I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil
I like my job. I get to write for a living which is something many writers don't get to do. And moreover, I get to write about things that matter to me. Also a great luxury for many writers. These are pleasures as are the vast majority of people I get to meet.
I do have the great displeasure, though, of seeing vehement hatred for those with a mental illness. People who hate show up here, on my blog and elsewhere. People with a hatred for bipolar disorder seem to seek places to express their hatred.
But hatred of the mentally ill is simply another prejudice. Hatred of people with bipolar is the same as racism and just as unacceptable.
People with Bipolar Are Selfish, Whiny, Childish Monsters
No one in their right mind would say, "All [people of race] are selfish, whiny, childish monsters."
They wouldn't say that because it isn't true and it's outlandish to think, let alone say. People of any race are individuals and thus are all different. Enlightened people understand painting them all with any brush is inaccurate, insulting and quite frankly just plain wrong.
It's exactly the same for those with a mental illness. Suggesting all people with bipolar are selfish, whiny, childish monsters (and I have heard much worse) is ridiculous. I am none of those things. I'm a grab-bag of traits, much like everyone else. Except I have an illness.
Why do People Hate those with Bipolar?
There is generally one reason why people hate those with a mental illness: they have had bad experiences with them in the past. And for whatever cockamamie reason, they have generalized that experience onto everyone with bipolar disorder. And for some reason they don't see the ludicrousness of that behavior.
My Ex was Bipolar; She was Evil
Lots of these people have bipolar ex-significant others. And some hate their ex-others. Perhaps for good reason; I couldn't say. But here's the thing:
- You fell in love with that person at some point and married/had kids with/lived with them, so there really is something good there somewhere.
- People hate their ex-others. It has nothing to do with bipolar and everything to do with being an ex.
People also think "men are bad," because of a bad divorce, or "women are conniving," or what have you. Not because of anything intrinsic to the gender but because divorces/breakups are nasty, ill-fated, legally acrimonious affairs.
Unfortunately, when one party has a mental illness the other party often feels perfectly justified in dumping the ills of the world at the feet of the illness. And then at the feet of everyone else with the illness.
Your Bipolar Ex Might Have Been Evil
I have no idea who you were married to, and they may have been the worst person on the planet. In fact, their illness may have made their life and yours a living hell. That person may have needed help and refused it. That person may have done horrible things and blamed it on their disease. That person may have hurt those and those you love. Quite possible.
But that's not about being bipolar, that's about the individual.
I will accept this illness makes people unpredictable and challenging, like many illnesses. I will accept the fact being with a person with an illness (any illness) is hard. I will accept that we hurt people, and sometimes that hurt has to do with bipolar disorder.
I will not, however, accept any insult you want to throw at me simply because I have the same diagnosis as a person you know. I will not allow you to tell me how I am or who I am. I will not accept your prejudice and I will not accept your hatred.
Enjoy Your Hate
You can hate whomever you like. It's a free country. But do it in front of me at your own risk. I do not buy your nonsense and to me, you are no better than a racist. Go find another place to play. Because I won't let you unabashedly hurt others just because you have been hurt.
Tracy, N. (2011, July 7). I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, September 17 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2011/07/i-hate-the-mentally-ill-my-ex-was-bipolar-and-she-was-evil
Author: Natasha Tracy
In the general public 50 percent or more of ALL marriages end in divorce. It is NEVER 100 percent the fault of just one person in any relationship ALL the time. Sometimes the things that people complain most about ARE THE VERY SAME THINGS THEY ARE GUILTY OF. Take a good HONEST look at yourself in the mirror and what do you see???
I'm sorry but I could not disagree more with idea that people should be called on to support or show compassion toward the mentally ill partner, if those mentally persons refuse to seek help and end their abuse. I understand full well that some people (rare cases) who are afflicted with BP and BPD etc seek help, and should be supported in this endeavor. But when the actions of BP or the like involve abuse and pose a danger to your own welfare and potential safety, you have greater responsibility to yourself to leave the situation.
I have endured two relationships now with mentally disordered women, one thank god ended after 18 months with no children involved. But during it I had my nose broken when she decided to thrown a book at my face, the end came when she decided to jump on me in my sleep at 3 am in the morning & try to strangle me to death. All because she found out my 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship didn't feel comfortable to meet her, by hacking into my email account?
