Verbal abuse is the only type of abuse that can affect every single person with any type of communication ability or understanding. You may be assaulted by verbal abuse at work, at home, at school, on the road, or walking through a park, and there is nothing you can do to prevent it. You could even be a victim of verbal abuse if you live alone because if your self-talk, the voice in your head, diminishes you or your belief in yourself in any way, then you subject yourself to verbal abuse when you allow your inner critic to put you down. No one, anywhere, is immune to verbal abuse.

Verbal abuse is the most common way to attempt to control the behavior, thoughts, and feelings of another human being. Controlling behaviors are designed to manipulate people into doing what the abuser wants them to do under the guise of love or respect or abject fear. (See: Why Do Perpetrators of Domestic Violence Hurt People?)

The Definition of Verbal Abuse

If you define verbal abuse as name-calling delivered through speech alone, then you won't recognize it when it happens to you. But if you educate yourself on verbal abuse and its nasty symptoms, you can avoid an avalanche of future emotional pain.

Let's expand our definition of verbal abuse to be any language or behavior that seeks to coerce its victim to doubt their perceptions or their abilities and subjugate themselves to the abuser. That definition of verbal abuse puts us on the right path to understanding its insidious nature.

What Is Considered Verbal Abuse?

Many people consider verbal abuse as blatantly offensive language designed to humiliate and gain power over another person. However, verbal abuse does not only assault us through spoken words. We read body language before we learn to speak, and our minds interpret body language into words that we internally hear, loud and clear. Behaviors unique to an individual and body language understood culture-wide can translate to verbal abuse.

For example, most everyone knows the words behind a blatant middle finger, and any person would interpret a strangling motion directed at them as the threat "I want to choke you." When someone flicks open a knife to intimidate you, the words "I am in danger" flash through your mind. School-yard bullies have "a look" that sends the other kids running away. Veteran verbal abusers (a.k.a. adult bullies) often cultivate tiny "looks" and behaviors, known only to them and their victim, so they don't need to say a word to get what they want. You can read more examples of verbal abuse here.

Verbal abuse can be loud and obnoxious like when the homeless person berates you for not giving her a dollar or when your spouse uses aggressive anger and yelling to silence you. But verbal abuse is also silence, the behavior behind "the silent treatment", which purposefully ignores the needs or communication of another person and quietly says, "You are not important enough to acknowledge".

Verbal abuse, by nature, creates confusion which many call "crazy making" or "gaslighting". According to Patricia Evans, author of five books on verbal abuse, verbal abusers master the art of confusion through using at least fifteen different categories of verbal abuse. Ms. Evans' definition of verbal abuse includes the varied ways verbal abusers use to deflect accountability for their words and actions onto their victims.

To accurately define verbal abuse and understand what is considered verbal abuse, we must be willing to dig a little deeper into the signs, symptoms, and effects of verbal abuse in different situations and on all people.

article references

Learn about the major types of child abuse and what constitutes physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and neglect of a child.

4 Major Types of Child Abuse

Types of child abuse are broken down in four distinct categories:

• Physical abuse
• Sexual abuse
• Emotional abuse / Psychological abuse
• Neglect

What is Physical Child Abuse?

Physical child abuse is an injury resulting from physical aggression. Even if the injury was not intended, the act is considered physical abuse. The injury from physical child abuse may be the result of:

• Beating, slapping, or hitting.
• Pushing, shaking, kicking, or throwing.
• Pinching, biting, choking, or hair-pulling.
• Burning with cigarettes, scalding water, or other hot objects.
• Severe physical punishment.

Is physical punishment the same as physical abuse?

Physical abuse is an injury resulting from physical aggression. Physical punishment is the use of physical force with the intent of inflicting bodily pain, but not injury, for the purpose of correction or control. As you can see, physical punishment can easily get out of control and become physical abuse.

Some other specific types of physical child abuse are:

• Shaken Baby Syndrome - Shaking a baby or toddler can cause serious head injuries.
• Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome - Inducing medical illness in a child or wrongly convincing others that a child is sick is both dangerous and abusive.
• Drug use during pregnancy - Drug and alcohol use during pregnancy or lactation can be harmful to your child, leading to problems such as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

Hundreds of thousands of children are physically abused each year by someone close to them, and thousands of children die from the injuries. For those who survive, the emotional scars are deeper than the physical scars.

