Family and child counseling helps families and the individuals within them create and sustain a healthy, nurturing environment for both parents and children (and anyone else living in the home). All families experience ups and downs, bumps and potholes. That is a normal part of life. If these challenges become a problem, creating dysfunction and interfering in quality life, family and child counseling can help.

The Goals and Beliefs of Family and Child Counseling

A goal of family and child counseling is for the therapist and family “to work together to heal any mental, emotional, or psychological problems tearing your family apart.”

Family therapy has a unique way of conceptualizing issues and the people having them. If you seek counseling for your child, the therapist will focus primarily on your child and their difficulties. While they do talk to and include family members, child therapists concentrate on the child.

Family therapists see things a bit differently. They view each individual as a part of a whole (the family). Family systems therapists believe that individual struggles can be overcome within the context of the entire family. Family members grow individually and the family unit functions in a healthier way when people are seen not as separate pieces but as components of a larger, connected group.

Behaviors are interrelated. If a child is experiencing behavior problems on the playground, for example, these problem behaviors come from the child and also from the family unit. Interaction patterns in a family impact all family members, so it makes sense that healing involves everyone. Parent and child counselors seek to help families understand each other, implement conflict resolution skills, and support each other.

Purpose of Family and Child Therapy: What Issues Can Be Helped?

During therapy, family members work together to develop the necessary tools for family health and healing.

Parent and child therapy helps families with a wide range of difficulties, including:

• Stressful events that tax a family members’ ability to cope, such as ongoing financial problems, death, divorce, natural disasters, etc.
• Mental health concerns of one or more family members, like depression, eating disorders, substance abuse, and more
• Everyday problems that include communication difficulties, stress, overscheduled kids, and others
• Child or adolescent behavior problems
• LGBTQ issues
• Marital conflicts
• Grieving/loss
• Domestic violence

The purpose of family and child counseling is to provide support and assistance to all family members and the family as a unit during difficult times. This type of therapy also exists to help everyone address mental or behavioral health problems for the individual experiencing them and the family who is impacted by them.

Benefits of Family and Child Counseling for Your Family

When all family members attend counseling together, they can benefit from it in many ways. This list shows some of the major benefits of family and child counseling:

• Improved communication among family members
• Increased problem-solving abilities
• Decrease in specific difficulties in the home, at your child’s school, with friends, etc.
• Fostering a sense of togetherness, cohesiveness, and mutual support
• Improved conflict resolution skills
• Decreasing tension and stress in the family
• Learning forgiveness and acceptance
• Building honesty and trust
• Deepened understanding of family dynamics, boundaries, and limits
• Growing empathy among family members, for every family member

Many parents and children report after family and child counseling that they feel closer to each other, more supportive, and better able to communicate in a positive, healthy fashion. Like any therapy, it won’t solve every problem, but it will give families the tools they need to solve problems together and well.

article references

Study finds that many parents know when their child has a mental illness.

Around half of all children whose parents have concerns about their mental health have a diagnosable mental health problem, according to research from the Institute of Psychiatry in London. If the child's teachers have similar concerns then the chances that the child is suffering from mental illness are even greater.

Dr. Tamsin Ford and colleagues from the Institute of Psychiatry investigated how accurately parents are able to identify that their child has a mental health problem such as an emotional disorder, ADHD or other conduct disorder. The team surveyed 10,438 children aged between 5 and 15 living in Great Britain. Information from the children and their parents and teachers was gathered using interviews and questionnaires and assessed to determine whether the child had a diagnosable mental health problem.

Mental health problems 'unlikely to be missed' by parents

The study also found that it is uncommon for parents not to notice a mental health problem in their child. In only 5% of cases where parents expressed no concerns about their son or daughter's mental health was a diagnosable condition actually present. (more: signs of mental health problems in children)

Parents' ability to identify mental illness in their children

Parents were best able to identify the presence of conduct disorder in their children. 46% of parents reporting behavioral problems had correctly identified a diagnosable disorder. 28% correctly identified the presence of an emotional disorder and 23% of parents had correctly identified the presence of ADHD. Sometimes parents were worried that their child had behavior problems, and in fact these were a manifestation of a different type of psychiatric disorder.