The second one I spent 9 years with, having the life completely drained from me, I ended up in a psych ward myself at the 7 years mark under the pressure of the constant psychological warfare she waged against me. I left this person 18 months ago and they still play games all the time with the access to my child, the legal system & constant attempts to exploit me for every cent she can get. To this day she has NEVER ACCEPTED even one ounce of the abuse, and instead went told everyone she could I abused her? She even went as far as to join codependents anonymous so she could live her carefully constructed fantasy of being the victim, while she walked away leaving me thousands of dollars of debt after assaulting me & destroying my property.
It is a never ending nightmare and I understand full well why people who have experienced life with an un-diagnosed mentally ill partner who refuses to get help, feel nothing but anger and hatred. And less you have endured the abuse, you have you have little room to offer up opinions from some kind of moralistic high ground.
This person has effectively abused me directly and by proxy for 10 years now & I utterly powerless to stop her. Try enduring this and see how much you feel compassion for them!!
I seldom read your blogs because of them.
I didn't mean to sound so harsh. You sound like a loving caring individual who deserves some happiness. There needs to be some balance in any relationship in order for it to work. Relationships can be hard to build and maintain and unless both parties are willing to put the work into it to keep it alive, it withers and dies. Having a mental illness and caring for one with it can restrict someone's life so many ways...
When someone is abusive, oversteps boundaries or shows little or no respect that's totally understandable why you would want to back out of the relationship and it makes perfectly good sense to do so. If someone doesn't appreciate you then why would you put up with that
It bothers me though that most people with a mental illness are not considered on par with someone who has a physical illness. A person with a mental illness does not wish to be sick anymore than a person with a physical illness does. There is also a lot more stigma for people with a mental illness than there is for someone with a physical illness. Stigma is isolating and can deeply affects one's self esteem. Having a mental illness makes you vulnerable. Without the proper supports mental illness can be deadly
Psychosis can be very scary for the individual experiencing it. You can not reason with or use logic on or love someone out of psychosis. You just can't. Psychosis is like a medical emergency. By not getting him help you are enabling him. By help I mean getting him committed to hospital. If he refuses to take medication when he gets out there isn't much you can do 'til he reaches that state again. Any good doctor would admit a psychotic person to hospital. Psychosis is treatablle. The symptoms can be managed
I would think having cancer and losing an eye would also be very scary for someone as well.
While I understand your need to take care of yourself, there is such a thing called compassion fatigue that many caregivers feel, maybe you just need a break.
Pardon my bluntness but you are not the seriously ill one here who is dying and cannot take care of themselves. A large number of people die of cancer and a large number of people also die of mental illness as well.
To turn a blind eye to someone in need is heartless. How would you feel if it happened to you...
If your son became ill would you abandon him too?
Who will be there for YOU when you die?
I have to clarify: my son's father has never been diagnosed but suffers from serious mental illness -- he's more than bipolar, he suffers from psychoses, paranoia, has serious unrealistic fears that people are following him in helicopters, radiating his apartment (he refuses to stay there, he has filled the place with a "protective wall" of junk but still believes the neighbours are getting him with their laser guns), he even believes I want to poison him. He comes to me when he needs me but speaks ill of me behind my back.
I have been his best friend all these years but perhaps I have also prevented him from getting the help he needs. Now I have been told that he has been living with his illness for so long (he is 61, I am 48) that it would be difficult to treat him with medication, and you also can't "talk someone out of" their psychosis. The head of a clinic here told me this.
It is horrible to watch, also considering his medical condition and the loss of his eye (if only he had seen the eye doctor sooner ...). And I know that when he is stable again we will have contact because there are so many things I love about him -- he's a wonderful person in so many ways -- but I realize now that this has all been slowly eating me up over many, many years.
It took me two years to write a book about what I've been through, the story spans nearly two decades and covers three continents. It has been an incredible journey and I will always love this man, but I feel like I have been slowly losing my life and my energy, have devoted so much of my energy to him and his illness.
I have been with him now through the most difficult time of his life, and it has been the most difficult time of my life. And now I need to simply shut the door -- for just a while perhaps -- because I cannot take it when he comes and breaks into my house like a storm. I also suffer when I see him suffering, he knows how much I care and each time he manages to "get inside" of me. It is difficult because I am torn apart inside, I care about him and worry about where he might be sleeping (he has his own apartment, rented a holiday flat and chose to sleep outside -- and it's still cold where we are!).