Some Signs of Physical Child Abuse

• Burns, bite marks, cuts, bruises, or welts in the shape of an object.
• Resistance to going home.
• Fear of adults.

What is Child Sexual Abuse?

Sexual abuse of a child is any sexual act between an adult and a child, including penetration, intercourse, incest, rape, oral sex, and sodomy. Other examples include:

• Fondling - Touching or kissing a child's genitals, making a child fondle an adult's genitals.
• Violations of bodily privacy - Forcing a child to undress, spying on a child in the bathroom or bedroom.
• Exposing children to adult sexuality - Performing sexual acts in front of a child, exposing genitals, telling "dirty" stories, showing pornography to a child.
• Commercial exploitation - Sexual exploitation through child prostitution or child pornography.

Regardless of the child's behavior or reactions, it is the responsibility of the adult not to engage in sexual acts with children. Sexual abuse is never the child's fault. Sexual child abusers can be:

• Fathers, mothers, siblings, or other relatives.
• Childcare professionals or babysitters.
• Clergy, teachers, or athletic coaches.
• Foster parents or host families of foreign-exchange students.
• Neighbors or friends.
• Strangers

Some Signs of Sexual Child Abuse

• Inappropriate interest in or knowledge of sexual acts.
• Seductiveness.
• Avoidance of things related to sexuality, or rejection of own genitals or body.
• Either over-compliance or excessive aggression.
• Fear of a particular person or family member.

Warning Signs of Online Sexual Child Abuse

• Your child spends large amounts of time online, especially at night.
• You find pornography on your child's computer.
• Your child receives phone calls from men you don't know, or is making calls, sometimes long distance, to numbers you don't recognize.
• Your child receives mail, gifts, or packages from someone you don't know.
• Your child turns the computer monitor off or quickly changes the screen on the monitor when you come into the room.
• Your child becomes withdrawn from the family.
• Your child is using an online account belonging to someone else.

Source: U.S. Department of Justice, Federal Bureau of Investigation

What is Emotional Child Abuse?

Emotional child abuse is any attitude, behavior, or failure to act that interferes with a child's mental health or social development. It can range from a simple verbal insult to an extreme form of punishment. Emotional abuse is almost always present when another form of abuse is found. Surprisingly, emotional abuse can have more long-lasting negative psychiatric effects than either physical abuse or sexual abuse.

Other names for emotional abuse are:

• Verbal abuse
• Mental abuse
• Psychological maltreatment or psychological abuse

Emotional child abuse can come from adults or from other children:

• Parents or caregivers
• Teachers or athletic coaches
• Siblings
• Bullies at school or elsewhere
• Middle- and high-school students in social cliques

What is Child Neglect?

Child neglect is a very common type of child abuse. According to Child Welfare Information Gateway, more children suffer from neglect than from physical and sexual abuse combined. Yet victims are not often identified, primarily because neglect is a type of child abuse that is an act of omission - of not doing something.

Some overlap exists between the definitions of emotional abuse and emotional neglect. However, neglect is a pattern of failing to provide for a child's basic needs. A single act of neglect might not be considered child abuse, but repeated neglect is definitely child abuse. There are three basic types of neglect; physical neglect, educational neglect, and emotional neglect.

Some Signs of Child Neglect:

• Clothing unsuited to the weather.
• Being dirty or unbathed.
• Extreme hunger.
• Apparent lack of supervision.

Sources:
Administration for Children and Families
National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information
National Institutes of Health -National Library of Medicine
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect

Do you ever wonder if there are any famous people with personality disorders? Well, of course there are. Just like AIDS, cancer, epilepsy, diabetes, or any number of other physical illnesses, mental illness knows no boundaries with respect to social status. Personality disorders are no different, affecting rich and poor, brilliant and dull, famous and unknown. The following list of famous people and celebrities who likely have (or had) personality disorders is in no way comprehensive. Please also keep in mind that without a publicly known, professional diagnosis, much of this is simply speculation based on observed behavior.

