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"I felt like I must not love my children enough, otherwise I would be happy to be around them," says Sue Robinson, a California pastry chef turned stay-at-home mom of two kids. Author of the blog Motherhood and Me, Sue is in treatment for postpartum depression (Editor's Note: Website "Motherhood and me" is under new ownership.)
Do you sometimes (often?) feel directionless? I do, and it's hard; I reckon it's a tricky one for folks with anxiety issues in general, particularly survivors of trauma with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
There are exactly two settings on my dial: blow your mind and blow your brains out. I’m bipolar. We’re like that.
Not surprisingly, the sex mostly happens on the blow your mind setting.
There's a disturbing trend in some Dissociative Identity Disorder support communities that has always turned me off. I call it the My Trauma Is Worse Than Your Trauma game. What starts as fellowship and camaraderie periodically deteriorates into an ugly rivalry among survivors of abuse. It's a competition that feeds off of and perpetuates the minimizing effects of child abuse.
You've struggled through Parts 1 and 2 of the Homework Drama. Now you're wondering--is this just an ongoing saga? Will I be fighting this battle for the rest of my child's educational life? Does it ever end?
Good news--it just might.
You make a mistake, say sorry, then move on, right? Wrong. Sometimes ‘I’m sorry’ is not enough. Forgiveness is most difficult when damage is done and it’s even more difficult when the apology is insincere or half-hearted. Sorry, not sorry is very easy to hear when someone says he's sorry and doesn't mean it.
Those of you who follow me may have gleaned that I've been having trouble getting a psychiatrist. Basically, I was finally allowed to see one and she threw up her hands, told me to give up and that I was never going to get any better. This is one of the worst things I have ever been told, and personally, I think is unacceptable on pretty much every level.
However, yesterday I managed to see someone new, and this poses its own challenges.
You can learn to deal with phobias and fears. For example, I'm getting on a whole bunch of trains this week. That's something I couldn't do a couple of years ago. Public transport just wasn't my thing, and over time I developed a full-blown phobia of trains and other public transport.
Years ago I worked for a pharmacist who had obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). I only spent about 20 hours a month with him and didn't immediately notice the struggle he lived with every day. But by the time he was snatching prescriptions bottles out of my hand as I was ringing up customers, dumping the contents out, and counting the pills "just one more time," even I was having trouble coping with his obsessive-compulsive symptoms. After closing up the pharmacy one night, we said goodnight and he left. I took my time gathering my things from the back room and was headed for the door when I heard loud banging. Alarmed, I followed the sound and found him throwing his body repeatedly against the locked counter door, unable to trust that it was securely fastened. Watching him that night, I clearly saw the distress OCD can cause.
As I began discussing in last week's post, the challenges of parenting a child with a psychiatric illness aren't limited to just managing the illness. Like any other medical condition, psychiatric illness--even when under control--brings other issues to the party. Among them is homework. In this post, the "three-part-drama" of Homework continues.
Part II - The Battle Begins
Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry you're having such overwhelming experiences. That sounds hard.
I would say that when I get really wrapped up in talking to myself because of hypomania, it's similar but I don't feel like I'm in an imagined place or dreaming. That's the part that may be concerning.
If you're experiencing distress because of these experiences, you absolutely should tell your doctor -- and make it clear that it's causing your distress. It does sounds like it falls into the mild psychosis category, but that doesn't occur with cyclothymia. That only occurs in bipolar I. Of course, you may be experiencing bipolar and psychotic symptoms, just in an unusual way. (There is a category of bipolar disorder for this called "Other Specified Bipolar and Related Disorder.") https://www.healthyplace.com/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-types/what-are-the-types-of-bipolar-disorder
Experiences like that are normally treated with antipsychotics. A low dose of one of those medications may be just what you need. Antipsychotics are serious medication, though, so you want to carefully consider whether you think it's worth taking them. Thoroughly discussing your options with your doctor should help you make that decision: https://www.healthyplace.com/thought-disorders/schizophrenia-articles/antipsychotic-medications-for-treating-psychotic-illness
If you choose to go down the medication route, go slowly and continually assess along the way. There are many antipsychotics available, so it can take time to find the right one for you.
It's really good that you've recognized these issues in yourself. Now you can work on lessening them.
Good luck.
-- Natasha Tracy