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I Have Bipolar – Will Anyone Ever Love Me?

February 28, 2013 Natasha Tracy

Recently I was contacted by someone who was unfortunately going through a divorce. He felt that his spouse left him because he was bipolar. He asked me the question that so many people with a mental illness have asked themselves: I’m bipolar – will anyone ever love me?

Well, I can’t tell the future, but I do know a few things about love.

Yup, People with Bipolar Love

I know many people with bipolar disorder who love deeply. OK, I am a person with bipolar disorder that loves deeply.

People with bipolar disorder couple, live together, marry, have children and participate in relationships, just like everyone else. I’ve known some of these people. And from what I can tell, people with bipolar disorder have the same chance as everyone else of being in a happy coupling.

Do Others Love People with Bipolar Disorder?

In a word, yes. People fall in love with people with bipolar disorder every day. Seriously. I’ve seen them do it. People fall head-over-heels, emotional faceplant, birds-are-chiping in love with people with bipolar disorder.

You Have the Ability to Love and to Be Loved

Because in the end, people don’t fall in love with you because of a single line in your biography. People don’t fall in love with you because of your hair color, because you can walk or because your cells are mutation-free. People fall in love with you. The you that is you. The you that is all parts of you wrapped up into one neat little fleshy package.

And remember, no one would question whether others with a disability or disease could be loved – of course they can. Can people in a wheelchair be loved? Can people with cancer? Can people with seizure disorders? No one would doubt for a moment that these people are as loveable as everyone else and yet us, with a brain disorder suffer from doubt.

Is bipolar disorder an issue in a relationship? Yes, of course it is, but it isn’t an insurmountable one nor is it an all-defining one. Every person has challenges some of our just happen to be defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

Love is tough to find even for the most well among us, but Love Happens, just like bipolar disorder.

You can find Natasha Tracy on Facebook or GooglePlus or @Natasha_Tracy on Twitter.

APA Reference
Tracy, N. (2013, February 28). I Have Bipolar – Will Anyone Ever Love Me?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, August 25 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2013/02/have-bipolar-will-anyone-love-me



Author: Natasha Tracy

Natasha Tracy is a renowned speaker, award-winning advocate and author of Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar.

Find Natasha Tracy on her blog, Bipolar BurbleTwitter, Instagram and Facebook.

esther cohn
says:
September, 1 2016 at 9:47 am
I too, was diagnosed with bipolar 2, at age 46!! I know what's all about. I went to a psyciatrist because Iwas so down and couldn't sleep at all. I was focused on the release of a soldier that was in captivity and was released after years of abuse and mental abuse. I got locked into his release and the mania got worse. My kids I guess were used to seeing me moody, with emotional disregulation so many yrs. I'm feeling better, more fuctional with 2 new med's: Lamictal, a mood stabilizer and Viepax, an anti- depressant. I suffer from anxiety and self destructive behavior towards myself: nail biting daily,, hair pulling, eyebrows are gone. I use eyebrow shadow. I would like to correspond with anyone with a similar diagnosis.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Samantha O
says:
July, 3 2017 at 7:24 am
contact me, I am 47 with a recent diagnosis of BP2. I would love to be able to speak to you, I know it's a few months on from this but would be good to talk...I don't know if that's allowed..but if it is email cherished_toad@yahoo.co.uk
honja4ever
says:
August, 30 2016 at 9:18 pm
I was diagnosed with bp 2 today, I'm 22 years old... I'm still unsure of what this mean for me, I live with my father who is also bipolar and I fear ending up like him - divorced and alone. In retrospect, my collection of short and/or toxic relationships makes more sense now... but highlights a doubt I was already experiencing throught said relationships - my ability to love. Does BP 1 &/ 2 have any correlation with lack of empathy?
dannyblaszczyk!
says:
July, 26 2016 at 10:43 am
I have the same issue. It is if I have become untouchable. I suffer bp 2 and I struggle everyday. I think it is a simple act of not wanting to understand. I am still me, just slightly mad.
debbie
says:
March, 8 2016 at 1:59 pm
My husband of 34 years now says that because of my "condition" (bipolar2) that I am unable to give or receive love. He has withdrawn from me and all I have is cuddles on the couch before bed. No touching, no intimacy, no words of love, etc. Has this happened to anyone else???
Stacy
says:
March, 7 2016 at 5:16 pm
I'm 46 with bipolar 2, I'm not sure anymore would want to be with me since my ex husband told me he couldn't deal with me being sick anymore. After over 9 years of marriage I never saw this coming & now I feel completely unlovable & that I'm too broken for any man to love me as is. I just want to be someone's everything & their whole world. Guess that's too much to ask for. I mean I don't want to be me or be bipolar either & I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy!!!
Bipolarloney
says:
January, 23 2016 at 11:16 pm
Im 32 and bipolar. Ive only really had 1 proper relationship, couple years ago. Had a breakdown and it caused the end of the relationship.