ADHD and teachers' predictive power

While 23% of children whose parents were worried about their child's concentration and activity level did actually have ADHD, 62% of children whose parent and teacher expressed concern were diagnosed as having ADHD. Given the extra 'predictive power' of the concerns of teachers, Dr. Ford and her colleagues suggest that health practitioners should inquire about the level of concern at a child's school when a parent expresses worries about their child's attention or activity levels.

Lack of services for children and adolescents

While half of the children whose parents had concerns about their mental health had a diagnosable condition, Dr. Ford and her team believe that many of the children about whom concern was expressed may still have some form of disorder but to a lesser extent than allowed a diagnosis to be made. It is difficult for parents in this position to get treatment for their children as priority is given to more severe, diagnosable forms.

Self-help packages

Dr. Ford recommends that in these 'non-diagnosable' cases, children should be encouraged to use self-help packages available in the form of books and web sites. The Youth In Mind (www.youthinmind.info) web site, run by one of the project researchers, contains links to helpful web sites and offers an online questionnaire that helps to identify psychological disorders in children.

Sources:

• Institute of Psychiatry, King's College London
• South London and Maudsley NHS Trust

The largest and most up-to-date study of suicides among depressed veterans provides important new data that may help guide screening and treatment for all veterans.

A new study finds that the predictors of suicide among veterans in depression treatment differ from those seen in the general American population, with younger, white, non-Hispanic men having the highest risk among the veterans.

Veterans with substance abuse issues, and those who had been hospitalized for psychiatric reasons in the year before their depression diagnosis, also had a higher suicide risk. Surprisingly, older veterans who had been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder in addition to depression had a lower overall rate of suicide than those without a PTSD diagnosis, perhaps because they were more likely to receive care through Veterans Affairs PTSD programs.

Though the study did not directly compare populations of veterans and non-veterans receiving treatment for depression, the study does confirm that suicide rates were very high among depressed VA patients during the study period of 1999 to 2004, reinforcing the need for the VA's recent initiatives to prevent suicide.

The study, conducted by researchers from the VA Ann Arbor Healthcare System and the University of Michigan Health System and U-M Depression Center , will appear in the December American Journal of Public Health issue focused on veterans' issues.

The researchers analyzed comprehensive data from 807,694 veterans of all ages diagnosed with depression and treated at any Veterans Affairs facility nationwide between 1999 and 2004. The data are from the VA's National Registry for Depression, developed and maintained by the Serious Mental Illness Treatment Research and Evaluation Center at the VA Ann Arbor's Health Services Research and Development Center of Excellence.

In all, the researchers found that 1,683 of the depressed veterans committed suicide during the study period, representing 0.21 percent of the depressed veterans studied. They then analyzed the characteristics of all the depressed veterans who committed suicide, and calculated suicide hazard ratios and suicide rates per 100,000 person-years for each subgroup.

"Doctors learn about patient characteristics that might increase risk of suicide," says first author Kara Zivin, Ph.D., a VA investigator and assistant professor in the U-M Department of Psychiatry. "Typically, these are older age, male gender, and white race, as well as depression, and medical or substance abuse issues. But our study indicates that among veterans in depression treatment, the predictors of suicide may not be the same. We hope our findings will help guide physicians in understanding suicide risk among currently depressed veterans."

Zivin and senior author Marcia Valenstein, M.D., an associate professor of psychiatry at U-M and leader of this study, note that these data are but the first of many findings that will likely emerge from analysis of the VA data.

"We are also examining whether there are specific periods during depression treatment when veterans are at higher risk and might need higher levels of monitoring," says Valenstein. "In addition, we are examining whether different types of depression treatments, such as different antidepressants or sleeping medications, are associated with different rates of suicide."

The study divided veterans into three age groups: 18 to 44 years, 45 to 64 years, and 65 years or older. It did not assess whether they had served in combat during a particular conflict, although the existence of a disability connected to military service was considered.

Interestingly, the depressed veterans who did not have a service-connected disability were more likely to commit suicide than those with a service-connected disability. This may be due to greater access to treatments among service-connected veterans, or more stable incomes due to compensation payments.

