Should People With Bipolar Be In Relationships?

Tuesday, February 11 2014 Natasha Tracy

I’ve been writing about bipolar disorder and mental illness for 11 years. Eleven years. It’s been a long road.

And during that time I have heard a lot of people say a lot of horrible things about people with bipolar disorder. In no particular order, people have accused people with bipolar disorder of being: violent, manipulative, self-centered, selfish, abusive and many other negative things.

Certainly, if I bumped into a person with those characteristics, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with him or her. However, are people with bipolar really like that? Should people with bipolar disorder be in relationships? (I'm Bipolar: Will Anyone Ever Love Me?)

What Are People With Bipolar Disorder not Like in Relationships?

I, in no way, buy the nonsense that people spout against people with bipolar disorder. I, personally, am not manipulative, self-centered, selfish or abusive, and I strongly suspect I’m not the only one. Nowhere in that list of accusations is an actual symptom of bipolar disorder. While, I admit, anger does seem to be more prevalent in people with bipolar disorder, outside of that, none of those insults have been shown to be true.

There may be many things about a person with bipolar disorder that are different from your average bear, but all that crap isn’t part of it.

What Are People With Bipolar Like in Relationships?

Some argue that people with bipolar shouldn't be in relationships. But why is this? Should we, as people with bipolar, stay out of relationships? Well, we’re people with an illness. So we’re people, plus the symptoms of bipolar disorder. Primarily, this means that we’re people with bouts of depression and hypo/mania. Of course, we might also be euthymic (symptom-free) for long periods of time too.

So, I would say, people with bipolar disorder, are just people with mood issues. If I were to characterize myself, I would say I’m just a person, who often manifests depression (rarely hypomania).

However, what I think is really important to remember is that who we are, is not the disease. The disease lies atop of us like a blanket. If you’re in a relationship with one of us, you need to know and see that.

Relationships With People With Bipolar Disorder

Some people would argue people with bipolar disorder are so broken, they shouldn’t be in relationships. Some people would argue that we can’t have a positive impact on another person because of the disease. Some people would argue that the disease is such a defining factor that it, and it alone, should prevent someone in being in a relationship.

This, of course, is nonsense. I know people with bipolar disorder in relationships. I know people with bipolar disorder in long-term relationships. Are there challenges thanks to the disease? I have no doubt. I have no doubt that any disease would stand in the way of parts of a relationship. I also have no doubt that people can work through those roadblocks.

Did we forget? No one is perfect.

And excuse me, but all those people who say that we shouldn’t be in relationships – are they perfect? Do they bring no problems to a relationship? (It seems to me, that, if nothing else, their hateful close-mindedness would be somewhat of an issue.) Because they would be the first people ever.

So while I, personally, often feel very broken and worry about my influence on others in my personal life, that doesn’t mean that people with bipolar, en masse, should not be in relationships. We’re all different. Relationships are right for some of us and not right for others. Just like everyone else.

I think it’s easy to feel such disease-hatred that it morphs into self-hatred and makes us believe that we’re not relationship-worthy. But that is a logical fallacy. We’re worth everything that anyone else is worth. Are there issues with the illness? Yes, of course there are. Are they insurmountable? No, of course they’re not. We succeed and fail in relationships. Just like everyone else.

You can find Natasha Tracy on Facebook or Google+ or @Natasha_Tracy on Twitter or at the Bipolar Burble, her blog.

Author: Natasha Tracy

Natasha Tracy is a renowned speaker, award-winning advocate and author of Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar.

Find Natasha Tracy on her blog, Bipolar BurbleTwitterGoogle+ and Facebook.

View all posts by Natasha Tracy.

Should People With Bipolar Be In Relationships?

cmM
says:
February, 11 2014 at 11:00 am

I have to admit, I thought this article would be about dealing with bipolar disorder -- the symptoms, how you manage bipolar disorder -- and whether all these things make it difficult to have a relationship. Or, maybe you've written about that subject before.

My routine, my schedule, that I keep to try to ensure that my bipolar cycle is manageable almost necessitates that I avoid the "normal" course dating, e.g., going out evenings for dinner, a movie, home at midnight -- when I *have* to be home at 6pm and in bed by 10pm. You know, dating could be done on weekend days or during a weekday lunch, but the WHY of it almost demands that you reveal your bipolar disorder early or before you're ready to talk about such a thing.