Famous People with Personality Disorders

1. Anna Nicole Smith
A number of psychologists claim that Smith exhibited many of the symptoms of histrionic personality disorder. The public watched as she displayed excessive emotions, abused drugs, had promiscuous sex, and always had to be the center of attention.

2. Angelina Jolie-Pitt
Beautiful and talented, Jolie voluntarily checked herself into a treatment facility in the late 1990s, claiming she had experienced both suicidal and homicidal thoughts. Although she had no intention of acting on these thoughts, she realized that she needed help. She was diagnosed with "presumptive borderline personality disorder".

3. Megan Fox
Actress Megan Fox is quoted as saying, "...I constantly struggle with the idea that I think I'm a borderline personality – or that I have bouts of mild schizophrenia."

4. Adolf Hitler
Okay, not a celebrity, but definitely a famous (or infamous) person. There has been much speculation about Hitler's psychiatric profile over the years. In his book, Hitler: Diagnosis of a Destructive Prophet, author Fritz Redlich concludes that the genocidal leader showed strong symptoms of paranoid personality disorder as well as narcissistic personality disorder symptoms.

5. Marilyn Monroe
During her short life, Monroe exhibited sexual promiscuity, suicidal thoughts, substance abuse, and fear of abandonment – all hallmarks of borderline personality disorder.

6. Steve Jobs
The late CEO of Apple Computer Corporation suffered from obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. According to an article in Slate Magazine, Jobs' OCPD is "what made him great". The article lists other famous "greats' who suffered from the same personality disorder. Read the rest of it here.

7. David Beckham
According to at least one source, the handsome and famous soccer star suffers from dependent personality disorder. While certainly not financially dependent on anyone, Beckham has shown excessive clinginess in his relationship, low self-esteem, inability to cope with certain situations by himself.

Personality disorders and other mental illnesses can affect anyone – even celebrities. The most important thing is to seek help.

article references

First, let's define verbal abuse signs as different from verbal abuse symptoms. Verbal abuse signs are your observations about the person who is verbally abusive towards you. Things the verbal abuser does and says that affect your thinking, beliefs, or emotions. Verbal abuse symptoms are your observations about you. Symptoms live inside of you, so others may or may not notice them.

Second, if you are abused, you may find it difficult to "observe" your abuser and yourself. Observing implies "stating the facts" (which I'm sure you can do). But observing also implies interpreting those facts, and this is the difficult part for some abuse victims. You may second-guess your observations because the abuser consistently implants the idea in your mind that you cannot believe your own thoughts.

Disbelief of your own perception (a symptom of verbal abuse) sounds like you thinking, "Oh, she didn't mean it that way! Her favorite form of humor is sarcasm." or "He had another bad day; he told me that and I still pressed for conversation." So put aside excuse-making and self-blame and trust your gut instinct as you answer these questions.

Verbal Abuse Signs

Do they...

• make derogatory comments about a group you belong to (gender, career, religion, etc.)? This comment might end with "I mean them, not you."
• make fun of or insult your ideas, behaviors, or beliefs?
• make negative comments about people, places or things that you love?
• say things that are almost true about you, but leave you wanting to defend yourself?
• say, "What? It was just a joke!" to dismiss a remark that offends you?
• ask you questions about something that just happened and reply to your answers, "Do you care to think about that and answer the question again?" or just sit there, staring at you, in a way that lets you know your answer wasn't "right"?
• engage you in long conversations about things on which you disagree until you reach the point of wanting to say, "Okay. Whatever. You're right!" Or insist that you repeat what they said and then, later, claim, "You agreed with me (then)!"
• somehow manage to physically back you into a corner or somewhere you cannot easily escape during intense conversations?

(see Examples of Verbal Abuse)

Verbal Abuse Symptoms

Do you feel...

• nervous when approaching them with certain topics?
• insulted because of their use of foul language, or does their use of foul language change the meaning of otherwise normal requests? (Such as, "Could you f*ck*ng tell me how much f*ck*ng longer it will be before you're ready for dinner?")
• a need to "tell on yourself" about innocent events in case the person hears about it later?
• misunderstood for the most part in your relationship?

Do you doubt...