I have to learn compassion for myself, not just for him.
It has helped to write this, thank you for this site!
By the way, all the local kids here call him Jesus. Like I wrote last night, he is far from evil, he is a good soul and it breaks my heart to see him suffer. I want my heart to be whole again, and that means taking a step back. Perhaps by doing so, I will be able to see things more clearly ...
I can still feel love for him and send him my best wishes, but I realize that for my own health, I will have to do that from a distance.
In December 2014 he was diagnosed with a tumor in his eye, his eye was surgically removed six weeks later -- needless to say, this set him off. We were all involved in this crisis, he had nowhere else to go so he stayed with us before and after the operation. I was glad to be able to help, I truly felt with him, felt his pain in a way I have never before experienced the pain and suffering of another human being. We still don't know if the cancer has spread as he has not undergone all the tests.
Well, that's just some of the background. And I won't get into all that we've been through in the past 18 years. I have lived with his psychosis and I have shut the door many times, but I have also opened the door again and again and embraced him when he has been well, been there for him during hard times.
Now I realize that his illness has been eating me up. I know he doesn't mean to do it and it is impossible for me to "hate" but I have to finally end it. I realize it is making me ill. I realize I attracted him and he attracted me -- two magnets -- he has given me a wonderful son and has enriched my life in many ways. But his illness hurts me again and again. Again and again he is abusive to me, oversteps my boundaries, shows little or no respect, frightens me ... So now, after 18 years, it is time to say good-bye.
The stories posted here -- insightful stories of compassion as well as the stories of anger and hatred -- are very real for me. I have experienced both sides. I have experienced deep love and joy over nearly two decades with a man I met while on holiday in Australia (!) yet have also SUFFERED guilt, anxiety, sorrow, fear -- and it is time for me to live. My son's father has refused all intervention, has never been diagnosed, has never sought treatment for his mental illness (which is now compounded by the loss of his eye and the threat of cancer). He blames me for his illness, takes no responsibility for his actions, is narcissistic, egocentric and extremely unreliable. I am certainly far from perfect myself but it is time for me to stop revolving around this charismatic man.
I followed him from Australia to NZ in 1997, travelled halfway around the world before settling with him in Europe (where he's from). It's been a whirlwind tour, I have carved a new life for myself and my son in a foreign country, have "accompanied" my husband through fits of madness which have lasted for up to four months at a time (we're currently at four and a half). Writing this down now helps me to be clear about it -- I've done it for long enough now.
He is not evil. I believe he is a good person, a deeply spiritual person ... but confused. Somehow deeply confused and unable to cope. I will always care for him but it is time to start caring more about myself. Time to be happy ... and to let go.
Thank you for listening/reading.
Love and let go.
I had the highest level of misfortune to date, in my life, coming across a bipolar individual (female), who then later became my friend (unfortunately). At the time, when I had first met her, and for a few months into knowing them, I was unaware they were bipolar (manic/depressive). She was very nice to me the first few months I knew her. She always said thank you for everything, and overall she was very kind to me. I am a male, and I feel like part of the nice attitude may have been due to the fact that this female had never really been treated correctly by their male counterparts in any relationship. I treated her nice and she appreciated it. I helped her kids, I helped her find a new place to live & got her out from a residence that she hated staying in. She told me she wound up telling her family how much she appreciated me and my help. She appeared to be grateful.
I was friends with this person at the time, and wanted to remain so, so nothing was advanced on beyond that point due to me not being comfortable with it. I had seen little bursts of anger at this point towards other people over frivolous things & frivolous generic situations, which was an automatic turn off for me, so I kept to myself. She kept pressuring me by making little comments that suggested I take her out, wife her up, marry her, etc... too strong & too much for me to hear in the first few months so I left it be. I was uncomfortable with her strong behavior & didn't pay mind to it.
She had told me she believed she was bipolar within a few months of knowing her, but I shrugged it off. I half believed it when she said she was bipolar, but didn't take it seriously. Only now do I WISH I HAD.