My bipolar rapid cycling with its constant mood swings has also made it difficult to maintain any type of long-term relationships. I don't have remission tho, so the relentlessness of the moodswings (as viewed by others) becomes exhausting. I hear things like "how can you deal with it" , , , "don't you just want it to stop" , , , . But also, sometimes people don't take seriously the fact that, for instance, if they wake me up at night & keep me up, or if I don't go to bed on the strict schedule, my disorder starts spinning out of control. And, all it takes is 3 days not on schedule for me to go into a "spin-cycle" of intra-day mood swings for about 3 months. The fragility is difficult to understand.

There's many other things that, even my daughter, doesn't tolerate well, like the fact that during a mania I have to vigilantly clean my house and stock my freezer with made-ahead food to prepare for the coming depression. All the schedules and quirks can be a bit odd and a weird way to live life; and can I really expect another person, in a relationship, to sign on for all that if my own daughter can't do it?

Gosh, I'd really like to hear from other people how they develop relationships, in the midst of what you talked about and if they have the same sort of problems I do with keeping schedules and etc. ... .

Gary Ledbetter
says:
February, 12 2014 at 3:51 am

I've been married for sixteen years and I owe it to my partner to be as well as I can. But I think that goes for any illness and relationships. Also there is no need to self disclose at first. We are ourselves not the illness!

Louise
says:
February, 13 2014 at 2:50 am

I have been with my boyfriend, who has bipolar, for almost 18 months now.
No, it's not easy, but yes, it is worth it. So what if he has mood swings? It's all about learning to deal with it the best you can.
I have bladder problems, but I'm not labelled because of it.
He is the most thoughtful, caring and kind person I have ever met, so a little depression here and there is more than manageable!
Plus, he is so much fun when hyper!!

Charles Mistretta
says:
February, 13 2014 at 3:07 am

My best times with people have been those who understood the consequences as well as the perky peculiar fun side of BP. The list includes animals, children, and adults who have lived - have a history worth remembering, or possess a quality of intelligence I can respect. Please choose your environments wisely or acquire a taste for solitude.

Kathy Flaherty
says:
February, 14 2014 at 6:01 am

On Valentine's day, no less? Usually I like your site's posts, but frankly the way you titled the post just buys into the stigma. We are human. We deserve to be in relationships as much as anyone else. Signed, someone living with bipolar disorder who happens to be married for 15 years to a wonderful man whose last name is Valentino so I'm just particularly aggravated by this post.

david dominguez
says:
February, 14 2014 at 10:22 am

I was diagnosed as bipolar in 2004. A couple years later, after 32yrs of being married, I was divorced. Looking back on those years I can see that it my illness that was the primary cause. I suffered through countless bouts of depression. I didn't know what was going on during that time. I only knew I was down a lot of the time. Since that time I have dating a woman who understands and accepts me. I see a therapist and I am on medications. My illness has abated some but it still raises up at times. I can control it but I have to be vigilant. I'm okay now.

Faye Deaver
says:
February, 14 2014 at 4:49 pm

I think this is a great article. I had already been married for 5 years before I was diagnosed. Before then, I manifested almost every symptom there was. My husband loved me despite my symptoms. We were married for 16 years. Did I question myself, as to was I a good person to be in a relationship, sure I did. But that was a self esteem question. Sometime I still question myself. I have good days, I have bad days and then when I am manic I have terrific days (lol). But I think I am worth getting to know and to fall in love with. I have to remember that I am not my disorder and the person who accepts me will realize it too.

Lynn
says:
February, 14 2014 at 11:41 pm

I've had trouble with my manic attacks causing me to throw my morals out the window and have allowed me to cheat. That's a big issue for my husband of 9 years. If I do it again he'll leave so I worry all the time that that one person that makes the grass look greener will walk by.

Armand
says:
February, 15 2014 at 1:58 pm

My wife and I had many road blocks with my depressive episodes because they last for weeks. I think communication is key. I have to remain open with her and share. She does the same. We're at a place in our relationship where everything is on the table. For us it's the only way we've been able to stay together for 16 years.

