I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil
I like my job. I get to write for a living which is something many writers don't get to do. And moreover, I get to write about things that matter to me. Also a great luxury for many writers. These are pleasures as are the vast majority of people I get to meet.
I do have the great displeasure, though, of seeing vehement hatred for those with a mental illness. People who hate show up here, on my blog and elsewhere. People with a hatred for bipolar disorder seem to seek places to express their hatred.
But hatred of the mentally ill is simply another prejudice. Hatred of people with bipolar is the same as racism and just as unacceptable.
People with Bipolar Are Selfish, Whiny, Childish Monsters
No one in their right mind would say, "All [people of race] are selfish, whiny, childish monsters."
They wouldn't say that because it isn't true and it's outlandish to think, let alone say. People of any race are individuals and thus are all different. Enlightened people understand painting them all with any brush is inaccurate, insulting and quite frankly just plain wrong.
It's exactly the same for those with a mental illness. Suggesting all people with bipolar are selfish, whiny, childish monsters (and I have heard much worse) is ridiculous. I am none of those things. I'm a grab-bag of traits, much like everyone else. Except I have an illness.
Why do People Hate those with Bipolar?
There is generally one reason why people hate those with a mental illness: they have had bad experiences with them in the past. And for whatever cockamamie reason, they have generalized that experience onto everyone with bipolar disorder. And for some reason they don't see the ludicrousness of that behavior.
My Ex was Bipolar; She was Evil
Lots of these people have bipolar ex-significant others. And some hate their ex-others. Perhaps for good reason; I couldn't say. But here's the thing:
- You fell in love with that person at some point and married/had kids with/lived with them, so there really is something good there somewhere.
- People hate their ex-others. It has nothing to do with bipolar and everything to do with being an ex.
People also think "men are bad," because of a bad divorce, or "women are conniving," or what have you. Not because of anything intrinsic to the gender but because divorces/breakups are nasty, ill-fated, legally acrimonious affairs.
Unfortunately, when one party has a mental illness the other party often feels perfectly justified in dumping the ills of the world at the feet of the illness. And then at the feet of everyone else with the illness.
Your Bipolar Ex Might Have Been Evil
I have no idea who you were married to, and they may have been the worst person on the planet. In fact, their illness may have made their life and yours a living hell. That person may have needed help and refused it. That person may have done horrible things and blamed it on their disease. That person may have hurt those and those you love. Quite possible.
But that's not about being bipolar, that's about the individual.
I will accept this illness makes people unpredictable and challenging, like many illnesses. I will accept the fact being with a person with an illness (any illness) is hard. I will accept that we hurt people, and sometimes that hurt has to do with bipolar disorder.
I will not, however, accept any insult you want to throw at me simply because I have the same diagnosis as a person you know. I will not allow you to tell me how I am or who I am. I will not accept your prejudice and I will not accept your hatred.
Enjoy Your Hate
You can hate whomever you like. It's a free country. But do it in front of me at your own risk. I do not buy your nonsense and to me, you are no better than a racist. Go find another place to play. Because I won't let you unabashedly hurt others just because you have been hurt.
Tracy, N. (2011, July 7). I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, August 24 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2011/07/i-hate-the-mentally-ill-my-ex-was-bipolar-and-she-was-evil
Author: Natasha Tracy
My point is I never know what’s going to set him off and I walk mindfully around his moods but shit comes flying out of thin air often. We are divorcing now (since he won’t maintain meds and therapy regularly) and I will always fear his capabilities. So while people say there are no two BP’s that are the same, there are no two humans that are the same either. Regardless of BP. I don’t even see the disease anymore, I just see fear. I’m frightened. But I’m mostly angry that the resources are incredibly difficult to seek out and the stigma creates a hellish marathon for someone with BP to admit then seek help. It’s messed up!
What you're describing certainly isn't typical of someone with bipolar disorder. The person you're describing seems to have deep issues outside of that.
My best advice is to sit down and have a frank conversation about what you need out of the relationship. Talk about your needs and set boundaries -- if the person can't treat you in a way you deserve, maybe it's time to alter or even end the relationship.
Counseling with the two of you might be helpful too.
You don't have to stand for being treated that way.
- Natasha Tracy
I'm not sure if you're directing this at me, but if so, you may have missed the point of the article.
- Natasha Tracy
Now, I don't actually believe this, this is an incredibly unfair assumption. But it is just as valid as yours
I always loved numbers. The most simplistic science that us humans created. Think of life like luck... Some people are lucky, some people aren't. Bipolar people are extremely unlucky (replace bipolar with race samesex preference / anything not part of the norm/etc). Thanks for reading. --P.G.