For their analysis, the researchers included all veterans who had received at least two diagnoses of depression during the study period, or had received both a diagnosis of depression and filled a prescription for an antidepressant. Veterans with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorders were not included because of their different prognoses compared with people who have "unipolar" depression. In all, the analysis included data from 807,694 of the 1.5 million veterans diagnosed with depression since 1997.

When the researchers calculated suicide rates over the entire 5.5 year study period, they were much higher for men (89.5 per 100,000 person-years) than for women (28.9), and higher for whites (95 per 100,000 PY) than for African Americans (27) and veterans of other races (56.1). Veterans of Hispanic origin had a lower rate (46.28 per 100,000 PY) of suicide than those not of Hispanic origin (86.8). Adjusted hazard ratios also reflected these differences.

The difference in rates among depressed veterans of different age groups was striking, with 18-44-year-olds committing suicide at a rate of 94.98 suicides per 100,000 person-years, compared with 77.93 for the middle age group and 90 for the oldest age group.

The initial findings revealed a suicide rate of 68.16 per 100,000 PY for depressed veterans who also had PTSD, compared with a rate of 90.66 for those who did not. This surprising finding led the researchers to dig deeper and look at whether specific subgroups of depressed veterans with PTSD had higher or lower suicide risk. Further examination demonstrated that the "protective" effect of having PTSD in addition to depression was strongest among veterans in the two older age groups.

The authors say their study does not reveal a reason for this "protective" effect, but they theorize that it may be due to the high level of attention to PTSD treatment in the VA system and the greater likelihood that patients with PTSD will receive psychotherapy. More study is necessary, they say.

In addition to Zivin and Valenstein, the study's authors are Myra Kim, Ph.D., John F. McCarthy, Ph.D., Karen Austin, MPH, Katherine Hoggatt, Ph.D., and Heather Walters, M.S., all of the VA, Ann Arbor , the U-M Medical School or the U-M School of Public Health. Zivin, Valenstein and McCarthy are members of the U-M Depression Center . The study was funded by the Department of Veterans Affairs.

Reference: American Journal of Public Health, Dec. 2007, Vol. 97, No. 12, October 30, 2007

Source: University of Michigan press release

Parenting fails are better thought of as parenting mistakes. While the term is common and used loosely online, real “fails” are extreme errors with dire consequences. A true parenting failure usually results in parents losing their kids. A parenting fail is an incident in which you make a mistake; this isn’t failure as a parent.

Honest parenting fails are, perhaps surprisingly, positive opportunities for parents and kids alike. Additionally, you can recover from your errors and mishaps. If you’re looking for ways to bounce back from your own mistakes as a parent, read on.

What Are Some Examples of Parenting Fails?

Mallory, a young, first-time mother, shares her story of a parenting fail that made her feel guilty and like the world’s worst parent.

“As I walked with my toddler, I held her hand to keep her safe. I tripped and sprawled across the sidewalk. Because I was holding her hand, my daughter also fell and slid on the concrete, scraping her fingers, wrist, and arms. My fail ended up being minor in the long run, but in the moment, I felt so guilty and like a complete parenting failure.”  

There are many other types of parenting fails. Some involve thinking patterns. One that is common to nearly every parent is being hard on yourself for your mistakes. Beating yourself up and thinking in terms of “should” (you “should” have done something differently, you “should” be more patient) keeps you in your head, feeling bad, and not fully present for your kids. This perfectionistic thinking is itself a fail. Kids don’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be their mom or dad ("‘Good Enough Parenting’ Has Its Time and Place").

Comparing yourself to others is a similar thought trap that can make you feel like a parenting failure. Watching other parents and finding ways you don’t measure up is a parenting fail that makes you miserable. Bemoaning “Person X would have…” and “Person Y could never…” or, even worse, “Why can’t I be more like Person Z?” Acting like yourself instead of copying other parents is never a fail; however, negative comparisons are a failure in that they undermine your confidence in your ability to raise your children.