Terry Fritz
says:
February, 15 2014 at 10:08 pm

Bipolar is different for everybody. Untreated, it can be very destructive, including of relationships. As with alcoholism for example, the biggest hurdles are accurate diagnosis and acceptance by the patient. It is not simple or easy. Not all problems of bipolars stem from bipolar. There is plenty of information on the internet and professional help is needed. There are effective medications. A new treatment for bipolar and depression utilises N-acetylcysteine on its own or adjunct to harder drugs. Look it up and talk to your professional about it.

Irving Gottesman
says:
February, 18 2014 at 7:03 am

Facts about the risk of developing mental disorders in the offspring of persons suffering from Bipolar disorders may be of interest to the readers of this Blog. My Danish colleagues and I were able to use a national cohort of 2.7 million citizens to identify the outcome in the offspring of rare parental combinations compared to the general population risks. When neither parent in a couple had bipolar illness, the risk to offspring of developing that disorder was 0.48%, about 5 in 1,000. When both parents had bipolar, the risk to offspring of bipolar plus unipolar depression was 36.0%. When one parent was bipolar and the other had never been psychiatrically admitted, the risk was 4.4% for developing a bipolar disorder. These "naked" facts are only the starting point for a discussion with an informed genetic counselor.

Rebecca Randolph
says:
February, 18 2014 at 10:10 am

I am Bipolar II, and I have been married for over 24 years. My husband has loved me enough to educate himself and involve himself in my recovery, and he is a big part of the reason I have done so well. Sometimes I ask him why he puts up with me, especially when I am symptomatic and difficult to live with. He tells me it is because he loves me, and that I am intelligent, funny, loving and gifted and he has enormous respect for me. He further says that as a result of being married to me he has grown as a human being, become more compassionate and patient and appreciative of life's little blessings. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful man as my mate!

jacinta arevalo
says:
February, 18 2014 at 4:55 pm

My husband which now separated from we'd been married for 16yrs and I know now what I didn't know back then that he has what's called narcissistic. There is actually no way of any reasoning. There was no way me and my kids could live under the same roof as him. I couldn't get anything through to him just too much frustration. It was nothing but a circle going nowhere.

Bruce
says:
February, 23 2014 at 2:34 am

Damn right people with bipolar should be in relationships ... I've had dozens!!

I have just been dumped by a woman who told me "I realise you have an illness but nevertheless you were expecting an awful lot of a vital, well-adjusted woman to make a life with you...I don't know any woman who would have a relationship with you. That sounds callous, but it's the truth." She then went on to say, "My friendship is always here for you Bruce if you want it xox".

Clearly this woman wasn't right for me, but reading what she said, would any sane man, bipolar or otherwise, want to be in a relationship with her?

It's too easy to get sucked into the stinking thinking that says "I'm not OK 'cos I have bipolar". Yes, we are not easy people to live with all of the time, but as one who has dated and been in relationships with so-called normal people, I can vouch for their demons and inadequacies too. It's called life.

Anthony Lee
says:
March, 14 2014 at 3:26 pm

Me and my wife been married for 14 years,but she left after some arguements over petty things.The reason was she was having Narcissitic disorder, and earlier i didn't know that there is a disorder of this sort.She is the hard working type but ocd nature still can be tolerated.
Lately only i found out, about this disorder otherwise i would just keep quiet and after a couple of weeks she would revert back normally.At times she can be abusive too.Is difficult but not impossible to live together if i knew this earlier.
Sad and broken hearted.

Melissa
says:
March, 15 2014 at 3:30 pm

This article just perpetuates stigma. It doesn't even answer the question in the title. Waste of 5 mins of my life

Shannon
says:
April, 14 2014 at 12:12 pm

The question posed is completely ridiculous! We're human bipolar people have difficulties but who the hell doesn't. I have multiple diagnoses and have been blessed to have two men who were and are tolerant loving and supportive. It hasn't been easy but life isn't meant to be. It's a lesson and everyone, mental illness or not, has the potential to contribute and enhance t life of others

Eileen Hunt
says:
April, 14 2014 at 3:09 pm

My daughter who struggled with bi-polar illness was blessed to have a romance like you read about.They had their ups and downs but their love carried them through.They had 15 years which only ended when she died from an illness unrelated to the bi-polar disorder. Yes, people with mental illness can and do have wonderful relationships,I know I witnessed one for 15 years.

catsrgreat
says:
April, 15 2014 at 3:45 am

I think the reason Natasha wrote the article is that it's unbelievable how many people give relationship advice that if one person has bipolar, the other person should immediately dump them, that it can't ever work. There is a fake statistic online that 90% of marriages where one partner has bipolar, will end in divorce. I did spend 20 minutes googling and could find NO SOURCE for this information, other than a made up number in an article in Psychology Today, and everyone cites this. Some people even say "Studies show that 90% of marriages. . ."