The first red flag to me came, when I was being positive & having fun with a friend of hers over the phone. I called my friend (bipolar one) "my sister" and started laughing to her friend on the phone. She (bipolar) later called me with a negative tone and said "I'm not your sister" then told me that I could block her number if I wanted to and be on my way if I felt like it. I found out this is when her ex had come back into her life, so I was then highly disposable. This was the first negative thing I had witnessed directed at me for zero reason. She turned a positive into a negative.
Once the ex came into her life, I stayed & continued to help both of them so that they could try to be happy together. They ran into issues and parted ways again. She then jumped back onto me again with the attachment, saying that she had to be with me, that I was a good guy, etc - again it was too strong for me & completely out of the blue, especially after the first time around I decided to take it nowhere. I ignored it and just remained friends.
We started going to places just for fun a few times in a two week period, and a week later she had gone on vacation. She contacted me out of the blue professing how much of a great guy I was and that she liked me, that I looked good, etc - all positive remarks. I started to go with it because it felt genuine at that point, as where before it felt fake and pushed. She returned from vacation and I couldn't even tell that she had a care in the world for me. I let it stagnate again and just kept it as friends because I was not feeling it. A few weeks later she asked to be intimate with me three separate times, but because of the odd behavior and previous situations I ignored it and left it be - I just wanted to remain friends.
We stayed friends and she brought the same ex back into her life yet again. Her & her ex ran into problems again so they parted ways.
By this time period, and slightly prior to, she had begun making some slightly negative remarks to me here and there. Not frequent, but very out of place & insensitive. Her daughter's birthday was approaching, so I help set it up. Upon the day of her daughter's birthday she had a slight temper because I was an hour or two late with food, while I was getting all of her daughter's birthday stuff at the same time & trying to work my own business. Later in the day I had picked her friend up that I paid for, to have her bussed into town. Once she arrived, I picked her up & got her food, with no drink. I dropped her off at the daughter's birthday party. I went to the store to get one last thing for the birthday & this is when I encountered the first fit of extreme rage.
I was told that I hated her friend for not buying a soda with the food (she made this up in her head). She told me that I only help her cause I'm trying to buy her, and that I'm a pervert trying to buy her. I was dumbfounded at this point & once I returned to the party to try and talk to her, she started screaming non-stop & then threatened to hit me. Another adult had to stop her from becoming violent.
Instead of being thanked for spending over $100 on her daughter's birthday, buying food for her friend, busing her friend into town for the birthday party, buying drinks for the daughter's birthday, and helping to set the birthday up, I was mentally abused (& almost physically) for not buying a soda for her friend, and forgetting 3 minor decorations at the store, that the store never even carried to begin with.
A few months passed, the ex tried returning, but she told him to go away. He started vandalizing the property & stalking her, so I moved her into a new property because her ex was dangerous & mentally ill to my observation. I did this to protect the lives of her, and her two daughters, due to the ex's capability of becoming extremely violent. She thanked me for this & was very happy.
I had lent her some money at this point in time & it was agreed to have been paid back by an SSI settlement, soon due. Christmas was approaching & she wanted to visit her family, so I sent her to her family via plane & I covered the cost. I asked her if she would help me with a paper agreement on the money owed & she went off the deep end, and exploded in a fit of rage again. She said I was trying to get her to sign paper because I was jealous that she wasn't with me (although I previously denied her 3+ times). She started becoming extremely derogatory & calling me every name under the sun. Originally I was schedule to fly with her, but I denied due to her behavior. She had apologized & said she still wanted to fly with me, but I didn't acknowledge any of it. THIS IS WHEN I SHOULD OF LEFT FOR GOOD.
Upon her returning, her behavior was changed in many ways. She was always derogatory towards me. She made negative comments to me all the time, over everything. She would turn positive situations into negative ones frequently. She started telling other people I was a pervert. She stopped trusting me completely. She used to let her kids ride with me to the store in the car, then she became extremely paranoid that I was a child molester, so she refused to let them go anywhere with me unsupervised or on the phone with her. I believe she began to make up negative stories about me to her kids, because one of her children started calling me "bad", but the kid still loved me & prior to then, loved me even more. I never harmed them, never would, and both the kids loved me to death.
The last and final instance where I cut this crazy lady off, is when I picked up her daughter from school. Her daughter was on the phone with the crazy lady (bipolar), and accidentally hung up. I picked the phone up when she called back, and without letting me speak she went into a full fledged furry of rage from hell......