P.S. We all have our place. Without bipolar people I guess Lilly and Pfizer maybe would have fed pills to people that cure cancer from Philip Reynolds.
P.P.S. Last one, I promise. I believe we were made for the pursuit of happiness. My gf believes we are here to suffer. And I'm the bipolar one...
Go ahead, accuse me of being bitter and judgmental. It will only make me smile. The bipolar stigma is there for a good reason <3
That's exactly how I feel about women. It honestly just sounds like you're rationalizing leaving a decent man or indeed, perhaps you're permanently unable to find a decent one. [moderated] If it weren't "bipolar" it'd be because they don't earn enough... Well that's not what you would say in public of course. I'm not going to pretend to be amused to fake superiority, but the stigma against women is there for a reason. And before you point to a bunch of successful outliers to convince me you should be taken seriously, I should point out there are plenty of successful bipolar people (like the late Carrie Fisher, or Stephen Fry, and the existence of those outliers doesn't change what you said as well. I'm not replying to this, and no, I'm not bipolar but I did see an opportunity here and I took it. I'm not engaging any rationalization from you or others beyond this point.
My ex is bipolar, made a choice not to take her meds, slipped got so bad she would come home at night and just yell at me about random things that were not at all connected. A dispute over her promise to go camping before summer ended was finalized with her stomping off, heading to skid row, smoking methamphetamine, losing her purse, ID, credit and bank cards, and being thrown in jail - which was completely out of character. Along with a huge number of other smaller transgressions and accusations.
I treated this girl like the world. I even had ex girlfriends who owed me favors bring her designer purses and wallets, we went to a ritzy downtown hotel for our six month anniversary. I put her up rent-free at my house, I bought most of the food, vodka, and did almost all the cooking and cleaning. I loaned my reputation to get her a job, vaulting her from being a bakery teller to working in investment banking. You name it, I did it for her.
Our breakup consisted of her accusing me of crazy things like sleeping with other women while she was in the house, threats of violence, notes saying she hoped I died, posters put up all over town calling me a narcissistic lying a-hole with my phone number and picture on it, she had sex with one of my roommates a week after she broke up with me.
You just gotta ask yourself, what's there not to hate in that sort of behavior? I still care about the girl very much, but as far as she's concerned she never wants to speak to me again. I moved on, mostly I'd like to talk to her because we work in the same industry and I'd at least like to be civil to eachother but it's like talking to a brick wall - nothing.
Between her and her friend she sent the cops to my house 22 times over bogus "harassment" claims when I never set foot near her house, never followed her, never tried contacting her at work despite that she has my old office phone number, she even had my roommate that she slept with a week after our breakup arrested in some bizarre sting operation her and her friend put together. All I ever did was send her an email every month or two and try to get her to stop sending me massive multipage text bombs and leave me alone filled with hate.
Yes, bipolar people can be wonderful. I completely fell in love with one. But the unpredictability and the craving of mania just makes them awful partners. Friends, you can switch off for a while while they come back to earth from the stratosphere. A relationship partner, not so much, especially when hypersexuality and drugs get involved.
Ok, gotta stop you right there. You loved the guy enough for him to be your boyfriend. Depending on your age, with a boyfriend comes a relationship, and with a relationship comes sex, or at least an expectation that sex is consensual. Some people are just whacked, if the guy literally held you down and raped you then I feel for you, but I kind of doubt that is the case.
While it is technically *possible* to be raped as the girlfriend of your perpetrator, it is highly unlikely; and more likely that you either changed your mind after the fact, didn't communicate that you didn't want to have sex at that time clearly enough for him to understand, or were going through a depressive period where you just weren't interested in anything let alone sex for a sustained length of time.
My bipolar ex would make me wait an average of 45 days between sexual encounters when she was depressed. I wasn't allowed to cheat as it wasn't an open relationship, and I was truly suffering. Moreso because earlier in the relationship and even before we were in a relationship it was like rabbits, multiple times a day.
Partners have needs too. Like one of my ex girlfriends says, "Keep his belly full and his balls dry and he will never stray"; sage advice. Hate to break it to ya, but your man's libido is not going to suffer through your mental illness. Somethings gotta give if you want to keep the relationship rolling. Either he's going to get sex when you aren't quite in the mood, or he's going to get it elsewhere.
PS. If the guy really was a psycho who put a knife to your neck or something I am sorry for my comments.
and sad. I have also been raped by my bi polar now ex boyfriend.
He asked a week earlier if I liked anal I said absolutely not
He said good I don’t like it either.
But that’s exactly what he did
He got on top of me when I was sleeping on my stomach
It took 2 years of support groups and therapy to get to a good place again.
