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October 8th was International Lesbian Day, and in celebration of this day, I thought I would cover one of my favorite topics: lesbian breakups. Breaking up is hard, no matter your gender or sexuality. I know because I've lived all along the gender and sexuality spectrum, and I've survived a lot of breakups. I've had breakups with straight men, gay men, bisexual men, bisexual women, and, oh, lesbians. Hands down, the most challenging breakup I've had has been with my most recent lesbian-identified relationship.
One thing life guarantees is that there will be changes in recovery. As fall rolls in, I've reflected on all the changes that come with a new season (temperature, holidays, sunlight, etc.) Life is full of changes, whether environmental (like the seasons), personal, or professional. Changes are difficult for anyone but can be especially difficult for those recovering from a mental illness. So, during change, I ask myself, "What can I do to find a sense of stability and handle my anxiety?"
We each have successes in our lives, but can we use our successes to increase self-esteem? We all have made goals and achieved them, whether small or large. Yet oftentimes, we overlook these successes when life gets to be overwhelming. Have you forgotten your own successes, or even your inherent worth, when life gets to be too much? In today's post, I would like to remind all of us that self-esteem can be boosted by our successes.
Saying goodbye is not something I enjoy. It is something I typically avoid. Writing a goodbye letter to a space that gave me a voice makes me feel gutted and afraid. One of my favorite writers says, "People and opportunities come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." Writing "Debunking Addiction" happened during a season when I didn't have adequate support on my sobriety journey. I needed a space to openly and honestly communicate my experiences as an alcohol-free human living in an alcohol-obsessed culture.
Initially, facing verbal abuse made me angry. Each individual can have many different experiences when facing verbal abuse. These circumstances can create a multitude of side effects, ranging from mild to extreme. In some cases, victims of verbal abuse may be angry, lash out at others, and continue the unhealthy cycle.
As a recovering gambling addict, I understand that vulnerabilities play a significant role in amplifying the allure of gambling. Addiction knows no bounds; it is not limited to age, gender, financial standing, or background. However, some are more susceptible to gambling addiction due to their vulnerabilities.
It can be hard to remember that hope is medicine. When someone is first diagnosed with a mental health condition, it can be difficult to accept, and it can seem as if the life you once knew is no longer possible or accessible to you. That's what it was like when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features. I had a similar reaction when I was later diagnosed with chronic paranoid schizophrenia. But now I know that even with schizophrenia, hope is medicine.
It's important to manage boundaries in borderline personality disorder. I'm someone living with borderline personality disorder (BPD), and I've got a tendency to enmesh with my loved ones. Enmeshment in relationships refers to a dysfunctional pattern of relating where boundaries between individuals are unclear, and personal identities become blurred or fused together. In enmeshed relationships, individuals may have difficulty distinguishing their own thoughts, feelings, and needs from those of their partner or family member. In my case, my BPD causes me to fear rejection the closer I get to someone. The temptation to blend in and go with the flow just to secure acceptance is real. But here's where managing boundaries in BPD swoops in to save the day.
What comes to mind when you imagine practicing meditation? Is it sitting cross-legged in silence as the outside world races by? Is it clearing your mind of all thoughts in the hope of attaining enlightenment? The truth is that meditation practices come in many different forms and can provide various benefits for anyone seeking inner calm and self-discovery.
In my experience, eczema and mental health can be linked. In my early to mid-20s, I enjoyed wearing makeup and scented lotions. I didn't think much about the chemicals in these products because there didn't appear to be a reason for concern. But when I was 27, I developed painful eczema rashes that changed my perception of chemicals and mental health. To learn about my experience with eczema and how it affected my mental health, continue reading this post.
but i do have some things i want to bring up
>people looking for "sourcemates" never really made sense to us, but we got manipulated into it anyway and all it ensued was gaslighting, brainwashing, and grooming. it has put us in abusive relationships many times until we put our foot down about it. though, i have seen people use "sourcecalling" as "hey we have the same source we got introjected from lol" and not "I SHARE MEMORIES FROM ANOTHER WORLD WITH YOU", so im glad that's dying down a bit.
however, this doesnt change the fact that some of us fictives can have these fake memories, especially after splitting since that disorients us/the alter, it is just important not to fuel them, as that would be delusion, and it has hurt us many times.
it is important to steer away from these beliefs, but also know some of those people could be being manipulated right now by fakers (like how we were manipulated ie) etc.
>"endogenic" is completely made up and scientifically impossible. endos claim they do not need any trauma at all to form did/osdd, this is far from true. i dont think you need me to tell you that though, it's just for people scrolling by mostly.