I dropped the daughter off 5 minutes late & all hell broke lose from this lady. She threw a plate at my car, called me a pervert, insinuating I'm a child molester, threatened to call the police on me, threatened to hurt me. She then threatened my with other people, including her ex. Her friends started threatening me. A friend of her called me asking for money. She also threatened to call family members of mine to defame me.
She began filing false police reports on me. She filed some reports for harassment but they did not result in charges because the substance of my behavior did not constitute the allegations. She then began to manufacture threats on my behalf via fake text messages, in order to get charges drafted on me, and thus burden me with the court system & also by placing warrants on me. I was facing over a year in jail because of what this lady had claimed I had done....
I was also facing the possibility of 3 different people hurting me, which also involved a death threat from one of them.
Had I followed my first gut feeling, I never would of had to deal with this crazy person who has NO REGARD for other people. They drew up illogical assumptions in their head like nothing I have ever seen before & put me through hell because of their own mental instability.
She went from liking me, to telling me I could go away, to loving me, to not liking me & friends, to wanting to be with me, to hating me, to being friends, to going wild on me. This person was an absolute roller coaster, but she always had a way of placing all this blame on me. It was ALWAYS my fault, I was the bad guy, I did everything wrong, I was the negative one, so on & so on... the make belief stuff she made up in her head was endless & the anger that resulted from some of their perceived issues were just plain mind boggling.
This person stole from me, lied to me, talked behind my back to others, smiled in my face, said they appreciated me, but then blamed me for everything I had done, because to her everything I had done was for the wrong reasons, although I was simply helping a friend. Small acts of help & kindness always found a way of getting reversed onto me, which led to me being yelled at, being called names, and being threatened with physical violence. I even wrote an apology letter once after I back-talked her, to try and calm her down & that was met with the threat of calling police on me.
STAY AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE. They will take you down with their misery. I was so kind, helpful, and considerate towards this person & they tried their best to destroy me. I believe part of this was due to my rejection of them, but I will never know & don't want to know - I am glad I am removed from their life. All I know is that it's crazy to try & help crazy, like I did. My compassion & kindness was met with hatred & hostility due to the delusions of bipolar disorder.
This person was ultimately diagnosed with bipolar disorder towards the end of out friendship. This is when I came to make sense of everything that had previously occurred.
Her name is [moderated]
This message is based on a true account of an encounter with a bipolar. All information in this post is true & accurate. There are no intended recipients of this message. This message is simply a real life story that I have decided to publicly share to warn others of the dangers of dealing with a bipolar.
Dear Zoe Merchant i feel sorry for you having to parent someone's child and think are trying to be a good person but no one can be perfect. But there are good normal people and bad normal people just as much as there are good insane people and bad insane people. It's a pity you said you studied psychology and workedin mental health becauise now it makes me glad that some psychology graduates are not getting jobs in mental health and are still looking for work in more appropiate areas even if they trained work in that area. It's just studying it doesn't mean they are equipped to work in the field in the short term or the long term, but dealing with a mentally ill relative is probably enough. People who manipulate and are jealous and shifty are not necessarily bipolar. They could be sociopaths or malignant narcisssists. It's a pity that because of your bad experience that you have to contaminate the lives of people with mental illnesses who are coping better and families that get along better with their mentally ill relatives so that other people start giving them a hard time and mistreating them. I hope you recover and you realise that your daughters's problem is not everyone's problem, and that your mental system is severely lacking of compared the one in the Netherlands. I know someone is censoring this because they prefer to censor some true statements they don't want to hear. Florence Nightingale was bipolar by the way.
The government in the Netherlands doesn't put homeless people in jail either. America is not as good as before.
Dont blame it on the illness, it is just the person, with or without Bi Polar.
