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As I tried to come up with a topic for this blog post, my mind spun a web of negative thoughts. I realized that the deadline for publication was looming. Like many weeks, I scolded myself for procrastinating. Then I started thinking about unrelated issues like my work performance, unmet goals, rejection, friendships, and relationships. Depression tortured me with lies that I will reveal in this post. Here are five of the lies my depression has told me and what I have learned from them.
My schizoaffective disorder tells me a lot of bad things about myself and makes me think I’m a bad person. Here are some of the ways that I feel like a bad person because of my schizoaffective disorder and how I fight back.
When facing repetitive verbal abuse, you may wonder if abusers can change and become loving and supportive people. Can a verbally abusive person change and stop using hurtful words and intimidation on others? Of course, the answer will depend on the individual and their dedication to embracing change.
It's hard to be happy when you struggle with anxiety. Anxiety, in and of itself, contradicts happiness. If you think about it, when you're happy, you're experiencing positive emotions. But when you're anxious, you're experiencing fear, uncertainty, worry, and doubt.
When faced with a difficult situation, it can be overwhelming and sometimes lead to low self-esteem and self-doubt. This makes it hard to stay motivated and confident. In my experience, it is important to develop coping mechanisms that help you over the long term because everyone experiences difficult times in their lives.
I celebrate life's journey -- some days more than others.
Leaving verbal abuse behind is hard. Verbal abuse can be traumatic for individuals of any age, regardless of how much exposure there is to this harmful behavior. Of course, each person is unique and will react in different ways when facing verbal abuse. These responses can determine how effective it is to leave verbal abuse behind and move toward a healthy and happy life.
People often hide their depression well. We don’t want to worry our loved ones. We fear being judged and stigmatized—even now when mental illness is much better understood and accepted than in decades past. We may see our disease as a weakness, something that we need to tackle alone. Maybe we’re in denial, hiding our depression not only from others but from ourselves.
I'm demisexual—I'll explain what that is. The first sign that I was on the asexual spectrum was back when I was in middle school. I remember driving in the car with my mom getting annoyed as I listened to the radio. Every song was about sex, love, or drugs. I didn't understand why the themes for music were so narrow. People could sing about anything, yet they would always sing about the same old things. I off-handedly said, "Why is every song about sex? Can't they sing about something else?"
This year, I started training for a particularly ambitious fitness goal: a 10-day trek in the Himalayan Mountains. In October 2023, I will travel to Nepal and embark on the adventure of a lifetime, but first, I need to acclimate to hiking in extreme weather conditions at the highest altitude on earth. That's no small feat for someone who lives in Phoenix, Arizona, a desert with minimal elevation.
Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry you're having such overwhelming experiences. That sounds hard.
I would say that when I get really wrapped up in talking to myself because of hypomania, it's similar but I don't feel like I'm in an imagined place or dreaming. That's the part that may be concerning.
If you're experiencing distress because of these experiences, you absolutely should tell your doctor -- and make it clear that it's causing your distress. It does sounds like it falls into the mild psychosis category, but that doesn't occur with cyclothymia. That only occurs in bipolar I. Of course, you may be experiencing bipolar and psychotic symptoms, just in an unusual way. (There is a category of bipolar disorder for this called "Other Specified Bipolar and Related Disorder.") https://www.healthyplace.com/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-types/what-are-the-types-of-bipolar-disorder
Experiences like that are normally treated with antipsychotics. A low dose of one of those medications may be just what you need. Antipsychotics are serious medication, though, so you want to carefully consider whether you think it's worth taking them. Thoroughly discussing your options with your doctor should help you make that decision: https://www.healthyplace.com/thought-disorders/schizophrenia-articles/antipsychotic-medications-for-treating-psychotic-illness
If you choose to go down the medication route, go slowly and continually assess along the way. There are many antipsychotics available, so it can take time to find the right one for you.
It's really good that you've recognized these issues in yourself. Now you can work on lessening them.
Good luck.
-- Natasha Tracy