>a lot of people try to loop tulpamancy into did, which is harmful for both the disorder and the spiritual practice. a lot of people call themself "tulpagenic" system, meaning they think they just manifested their system willfully. this is, like endogenic, scientifically impossible, and tulpamancy has nothing to do with a dissociation disorder at all.
>i also disagree with people posting about their "system", ESPECIALLY on tiktok, like its some show or diary for them. not only is it extremely harmful for that system if they happened to be a real system making a bad decision - but if the person is faking being a system, then now they are spreading false info on did, which is why us as a real system get slurred and screamed at by people we called "friends" anytime we tell them after knowing them for a year or so. it is messed up and i agree with the disdain for tiktok.
>for us, some of our fictives formed off of recent medias we have seen before having a traumatic or dissociative experience. our brain i guess picks up stuff like that and thinks whatever qualities the fictional character had would be helpful to us and put it in an empty shell and formed that alter, which has always confused us and made us get scared of faking despite or diagnosis process. ive met confirmed diagnosed systems who also have this experience. none of us picks what the fictive is based on or when they form, the brain is a mystery. ive also come to conclusions autistic systems have higher chances of having more fictives/general introjects than non-introject alters.
>anyone who claims they "recently became a system" might be confused on their wording or how it works, or they might really just be faking. some people are newly discovered, which is VERY VERY VERY normal for us with DID. we usually wont notice it until we are older or something very drastic happens (being hospitalized because of a persecutor ie.) for us, we began to notice weird things more in 2018, then found out about it in 2020. which was awful. when you finally figure out what could be wrong, and then get medically recognized or a diagnosis, its both hell internally and socially, and this usually happens when you are a child/preteen/teen, which makes it even harder and people make a lot of bad and unhealthy mistakes with how to cope (like getting manipulated or being waayyy too open about it/using tiktok like a diary.)
>for alters "already knowing the ropes of the system", this has always made us very distrusting of other people, but there are many factors as to why that can possibly happen, or just at least to a short degree.
-they might be an osdd-1b system, meaning they have little to no amnesia, or just emotional amnesia.
-when they split, another alter or that system's friend already explained everything to them internally/privately, so of course you wouldnt see that.
-alters split from each other, so that can leave to those two alters having a lot of similarities, along with a few key memories that alter may have as an instinct in order to survive or function.
what ive found is its best to not fakeclaim a system based on a few things you know about them because of how different each system is. they could be a did system, an osdd-1a system, or a osdd-1b system - so if you were one of the three, you wouldnt be able to really understand the other two. many systems can also have different traumas, experiences, coping mechanisms, and their medical history (other disorders the body has, if they have a therapist or not, what theyve done to cope with did/osdd, etc.)
the only time i ever fakeclaim someone on this is if they are spewing factually proven incorrect statements as true, and maybe even putting ACTUAL true statements down, but i find it's best not to interact with fakers, as they are usually just baiting and they will never change their mind for you. it's best to just research correctly, (did-research.org is a good source.), and make sure you spread the correct info and tell people to watch out for endos/myths. though, i have seen cases where "endos" were manipulated into thinking they were endo (by someone giving them the wrong definition, usually being "endo means u dont remember trauma!" [ which is incorrect, that is still traumagenic.]) or they are in denial of their trauma. it's best not to assume, and arguing with endos is draining, so as i said, its better to educate generally than to argue directly.
this was long, but i hope any of this helps.
As a fictive, yes, we KNOW we arent the character. we are fully aware of that. while i do agree i and most others in our system HEAVILY dislike the "sourcecall" "sharing memories" stuff, as it never made sense to us, and even then when we blindly followed it somewhat, it was used to abuse us. so you are correct about that and i hope other systems who are newly diagnosed/process of diagnosis do not fall into the rabbit hole we did, but i should make it clear to you that most of us fictives DO experience these fake memories, especially when a fictive newly splits, a split in general leaves the alters and system disoriented and confused. a lot of DID communities online fueled our "psuedo memories" and it only harmed us.
fictives DO experience these fake memories, having them doesn't invalidate the existence. you just need to not fuel these "memories" because it can be harmful for that alter to the whole system. sorry that this was long, but a lot of your comments were borderline fakeclaiming fictives, which are proven to be real. yes, some fictives can be convinced they ARE the character, but it's them and their system's responsibility to alert them of the truth, instead of the entire concept of our (fictives) existence being claimed to be fake.