I have pretty much no social life. Would love a few friends to hang out with, 1 would be good, at least to hang out occasionally. But the "friends" I have never call, text or msg unless I do and even if theres a social thing going on im never invited. I feel a lot of time my "friends" see me as an embarrasment they dont want around incase i say the "wrong" thing.

Cant remember the last time i had a conversation about something i was interested. I do my best in social situations asking things like how are you? What you upto? Hows work? Always one way though. And when I do try talking about things im interested im met with boredom and lack of interest and more often than note a sigh and a look saying "when you gonna stfu".

I dunno what my point is just wanted to vent really its been a rough new year, which i started with hope but its been smashed out of me.

Sorry.
Harvey
says:
November, 16 2015 at 3:40 pm
Hi to All, i want to share this, i 'm gay, and i have a partner, at first i dont understand him, we always or i say almost everyday we fight or argue, he emotionally hurt me about the words came out in his mouth, and also physically, he puched me, he pushed me on stairs, but i love him so much even he is like that, i can't let him go, i can't, then i remember that when we dated he said that he is a bipolar, then i searched how to deal with the bipolar ones, maybe i cant cure him, but i can only do and only know is to love him, i like him and love him, were still together, hope we can stay forever, i dont want to lose him, even i dont know if he love him too, but he said he love me also, even though i can't really see on him if it's true, maybe he is not showy, hope he realize that, i always trying to undesrtand him. I LOVE HIM
chris
says:
October, 9 2014 at 11:54 am
Dear AM, I know how you feel , I spent 2 years after my divorce in a depression I would never wish on someone else. Most days I belive that I was ment to be alone but I still have hope even tho it feels like wishful thinking. I hope that you keep trying as will i but also think maby you will meet them today.