Parent guilt at following through with a consequence is a fail you don’t have room for in your family life. If you told your child that you two couldn’t go to the movie if he didn’t clean his room, and then he chose not to clean his room, by following through with your consequence, you’re teaching important life lessons. Sure, it’s disappointing to both of you to miss the movie, but it isn’t a fail and doesn’t warrant parent guilt. Be proud that you are teaching responsibility, that actions have consequences, and you’re not a pushover.

So many incidents daily can cause parents to focus on their fails. Mistakes, though, can be positive.

Parenting Fails Can Be Good for Both Parents and Children

When parents make mistakes, it helps kids develop in mentally healthy ways. It helps moms and dads grow as parents, too. Some ways that fails are good:

• Your imperfections give your kids permission to be less than perfect, too.
• Mistakes teach kids how to handle their blunders and life’s ups and downs.
• They create an opportunity for laughter. Seeing the humor in an unexpected problem provides stress relief for everyone and helps kids avoid taking things too seriously.

Even when your perspective is positive and you acknowledge that kids learn from your mistakes, fails can still sting. You can turn a bad situation into a better one and recover from parenting fails.

How to Recover from Parenting Fails

Your attitude and actions are important. They demonstrate to kids how they can respond to their own fails, and they help you bounce back quickly after a misstep. Consider these tips for slip-up recovery:

• Remember your relationship with your children. Building and preserving that is more important than mistake-free parenting. Healthy relationships mean loving each other despite mistakes.
• Reflect on your fail, identify what when wrong, how you handled it, and how your kids reacted. How will you respond differently next time? Then let it go.
• Yes, there will be a next time. When you’re experiencing parent guilt or are worrying over a mistake, remember that mistakes happen. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to change your actions in the future.
• Forgive yourself. You forgive your kids and start over fresh with them. Do the same for yourself. It’s good for your self-esteem and mental health, and it’s good role-modeling for your kids so they can do the same.

Parenting fails happen. It’s okay that you make mistakes because you and your kids can grow from them. You can recover from parenting fails in a mentally healthy way (read some Parenting Quotes for inspiration.).

article references

Grieving for a child who has been sexually abused is similar to other forms of grief.

The following is a description of the progressive stages of grief observed in most parents who are dealing with the sexual abuse of their child. The progressive stages of grief apply to non-offending parents or family members.

1) Denial - It is a normal reaction for any parent to have some amount of denial when first hearing the highly emotional news that their young child was sexually abused. Over time as more facts unfold and conversations occur about the sexual abuse, denial usually gives way to the next stage of grief.

2) Anger - Once parental acceptance of at least some of the facts surrounding the sexual abuse has begun, anger will follow. This anger could be directed towards the perpetrator, child or parental self. This anger includes a realization of the "losses" that the parent will face as a secondary victim of their child's sexual abuse. Non-offending parents appear to suffer more losses. For example, if the perpetrator is a stepparent or live-in partner, he/she would likely be asked to leave the home and as a result the non-offending parent faces loss of companionship and finances.

3) Bargaining - Parents move from anger to a bargaining stage as greater acceptance of the sexual abuse occurs. Parents now accept the fact that the sexual abuse occurred but begin to struggle with the level of impact the sexual abuse had on the child and family and the need for recovery. Bargaining occurs when parents look and hope for a fast and less painful recovery. In doing so they may try to minimize the impact of the sexual abuse and unintentionally give messages that it will just go away.

4) Depression or Sadness - A normal response to serious changes suddenly forced upon one's life is sadness and depression. As parents move through this stage they come to realize the extent of changes and degree of impact on the child and family resulting from the sexual abuse. Parents in this stage acknowledge that recovery could be a long term process and that the sexual abuse is not going to go away. Non-offending parents appear to experience the effects of this stage to a greater degree than parents of extrafamilial sexual abuse.

5) Acceptance - Parents who enter this stage are accepting of the facts and the impact of the sexual abuse. Recovery and healing processes are no longer feared by the parent(s). Parents in this final stage realize and acknowledge that their child and family can survive the losses, changes and recovery process.

