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"It'll go away, it just needs time, then I won't have to worry anymore... It wasn't a big deal, or if it was it doesn't matter now. It's over. I'm fine, and I have all these anxiety coping skills. What's there to talk about anyway?" I can't count the number of times I've thought that way about my mental health. The message of silence is one that trauma survivors, and those with mental illness receive loud and clear, from society and often very directly from those closest to them. Most internalize it so deeply that it's years before they realize it isn't their voice. That it never was. That it doesn't have to be.
There are some people who just seem to “have it together” – they ease through life with minimal trouble, and seem to have a certain je ne sais quoi about them. They never seem to have problems finding a boyfriend/girlfriend, have good jobs, a great network of friends and are by all standards – successful. I’ve encountered a few of these fine specimens in my lifetime and am always left feeling a little awe-inspired…and inadequate.
I recently made the decision to send Bob, my son with bipolar disorder, back to his last therapist. I don't have high confidence in talk therapy for a variety of reasons, as I have previously discussed. One of those reasons was brought to light after Bob's second session: therapists don't always get the whole story.
Whenever I think I know what I'm doing, that's when I start to worry. It's this river running inside me: anxiety. Like background noise that's so strong and permanent you don't really hear it anymore. It's just there, the same as the air moves or my heart beats. I stop, sometimes. Knowing something has to change but unsure what, where, who, or how. If I'm not anxious, what will I be? How about loved, valued, self-assured.
What if, just for now, you were able to shrink your abuser's voice down to nothing? What would it be like if you stopped imagining that those hurtful words came from a place of love or concern? What would it feel like to know in your heart and mind that what that abuser said had no relevance to your reality, that your abuser was the one in La-La Land, not you? What would it be like to trust your own perceptions, to move about freely without fear of reprisal?
Living with anorexia, I've been struggling to get to a healthy weight for several years. As I learned from my doctor, reaching your goal weight is a key part of eating disorder recovery. Watch this video to understand why.
Some dreams are bizarre--my favorite odd one involved a coworker and me being chased through the mall by ninjas, with multiple Broadway musical songs to comment on the situation. Most dreams, however, have a meaning--especially when you interpret them yourself.
I was asked about how I have continued to work even through major bipolar storms. I found when I wrote about this topic, pages and pages were filled, so we’re splitting it in half. Today is part one: how to work an office job with bipolar disorder. Some of you know I’ve had office jobs in the tech industry for most of my working career and only recently made a shift. And in those years I’ve had various severities of bipolar disorder. And what I’ve learned is this: working with bipolar disorder comes down to one thing - being stubborn.
After several phone calls and missed fax transmissions, I finally had Bob's most recent lab results in my hand and his psychiatrist's. His lithium level was surprisingly low. His BUN, however, was high--enough to generate concern he may be developing lithium sensitivity. His psychiatrist suggested the labs be reviewed by his general practitioner prior to making our next move. I had forgotten long-term lithium use can lead to kidney failure. I have since added that to my list of Things to Worry About at 3 AM, and asked myself the question: Am I sacrificing my child's physical health for his mental health? Can't he have both?
Last week was my birthday. I didn't do anything or mark it in any way. That is mostly because, on my birthday, I look back and see bipolar behind me and I look forward and see bipolar in front of me.

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Mags
Curious where this has ended up? As i am in this situation right now
Dawn Gressard
If it were only that easy... I agree. To alleviate anxiety, you have to have coping skills or a list of things (a toolbox, so to speak) that help you retake control of your brain. This, then, hopefully, lessens the anxiety so you can work your way through whatever it is that has triggered your fear more healthily.
nils
Wonderful that "instead of being anxious, don't be anxious!" works for you. However, if it was that easy everyone would be doing it.
Joseph
I am.learning to better understand my partner who.has been diagnosed with D.I.D and I appreciate your blogs. Thank you for helping me to better understand and be loving.
Joseph A
I am trying to learn all that I can about D.I.D because my partner has been diagnosed with it. We are trying to renew a relationship. We have a daughter together and have a 17 year history. I was released from prison. Almost two months ago after 6 years. She had expressed to me that she was diagnosed, but I didn't really understand all that entails. She transitioned one night about two weeks ago and I was there and actually experienced it. When we were together in the past it was all pre diagnoses. I am trying to better understand her and how I can best love and support her. I have felt rejected since I came home and now I am starting to understand her need to feel safe, secure, and stable in order to share any kind of intimacy with me. After reading your article and watching the video I see how she had been trying to be intimate with me emotionally, intellectually, recreational, and spiritually. This is all very new to me and my love language has always been touch and affection...which I am.learning is hard for her these days. I just wanted to say thank you. I will continue to try to understand and love her and this platform has been very helpful.