• your sanity, intelligence, or communication skills because of difficulties relating to them?
• your memories when it comes to recalling conversations or events with the person because their take on it is so different from your own?

These questions relating to verbal abuse signs and verbal abuse symptoms describe how verbal abuse sneaks inside the framework of your relationship and poisons your thoughts with confusion and doubt.

article references

Verbal and physical abuse tag team abuse victims. In a relationship, verbal abuse and physical abuse work well together because verbal abuse is versatile! Using verbal abuse techniques, an abuser can tell you they love you and then hate you and then hide the hate with loving words. The victim of verbal abuse must decide which feeling to believe, and a practiced abuser knows how to almost guarantee their victim will cling to the love.

A stranger does not need verbal abuse to commit a physical assault, although they may use it as an intimidation tool. But an intimate partner must implement verbal abuse before and after physical violence or their power over the victim will disappear. Verbal and physical abuse must coexist in an abusive relationship – the victim could easily leave a physically abusive partner if brainwashing and coercive language were not a part of the package.

On the flip side, verbal abuse doesn't need physical violence to be effective. It takes time to gain enough control over someone to make sure they will not leave after a physically abusive event. Verbal abuse tactics are the easiest way to implement domestic abuse without the victim noticing it. Tragedy occurs when the abuser feels that verbal abuse is no longer working. The abuser's anger and fear of being unable to control the victim erupt in physical violence. All types of verbal abuse are red flags foretelling physical violence.

Verbal and Physical Abuse Compared

Physical abuse affects the victim's body in some way. If the abuser physically abuses you, she or he will:

• Cut, stab
• Hit, punch, kick
• Bite, scratch
• Choke
• Push, pull
• Grab or restrain in any way (block exits, lock doors, drive to unfamiliar or dangerous places, use Taser or mace, etc.)
• Deprive of sleep or food and water

Verbal abuse negatively affects the victim's thoughts and emotions. You cannot see this abuse and, of course, it has no visible effects unless it continues for a long time. Unlike physical abuse, verbal abuse uses deception and runs the gamut from loving words to hateful ones. Verbal abuse attacks are as punishing to the victim's psyche as physical violence is to their body. After verbal and physical abuse, the abuser will say things like:

• "If I didn't love you, I wouldn't care where you spent your time."
• "I don't blame you if you leave. I'm always screwing things up."
• "It's your fault I act this way! I know you want to hurt me!"
• "I can't control myself when I feel like you don't love me!"
• "I love you! I'm sorry! Let me get a cloth for your bloody nose."

After the verbal and physical abuse, the perpetrator uses verbal abuse again to take advantage of the victim's shattered and shocked emotions. The abuser begs for forgiveness and proclaims eternal love, plays to the victim's sympathies, or blames the victim for the attack. Verbal and physical abuse works together to reinforce the faulty connection between abuser and victim over and over again.

article references

This article discusses the advantages and disadvantages of online dating and the search for the perfect date / mate.

Many people today are turning to the internet as a tool for finding a partner. The Internet has strong advantages but there are some serious pitfalls .

Advantages of Dating Online

A "surfer" can immediately focus on people with similar interests, beliefs, age and other important criteria without having to spend time and money "going for coffee." Non-matching people can be sidestepped without ever needing to make contact. It's "partner shopping" in a global supermarket of humanity.

Meaningful dating can be done at a distance, even in other countries.

Relating thru writing (emailing) is a quick and efficient way to learn a lot about a person and how they tick, with minimum initial commitment or investment face-to-face and is the heart of effective online dating.

Disadvantages of Dating Online

If a "surfer" is not witty or doesn't write well, online dating can be difficult.

Prospects often circulate constantly thru a host of sites. The Internet offers unlimited options. This can make for cynical or dismissive prospects with little care for how their rejections or non-contact affects the feelings of others. It can be a conveyor belt.

Most humans are addicted to initial flirtations and the "drug" of being liked, appreciated and wanted. The Internet is an illusion of meeting. The connection is based on internalized and selfish feelings, often projections of what we are looking for, rather than what the other person is actually like.

This approach can morph people into the commodities of others' consumption.

