Blogs
Today was supposed to be the first day of my new, improved life. I made an appointment to see a therapist about helping me develop coping mechanisms toward the stress in my life. What I got was a therapist who spewed words at me like yoga, massage, acupuncture and journaling. Okay, lady, I’ve heard those all before! I need something that I can do internally to help my problem. Self help in a little bottle would be nice, but I’m not expecting miracles here. I just want good internal self talk that will point me in the direction of bipolar recovery.
A popular complaint for adults with ADHD is "I just can't get my act together!" What is not commonly known is that both the underachievers and overachievers with ADHD share the same complaint. How can that be?
Everyone reading this is probably looking for a way to be cured from anxiety. I have found that when I focus on words such as "cure" and "recovery," it tends to lead to disappointments. If I am doing really well, I may feel that I am close to recovery. Then if I get hit with a setback, I am really upset because I thought I was doing better.
Instead, I focus on finding the hidden lessons within the setback and use it to move forward. My philosophy is to treat anxiety as if you may have it the rest of your life. If you do this, you can learn ways to reduce and manage the anxiety symptoms so that you can still live a happy fulfilling life.
When our family fell down what I think of as the "rabbit hole" of mental health treatment, there were two things I most wanted: information and companionship. I wanted to understand the illness and treatments, and I wanted not to feel alone.
I couldn’t get to sleep last night. My mind was too full. I’m planning to go back to school and there is so much to do. There’s the financial aspect, there’s what I’m going to do with the girls, there’s applications and FAFSA’s to fill out. My biggest worry, though, is whether or not I can do it. Am I capable enough to go back to school and be successful despite my bipolar? Is it possible to even be making these plans not knowing if my bipolar disorder is going to be under control enough to do it? I’m not getting any younger. If I want to enter the work force and become a mental health advocate, I need to do it soon or I’ll regret it.
I never thought I would become a full-time mental health activist, but during my daughter’s recovery from anorexia nervosa I was shaken by the lack of science-based information and support for caregivers of this disease. I remember, even in my despair, believing that it didn’t need to be that difficult and frightening to find good care.
I absolutely must stop people pleasing. I'm stressed right now because I am in a situation where I have to make a decision that no matter how I slice it, I am going to disappoint someone. Because much of my anxiety revolves around the fear of being judged by others, this is really be stressful and triggers much anxiety. I am what you call a people-pleaser, and I need to stop it.
ADHD type behavior has a long history of not quite fitting with the label applied to it. Now there's talk of a new label. What does it all mean?
I put my plants out on the sill to enjoy the sunshine while I haven’t glanced, but a few times, at the sunlight. I’ve lost the bounce that I had yesterday. I don’t know where it went. The Lithium has calmed down. It will probably be that way for awhile until it settles into nothingness and I’ll once again have to increase it in the dream that it will achieve bipolar stability. Oh, if it wasn’t for the damn shakes, I would be stable right now! If I increased my Geodon, I would feel as close to normal as I’ve felt since before my diagnosis. But, instead, I’m trying to slowly increase my Lithium. Please bring me bipolar stability without the shakes!
It is said by those in the know that adults with ADHD have a low tolerance for frustration leading to road-rage. That they are impatient and quickly prone to think "Oh, no! Here we go again!" Then they either withdraw, or get behind a wheel and take their anger out on the world like I used to do. I say "used to" because my mother reads this and we wouldn't want her to get the wrong idea. My daughters on the other hand . . . well, it's too late for them. My frustration and road rage is an event that just can't hide.
You are absolutely correct when you said, "They're still going to act like people." People are people who will act in ways we wish they wouldn't -- even the ones closest to us. That statement can be a large pill to swallow, yet it is one that we need to get down if we want to sustain our mental health. I have a specific page in my journal that lists things I can control and can't. I often look at it to remind myself that I can't control other people's actions, choices, or feelings.