advertisement

Blogs

On August 10, 2022, I wrote about how I reached a milestone in my trauma recovery, specifically, how I managed through a potentially high-triggering event without incident. The most significant milestone will arrive this weekend when I return to where the worst part of the trauma occurred. I'm trying to be proactive in my preparations by taking stock of the panic- and anxiety-mitigation tools I have at my disposal.
Four weeks ago, I started telling the story of a borderline crisis I have been going through ("BPD and Crisis: Part 1"). I promised I'd continue the story, but things keep evolving, and it's challenging to reflect without the benefit of hindsight. However, I will share my initial reactions to learning that my Danish residence permit was unexpectedly under threat.
Seven years: that’s how long I’ve been writing for HealthyPlace and the "Surviving Mental Health Stigma Blog." This time seven years ago, I was embarking on a new journey in writing and mental health. And now, again, I’m embarking on a new journey and saying goodbye to this blog.
Take a moment to think of your favorite media villain. I bet the character that just came to mind is portrayed as having a mental illness with a sprinkle, or more like a heap of dramatization for theatrical effect. Batman's Two-Face struggles deeply from poorly represented dissociative identity disorder (DID), as does Split's protagonist with the 23rd identity of Kevin being The Beast, an entirely fictitious representation that--intentionally or not--paints individuals suffering from DID as violent and inhuman. The cinematic tactic aimed at creating drama and bolstering a storyline comes with an unintended and paramount side effect: stigma.
When I operate within the framework of an eating disorder, my life orbits around fear. I am afraid of consuming three balanced meals. I am afraid of not being able to squeeze in enough exercise. I am afraid of the number staring back at me on a scale. I am afraid of seeing the calorie count on a nutrition label. I am even afraid of existing inside my own skin.
Meditation is helping me manage symptoms of verbal abuse, but there was a time in my life when I could not imagine myself meditating and taking the time to stop everything I was doing. During that phase of my life, I overcompensated for my underlying anxiety by keeping myself busy with tasks. I filled every second of the day with completing tasks. Sitting still was not part of my daily schedule, and I certainly did not try to keep my mind free and clear of thoughts. 
I don’t have many friends who live nearby. Part of the reason is that my schizoaffective anxiety makes me feel awkward around new people and at parties. Part of it is because many of my old friends moved to other parts of the country, and a few of them died due to complications with mental illness. But part of it is because I cut a lot of people out of my life. Here's why I cut people out of my life.
Opening up about self-injury can be incredibly cathartic and healing. But it's important, too, to set and maintain healthy boundaries during self-harm recovery and beyond.
I had a discussion with my friend once about brain fog, and I said brain fog wasn't a real symptom of depression; it was just sort of a layperson's description of cognitive difficulties. Brain fog itself wasn't exactly real, per se; I said I wasn't exactly wrong about that, but I wasn't exactly right either. Brain fog is not exactly a medical descriptor, but I identify with it as a part of my illness(es). I can now attest to the fact that brain fog is real.
I've long been told to let go of the things I can't control, and I always wondered how. It's not like I can flip a switch and suddenly not stress over the various external circumstances I'm dealing with at the time. For years I tried to tell myself that I would just not care about that stuff. It didn't work very well.

Follow Us

advertisement

Most Popular

Comments

Elizabeth Caudy
HI, Brooklyn-- Thanks for your comment. I am sorry you struggle so much with OCD and washing your hair. But kudos on finding creative ways to do it anyway! I know that's not easy. I wish you well. Elizabeth
Mary-Elizabeth Schurrer
Hi LAA,

Thank you so much for reaching out to share your experience. As the blogger here at "Surviving ED," as well as someone who has dealt with anorexia for almost 20 years (the last five of those years spent in eating disorder recovery), I can empathize how you feel. I know how much courage and vulnerability is takes to be honest about where you are currently at in the healing process. I also know how uncomfortable it can be to submit to the advice of a therapist or nutritionist when you have been living with the mindset and behaviors of an eating disorder for so long. The ultimate decision to heal is yours, but I would encourage you to continue seeking out the help of trained clinicians and listening to their expertise. I understand this is hard, but I want to commend you for making an effort. If you would like more information or resources, please check out the HealthyPlace Eating Disorders Community page (https://www.healthyplace.com/eating-disorders) or our list of confidential hotline and referral numbers (https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer…). Once again, thank you for sharing.

Sincerely,
Mary-Elizabeth Schurrer
"Surviving ED" Blogger
Fynn
yeah. someone outed me to my teachers and now they are gonna call home and im terrifed
Haille Lien
To Chrissy M.-I am 15 and just made my First Holy Communion this past sunday,May 21st,2023 in the class of 7 year olds. I was dressed as a little girl also in a short sleeve,poofy,knee length communion dress and veil with gloves,lace anklets and white patent leather shoes.After my bath,i laid naked on my bed and mom baby powdered me then pinned a 10 ply thick cloth diaper on me,then put white,crinkly,adult size rubberpants on me over the diaper,followed by a plain white tee shirt and tucked it into the waist of the rubberpants.I put the lace anklets and shoes on next,then my dress and veil were put on me next.I felt very pure and little girlish in my outfit and when mom brought me out to show dad,the rubberpants crinkled under my dress!! At the parish before the ceremony,several of my friends remarked how cute i looked as a 'little girl' and they lifted up my dress and checked out my diaper and rubberpants. Even some teen boys saw the diaper and rubberpants under my dress and told me i looked cute!At my party,my dress was also lifted up and every saw the diaper and rubberpants! I felt very little girlish!
Brooklyn
I have OCD, and a lot of my intrusive thoughts and compulsions are about my hair. I pull my hair out, but what relates to this article is I am afraid of washing my hair because I have intrusive thoughts of when my hands get wrinkled from being wet they are softer, and I imagine them getting cut all over from washing my hair. For this reason, I can’t wash my hair normally. I always wash my hair in a separate shower from washing my body to avoid any unnecessary time to get my hands wrinkled. When I am washing my hair I wear plastic gloves and I use hairbrush to wash my hair. I just picked t the shampoo on the brush and act as if I am brushing my hair. This fear also makes me afraid of swimming because I don’t want to touch my hair, and I feel embarrassed every time I use the back of my hands to push hair out of my face.