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I've learned that placing high expectations on myself has resulted in perfectionist standards that have caused anxiety. Throughout my life, I grew up with high expectations that I later on learned would contribute to my anxiety levels. Being more aware of this has helped me focus on how I can reduce the anxiety I feel because of these high standards.
In the time I've spent recovering from binge eating disorder and disordered eating, I've learned how to start over in recovery. I've probably had to "start over" in binge eating recovery 1000 times. Starting over so many times has taught me how to forgive myself and look at myself with eyes of understanding.
Christmas is a wonderful time of year. Even if you're not especially religious, the holiday season offers people a chance to reconnect with family and friends in an atmosphere of merriment and good cheer. However, for those with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), Christmas can pose problems.
If you've ever wondered, "Why do I hurt myself when I'm anxious?" know that you are not alone. Public perception tends to associate self-harm with depression, but anxiety can be a major factor, too.
Speaking up against abuse can be especially difficult for anyone who has been a victim of repeated verbal abuse. Although I find it easy to be the voice for others when I see an abusive situation, it's entirely different for me. I have often faced circumstances when I knew I should have said something and defended myself but could not find my voice. I still struggle to have the same strength I give to others vulnerable to abuse.
Self-care for schizophrenia is imperative, so protecting my brain is a high priority for me. By self-care, I mean eating nutrient-dense foods (fuel) and exercising, and I also include the things I consume daily, like music, books, movies, magazines, news, etc. In computer science, they have a saying, "garbage in, garbage out." The phrase means that if you put trash into the system, you get trash out of the system (usually referring to poor data). The metaphor is also applicable to my brain.
I’ve chosen to avoid pregnancy conversations over the years. I hesitate even to broach this subject in therapy sessions, and the reason is simple: I'm ambivalent about motherhood. The irony is I love children. I am a huge fan of my friends' little ones. I find my nieces and nephew irresistible. But I don't feel strong maternal instincts, and I lack the desire to parent children of my own.
Mental illness recovery looks nothing like I expected it would. Talk of recovery painted pictures of cures for mental illness that removed all struggle from my life and made everything—and I mean everything—better. What I’ve found is that recovery is different from that perception, and the truth is I’m okay with that.
This is my fourth attempt at writing a post today, and it'll be a miracle if it's my last. Since waking up this morning, I've started three different articles on three different topics, only to give up each after just a few sentences. Nothing was ringing true. So, I've decided to write about the only thing that does feel true, which is that today, I don't have much to say about bliss. I feel no bliss.
Living with mental illness for many years, learning to love myself has been an ongoing challenge. I've read many books on the topic and discussed it with many therapists, but the key to self-love has remained a mystery. Something I didn't take enough notice of, however, was the fact that I've spent years not doing the things I love the most.
my instagram is @chikinntenders or you can email me @ carolinelijia@gmail.com
Just know that you're not alone, and just because you feel like you should be happy doesn't mean you necessarily are. Sending love <3
Thank you for reading and leaving that comment. I wrote this piece because I know what it's like to beat yourself for not being able to do what the world says we should be able to. I want us all to stop doing that.
I'm honored to help where I can.
-- Natasha Tracy
Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry to hear of your struggles and wish you peace, good health, and contentment. Please take care of yourself.
PS I hope you had a wonderful birthday.
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