The superficiality of the Internet

Physical attraction is fickle. Individuals can be intensely "in love" one minute, and not at all later, simply based on appearance. Often, people are in love with "being in love" not with you at all.

Photos can mislead. It's good advice to ask for many photographs, so if physical attractiveness is important to you, a balanced look at someone over time and in many contexts is achieved. People look very different in different photos. Don't project an illusion of a person from one image.

Painful Online Romance versus True Love

True love is solid, reliable and unconditional. People can learn to receive and give true love.

This approach goes against almost everything our body, mind and the Net convinces us is real. The most pain, hurt, brokenness and distress caused online by people attempting to find the divine within each other, is a misunderstanding about the voracity of emotional online connection, and an abandonment of what true love really is.

Robin Williams says to Matt Damon in the movie "Good Will Hunting" (Miramax, 1997), "it's not about whether you are perfect for her, or she is perfect for you...are you perfect for each other?...none of us are perfect."

Missing True Love While Waiting For Mr/Ms Perfect

Online daters often bypass wonderful prospects of enduring love in exchange for the endless anticipation of finding a "right" person who will be perfect. The Internet feeds this hope. It is a forlorn and hopeless vacuum. A better way is to find perfect love within, and give that unconditionally to another imperfect human being (to whom you are, or are not, at times, "attracted").

Consider using the Internet as a doorway to real life and real engagement with actual human beings, sovereign and independent of your wants and needs.

Personality disorder symptoms make it difficult for those suffering from one of these disorders to cope with the challenges of everyday life. Sure, everyone has trouble getting along with others and coping with difficult situations at some point in life, but it's different for people with personality disorders. (Read about famous people with personality disorders.)

Personality disorder symptoms involve behavior patterns that make it consistently difficult for sufferers to maintain relationships and get along with others, regardless of the situation. There are four key symptoms of a personality disorder that mental health professionals look for when evaluating a client:

• Relationship (interpersonal) problems
• Poor impulse control
• Inappropriate emotional responses
• Distorted thinking

These four personality disorder traits combine in different ways to create the 10 different personality disorders listed in DSM-5 (APA, 2013). Each disorder has a list of observable symptoms associated with that condition.

Recognizing Personality Disorder Symptoms

You can read about them here and learn about them directly from the DSM-5, but actually recognizing personality disorder symptoms could be difficult. Remember, the individual must exhibit the signs consistently, over time, regardless of the situation.

Interpersonal problems

For instance, a person who constantly changes their close friends and romantic interests may have interpersonal problems associated with personality disorders. Imagine a coworker (we'll call her Susan) who tells you about a "great" guy she met recently. Perhaps they've only been on a couple of dates, but she's already talking about a future wedding. Certainly, some people do meet, fall in love very quickly, and have successful marriages, on occasion. But your friend, Susan, shows up the very next week saying very negative things about the man she spoke so highly of just days before. You observe this happening again-and-again over time. You notice that she never has any long-term close friends either – hanging out with one person for a couple of weeks and then dumping her and moving on to another "best friend" rapidly.

Poor impulse control

Regardless of which of the 10 disorders a person has, he or she will exhibit poor impulse control. These problems with control can show up in the form of over- or under-controlled impulses. Imagine someone you know (we'll call him Tom) who is always stiff and constricted. Tom feels the need to carefully consider every action he takes. He thinks deeply about whether any action he takes may result in ridicule or embarrassment, causing him to miss out on many of life's spontaneous, yet fulfilling experiences. A person like this may have Avoidant Personality Disorder.

On the other hand, another individual may exhibit almost a total lack of impulse control – failing to think ahead about possible consequences of his actions. He may engage in overspending, promiscuous sexual encounters, aggressive behaviors, drug abuse, or excessive risk-taking. Two examples of personality disorders where sufferers lack impulse control are Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.

Inappropriate emotional responses

One of the most easily observable personality disorders symptoms involves the inappropriate emotional responses exhibited by sufferers. Each of the ten disorders has a specific emotional response pattern associated with it. For some of the disorders, sufferers have an overblown sensitivity and experience exceptionally intense emotions, such is the case with Histrionic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and others. People with other personality disorders, like Schizoid Personality Disorder, show little to no emotional response to any event, regardless of circumstance. People with healthy personalities typically understand when to express a particular emotion, and at what magnitude to express it, and when it's best to refrain from showing emotion.