If you ever need to chat just email me christopherlockett87@gmail.com
Every one needs a friend.
AM
says:
October, 4 2014 at 1:01 pm
I am bipolar and going through a separation that I'm being told will lead to divorce by my husband. I can't find anything on surviving divorce with bipolar only on how a person deals with divorcing someone with BD. It feels like its taking longer than and is deeper than the person in the same situation without BD. I don't want to make things worse but I fell apart when my husband first left and four months later I can't seem to pull my life together. I fall apart all over again and that makes me fall apart. I'm quitting my jobs cause when I am well enough to work, (rarely these days) they trigger depression over my marriage falling apart. When I manic I am up all night spinning with uncontrollable thoughts of the situation and when I try to relax or divert my attention elsewhere, it doesn't seem to work. My new meds are anti-depressants. I check in with my doctors regularly but its the day to day that gets me.I think they worked the first week but not in this situation anymore, any personal experience with this that might assist me.
david
says:
September, 22 2014 at 7:03 am
I'm 20 and was diagnosed with bipolar only a year ago (however I've been.struggling with bipolar for who knows how long) for years I just thought I was crazy but the diagnosis made me feel a lot better. It has been hard for me even on medication and I found I have been holding off from dating ever since my diagnosis. I just feel like I would be a burden to a girl if I started dating her and I don't even know how/when I would tell her I'm bipolar. While part of me doesn't want to date, another part of me just wants to love and be loved. I dated a girl all throughout highschool and it always helped to have someone there for me during my ups or downs but I constantly ask myself the question; can someone love me again? Why would they pick me when they could find a "normal" guy
Alexis
says:
September, 13 2014 at 11:53 am
Nicole, if he isn't stable yet then when depression hits he is going to isolate. He doesn't have any energy to respond and he might not even know what to say. I would send him a message that you look forward to hearing from him. He'll get a hold of you when he feels better. That would be a good time to ask him. The thing is that if he's not stable his deleting you is not necessarily rational nor does it have anything to do with you. You can let him know what you said here, that you just want to support him. However, bipolar people pull in during depression and do not ask for help. You would need to be physically near him, IMO. You also would need to have build up enough trust that he felt okay with you seeing him at his worst.
Alexis
says:
September, 13 2014 at 11:46 am
You can be bipolar and find love. I am bipolar. I work hard to keep stable. I stay aware of my moods. I think about how my moods and actions will affect others. I take my medications. I try to do social rhythm therapy. Eating Gluten free also helped me. I have been married for over 11 years and have 4 kids. I have a close friend that is bipolar with 2 kids. They have been married over 8 years.
Val
says:
August, 28 2014 at 8:57 am
Carla, I am 53 years old and have just been diagnosed as bipolar II. I can tell you that the big thing with me is that I isolate, isolate, isolate. I do not want people to see me like this. I am constantly bouncing all over the place and not only do others notice it, I notice it as well. It is very frightening. I am hoping the meds will balance me out. As far as your man not giving you any type of answer regarding your relationship, he probably cannot at this time. I have gone through (and still go through) having a terrible time making any type of decision whatsoever. I knew things were bad when I got into the habit of checking with my daughter every time I had to make even the simplest decision. It is unfortunately a disease that causes guilt and shame because you cannot will it to be better. I am still coming to terms with this diagnosis and hope I will be able to control it in the future. I quit my job because I could not handle the stress. It is a constant cycle (for me anyway) of feeling out of control of my life, unlovable, and worried about becoming a burden to my children. It is truly awful.
Nicole
says:
August, 28 2014 at 5:15 am
Hey. So I was wondering if one of you could help me understand what is happening. Here is the backstory. So I met a boy and we started talking a lot over text messenger and Facebook. We hadn't met in person since he was back home over break, but we seemed to be really compatible over technology.

Anyways fast forward a few weeks and he deletes me from everything. Facebook, Skype, and even League of Legends. And I was like, what did I do wrong that he felt the need to delete me from his life. So I sent him a few text messages and then a final one saying that being ignored makes me feel terrible and how I don't deserve that. and the thing is that he replies. He tells me that he has manic depression and he goes through periods of loneliness, and that is what happened. He deleted me from his life for a while due to his illness and he said he was in the process of changing medication, but that it should even out.

So of course I couldn't be mad at him for that. Its not his fault. I get that. So when he comes back from break we finally meet and the chemistry was there. So we went out a few times and then he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. So we recently started dating and then out of the blue. He deletes me from his life again. So I haven't heard from him in three days and this time he deleted me from Facebook, snapchat, and isn't replying to my messages.

I have no idea how to proceed. I really like him and I am willing to comfort him when he needs it or give him space when he needs it, but how do I bring him back from these periods of loneliness. I am willing to put in the work for this relationship and I know that some of the things that he will do, he can not always control and I accept that. I just want to understand why he feels the need to delete me from his life. Thanks for listening to my story.
gregg
says:
August, 1 2014 at 5:23 pm
It is so nice to have a friendly community on line, Thank you Natasha for having these topics,
Yes medication is key I have been bipolar my whole life, the whole thing is management , Just as you would want someone to love you, you have to love you just the same. Yes Human touch is key for me right now, but maybe since I have not had a hug kiss or hand hold for a year does that mean its the end, no!!!! life has away of letting you handle only the things you can, I have been threw 2 marriages , yup my fault, i can say that because it really does not matter it is two people. Yes soon to be 52 , and alone I have to make choices am I going to allow this to consume me, or can I take the right steps to free myself from this. I have been posting on this site for a couple of days, my key was to stop drinking and other bad things and focus on me,, Its okay I am bipolar wow cats out of the bag. Please everyone it is okay no matter how severe you are there is treatment out there, Yes my name is Gregg one day I will find my mate or girlfriend , but for today all i got is hope love and a open mind to just learn.
We are all humans different, as long as we manage our disorder everything is okay and if you feel overwhelmed contact your crisis center, nothing to be ashamed about. peace to all thanks for the great comments
AJ
says:
July, 15 2014 at 6:50 am
Bipolars can have a normal life as long as they are aware of the illness, so they can control their episodes. A therapist is needed. I have a friend bipolar and he is happily married with kids. On the other hand I have a female friend who is not aware of her illness. Very sweet woman, very intelligent but she cannot have healthy loving relationships. They need to be aware of their condition in order to function properly.
Carla
says:
July, 14 2014 at 1:22 pm
Lost_Soul