Sources:

• Dane County Commission on Sensitive Crimes

Having parenting goals and expectations for your children is an important part of raising kids in a way that follows your values. It’s essential, though, that those goals and expectations be realistic. Trying to live up to standards that are impossible to meet is harmful to everyone’s mental health—parents and kids alike. It’s possible to find a balance between setting parenting goals and expectations for your children that are too exacting and setting the bar so low that you feel that you’re not doing what you want to do as a parent. Let’s look at realistic goals and expectations that are healthy for your family.

While each family is unique and parents will create goals and expectations that work for their own family, there are certain key elements of goalsetting that are universal. First and foremost when creating parenting goals and expectations for your kids, think of the three Rs:

• Relationship: The quality and integrity of your relationships with your children is paramount and serves to guide you in your goals.
• Respect: Mutual respect is important for healthy family functioning. It’s a two-way street with parents and kids showing each other respect in their words and actions.
• Reframe: Replacing a demand for perfection with acceptance of imperfection and the attitude that things are “good enough” helps ensure that goals and expectations pass the reality test.

With these principles leading the way, you’re ready to create expectations and goals.

Creating Realistic Parenting Goals: Values and Your Big Picture

Often, parents set parenting goals that focus on day-to-day demands of child-raising. Many goals deal with discipline approaches, how to enforce expectations, and other structured approaches to daily life.

Such aims are fine to incorporate, but they’re incomplete. When shaping your goals for how you’ll parent your child, think of the bigger picture. How do you want your relationship to be now, as they grow, and when they’re off on their own as adults? Centering on your quality relationship with your kids will help keep your goals realistic, for if they’re too exacting, they’ll risk damaging the positive relationship you’re working to build and preserve.

Use these guidelines for creating realistic parenting goals for yourself:

• Identify your core values regarding how you want your kids to be. Honest? Responsible? Active in the community? Life-long learner? Your values will shape your goals and actions.
• “Discipline” means to teach rather than to punish. With that in mind, how do you want to discipline your children? How will you reinforce what’s important?
• How do you want to be with your kids? How do you want to make them feel?
• How will your kids know that you respect them? How will you know when your kids are respecting you?

Spending time developing and clarifying your parenting goals and values will help you move to the next step. Those goals will shape the expectations you have for your kids.

Have Expectations for Your Kids That Pass the Reality Test

Expectations are what we require of our children both short-term (daily) and long-term (through the years as they grow and develop). These can be tricky to create. If they’re undefined or too lax, kids will believe that rules are unimportant or that they’re not good enough to uphold them. This can negatively affect self-esteem, motivation, and behavior.

On the other hand, if parental expectations are too high, beyond what kids that age are capable of, children can become frustrated, discouraged, and give up. Like expectations that are too low, those that are too high are harmful to children and the relationship they have with you.

For secure, emotionally healthy development, kids need to know that they’re accepted and that they’re simply good enough. Part of a parent’s job is to foster a safe and nurturing environment for their kids. Unrealistic expectations do the opposite. They communicate that kids must be perfect; anything less than that will be met with disapproval and negative consequences. In time, this creates a rift between kids and parents, and kids become less and less likely to come to parents for help or to confide in them.

Ensure That Parenting Goals and Expectations Pass the Reality Test

As you shape your parenting goals and expectations, continue to return to the three Rs. By forming everything around your relationship with your children, mutual respect, and a willingness to reframe expectations from a need for perfection to an acceptance of “good enough,” you’ll create a healthy, happy home environment in which your children learn responsibility while feeling valuable and safe to be themselves.

Goals and expectations pass the reality test when kids strive to meet their parents’ expectations while knowing that they can make mistakes. That is one of the biggest parenting goals of all.

See Also:

• What Is a Parenting Plan and How Do I Make One?
• ‘Good Enough Parenting’ Has Its Time and Place

article references

Parental rights and responsibilities are part of mothers’ and fathers’ role as their children’s caretakers. Parenting is one of the most important, wonderful, and difficult jobs you could have. You’re not without support and backing, from family, friends and other parenting resources. As a parent, you have rights and responsibilities to guide you and help you confidently raise your children the way you believe they should be raised.