In the 1987 movie, Fatal Attraction, actress Glenn Close plays a woman with an inappropriate emotional response pattern exhibited by people with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Distorted thinking patterns

The distorted thinking patterns associated with personality disorders involve a problematic perception of a sufferer's self in the world. These distorted interpretations involve:

• Extreme all-or-nothing thinking – everything is black and white; no gray
• Idealizing, then devaluing others or themselves
• Unwarranted suspicious and distrustful thoughts
• Odd beliefs that lie outside those of societal norms
• Thoughts that include environmental or bodily illusions

For instance, a friend of yours may "see" someone's face morph right before her eyes, or "hear" someone calling her name, when, in fact, neither of those things are real. Your friend can easily understand that these perceptual distortions aren't real and that they didn't really occur. This type of thinking is typical of Schizotypal Personality Disorder.

Another person may have odd beliefs, such as strange superstitions and worldviews that lie far out of line with the individual's actual cultural and environmental norms. Don't take this to mean that every person with superstitious or odd religious beliefs has a personality disorder. For example, let's say your friend "Lisa" is a Christian raised in the United States. She believes that carrying 10 blanched almonds in her purse will help her end up in heaven upon death. Many Americans believe in heaven and an afterlife, but the belief that carrying almonds has something to do with getting to heaven is definitely out of the norm.

One of the common personality disorder symptoms related to distorted thinking is a black and white thinking pattern. You may know someone who persistently tends toward all-or-nothing thinking. This type of thinking pattern involves statements that use "always" or "never". Examples of this might be someone who frequently says things like, "I never do anything right", or "If she doesn't adore me, she must despise me", or even, "You are not brilliant, so you must be intellectually challenged". These statements have an all-or-nothing stance.

Another pattern of distorted thinking includes an elevated level of distrust and suspiciousness. An individual with this type of thinking shows distrust of others, always suspecting people are dishonest and out to harm them in some way. This person interprets the innocent actions of others in a negative way. For instance, she may think a birthday gift is really a thinly disguised way to manipulate her.

Distorted thinking gives rise to the other three core personality disorders symptoms discussed above.

Diagnosis of Personality Disorder Symptoms

Mental health professionals follow DSM-5 guidelines for diagnosing personality disorder symptoms. Once they verify that gross brain damage, disease, or another psychiatric disorder hasn't caused the behavior, a mental health professional will see if the patient meets the following criteria:

1. Markedly disharmonious behaviors that involve issues in impulse control, relating to others, perception and thinking, and emotional response.
2. The disharmonious behavior patterns are pervasive, long-term, inflexible, and are not a result of episodic mental illness.
3. The abnormal behavior patterns occur consistently across a wide range of personal, professional, and social situations.
4. The behaviors began during childhood or adolescence and persist into adulthood.
5. The individual experiences significant personal distress due to the disorder, but this may only occur later on in its course (i.e. when the person is in his or her 40s or 50s).
6. The individual typically, but not always, experiences considerable problems with professional and social success.

To determine which of the ten personality disorders a person has, the physician or psychologist will look for at least three traits or behaviors associated with the specific personality disorder.

article references

The effects of verbal abuse on children, women and men follow the same general principle: verbal abuse causes people to feel fear. However, victims may deny or not recognize their anxiety and feelings of wanting to get away as fear of the abuser.

When the victim feels kindness or love from the abuser, they know that it is short-lived and abuse will reoccur. Victims live in a constant state of hyper-awareness, watching for clues of impending abuse. Victims can't trust the smile of someone they love, and that is a very big deal.

Effects of Verbal and Emotional Abuse

The effects of verbal abuse and emotional abuse intertwine because verbally abusive statements play on the victim's emotions. For example, the simple statement, "You're just looking for a fight!" tells the victim what he's doing and thinking, accuses the victim of attacking the abuser, and diverts the topic to a new problem (avoiding a fight).³

Emotionally, the victim feels misunderstood, unimportant, and afraid of what may happen if he presses the issue. Is this how we want our loved ones to feel?