george

Thank both of you for your reply. To be honest I am not anything special. Just someone who loves an ill person. At this moment I have lost a bit of hope. I have heard that he has written a poem to his past love lamenting on how he will always love her and posted it on facebook even though they had a bad break up. He had done the same in the past before we met and I do understand that ruminating is part of the depressed side of the disorder. She lives in another state and they have no contact plus it's been almost two years since the break but yea it still hurts pretty bad. I am assuming that at this point although he has started meds a few months ago that he is still all over the place. He still has not returned to class and I am not even sure if he will. I have been emailing a bipolar gentleman I found online that runs a blog and he has really helped me understand the disorder. The one thing he continues to reiterated to me is that I can not take anything an unwell bipolar says, does or thinks personally as the mind is feeding him lies. The one thing I am certain of is that he was baseline when we met as he took several months to even ask me out and took it slow. He never made any claims of love or grandiose plans so I feel that his emotions towards me were real. Whether he will get those back remains to be seen as I have heard that it could take months to years for him to find the right blend of medicine. My friend has suggested that I keep in touch even if I have to show up unannounced and beat on his door but to keep it on a friend basis but at this point I am not real comfortable with that approach. For now I am giving it a few more months ( it's been 3 already) and then will most likely move on if things don't show signs of improving. At this point really all I can do. You both sound like great guys and I am sure there is someone out there for you. I truly believe the key to the illness is acceptance and consistency with adhering to meds and therapy. I feel like he is a step ahead because of his willingness to do those things.
Lost_Soul
says:
July, 12 2014 at 7:39 am
Carla, I wish there were more women like you. You seem so affectionate and caring. I'm sure your guy loves you and that's the reason he doesn't want to get you involved in his issues. Many people out there are not as supportive and compassionate as you and he's probably scared that you may not be able to understand him. He may be afraid of losing you forever. It's very difficult to fight Bipolar disorder alone and having a person like you helping him deal with it can be crucial. I think you should make him understand that you'll always be there for him. I'm sure that once he gets himself together he'll call you again. I've read terrible stories on the Intnernet about break ups and divorces due to BPD and I'm gradually losing hope that some woman will ever love me. Sometimes I think how miserable life is without having a significant other and that makes me feel even worse. Anyway, take care because you are an incredible human being.
george
says:
July, 11 2014 at 2:31 am
Hi Carla, your welcome ,he sounds like a nice guy, at least he has an idea that he affects you,my whole thing was i got to involved with a person (friend) with bipolar and later she told me she was bpd also,so after two years of being friends and trying to help her i got discarded,so i read a little of that in your post, what is helping me is art therapy,and my al-anon meetings, i read in one book,and i don"t have the whole quote in front of me,(when a solution does come we find it was our desires that changed)...(when i get a chance i will post the whole quote))its good you are reading here,and learning about this illness,i liked writing a reply to your post,george
Carla
says:
July, 10 2014 at 9:28 am
Thanks George, I guess I should have phrased that a bit different. He knows how I feel and that I am willing to wait. I also am aware that he is not in a position to be in a relationship right now with all he is going through. I think the hardest part is that he hasn't given me a definitive answer as to whether he wants to try again. He has said repeatedly that he doesn't want to hurt me anymore or bring me into the things he is dealing with right now. At this point I don't know if his lack of contact is due to him being more stressed knowing he is hurting me or whether he just doesn't care and lost interest. He is the type that overthinks everything which makes things harder. I also wondered that because of the bipolar and all the stuff that he has dealt with in 3 months his concept of "time" is different. What seems like a long 3 months of no contact to me may seem like a shorter amount of time to him due to everything. I am trying to move on but it is a lot harder without getting any closure and having no idea where his head is at.