One day he non-stop said the most cruelest things to me which made me cry out in pain for over an hour or two but the more I cried, the more vicious he became. I couldn't make any sense of this behavior at all. He later on explained that his grand mother was bipoar & that he may be too & that may be the reason for his unexplained, confusing, & strange behavior. After that I started researching the illness & read a few books. He had all the symptoms. When I told him that I read about the illness & that I think he really is bipolar & that he should speak to his psychiatrist about it (i said this very gently), he flipped out & said that he's not crazy & that I am the one who is crazy! Keep in mind that he was already seeing a psychiatrist for depression. A few years ago he saw a psychiatrist for OCD. He also has anxiety & is extremely paranoid about certain things. After this incident, he broke up with me lol (he probably did me a favor). I haven't tried to contact him ever since that day. I blocked him on FB & linkedin. I feel sorry for him though. He had it all & by that I don't mean me. He did have me & I was very dedicated to him, he also has a good job, a rich family, no stress, no responsibility, yet he is the most negative, depressive person I know (he wasn't like this the 1st year of our relationship. He is only 30 & he already lost a lot of hair & the remaining hair is turning grey. This is due to the anxiety & paranoia & lack of proper sleep. So yes, I feel sorry for him. Unless he gets help, he won't change. Apparently it gets worse without treatment. I'm not gonna try to help him anymore cause I'll lose my own sanity along the process. Thanks to God, I have many blessings in life I will appreciate those aspects & delete the past 5 years of my life. Dating someone normal is so much easier. It takes too much effort to deal with not all but certain bipolar individuals.
manic periods of extreme energy and periods of extreme depression. She was not like that to hurt you that was because she had no choice about being manic-depressive she got an illness like diabetes. If she had some diabetes or cancer or socially acceptable disease would you still hate her. You hate her you hate me I have schizo-affective disorder schizoaffective disorder you say all people who have manic depression are selfish, mean,
hate filled what else I am a bad person. Well, I wrote to soldiers overseas in the miltary bought them cookies sent them packages, visited sick people have done volunteer work, worked hard for what little education I have, prayed for a lot of others hurt no one. I have seizures am poor, I have periods of extreme energy then extereme depression, racing thoughts. I am not perfect but I have people I love and pray for I have never been to prison I do not hurt anyone how can you be so cruel and say you hate me I hate being mentally ill I have to take medication to keep from dying of seizures I have been mebntally ill since I was 21. The w part is people like you you do not have to ask the
government's permission to get married because you have to live off of Social Security Disability because of some dumb law., It is ignorant, stupid, hatefilled, people like you who make my life as lousy as possible you don;t even know me! I sure do not wish to know you! I hope someday you become a manic-depressive!
Whether you want to invest further time and energy is up to you. It sounds like trust is destroyed, and a build-up of resentment has resulted. That is tough as receptivity breaks down and stops any sort of effective communication. So, it is totally understandable if you decide to walk away.
However, you need to have a balance of perspective. He is that same kind man you mentioned, but untreated, BP will obscure it. Also, people have a tendency to define a person based in parts of them and not as a whole. I am not saying this to encourage you to stay - that is not my place - but so you can have some peace.
Bipolar can be immense suffering if left untreated.
Look I'm sorry your marriage went bad. My interpretation is that you both weren't ready for marriage.
If you are going to move past this and develop a positive parenting relationship, you (each) will have to take some responsibility instead of blaming it all on the bipolar. Admitting your own responsibility is the only way you will learn and be able to move on and improve your situation.
I have seen non-MI people treat others badly - and most of the time, it isn't due to a mental illness. It usually is because one person didn't like the way someone looked, didn't like what they believed in, petty politics, boredom and sometimes they haven't even a clue.
In short, hate is everywhere, and there are some people who are so inclined to be this way for no good reason at all (see above).
Read the article carefully silly. She is not calling people whiny childish monsters - she is actually defending against people who might say that.
I don't know what happened in your relationship and I'm in no way judging you on whatever choice you make in regards to it. Of course if she refuses to go back on her meds, you have the right to do what you feel is best. That is your business.
I did take offense in the words you used because they are not accurate descriptions of bipolar, leading to more misconceptions from the public, and they are essentially hurtful at their core. However, it appears it wasn't intentional. I appreciate the apology and clarification. I am also sorry to hear of the hardship between the two of you.
However, it is hard for relatives/loved ones to understand the illness because of a number of things: the emotions the situation conjures up, and the inability to separate philosophical/religious/generally accepted beliefs from the illness itself.
Here's a good article about stigma and family, which does a decent job in explaining why this occurs. Not saying that you're stigmatizing your ex - just including it because I do think it sometimes happens unintentionally.
I understand that lots of destructive things happen because of the disorder - and certainly there is no denying that some of her behaviors were hurtful - but what Sarah and myself want to point out is that it isn't one-sided in how the situation escalates, and the eventual outcome. How you deal with it and what you say, and the intention behind the words also affects the outcome.
