospital where she was admitted, that shocked me. Crosses in every rooms, inside and outside the rooms, corridors, consulting rooms, dining. Your see what I mean? But there is more, that I need to investigate. And comment later.
Wow, I mean sometimes I just feels like giving up, but I have to hang on because of the 2 children that we have together, everything was good for 13 years, then had first baby, was very good happy, loving, caring family, 2 years later, 2nd baby, I don't know what the heck happened.
Everything turned upside down, I have a very long story on Quora where I explained everything in detail.
I was a very good caring husband, been together for so long, did so many things for her that not even her parents did, supported her everywhere possible, worked like a dog to support her in her education and everything, I don't understand how can an illness turn someone into so much trouble, and been causing me so much pain.
I used to be a very strong person, in just 2.5 years, now I feel like crying with no tears left. We started treatment immediately and never stopped, we even went overseas and I made sure in advanced to arrange for Psychiatrist to monitor her there as well regularly.
I like she lost the part of her mind that reasons and because a nasty person.
But the thing is, she is able to calculate somehow those calculative nastiness, because it is all executed so perfectly well, to harm me. She likes to humiliate me in public, so that I lose face, she would shout in the neighborhood, and lie etc.
Bipolar can be a very dangerous illness, no wonder why there are so much stigmas surrounding it.
The people who lives, work, care and love become the victim that is unnoticed.
I saw these testimonials here by accident, I kind of feel relieved, but at the same time sincerely feel for the people who needs to suffer those experiences.
There need to be a much better treatment system around these, and fast.
That's all I can say.
Oh Moon get a bloody life! Evil is Evil!..Period!
Oh please! You have a right to be nasty?...you can control that if you chose to, your just too lazy to do it and want attention and people to feel sorry for you is all. Listen to the doctors instead of whining all the time!
If you told that to Natasha, I salute you. As far as I'm concerned ,thsi article of hers is probably some ploy as a pity party for mentally ill people. How about she put herself in the shoes of those who've been victimized by mentally ill losers? I myself have dealt with those cretins for too long.
I totally agree with Jon Biert. I have been hurt by the lies of a bipolar person, they are cruel, insensitive, mean people. Everything came as a shock to me, I knew this person was behaving erratically at times, with a lots of ups and downs, he was nice one day and a horrible person next, with a lot of sarcastic comments in our conversations which were very hurtful at times, and then he will praise me to make me feel good. I felt compassion for that person because he was so unhappy with his life and he felt many times that his life was worthless so I took a lot of crap from him because I felt I ought to help him in case things went out of control. He drained me with his negativity, nothing I was suggesting to improve his life was good enough, he talked behind my back to a friend, kept quite about it still accepted him in my life, until one day I had enough from him and told him everything I thought about him, that was the biggest mistake I could have ever done. In my mind I thought if he was a good genuine friend he ought to know what I think about him, but to my surprise I was totally wrong. If I was aware of his condition I would have never told him my feelings, but I wasn't aware about the mental condition and boy did he retaliate! The lies, the revenge was outrageous. He is been for a long time in a high, and he's feeling so strong, powerful and super confident, and that is someone who was crying his eyes out six months ago. I have read a lot about the condition, and the worse thing is that this person is not taking medication, hopefully his family will do something about it, but the only thing I can say is that after all the stress and upsetting I have come to terms with the end of our friendship, and I feel so blessed because I don't feel responsible for him anymore, his family can take over now, I feel better emotionally and believe me I will be super vigilant next time about people's behaviour, and as soon I recognize the pattern I will politely detach from the person, I have to take this as an experience, although not a very pleasant one I have to admit to myself that has made me wiser which it's always a positive thing.
If I'm in that situation, I'd flat-out reject him or her.
This is a major reason that I, even though my bipolar is managed and I have not had symptoms in years, have given up on relationships. Why let someone into your life when the risk of being judged for your illness is so high? I'll stick to fishing. At least my fishing gear can't say horrible things about me on the internet.
@Cindie: if you believe that anyone's HUMAN rights should be violated so blatantly by being "forced to be medicated for their own good" you are definitely in the wrong career field. It's hard to imagine how anyone so judgmental, opinionated, and completely devoid of empathy vould be allowed to get anywhere near a patient with a mental health diagnosis. With such a rigid, biased, and downright cruel attitude, the only thing you will be doing for the people you are working with is making their condition worse. [moderated]
The comments on here are sickening. You can't lump all bipolar people into the same category. We are, after all, individuals with our own gifts, histories and struggles. One vroup that should be lumped together is ignorant assholes. If you don't understand bipolar, or if you have only experienced one facet of it, don't demonize it. You have no right to do that unless you have met every bipolar person, ever. I have bipolar I and I take responsibility for my actions, especially when they affect others. It is not my label; it does not define me. If you can't see past the illness far enough to see the good in a person, well, that's the definition of ignorance and is your own damn fault.
Thank you so much for the blog post, it helps me remember that when people judge me based on my bipolar disorder, they are judging me based on their assumptions or experiences with people who just so happen to share my diagnosis. Calling out stigma is always brave, and I appreciate your standing up for us. Thank you again.
It would be great if you could write an article about how most mental illnesses are caused by childhood trauma. I think that might help the "normals" to understand a bit better. Obviously, there's a genetic component, but environmental triggers, like child abuse, are always the trigger. Could you talk about the initial triggers and the best ways to help prevent mental illness in the first place? You'd really be doing society a great service!