george
says:
July, 10 2014 at 2:11 am
Its good you train with a coac,hcarla, so i am guessing you are into some sport, so thats good you get exercise,if you feel someone holds your future in your hands ,and there not responding to your feelings thats not good whatever excuse bi-polar bpd npd ppd adhd or any other disorder. so that might help answer your question in your first post,will my bipolar man ever be able to love me back.the question i would ask is how long do i want to put my life on hold,also there is no closure,please just give yourself some time to be yourself again,i hope i am not implying anything here,george
Carla
says:
July, 9 2014 at 11:53 am
Initially he was diagnosed with Vitamin D deficiency in January and ADHD five years ago. When he went into depression the therapist diagnosed him with bipolar. He has told me that he had what was believed to be a nervous breakdown a few years ago. So I can only go on what he told me the last time I seen him. It would be easier to handle if we had actually broken up. I have given him several chances to close the door to the relationship but he has said he wanted me in his life and that I needed to decide if I could live with the Bipolar because he couldn't do it. Of course the last time when I wanted to know if he would eventually want to try again he only said he would think about it. Never said I don't want you to wait but that he doesn't expect me to. I do believe that at the time with the side effects and slow progress he had lost some hope. He has told me that they are taking things very slow. He has also alluded to past traumas that he has only told his therapist about. We both train under the same coach and neither one of us is willing to move as the instructor only takes on specific students and he is one of the best so avoiding each other completely is not an option. I am just working on moving on for now but will try to stay open to the future. I know he is a good person that has lost his way. not much else I can do. It just is so hard when someone else holds your future in their hands.
george
says:
July, 9 2014 at 7:56 am
I feel for you missing him, but this could have nothing to do with bipolar,it sounds to me like a different disorder, of which you can research here on the homepage,try to think of the break up as a good thing.
Carla
says:
July, 8 2014 at 8:51 pm
I am 23 and fallen in love with a guy 6 years my senior. Things were great the first 2 month. He broke up telling me he loved me deeply but he felt he was going through a midlife crisis, we were back together within a week. The next two months were a bit harder as his gut told him that he shouldn't be in a relationship but that he liked me and wanted to be with me ( this he told me several times) He knew something was wrong and was seeing a therapist. The fifth month he began to pull away and the last date we had he told me he was indifferent to the relationship, had intimacy issues, no sense of accomplishment with us etc. all classic depression signs and that he may seem distant for a while. He never outright broke up. He eventually stopped all contact and blocked me on social media even quit coming to mutual classes. This is when I assumed it was over and returned some heirlooms he had given me. He seemed shocked and thought we were on a break, told me he had been depressed and just diagnosed with bipolar (I am only the second person he has told)He said he wanted me in his life and asked if he could call in the future to which I agreed. Since then I have seen him twice in class and told him that I was willing to wait but just wanted to know if he was wanting to try again in the future so I didn't wait for nothing. His response was "I'll think about it". It has been three months since our last date. Six weeks since I returned his gifts. I have heard from friends that he has been ill and had bad side effects from the meds(tremors)and possibly suffered a fall and been put in a different position at work. So after three months since our last date I have seen him a total of three times for a few minutes, texted once with no response and finally called using a different number to check on him. He answered but the conversation was short. He has never said he doesn't want me in his life, yet I seem to be the only one that he has pushed away so completely. Although friends and teachers