Mmom
says:
August, 26 2014 at 1:20 pm

I totally agree with CmM.
I care for myself first. Stay on a regime that allows me to function and stay out of the hospital. THAT selfcare MUST come FIRST. If I can find someone who respects and fits into my world that's great.
Unfortunately, partners can't fit into my discipline for long.
I don't believe what I am doing is selfish or manipulative or controlling, its survival. I am honest with perspective dates, but I dont think they understand what they are getting into dating me and my illness.

christine
says:
August, 26 2014 at 2:49 pm

I was in a relationship with a bi-polar male for approx 4 years off and on. he was manic only and all the time...charismatic, reckless, energetic, seductive, over-confident, constantly spinning delusions of grandeur, extremely self centered. it was very appealing at first, and medication made it markedly better, but in terms of long-term relationship material??? I really felt like some of the behaviors that the meds helped curtail (over-spending and gambling, for example) had become habits. I determined that he was...and always will be...a great guy to have fun with, but not settle down with long term and we were headed for marriage. I saw numerous liabilities ahead. just my personal experience, knowing that every bi-polar person is different.

Karen
says:
August, 26 2014 at 4:24 pm

Any person that suffers from any illness including mental illness should not have a problem with maintaining a healthy relationship as long as they strive to maintain stability through meds, therapy, and support. My son was married, developed schizoaffective disorder and his wife left him in the midst of him trying to actively recover. When he started on his road to recovery, he stated that when he was ready to date again he wanted someone who also battled mental illness so at least they would understand each other's struggles. All of this was said in jest however he did meet a young woman who was diagnosed with bipolar. They've dated for a year and a half and go to doctor appts and therapy sessions together and stand by one another during the bad days. They make sure they are taking their meds and they encourage each other to strive for a healthy life. At first I was a little nervous about the relationship but now I am thankful they are there for each other and will soon be married in October.

Jennifer Sabharwal
says:
August, 26 2014 at 7:39 pm

Relationships are based on liking the other persons character and supporting your loved one when in difficulty ect. If you as a person cannot commit support to anyone with a disability, then your family would not receive the Duty of Care they have a right to and deserve. So it is you who should not consider being in a serious
relationship until you can grow into a compassionate and mature, well rounded person.

Debbie
says:
October, 12 2014 at 7:22 am

I lived with and loved a man for 3 years that was bipolar but refused meds. There were times when he was wonderful, loving and playful. Mostly though he was selfish, mean, cold and abusive. Also he felt he should be able to have sex with me whenever and wherever he wanted. I took it for a long time but eventually we went separate ways because of his severe mood swings. Every time he went with another woman and it didn't work he was sorry and wanted to come back to me but eventually I moved away and he stopped trying. I still think of him and miss him but from what I know he is still in and out of relationships. If he would take meds he would have a much happier life.

Denishz
says:
October, 16 2014 at 11:14 am

Dont fool them either. Your going to have tohave self respect and lots boundaries with them, never a moment of weakness shown to them if yu dont want get played. Dont try study them or fix them, learn self respect dont let anyone run yu over treat yu less destroy your esteem

Anthony Padayao
says:
October, 22 2014 at 8:13 am

I was in a relationship with my GF who is Bipolar. She refuses to use any recommended medication and does not see some one to talk to. Based on her Urging, we got a place together 3 weeks ago. She moved out, after ONE WEEK, while I was gone one night without an explanation. Over the past 5 years it has been a ROCKY ROAD traveled, for the BOTH OF US. Although I do believe that she is Not her illness. And I know and love who she is aside from it. I would say that it is IMPOSSIBLE to be in a relationship with someone with BP that does not take the necessary steps to somehow manage her symptoms. Without causing much distress to the other partner. I love her very much, but feel like I am just enabling her by propping her up during her episodes or constantly taking her back when she leaves, since she refuses her self to deal with the illness.