Good luck to you both as well.
I understand all about it. I've read hundreds upon hundreds on people stories. People with bipolar and the family or the spouses...
I have no rage, it's very hard though and I kept my story very short. We had a great relationship overall, problems there and there but overall it was a solid relationship. She went off meds 4 1/2 into our relationship and was very worried how she might change and what can happen to "Us" in the end. And, she did change like a light switch.
She still loves me and contacts me every few days. But, I also know that she's not stable and doesn't make sense right now. Maybe one day...
I do pray for her everyday, I waited, and was understanding more then anyone. Sorry if I offended you, maybe I did not use the right wording, but that's how I expressed them.
I also have a problem with this: "...Unfortunately the ones hurting are the ones that look for answers and the sick ones usually don’t care" umm, how the hell do you know how people feel? The sick ones may not even realize that they are symptomatic. In the end, EVERYONE that I have talked to are very pained by the illness, are deeply remorseful, and suffer greatly.
You must have put a significant amount of expectation in this relationship. So much so that when the tough got really tough, your relationship just couldn't hold up, but fell apart instead. You have the right to be hurt and angry, but it isn't cool to frame an illness within said hurt/anger, and to use negative terms cloaked in an air of understanding to talk about it.
If it were me in that position, I would at least try to inform myself of the facts. From reliable sources. Nobody who has posted some bipolar horror story here really knows how it feels, what it's like, to have bipolar.
Bipolar disorder is something people can't help.
Your attitude is something you can change.
Thank God for my wonderful husband. It's not easy for him, having a bipolar wife, but he loves me, so he learns to love the bipolar disorder.
It's almost like being high x10, or drunk x100 without the side effects. I say to people educate yourselves before judging. Unfortunately the ones hurting are the ones that look for answers and they sick ones usually don't care. The internet is a great place to learn, we did not have in back in the day, so it was easy to call people crazy and trow them in a cell.
One year later, I'm still in point A... So my suggestion for people is to love them, and move on, and realize they are the sick ones and will suffer their whole lives. I believe I'm one of the most understanding people in the world, I forgive her, but I'll never forget what she as done. In the end, she gave up on me, on her and on us by going off meds and therapy.
I've cried enough, I've suffered enough, I'm am free but she will always suffer in the end, so I forgive her. God Bless to all. Mental Illness is nasty and not only destroys you... But everyone around you, that's why it's also the number 1 cause of suicide. That said... If they don't take care of themselves, then it's their problem in the end and you need to move on.
I've even stopped referring to "myself" as "someone who has" manic depressive disorder and started calling myself "something that is" broken or diseased. I know in my heart that i would never harm another person, and when i do get angry, it's usually in defense of someone ELSE who is being royally screwed by "the system" or even another person who's causing THEM pain or bother. Rarely if ever do I stand up for "myself" because I've already given up on referring to "my-self" and using "person first language" that i don't feel i deserve. (As you can see, i don't even capitalize the pronoun because one wouldn't capitalize the name of a thing. The only time i do is at the beginning of a sentence.) I lament the fact that there are no bell towers anymore where i can hide and claim "sanctuary" like the outcast hunchback of Hugo's famous novel. I'm a leper and i know it. In many ways the illness itself is not as bad as the way people would react to it. And for that reason i know very well that it's up to me to stay out of everyone's way.
How will you know if he is ill or just evil? Are the behaviors you are describing his "normal" baseline, or are they different from how he usually is? I am not a pdoc, but if what you are describing is his normal, I would venture to guess his diagnosis is incorrect. The fact that he is isolating you and preventing you from working is such a classic profile for someone who commits domestic violence - and this is an entirely different thing all together. The vast majority of people with mental health problems DO NOT abuse other people. If the abuse is random and unpredictable, and/or involves strangers as well as people they know (eg in public and in the workplace), then mental illness may be a possibility. But you mentioned his anger is more directed towards you, and it appears to be worsening so it might be safe to say it is something else entirely.
Regardless, you have a child, dog and yourself to think about. Your child should definitely not be subject to any abusive behavior, and should be protected from him. Dogs are generally vulnerable as well, and deserving of a better life, and YOU deserve something way better, despite his mental health status.
I would suggest checking out a domestic violence website or calling a DV hotline as it might be more helpful in your case.
Such a tough situation and my heart goes out to you.