know he has been ill they are not aware with what and they all seem to think that we are still talking to each other. This has put me in an awkward position being constantly asked if I have heard form him etc. I have kept his treatment of me quiet though and pretty much just suffer in silence. The only people who know are my family as they see the pain and confusion it has caused me. I have read as much as I can about the disorder and have been hopeful that things will work out. I am sure that when we first dated he was stable and am positive he was falling in love but feel that it may have caused a hypomanic stage. The last few days however as I have heard that he seems to be doing better and is in communication with people again I find myself feeling hopeless as the silence between us is becoming more deafening. I live in fear of not acting and pushing him away or pushing him away by acting to soon. I find myself doubting whether he ever cared or if "we" were just part of the disorder. I am hurt beyond explanation but I am not angry. For me there is nothing to forgive. I understand that he has gone through hell and is dealing with accepting his disorder and what his future can be. But he is hurting me more than he ever has with his inaction and not allowing me to be his support as he is my best friend and I was the one that he bared his soul to. So in my case the question is not will he ever be able to be loved as a bipolar man. But rather will my bipolar man ever be able to love me back?
Molly
says:
July, 6 2014 at 5:21 am
I'm not sure yet what my diagnosis is, but I'm being treated for hypothyroidism and Bipolar. being treated as in I tried to kill myself and the mental hospital has me on Levothyroxine and Lithium. I need to go back and get my blood levels tested to see if its even working. I have struggled with something for 13 yrs. and I always felt this deep deep sadness that I would never be truly loved. Now I'm feeling like I was right. I now feel like I'm under the microscope to those around me and all they see us my disease. I feel like a disease. I know Id rather die than be alone forever. That is one thing I never ever wanted was to be alone.
Alex
says:
June, 23 2014 at 6:36 am
My wife is bipolar 1 with violent outbreaks. She works in the entertainment industry which doesn't help her stress levels. We have many challenges and I have suffered emotional and in one instance physical abuse, however I love her unconditionally and understand her illness. There is hope for love if you face this illness honestly and without fear. You have to work with your partner and have open communication. When you start to feel yourself slipping into depression, anger, hopelessness you have to trust your partner to help you through. Regular exercise, health diets, counseling and meds are not an option. You must do your part to fight the illness. You can have love but you must show your partner you are willing to fight for it. Keep your heads up. If anyone needs to talk this through you can tweet me @alexthekoby
Bibiana
says:
June, 21 2014 at 4:09 am
Here I am, nearly a year later! My boyfriend and I, who both have mental health issues, are doing well. We are actually happy, although that took some time. The answer? Each of us is deeply committed to recovery. And if both people are doing that, love is definetely possible. May all of you find the love and caring you seek.
D
says:
May, 20 2014 at 2:42 pm
Well, 30 years ago, I thought I might be bipolar. I took some meds for awhile but couldn't tell much difference. After the past 30 years of living my life alone, I guess chasing others away and wondering why I was so different, I am seeking treatment again, both with meds and cognitive behavioral therapy. I am sick with how I have wasted my life, what the next 20 years will likely be, alone. And, the fear that I have passed this to my only offspring. I am devastated.
Ryan
says:
April, 2 2014 at 6:16 am
I just got diagnosed with Bipolar II. I left my girlfriend because she suffered with me over the last 1.5 years not knowing what was going on. It wasn't fair to her that I missed so many important dates. Now that I'm on the path to treatment, I feel so alone and wish somebody could come along and just help me with this short little detour in my life. It's just a detour. I have a tenacity to never quit until I'm satisfied, but I'm so worried that I'll never be loved.
Nathaniel
says:
February, 24 2014 at 12:43 pm
Get "past", not "passed. Doi!
Nathaniel
says:
February, 24 2014 at 9:04 am
I've been thinking about this article on and off for the past year.