Effects of Verbal Abuse On Women and Men

The effects of verbal abuse on women and men range from confusion to symptoms of, or the development of, mental disorders. There are substantially more research studies concerning female victims of verbal abuse, but even so, there are commonalities among victims in general. Patricia Evans writes that victims of verbal abuse may:

• Have difficulty forming conclusions and making decisions
• Feel or accept that there is something wrong with them on a basic level (selfish, too sensitive, "crazy", etc.)
• Analyze and relive abusive experiences to see where they made mistakes
• Doubt their ability to communicate
• Experience self-doubt, low self-confidence, and lose spontaneity and/or enthusiasm
• Believe and say things like "Everything will be better when the baby is born," or "Everything will improve after she finds a job."

Long-Term Effects of Verbal Abuse

A study of physical health consequences of physical and psychological abuse concludes:

Verbal abuse is strongly associated with chronic pain, migraine and frequent headaches, stammering, ulcers, spastic colon, and frequent indigestion, diarrhea, or constipation along with many stress-related heart conditions.²

The psychological effects of verbal abuse include:

fear and anxiety, depression, stress and PTSD, intrusive memories, memory gap disorders, sleep or eating problems, hyper-vigilance and exaggerated startle responses, irritability, anger issues, alcohol and drug abuse, suicide, self-harm, and assaultive behaviors.

Although more research is needed, men seem to suffer from the same problems in the long term.³

Effects of Verbal Abuse on Children

The effects of verbal abuse on children ages 18 and under include substance abuse (more prevalent in males)⁴, physical aggression, delinquency, and social problems. The more verbally aggressive the parent, the more pronounced the problem, and the relationship between these problems and verbal aggression does not depend on the child's age, sex, or economic status. Parents who tell their children that they are dumb, bad, etc., raise children who think they are dumb or bad and act as such.⁵ (See also: Effects of Domestic Violence, Domestic Abuse On women and Children.)

article references

We must be careful in attempting to understand why some people abuse others. It is tempting to label verbally abusive men and women as narcissists or psychopaths, but without the abuser undergoing psychiatric analysis, it is impossible to know for sure. Coercing verbally abusive men and women to visit a psychiatrist is difficult because abusers tend to deny that anything is wrong with them.

On top of that, many psychiatrists and counselors are untrained in the dynamics of abuse, and some will not recognize verbal abuse as a form of violence or do not understand patriarchy and gender as components of abuse (See: Verbal and Physical Abuse Often Go Hand-in-Hand. These beliefs, compounded by the abuser's charm, often cause the victim to be re-victimized in the therapy chair.⁵

Why Are Men Verbally Abusive? Why Do Women Verbally Abuse?

Many researchers report that verbally abusive men and women abuse because they were abused as children and unconsciously turned off their ability to feel emotional pain within themselves and for others.^2,3,5 Their lack of empathy for their victim's pain allows them to continue abusing without caring one bit about how their victim feels. (See Effects of Verbal Abuse on Children, Women and Men)

We know that some verbally abusive men and women do have a mental disorder, but the percentage of abusers with mental disorders is the same as the non-abuser population.² Abusive partners may suffer from any number of aggression-causing mental illnesses such as borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, PTSD or schizophrenia.³ However, the mental illness of the abuser does not remove the danger to the victim, and the presence of a mental illness should not prevent the victim from making the choice to leave the relationship.

An abuser could have a brain injury or suffered a stroke. Either of which could cause anger, aggression or violence. However, if this were the case, they would exhibit violent tendencies from the beginning of a relationship. They could not consciously woo their victims initially and then switch to violent behavior when convenient; as abusive people do.