Parental rights and responsibilities come from multiple sources, all valid and possessing authority in the child-raising arena. Sources such as these provide official input into what parents do to care for their kids:

• Psychological sources provide guidelines on child development, mental health, and wellbeing.
• Medical sources guide parents in pursuing adequate (at minimum) healthcare and wellness for their kids.
• Scientific sources, such as neurology, study the brain and how it matures and develops.
• Legal sources help parents know and understand the rights they have in raising their kids.
• Educational sources provide recommendations regarding kids’ schooling as they grow.

Most of these fields have professional organizations who create official recommendations for parental rights and responsibilities. Another important authority in delineating rights and responsibilities is parents themselves. Moms and dads know what’s best for their own children and their own family values. Learning about parental rights and responsibilities helps you shape your interactions with your children, and drawing on your own values, beliefs, and experiences will help you express your rights and fulfill your responsibilities as parents. Here’s a look at recommendations for parental responsibilities and rights.

What are Some Parenting Responsibilities?

The overarching responsibilities parents have is to raise children who are physically and mentally healthy, well-adjusted, successfully functioning adults. Specific parenting responsibilities help this positive development happen. These responsibilities include (in no particular order):

• Providing care and guidance
• Giving unconditional love
• Encouraging kids
• Teaching
• Disciplining
• Creating a safe, stable home environment
• Spending quality time with your kids daily
• Establishing and maintaining routines (mealtime, bedtime, bath time, etc.)
• Keeping kids healthy
• Ensuring regular dental visits (usually every six months)
• Taking kids for yearly eye exams
• Establishing proper sleep habits and routines
• Creating time for active, outdoor play
• Enrolling kids in school and making sure they receive a quality education
• Being involved in their children’s education
• Creating a dedicated, clutter-free space for homework
• Creating rules and enforcing them with logical consequences
• Setting limits and following through with them
• Interacting with kids in a way that helps them become independent
• Being present in children’s lives (actively listen, riding with them through the ups and downs of life)
• Doing your best every day where “best” varies from day to day, and “best” does not mean perfect ("‘Good Enough Parenting’ Has Its Time and Place")

Parenting carries with it many responsibilities; however, some things are not part of parental responsibilities. Among them:

• Trying to make your kids happy all the time
• Receiving approval from family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and strangers in the grocery store before making parenting choices
• Doing everything for your kids
• Being perfect; TV shows often portray perfect, idealistic parents and families (think Full House) but these shows are fiction and tv parents have a script

Parental responsibilities become easier to fulfill when you remember that with responsibilities come parental rights.

Parenting Rights to Help Parents Raise Their Kids

Parents have rights. These rights, though, exist not for the parents themselves but for the actions they need to take to raise their children. Parenting rights allow parents to fulfill their responsibilities in the way they see fit for their own family and personal values.

These rights are necessary because kids aren’t just miniature adults. They’re kids, which means that their neurological development isn’t complete until someone is between the ages of 23 and 25. Specifically, the frontal lobe takes until the twenties to mature, and this part of the brain is responsible for functions like assessing risks, strategizing, judgement, inhibition, reasoning, planning, and evaluating consequences. Whether they admit it or not, kids need the support, guidance, and input of their parent. The below rights allow parents to do their job.

Parental rights to the upbringing of children:

• Choose and direct spiritual or religious activity and beliefs
• Select schools and methods to educate kids in a way that aligns with parental goals
• Teach kids moral and cultural values
• Making certain decisions on behalf of children because children aren’t developmentally able to make fully informed, thought-out decisions
• Choose how they discipline their kids (but parents never have the right to abuse their children)
• Medical decision-making

Parenting rights and responsibilities complement each other. Rights exist to help parents fulfill their responsibilities. For example, one parenting responsibility is to support, nurture, and guide child development. The right to direct their own children’s upbringing and make suitable choices allows parents to meet this responsibility.

Knowing your parental rights and parental responsibilities will help you feel confident in creating your parenting plan and following through with it.

article references

Play therapy is a way of working with kids that meets them where they are. Because of their age and developmental stage, kids are limited in their ability to use words to express their thoughts, feelings, and both internal and external struggles. In play therapy, kids can use their natural language—play—to communicate with the therapist and work through issues.