He is untreated bi polar with drug problems
I reported him
He was extremely selfish and abusive
Severe raging no accountability or remorse
Suicide threats crying stonewalling or raging if I feared to bring anything up he had done.
Sorry for being so descriptive but obviously some ppl need to hear specifics in order to believe that women get raped.
Listen, I've no idea who you are. I wanted to say to you two things, one as a rape victim myself and one as someone who is dating someone bipolar and engaged.
1) I'm sorry about Taylor. Not apologizing for them, but I'm sorry you have to deal with victim blaming on top of being bipolar, it's rough. Rape isn't your fault, and even if you're in a relationship a partner ought to respect your no, and leave you alone if you're reluctant. I've been diagnosed with PTSD a d I'm a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a rape 3 years ago, so while I'm not bipolar I've done some pretty hurtful things and had my rage moments. Feel free to take what I say with a pinch of salt, but all you can do afterwards is talk it through and make amends where necessary.
You should look at Aphrodite Wounded, it's a site for those who are victims of intimate partner abuse.
2) On bipolar. All you can do is stay in your meds and have frequent appointments with your care team. You are NOT your disorder. I've seen my fiance when he was manic, and I'll tell you this. It was him who realized he was manic and got himself help and early too. Therapy helps as well and knowing the early signs is important since partners don't pick up on them either. A lot of people here have been hurt by someone bipolar and hence the hatred, but it doesn't have to be that way. I don't know what you're like, but I hope you'll find someone who isn't reactionary. Yes you've to do your part in managing your illness but accidents will happen and you need a safety net for them. I just wanted to say that.
I actually know a girl, happily married, she's bipolar, borderline and has ptsd. She's very careful now in managing herself and I know her and her husband have a very happy marriage and a happy relationship prior to that. A mental disorder isn't a death sentence for loneliness as long as you pull your weight where you can, but sometimes it's hard. I know.
You deserve to be loved, and being raped doesn't make you crazy. I face a lot of backlash myself for that (yes even the stuff that happened when I was a child). Most people just don't want to admit rape is a thing that happens, and it happens very frequently to both genders. You deserve to be loved and find someone who makes you happy, and it sounds like you're making a genuine effort. :)
I don't know if talking to someone is your cup of tea, but my correspondence email is email@example.com
Taylor in all fairness, Sex isn't an obligation you know, it's something for both people in a relationship to enjoy. Both. Not one but both.
Oh and holding a knife to someone's throat isn't a prerequisite for rape. You should probably also look at the website I mentioned above to educate yourself on how intimate partner violence can take place.
I have had my fair share of experience with the behavior of bipolar people and I don't care to have any contact in any way with anyone who is bipolar. They (collectively) are selfish, liars, manipulative, unpredictable, unreliable, evil at times, lack guilt and empathy and are of the believe the entire world is here to serve and wait on them and their needs.
What a horrible thing to be around. No good at all in this type of illness.
She went off her meds because she didn't like them. Got depressed and was going to take them again but never got around to it, hit mania, and boom the crazy took over the house.
They say it is manageable, and it is, but they have to accept the "medicated them" and stop playing fire with triggering the mania. This is partly why bipolar people are attracted to cocaine; it triggers a mania in an instant and they can flush their lives down the toilet with drugs chasing that feeling. When they finally come down and the party is over they realize what destruction they have caused.
I have known a few bipolar women, some older than others, and they all have gone through the same phase at one point or another that finally got them to accept their condition and take their meds properly. The ones who didnt - well they are still manipulative lying idiots who do compulsive stupid things then try to hurt themselves.
Apparently Abillify injection 1000Mg delayed release works because there's no forgetting taking it and it lasts a month; albeit expensive. I would never date a bipolar woman again unless she was on that program. Too many variables.
3 years on, I'm still with her, and she's cycling into another angry / depressive / demanding / lazy state, which happens yearly. It will probably last a minimum of 3 months, and at the end of it, although she will be happier again, there will be no apologies or cares at all regarding how bad she has made me feel and how much I have literally done just to keep us both fed, in a flat that doesn't resemble a bomb site. She will do nothing to help during this time.
As much as I love her, I find it very, very hard to deal with the continuous drama bombs and stress that is no doubt going to happen, as they always have, for the next 1/3 of a year. It's a scary thought.
The reason I stay is she is not /always bad/, and I try to keep in mind that she's ill.
It's the total lack of guilt , that's what I'm not sure I can cope with again. When she is ill, visibly, I can deal with that. When she is feeling better, it is as if she thinks the slate is totally wiped clean and there is no damage to me. Not true. This is the last cycle I am going to put up with, and I'm hoping she is bad enough to me that there is nothing to do but leave.