Domestic violence experts agree that domestic abuse is learned behavior^1,6 and that abusive people choose to abuse. This fact is substantiated by research showing that abuser's heart rates at the time of abuse are normal and the abusers "become psychologically calmer when they abuse."⁴

Abusers verbally abuse because they've learned somewhere along the course of their lives that coercion and control work to their benefit. Mental illness and addictions may come out in court as excuses for verbally abusive men and women's bad behavior, but should not relieve them from the responsibility of it.³

Author and abuse therapist, Sandra L. Brown, M.A. states,

"What [the abuser] can't help does not make him less lethal. [Explanations as to why abusers abuse is] simply to understand that 'she didn't break him, and she can't fix him either.' What is and is not inside his brain determines his future. Not her. There is a difference between making an excuse for someone's behavior and understanding what is behind it."³

article references

Multiple reasons explain why some women develop PTSD symptoms and posttraumatic stress disorder. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), PTSD occurs more often in women than in men (APA, 2013). Indeed, women are approximately twice as likely as men to develop PTSD despite the fact that more men than women experience trauma (60% and 51%, respectively).

Fewer than four percent of people who experience trauma will develop PTSD, yet approximately four million women live with PTSD and PTSD symptoms in a given year. What causes PTSD symptoms in women?

Risk Factors That Cause Some Women To Develop PTSD, PTSD Symptoms

Women are vulnerable to PTSD because of the types of trauma they are likely to experience. The following traumatic events have the highest likelihood of leading to PTSD, and the top two of these traumas are more likely to be experienced by women:

• Sexual assault and rape
• Domestic violence
• Severe or life-threatening trauma
• Traumatic injury

Other risk factors for PTSD in women include

• History of mental health problems (anxiety, depression, etc.)
• Having a severe reaction at the time of the trauma
• The sudden death of a loved one
• Experiencing stressful events after the trauma
• Living through previous traumas
• Sexual abuse or neglect in childhood
• A tendency to blame themselves for the trauma
• Lack of adequate social support

PTSD Symptoms in Women: Postpartum PTSD

The act of childbirth can cause PTSD symptoms in women. Births that are unusually painful or involve one or more threats of serious injury or death to the mother, baby, or both can lead to postpartum PTSD. These symptoms can involve excessive:

• Fear
• Sense of helplessness
• Horror
• Flashbacks
• Difficulty sleeping
• Difficulty concentrating

After giving birth, about one-third of women experience some PTSD symptoms, and approximately three- to seven percent of women develop full PTSD after childbirth (Leeder, 2015).

PTSD Symptoms in Women: The Female Brain

Women are at greater risk of sexual assault and domestic violence, and they are at greater risks for experiencing the effects of these assaults. The unique female brain and stress responses can cause PTSD symptoms in women.

The notion of “fight-or-flight” is fairly well known as a human response to threat or stressors. When threatened, the brain goes into overdrive and prepares people to fight the threat or to run. This is indeed accurate, but Sutton (2011) describes an instinctive stress response that is more accurate for women than is fight or flight: when faced with a threat or a stressor, the female brain reacts to promote the actions of “tend-and-befriend.”

To promote the tending-and-befriending response to a threat, a woman’s brain’s limbic system is activated. The limbic system is largely associated with emotions. Rather than being overpowered by a need to battle or to flee, women’s emotions are activated. These are intended to promote caring, compassion, and a desire to help, but sometimes the emotions are in line with the symptoms of PTSD. The female brain’s limbic system and tend-and-befriend stress response can explain PTSD symptoms in women.

The female brain is involved in PTSD in women in another way, too. Compared to men, women have higher levels of the hormone pituitary adenylate cyclase-activating polypeptide (PACAP). This hormone has been found to be present in PTSD, so the fact that PACAP is higher in females to begin with indicates that gender and the brain play a role in the development of PTSD in women.

PTSD in Women: Protective Factors

Certain risk factors, as well as the female brain itself, lend insights into why some women develop PTSD symptoms or full-blown PTSD. It seems that women are more vulnerable than men to developing PTSD. However, it also seems that women are generally more willing and able to seek out support and recovery help (The Recovery Ranch, 2012). Some protective factors women have in dealing with PTSD are:

• Willingness to be open about feelings and experiences
• Willingness to seek help (PTSD Treatments: PTSD Therapy, PTSD Medications Can Help)
• Ability to create support networks that include professionals, friends and PTSD support groups

Many things cause some women to develop PTSD symptoms, and many things make these same women able to recover fully. PTSD or PTSD symptoms in women don’t have to last a lifetime (How Long Does PTSD Last? Does PTSD Ever Go Away?).

article references