JoJo
says:
October, 30 2014 at 1:03 pm

Im happily married to an amazing man who is kind, caring, funny, loyal and trustworthy. Who makes me very happy.
We have been together 2 years, 11 months married :)
My husband has bipolar.
Yes the highs are high and the lows are really low, but isnt a marriage about being there, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer.
Marriages needs to be worked at.
And in my opinion there is no reason why a person who happens to have bipolar shouldnt have a fufilling relationship

s
says:
November, 4 2014 at 11:28 am

Some Bipolar sufferers can be manipulative, self centred, selfish and abusive during an episode.These are symptoms of Narcissism which can occur during hyper mania/ mania.In my partner it usually occurs in conjunction with irritability, grandiosity, nightmares and sleep paralysis, intense activity and project obsession with low productivity, alcohol abuse and hyper sexuality.He finds the depression the hardest aspect while for me it's the hyper mania. I think the more episodes of hyper mania or mania a bipolar sufferer has the harder it is to stay in a healthy relationship. Treatment for hyper mania / mania is crucial to maintaining a relationship.

bipolarfred
says:
November, 5 2014 at 11:27 am

I have found from being in a very long term relationship, one of the bigger issues I face with type 2 bipolar is being able to cope with both my brain's distorted requirements, as well as her requirements, reasonable or otherwise. When the depression is in ascendancy, and you can't explain why you can't perform a task or job, it can be hard not to beat yourself up about it, but when your partner is also imposing her desire for you to do the job, how do you deal with it? I vary between a) summoning the extra energy and doing the task anyway, fully knowing that this is likely to have severe negative effects on my health, often extending or worsening the depression, or b) shutting down and ignoring the task, trying to explain to her why i can't do that. This can very easily lead to conflict and frustration, especially as bipolar is chronic for me and ever present for a long period of time. It's not that I don't care that her needs are met, and if anything i'm hyper-sensitive to her needs. I am fortunate that we have been in a very long term relationship and can weather a large amount of conflict, but i can only imagine how hard it would be to be dating in the same circumstances.

tucker
says:
November, 11 2014 at 6:12 pm

I met a bipolar 2 person about 4 weeks ago. Things seem to be going well, there was a break and then things seemed to be going well again, suddenly silence again. This guy is absolutely wonderful and expresses interest in me but then it feels like it can't be sustained. I guess there is always a possibility that there is a loss of interest unrelated to bipolar 2 but it doesn't feel that way. I wonder if anyone can share some possible insight into what might be going on.

Flora
says:
December, 23 2014 at 3:37 am

Not all bipolar's are the same. Some have mild bipolar, some seem to manage their symptoms with medication. When bipolar is extremely severe and cannot be managed with medication, the other person in the relationship is in big trouble.
My ex, is manipulative, a liar, has a high opinion of himself, he screams and shouts, has violent tendencies, swears, is rude, cannot maintain friendship, could not hold down a job and loved to spend my money.
In the end I could take no more . Last year I had breast cancer and he was totally unsupportive. He cannot show empathy with others. He is the most important person on the planet.
I also think he has other issues besides bipolar, probably a personality disorder. He was 37 before he was diagnosed and only went to see a psychiatrist because I said I would not carry on with the relationship if he didn't. Unfortunately, his meds don't help and for my own health, I walked away. Now I am stress free.

another_random_person
says:
December, 27 2014 at 9:55 pm

You cannot have a long term healthy relationship with a bipolar person because the bipolar person himself will go on a guilt trip every time he has the episodes. (Regardless of how the other person takes it). and it will finally end up in a broken relationship or hurting oneself of the other person. There is just no solution to it. It's a cyclic infinite loop! You just can't escape it!

Kathy
says:
December, 28 2014 at 7:32 pm

I was so in love with my husband I ignored all the bad. I would make excuses for why he was in a bad mood. He would always say" I will be happy when-----" He wouldn't get any help. I went by myself it didn't help us
There were weeks when he wouldn't even speak to me, He would yell at me all the time. Didn't have a kind word to say to me, Never in any crisis in our marriage was he ever awake. I was still going to keep my vows for better or worse. There were so many times he never came home from work. His dinner was still on the table in the morning. Then we had our son. He told me no one else would want me. I had no self esteem. One day he was driving the car and yelling at me about something. I kept thinking I could just open the car door and jump out. As I reached for the door our son started crying. I left him he divorced me. Then wanted to remarry. He only gave me 2 gifts the whole time we were together. one was my son and the other my freedom. He married 6 times. I think he should have come with a warning sign.

