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It is still hard to confess that from February through May of this year, I created a alternative persona called Ana Magersucht and became enmeshed in the pro-anorexia lifestyle. I joined several websites devoted to pro-anorexia under this alternative name, and began to buy into the idea of anorexia as a lifestyle choice and that recovery was optional. My eating disorders psychiatrist quickly became alarmed when I talked about what I was doing, and immediately suggested that I be hospitalized. I wasn't at my lowest weight yet, but I was heavily restricting and it was significantly affecting my health. But that was not his biggest concern. He was most concerned with my growing obsession with pro-anorexia.
In my current series, Diary of a Newly Diagnosed Dissociative, I've been writing about what I've observed to be common emotional reactions to receiving a Dissociative Identity Disorder diagnosis. I say, "emotional reactions," but I don't know if that really does justice to the enormous impact a DID diagnosis can and often does have. When I say I was confused, I mean I was nearly incapacitated by confusion. When I say I was afraid and lonely, I mean I was almost paralyzed by fear and loneliness. It's with that same respect for the degree of overwhelming emotion that I talk to you today about shame.
OK, so I admit it, I haven’t spent a whole lot of time thinking about gender’s relationship to depression. I know the basic pieces of information: more women are diagnosed with depression than men, and more women attempt suicide while more men actually commit suicide.
But there is a lot to understand beyond that. Did you know that men are up to 15 times more likely to commit suicide than women?
or, How Not to Mistake Phish Food for Your Self-Esteem
You're Not An Idiot
Trying Harder Doesn't Always Work
There's a lot of talk about positive thinking and its links with self-esteem but little that talks about tone. This made me feel really stupid, when I couldn't seem to think my way out of my mental illness.
Tone Matters
Living with Dissociative Identity Disorder can be excruciatingly lonely. I endured my loneliest moments with DID in the first few years after diagnosis. Granted, my primary relationship at the time was drawing its dramatic last breaths and I'd recently lost my job. I had virtually no support system and was barely able to feed myself and my child. There's no doubt my loneliness was the result of more than just my Dissociative Identity Disorder diagnosis. But when I look back through my diaries from that time period, it's clear the diagnosis was partially to blame. In hindsight, it's easy to see why.
As I mentioned in this week's audio, Bob recently suffered a reaction to one of his psychiatric medications. He’s fine now, but the discussions between his father and I that have followed leave me wondering if he’ll survive the fallout.
...and similar ideas with which I struggle.
Sometimes, I struggle. I feel so far away. From everything, especially mental health.
Getting up, getting ready to face the world, wondering just how close the edge is, today. It all takes patience.
When you're dealing with anxiety and depression, when thoughts will barely stay in your head, let alone make sense, when the fog sets in...It takes patience. Inhuman, incalculable patience.
Fighting the good fight sometimes means losing your way
It's with humility and a little embarrassment that I admit to having come to erroneous conclusions about sexual addiction and sex addicts without the data to back me up. Sexual addiction facts should come from educated, experienced experts - not entertainment media and anecdote. We were very fortunate to have Robert Weiss join us last week on the HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show.
Work plus the holidays, especially Christmas and New Years Eve, put more stress on you and your mind than any other scheduled times of the year. One of the more common stress-related problems is panic attacks.
The holidays are the perfect time to instill a sense of appreciation in your kids for the blessings they have in life. I was out shopping recently for gifts, and ran into some friends who were having a hard time finding a gift for a particularly spoiled niece. This particular young teenage girl they were grumbling about had all the latest gadgets, $200 jeans, and her own horse. Now what on earth could they get her (that wouldn’t break their wallets) that she didn’t already have?
This is long answer sorry.
I’m not sure how extensive, straight, fresh, color your skin, why makeup you have tried as I might have good suggestions. How obvious in general is it that these are not any other kind of scars? Easist is to pass it off on different injuries. Not at easy if you are actually cutting. Iis your family aware of your situation to a degree and would go along with skirting the truth with the teacher? He asks, say “I have a medical condition. My family and I are trying to have it treated.” If she gets nosey and says what.? Say “I’m sorry that’s in appropriate”. If you are from the states you can also tell her that it is also something frat falls under a reasonable accommodation for a person with a disability to make the modifications of allowing you to cover your arms. She can not ask you what your disability is. Self-harming behavior may be the symptom of a protected disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act
On the flip side when young I said some scars came from things that happened but no real injuries so I didn’t mess up. Like falling through a sliding glass door,th. As I became less and less and older and I had legitimate nasty scars from working with animals everyone assumed I cut. Not saying I hadn’t had a small lapse her or there but I I leaned full in. Told them nah just bad at my job. That on was a Rottweilers paw. He almost made it perfect so I just finished his work off couldn’t leave it with 3 nails what do you think?. When people whisper or even saw she desecrated her body lol when I’m in a sundress I say this is how I mark my memories “I couldn’t pick enough tattoos for all the memories, I wanted something more extreme. This are arm is the joy I don’t want to forget . This arm is so when I go to hell I know how many souls to bring with me 🤪. “Honestly I am a light hearted good girl but the pearl clutching is fun.. Evenif I know I am still often in pain inside. We all have different reasons. I never could remember emotional pain got better but physical pain did. So that’s why I did it. Now I’m tired of being reminded of all those times I was made to feel so voiceless. For years with my scars. You have good and bad days. You’re a dancer. Put your feelings into that. Volunteer somewhere. Wayne teach kids to dance? The things you hate someone will love. I have to hear it so many times a day. It drives many away. The right people it would though. The right will hold you tight when you feel so much you can’t find a way to get it out. If you want to talk IG:@katgirl18