Here's my input; It is better to be realistic about all of this. A sober inventory, as it were. Bipolar is a huge detriment, one which most people will not get passed. A deal breaker for most. The deck is stacked against us in a way, in an impossibly heartbreaking way.

We chase away the people who love us, and we are a nightmare for the people who can't flee as readily.

To mischaracterize bipolar disorder as just another relationship issue, tedious in its banality and mundanity, as common as toilet seats or bouncing a check, is to do a disservice to all of us who suffer through the unique and rather extreme burdens of this disease. The toll it takes on us, on those we love, and on those who love us, is extraordinary.
judy
says:
September, 29 2013 at 5:59 pm
I mean "from" not "crom".
judy
says:
September, 29 2013 at 9:33 am
Someone commented that Buddhism is a non-judgemental spiritual path. I had to laugh because the most judgement I have ever received came from someone with buddhist leanings. Don't get me wrong. I do believe that there is much to be learned crom its teachings, but it seems this person still had a long way to go.

A fundamentalist is a fundamentalist is a fundamentalist - no matter what your faith is.
judy
says:
September, 29 2013 at 7:49 am
"Because in the end, people don’t fall in love with you because of a single line in your biography."

Perhaps, but they will certainly hate you for it. That is my experience anyway.
Bibiana
says:
September, 18 2013 at 7:08 pm
The dilemma of being bipolar and wanting to find love:if you date another person with a mental illness, it seems to compound your own issues. If you date a 'normal' person, they often get impatient with your issues. I do not know the answer. I am currently dating someone with a mental illness. I don't doubt that he loves me, and he is kind to me.But I find my own everyday life hard to deal with, and I regret to say that I get tired of HIS problems. I am thinking of leaving him. If I do leave I probably will choose to remain alone. After all, what normal man could deal with someone who really has no income, suffers from depression, pl has a very low energy level, and. who can't travel?
.
i am jimmy
says:
July, 24 2013 at 1:48 pm
well, im bipolar, rapid cycler, been so since 15, and im 30. been married for 4 years, and its falling part, but it has more to do with two wrong people than mental illness.
it can be done, but not without meds.
would i date a bipolar chick? yeah, assuming she was taking meds.
M. LaVora Perry
says:
June, 26 2013 at 4:09 pm
Ash#2 I hope you are getting some type of psychotherapy. You definitely can overcome your feelings of unworthiness if you commit to doing so and work on it. Therapy helps with that. Finding the right spiritual path for you can help as well. For instance, you could look into Buddhism. It's non-judgmental.

As someone who lived most of my life in the dark about what was "wrong" with me, I was relieved to learn of my diagnosis at 49. Discovering that I actually had a real illness explained so much about my life, behavior and relentless depressions.

So, from where I stand, you are lucky to be treated at such a young age. Some doctors believe early treatment protects your brain and reduces the total number of episodes over a lifetime.

If you want, please check out my "Bipolar Diary" on my website (http://bit.ly/10mg28u). Oh, and BTW, I've been married for 20 years and have three teens with my husband.

Being bipolar doesn't have to prevent you from doing anything, including getting into a relationship. In fact, I think being bipolar can make you more empathetic to other's suffering, and that's a good thing.
M. LaVora Perry
says:
June, 26 2013 at 3:40 pm
Ash#2 I hope you are getting some type of psychotherapy. You definitely can overcome your feelings of unworthiness if you commit to doing so and work on it. Therapy helps with that. Finding the right spiritual path for you can help as well. For instance, you could look into Buddhism. It's non-judgmental.

As someone who lived most of my life in the dark about what was "wrong" with me, I was relieved to learn of my diagnosis at 49. Discovering that I actually had a real illness explained so much about my life, behavior and relentless depressions.

So, from where I stand, you are lucky to be treated at such a young age. Some doctors believe early treatment protects your brain and reducing the total episodes over a lifetime.

If you want, please check out my diary to read about my bipolar journey. Oh, and BTW, I've been married for 20 years and have three teens with my husband.

Being bipolar doesn't have to prevent you from doing anything, including getting into a relationship. In fact, I think being bipolar can make you more empathetic to other's suffering, and that's a good thing.
Ash#2
says:
June, 24 2013 at 7:25 pm
I was diagnosed 2 years ago at the age of 23 with bipolar disorder type I after suffering in a family crisis, and subsequently began to panic and lose my mind without anyone realizing it. Then boom, I was in a psych hospital for almost 2 weeks and I hated it. My friends loved me and supported me. My best friend called me every day while I was there. When I was released, my other friends were there for me, too. Psychotic behavior and symptoms had never touched me, and I always keep healthy relationships and have academic success. Why did this diagnosis have to happen? Who would ever want to marry me? I ask myself this whenever I have a hope of meeting a good man. I think I'm a lovely, warm, and funny person to be around, and my friends would agree, but meeting someone new and beginning with honesty, saying, "I'd like you to know that I have bipolar I due to having a psychotic episode. Any questions you have for me or my psychiatrist before we move forward with this relationship?" Whenever I discuss my concerns about finding a quality husband to love me with my doctor (or even myself) I'm just in tears, like I am now. That's why I searched right now. To see if others overcame this fear. It's been 2 years and I still breakdown and cry when discussing my family crisis and the consequences of my diagnosis. How can I work this out? How can I overcome feeling like I truly am 'damaged goods.' I'm a good friend, but as a wife, that's a different sort of relationship, am I right? Seriously, who out there has been there and overcame this feeling? Seriously, I want to hear what he/she has to say if they succeeded in feeling worthy without someone telling them. Because even if someone who loved me said I was wonderful, I would still bawl my eyes out. Want me, mental illness and all? I want to deal with this before I try to work it out with a partner. @Natasha, how can I get a grip?
rosie
says:
May, 9 2013 at 5:08 am
I was diagnosed almost 2 years ago, recently rediagnosed to bipolar I. I worry about this all the time. I worry that he won't be able to deal with me anymore, or give up on me, or that I will hurt him [emotionally by being unpleasant to be around] and take advantage of him. Its so embarrassing because he is so accomplished and I feel like I am constantly running behind him. he makes it look so easy. I worry he will upgrade and leave me. I know he loves me though. I just hope its not too much or unfair