Play therapy is designed primarily for children three to 16 years old. Play therapists do occasionally work with older teens and adults, however. This type of counseling for kids works with individual children as well as groups of children with similar issues. Also, it works equally well with boys and girls.

What, exactly, is this child-centered approach to therapy? Let’s explore it further, including the definition of play therapy, benefits, types, and more.

What is Play Therapy? Play Therapy Definition and Types

Play therapy for children is a counseling approach that uses an array of toys, games, art materials, sand trays, and other items that kids use to communicate. The Association for Play Therapy further states that it’s a systematic therapy provided by trained play therapists that prevents and resolves problems to help children grow and develop optimally. Simply put, play therapy is counseling that uses the power play to work with kids as they heal and grow.

Therapists use one of two general types of play therapy, depending on the theory that shapes their approach to healing, the personality of the child, or the particular struggle the child is dealing with. Play therapy types can be

• Directive, in which the therapist guides kids in the process of play, often seeking to teach a skill or behavior.
• Non-directive, which has the child take the lead while the therapist listens, watches, asks occasional questions or makes comments

If you are contemplating play therapy for your child, asking a therapist if they are directive or non-directive and why might be useful as you decide what is right for your child. Both types of play therapy have their place, and both offer benefits.

Benefits of Play Therapy

Play therapy lets kids do what comes naturally: play. The environment is structured yet relaxed, giving kids a safe place to be themselves. Building from this solid foundation, play therapy has numerous additional benefits. It:

• Is responsive to children’s needs
• Helps kids develop insight into their experiences and themselves
• Fosters problem-solving and coping skills
• Facilitates trust and connection with the therapist, even for children who don’t trust adults
• Provides a safe and acceptable way to act out anxiety or hostility
• Allows children to test limits and learn about consequences
• Teaches social skills
• Promotes healthy development: cognitive, language, emotional, behavioral

Play therapy is used with kids who have diagnosed emotional and behavioral disorders as well as for those experiencing various difficulties that aren’t disorders. Issues of behavior, emotions, and thoughts can all be helped by play therapy, including its themes.

What are Play Therapy Themes?

Play therapy themes are the meanings involved in therapy. Play therapy for children, while fun and games, isn’t all fun and games. It’s done with intention, for a purpose: discovery and resolution of difficulties. Two general types of themes help this happen: themes for the toys, and themes emerging from play.

Play therapy toys are chosen intentionally. They encourage communication and growth. Most play therapists have toys that fit into the following categories (note that these typically aren’t divided into categories in an office but are organized so kids can choose freely):

• Power and aggression
• Family relationships and nurturance
• Control and safety
• Exploration and mastery
• Interaction
• Sexualized play

The themes that emerge from a child’s play are numerous and varied. These themes are the result of the way a child communicates during therapy. Play therapists look for patterns in the play that help them understand the child. Then, the therapist uses these patterns and themes to help children process and understand their own experiences.

How Does Play Therapy Work?

Play therapy is a specific helping approach. To be a play therapist, someone must have an advanced degree in counseling or psychology as well as a special certification in play therapy. A therapist adheres to a play therapy theory that serves as a framework for how they see children and their problems as well as the most effective way to help them resolve those problems. Cognitive behavior play therapy is just one of many examples.

This child-centered helping approach works through different types of play therapy techniques and activities. Toys, games, puppets, storytelling, art, and various other objects are available for kids. In the play therapy room, their play has a positive purpose: to overcome cognitive, emotional, and behavior problems and thrive.

article references

Counseling for children exists for a reason. Being a child can be difficult, and so can being a parent. Struggles and stress happen. Not yet having developed the necessary skills to effectively problem solve, some kids act out disruptively and inadvertently worsen their struggles in what becomes a vicious cycle. Many times, parents are at a loss for what to do to help their child and to reduce stress and chaos at home.  All hope is not lost. Counseling for children helps both kids and families overcome problems and enjoy life once again.

Can it solve all the problems in the family? Counseling can make a big, positive difference, but it does have limitations. Let’s explore what it can and can’t do.