Sen
says:
January, 7 2015 at 1:04 pm

I have given up hope on ever having a healthy relationship of the intimate level. The longest and healthiest relationship I had was 3 years with an addict/alcoholic (so not that healthy) I was patient and supportive for him to get sober but because he was a functional one and I at the time undiagnosed- he accused for being unstable. I tried to do the 'I can't see you anymore because of it'. After years I finally had the guts to see if he was even alive and not only did he get sober with out trying to get back with me, he moved on. So I feel addicts don't even want me when they're sober. This triggered me to take an overdose resulting in 3 weeks in a psych ward then in shelters for several months and in a number of unhealthy relationships with addicts, alcoholics and ex cons friendships to intimacy. But now that I am housed and in a safe environment again I realize I cannot be in a intimate relation with someone with more bagage than me but doubt any non addicts/alcoholics/mental illness people would be interested and it isn't like I screen people nor expect to be screened but the stigma I have with mental illness just is too strong. I am still not even working and want to burst into tears when normal (for lack of a better word) people who don't know I have mental illness ask something simple like 'what do you do?' However me and my doctor still haven't found a medication that works but even medicated I don't want to be accused for not trying to manage my mental illness better and left for someone more stable.

Crazy
says:
February, 17 2015 at 12:49 pm

All of you guys out there with lovely relationships to your bipolar significant other, are all of your bipolar spouses on some type of medication?

Mine is not, she refuses any type of medication doesn't take any other advise such as exercise, yoga meditation or anything.

I'm at my wits end.

MICHAEL
says:
February, 24 2015 at 5:44 am

Been with a bipolar woman for 2,5 years ALL i can say is that.
RUN ,RUN AWAY from them if you want to SAVE your MENTAL HEALTH!
Wanna know how it ends my story?with a charge for murder attempt!!!
but it was funny when i show to the authorities the evidence that after charge, she come to me and spend 3-4 days together ,while she asks to not be close to her area!!
dont know if you publish this,BUT PEOPLE RUN,RUN AWAY FROM THOSE MANIACS.IN MY COUNTRY OLD SPARTANS THROW THEM TO KAIADAS.....

Martin
says:
March, 26 2015 at 12:35 pm

Speaking from hard earned experience I can assure you that people with Bipolar Disorder do not have significant others, they have care givers, who they pretend to care for and/or con into thinking they are in a romantic relationship with. The Non Bipolar partner is simply a crutch to be used until he or she is worn out during a depressive cycle and is thrown away to be replaced during the next manic cycle. Repeat and Repeat and Repeat ad nauseum. Avoid these people like the plague they are

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Lisa
says:
May, 28 2018 at 1:05 pm

Step into the shoes of a clinically diagnosed bi polar individual. Then tell me how you feel. [moderated]

anne
says:
April, 21 2015 at 12:49 pm

I have been dating a bipolar man for about 6 months. All of it has occurred in his high phase, and i have yet to see the depressive side. We are both seniors with previous marriages and both living single for many years. I have no desire to get married as i,m very self reliant, nor do i want to live with anyone, but i would like a permanent relationship. I,ve witnessed the speed talking, the terrible insomnia, and the life of the party behavior. But, he is also super generous almost to a fault with anyone, has a great sense of humor and is highly intelligent, so a great conversationalist. The physical side is pure attraction on both sides. What i have read is totally scaring me, though.. maybe i,ve already experienced the best? He does see a pdoc occasionally and does take a med. But he also likes to have a drink with me when we go out, which is maybe not a great idea. I,m not going to run his life however. We just get along so well at this point.. what should i expect going forward?

Donna
says:
April, 25 2015 at 9:53 am

Even though I am a compassionate person, in my opinion, clinical terms should not always be given to things that really are bad behavior. This is the problem with society; no one is held accountable for their actions. Not everything is an illness. I have been reading different articles on the web regarding the bipolar disorder, and I can't do anything but shake my head in disgust reading the list of behaviors associated with the bipolar disorder.