but the hope is that I am bipolar 1, super disorganized and not too independent, and someone loves me unconditionally and is patient with me. So don't give up on yourselves. Sometimes what makes us different makes us more beautiful. My last boyfriend said that he loves the way I think and that I see the world so differently from anyone else he has met. Its true for all of you too. Don't forget how beautiful our minds make us. Don't forget the high level of empathy and creativity we all probably have too. GO READ A FIRST RATE MADNESS - it is about how bipolar and other mental illness have helped people to rule the world for the better
standinguptomyillness
says:
March, 31 2013 at 8:12 pm
thanks for the article, natasha!
Miranda vd Broek
says:
March, 26 2013 at 1:55 am
I am (very happily) married for 9 years, together for 14 years and diagnosed with bipolar for 13 years. Like Susie, by the way, I had a previous boyfriend who was diagnosed with bipolar a few years after me. I'm glad that I'm the only bipolar one in our marriage though.... Tricky enough, at times. My husband likes his structure and lets me take initiative in family life. Perfect!
Anissa Markel
says:
March, 21 2013 at 3:07 pm
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder after having my son, which was 5 months ago. My fiance and I where very happy until my mood swings got worse and worse. Well now we are not together because he couldn't handle "my issues". All I wanted him to do was read up on how to handle people with Bipolar Disorder and Manic Depression. Well didn't work out and now I am alone. I guess when you fall in love with someone who doesn't have it and then they get it out of no where; you find out you don't really love that person anymore....well at least that's how I feel.
Susie
says:
March, 15 2013 at 5:46 pm
I am 40 years old and bipolar II, diagnosed 12 years ago. I'm divorced, but the issue was that my husband was a jerk more than my disease.
At any rate, does anyone know anything about marriage between two people with bipolar? I'm pretty sure at least two of my old boyfriends had it, and we understood each other pretty well. Or does it become a case of two crazy people bringing each other down and not a good idea?
lisa newbert
says:
March, 6 2013 at 10:20 am
im a wife with bipolar and need to learn more about it
Beth
says:
March, 4 2013 at 4:48 am
Thanks for such a hopeful article, I too, was sure I was "damaged goods" and was prepared to live out my life as a single woman. My husband of over 20 years left after my first big crisis that ended in a commitment to the state psych hospital, so of course I was sure I had no future in a relationship. But 5 years later, I met and fell in love with a kind man - the hardest thing to do was to tell him I was bi-polar. I was sure I'd never hear from him again. Instead, he called the next day, said he'd like to keep seeing me, all he asked was that I follow my treatment plan and not "fight" him if he thought I needed inpatient care. We have now been happily married for over 2 years - he's been through it all with me and still says he feels blessed to have me in his life...who knew? :)
ElainaJ
says:
March, 3 2013 at 11:48 am
It is absolutely possible to be in a loving relationship and have bipolar disorder. I have severe ultra-rapid cycling bipolar disorder AND I have an amazingly supportive boyfriend. We have lived together for 2 years and been together for 3&1/2. Sometimes it's "crazy" but he doesn't use that word, never that word. He loves me when I am depressed, he loves me when I am manic, and he loves me when I am just normal ElainaJ. People with bipolar disorder need to know they are loveable and have so much love to give.
Glenn Cummins
says:
March, 3 2013 at 10:46 am
Very nice article. I myself have decided to forgo relationships. It's unfair to expect someone else to be a part of my bipolar journey from Hell. I can't always be the "50" in a 50/50 relationship. And so I've decided that my remaining days will be spent alone. I am happy for others who can be a part of meaningful relationships. I just wouldn't wish myself on anyone.
MollyMoo42
says:
March, 3 2013 at 10:07 am
I ask myself this same question all the time, usually while sobbing and hugging my dog. People have proven disappointing throughout life but rescuing my shelter dog is the best decision I've ever made. He loves me & gets me up out of bed, dressed, and out the door, even on my darkest most depressed days.

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