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It has come to our attention recently that our child is kind of a brat.
I'm not talking about Bob--I'm talking about his younger brother, "Two." It seems we pay such close attention to Bob (particularly this time of year), we've completely failed to notice the other little monster we're creating.
I’m bipolar. Now wait, before you start to tell me about how “I’m a person with bipolar disorder,” you might want to know, I don’t care. I use the English language in a non-politically correct way. Call it a quirk.
I have a new one for you: I am stalked by bipolar disorder. Kind of like an angry ex-boyfriend for whom you have a restraining order but insists on constantly scaring and tormenting you anyway.
My mind would swirl around and refuse to be still during my time with him. I would start a project and then throw it aside, or begin cleaning the bathroom and then find myself folding clothes while the bathroom went unfinished. I'd decide to go to the grocery but somehow forget to go because the mess in my head distracted me and tossed me in another direction.
If you're a child abuse survivor you've no doubt heard "get over it" on more than one occasion. But I hope no one ever gets over child abuse. The fact that child abuse hurts kids really ought to be enough to garner everyone's attention. Beyond that nasty reality, there's the fact that the effects of child abuse are often lasting, continuing to impact survivors and by extension their friends, families, and co-workers throughout their adult lives. Like it or not, child abuse impacts everyone in one way or another.
The longest recorded kiss in the world was set a couple of days ago on Valentine’s Day. The smooch clocked in at 46 hours and 24 minutes by a couple in Pattaya, Thailand, in a Kissathon contest in which they won a diamond ring and cash. This couple must really, really like each other to be joined at the lips for over a day, or they are the most competitive people I know.
I've often said that Indiana's mental health laws are about 50 years behind where they need to be. Even in Indianapolis, where mental health treatment is relatively cutting-edge, there are still problems, especially when it comes to involuntary hospitalization.
I've been hospitalized against my will three times. Those interventions were in my best interest. But not everyone's experiences with forced treatment are helpful. Psychiatric survivors have experienced human rights violations in the mental health system and are speaking out about injustices that can occur when people are denied their right to choose.
Women are classic “I’m sorry” – ers. We’re taught to say “I’m sorry” from the time we can utter the words. We are the peacekeepers, claiming fault so no one else has to. We have to apologize for emotions because we’re “overemotional.” We have to apologize for our needs because we’re “clingy.” We’re sorry for our behavior, our significant other’s behavior and our children’s behavior. We are simply, sorry.
And most women in 2011 realize this habit is one borne of the past and is no longer relevant in our everyday world. We realize we are not “sorry” at the drop of a hat or a glass of wine spilled by a drunken significant other. We realize there is a time to be sorry and there are times not to be.
Unfortunately for me, I feel like I have to be sorry all the time, for every tear, for every thought, because if I’m not, people will leave.
I define self-sabotaging behaviors within Dissociative Identity Disorder as any thought, feeling, or action by any member of the system that actively impedes the intentions and goals of any other member of the system. Self-sabotage, by my definition, is a regular part of life with DID. And what most of us do when an alter disrupts our lives in some way is attempt to change the disruptive behavior. It makes sense, but it's counter-productive. Before you know it, you're entrenched in a power struggle that ultimately solves nothing. Without even realizing it, I engaged in a power struggle for years with an alter who effectively blocked all internal communication. Once I became aware of the situation, I stopped trying to change it. I now believe acceptance is the first step in managing self-sabotaging behaviors. And communication, I think, is the second.
Self-Care. Mental health depends on it, but self-care can be something of a confronting word. As if implying I developed a mental illness because I didn't take responsibility for my mental health issues. That may sound like a stretch, but when my therapist says self-care in a tone that says "I can't believe you don't know how take care of yourself!", I feel a little guilty anyway.
My point being, I'm right there with you. I hate the rollercoaster. I just want to live life without being in a state of constant fight or flight mode, only for his character to change and de-escalate and I fall for the person I fell for all over again.
Exhausting is a horrible word. The understatement of all understatements, if you will.
I wish there were better support groups for this kind of mental health condition.