When a person is insensitive, rude, aggressive, angry, etc., that is not being bipolar; that is a character flaw or a personality disorder. I am a believer in people's upbringing and life experiences shaping who they are. If anyone wants to disagree with me on this, I welcome the opinions without personal attacks.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Lisa
says:
May, 28 2018 at 1:29 pm

Donna, these behaviors are true for some and some not. It depends on the individual of course. I was diagnosed bi polar 1 and have had a heck of a time dealing with it. I do hold myself accountable during my episodes, I feel like a complete idiot, a-hole and worthless. In that moment of mania its like I almost black out in a way. The physical feeling is hard to explain but I do feel multiple emotions all at once. Anger is a part of it bad and sadness anxiety. I am in therapy now. What you said about people's upbringings...I absolutley agree. My upbringing was me raising my 2 younger siblings. My father and mother fighting constantly. No parental guidance basically. I have failed out of college in my first year because I simply didn't know what I wanted. I also listened to others and didn't go to school where my heart belongs. <art> I'm now at 29 years old trying to get things together because I am starting to get help and understand that I may have not had the tools then and sure I inherited my disorder from family genetics, maybe some trama, but it doesn't shape me. Personally. I guess it depends on the person. Characteristics like narcissism can make it extremely difficult to get through to someone. But not everyone who is living with this disorder is like that. Yes I have anger and rage at times , but I am seeking help. As for accountability I was thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend, only because I know I am not good for a for him, now. But I also know that I love him and want a future together. When articles explain symptoms and mood swings, from personal experience it does happen. I ask myself what the heck happened to me because 5 years ago I was well living life, had a fulltime job, happy. Then all of a sudden a change, at first it was like oh I have period mood swings haha but then it just started developing into more. My brain hurts when I'm feeling depressive or manic, it's like being in a cloud and you cannot think straight. I do redirect myself towards music, art but sometimes that doesn't even help. Anyway a little insight on what I'm currently dealing with. You are correct though not all the symptoms are related to a disorder but it's a person's characterisitcs from upbringing. We just can't tell until you know the person's background. Enjoy the day! Thanks for reading-

Donna
says:
April, 25 2015 at 10:06 am

I forgot to mention that I went out two or three times with a bipolar man (I can't really call it dating), and I knew after knowing him for two weeks that I could not be bothered. When I would try to honestly explain to him why felt the way I did towards him, it was stressful. There was absolutely no reasoning with him. It was like talking to a brick wall. He was the type who say something hurtful and not apologize. Things would just get turned around on me. All you can do is avoid these type of people like the plague!

LovingKindness
says:
May, 9 2015 at 12:00 am

I'd be most concerned with the types of people making bigoted assertions that it is impossible to be in a healthy relationship with, or to "RUN RUN AWAY from", someone diagnosed as bipolar.

It' is unfair, if not wicked and tasteless, to debase an entire population of six million Americans who have bipolar as incapable or undeserving of one of the most basic and vital human needs, a fulfilling relationship.

There are many people with and without bipolar who make wonderful partners. I'm sorry if some commenters have had difficult individual subjective experiences with a bipolar partner. Some people are poor partners, some relationships are poor relationships, regardless of any present clinical diagnoses. But it is very reckless to pin your bad experiences on millions of others who are lookng for and are perfectly capable of beautiful, healthy, compassionate, and loving relationships.

anne, if things are going well, expect them to continue to go well just as you would if your partner didn't have a bipolar diagnosis.

LovingKindness
says:
May, 9 2015 at 12:12 am

I understand the openness of the forum format, but I find it troubling that such libelous and discriminatory misinformation is being harbored on websites which pass themselves off as leading health resources or authorities. HealthyPlace -it might be time for a little more careful monitoring of your branding and content.

robert
says:
July, 6 2015 at 5:41 pm

At time it can be a battle in just 34 my fiancee is39 with bipolar disorder at Rome it has it days but cause I love ❤ her I learn how to handle it just cause they have a disorder don't mean they don't want love ❤ if you love them so much you do whatever it take for you to help and be there for them

Diane
says:
August, 21 2015 at 3:36 pm

Hi Anne,
I was married to a bipolar partner for 5 years and still there for him 5 years later even though our marriage ended in divorce. When I first met him, he was just like the person you now described. I did not know he was bipolar and had no experience or education about it. Then like a light switch everything changed. He was generous, empathetic, loving, intelligent, and great company. When he started to become abusive, sarcastic, uncaring, I knew something was wrong. I found his medications and this is how I discovered he was bipolar. Being married and I do love him, I started reading and educating myself. He then became manic, saw a woman he had to have, left, and divorced me. The two of them enjoyed his manic high and spent loads of money on things and trips. Then he became depressed and abusive to her, so she left, and he crashed. The crash caused him to seek help in me and professionally. Now that he has the professional help, I have again been put aside so he as he says can work on himself. He says he cares deeply for me but not in love. He has isolated himself from me though I would love to work in a triangle and work with him and his professional team. He wants to do it on his own, I respect that, but feel i am learning nothing of what I can do. I am a nurse so I am fully aware that there is a man under that illness blanket that I do love. It is a nightmare for me this roller coaster. Be prepared. It will not be an easy path.

Maggie
says:
September, 30 2015 at 3:12 am

What I've read here is disconcerting at the least. It seems that people diagnosed with bipolar disorder are being blamed for all aspects of relationship failures. I was diagnosed with bipolar about 25 years ago. I'm high functioning, married, mature and mostly well adjusted. It's appalling to me that people who are aware of my diagnosis, and I don't tell anyone unless necessary, believe that I am likely to manipulate them or can control their minds in some fashion. And not just the vulnerable. Medical personnel I've encountered over the last year for extreme unexplainable pain in my low back, dismissed my complaints and seemed to think I was imagining it or just looking for some attention. So it's not just people on this forum or other sources that attest to the bipolar personality being highly untrustworthy and undesirable. I'm wondering when we'll be forced us to sit in fhe back of the bus? But I also noticed some big time compassion especially from LovingKindness and some other bits and pieces, which I appreciate very much.

caroline
says:
October, 26 2015 at 1:26 pm

I have rapid boipolar I always knew I had it but I didn't want to know. I got it out of my head ,all my life family and friends told me so 3 weeks ago I got it comfirmed by a doctor it was hard to deal with im taken my medication but i jave so many mood swings each day one minute im happy and have lots of plans and ideas and next I'm sad and feel crappy angers and very irritated by people around me its very hard in my relationship because my partner is such a nice generous person and sometimes I love him so much I can't get enough and other days I can't bare to touch him for no reason at all I snap at him and not care at the time even though I know I'm doing wrong I can't help it or snap out of it at the time I'm finding it really hard to deal with so I can't imagine how he feels is it really fair for me to have a relationship with him do I break his heart and finish it, or stay with him and make him suffer from my illness? if u love someone u let them go right?

Layla
says:
November, 26 2015 at 3:24 am

I must say, I thought this article would criticize people with bipolar in relationships but it was just the opposite. I was in a relationship and when I first started dating this guy I told him about my disease. He did not mind but I once broke up with him because I thought I wouldn't be good enough for him. I apologized to him and we got back together but now we just broke up and I don't know why I broke up with him. I really love him but I think I will never be good enough for him. I really miss him and I don't have the courage to tell him how I feel. What should I do?

Anonymous
says:
December, 5 2015 at 9:06 am

I met a man 4 weeks ago that I took an instant like to. We met several times, at my home or his, and it turned into a physical relationship like I have never had before. He told me after 3 weeks that he was bipolar and wanted me to research it out. I was willing to do what I could for us both to have a good relationship. Little things kept happening. I realized that during a manic mood you could not satisfy him sexually and when he got sore he blamed it on me. During the first 3 weeks, I laid his tv remote in a different place. He went postal so we called it over but made up. Next he decided his dog did not like me and he would not choose me over his dog, called it off, then went back together. The last week in Nov we were together, for lunch, had sex, talked a while, he had one of his violet outburst over a card coming to him from an insurance company when he had not applied for insurance with them, he apologized and then he took me home. I noticed a difference in him when he kissed me good night. I l got a text the next day saying he had talked to his doctor about us and that the dr informed him he should not be having sex so often or for extended periods of time and that we needed to call it off, again. This was the last straw, I need to mention that I am 70 and he is 69 (he has been in with so many women as he told me all about them.) I texted him and said I agreed with the dr and I wished him luck. He got nasty, accused me of having sex with him way too early and that I expected him to perform when we were together....just went on and on so I told him no more messages that I was done. I was under a lot of stress when I was with him as I did not know him well enough to know how he might act in any given circumstance so I felt relief but was hurt too. I realized I had become his 'BIPOLAR PROXY" and that at times I felt like I had the problems and not him. I later learned he had 5 other disorder problems. Relationship might be had with some bipolar men but definitely not this one.

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