How Counseling for Children Can Improve Lives

Sometimes, kids have a hard time dealing with problems at home, school, or in various activities they’re involved in. Problem behaviors are often a signal that a child needs help. Not only do they lack effective problem-solving skills, kids also don’t have the words to talk about in detail what’s bothering them. Until they develop skills and tools that work, many kids do what they’ve always done: communicate distress through behavior (think of infants who cry to signal needs or toddlers who throw tantrums when frustrated). Older children with behavior problems are doing the same thing, just differently.

Counselors who work with children relate to them in an age-appropriate way to assist them in developing the skills and tools they need to handle the stressors in their lives. Counseling for children can help with a wide range of problems, such as:

• General problems where they spend their time (home, school, activities, etc.)
• Parents’ divorce
• Routine changes stemming from the birth or adoption of a sibling
• Sibling arguing/fighting
• General conflict at home
• Substance use in the home
• Refusal to listen or cooperate at home, school, elsewhere, or everywhere
• Recurring problems with routines such as morning, bedtime, or homework
• Bullying at school (whether your child is bullied or is bullying)
• Difficulty making and keeping friends

In child therapy, children will work to develop effective ways to communicate. They build other life skills, too, like problem-solving strategies to identify, understand, and deal with challenges; cooperation abilities; ways to positively express emotions; and other tools for getting along in their world. With better communication skills, behavior improvements typically follow.

Counseling can make a positive difference in the lives of children and families, but it isn’t a panacea. It has limits.

Counseling for Children Can’t Solve All Problems—Limitations of Child Therapy

Kids gain many life skills in counseling that can help them now and as they continue to grow. Their new skills help them get along better in their families and at school with teachers and peers. Counselors help them develop positive coping skills, but they can’t remove certain problems the child faces. Counseling won’t stop a divorce, for example, or remove a teacher a child doesn’t like. Nor can it force a coach to give a kid more playing time or make it so that they are invited to every birthday party. Counseling for children helps them handle negative situations, but it can’t make problems themselves disappear.

Counseling can help many children, but it isn’t helpful for all kids. If a child has a disruptive, impulse-control, or conduct disorder like oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), intermittent explosive disorder, or conduct disorder (CD), counseling doesn’t provide sufficient treatment as a stand-alone approach. Also, some neurodevelopment disorders like autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or learning disorders need treatments other than counseling alone.

Another limitation is the lack of support from home or school. Without it, child behavior counseling won’t be as successful as it could be. It’s important that parents and, ideally, teachers work with the therapist and child as a team. When everyone is on the same page and discipline approaches are consistent, there is a much better chance that the child’s behavior will improve.

One reason support from home and school is needed is the setting. Child counseling for behavior is done in an office. Then, a child leaves this artificial setting muted from outside problems and re-enters the “real” world. Kids can have difficulty transferring learned skills from counseling to the more chaotic and stimulating outside world. New behaviors take time to solidify with families and at school, so patience and understanding are important.

Kids, parents, families, and schools can benefit from counseling for children. Realistic expectations and support make the outcome even more positive.

article references

Determining how to discipline a child for misbehaving in school is something that most parents hope they never have to do. However, for kids, part of school involves learning how to behave in such a structured setting, how to get along well with others, and how to do the myriad of things that are expected of them every day. Considering this from a child’s perspective, adults just might realize how difficult it is to behave perfectly in every school situation. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t hold kids accountable for their misbehavior. To thrive, kids need to learn proper behavior. How you discipline your child for misbehaving in school influences their success.

How to Discipline a Child for Misbehaving at School: Start at the Source

Your child’s teacher reports that your son or daughter is getting into trouble and must be disciplined (appropriately, to discipline means to teach). It’s most effective when the discipline is centered on the place where behavior is a problem. You’ll reinforce actions at home, of course, but start the process at the school.

Develop a positive working relationship with your child’s teacher and other school personnel. Stopping a child’s misbehavior in school is most effective when the adults in their lives are on the same team working toward the good of the child.

To establish a good parent-teacher-school relationship, when the teacher first contacts you about your child, believe them. Listen fully and openly to their descriptions and reports about what’s happening with your child, and interact respectfully. Being defensive and argumentative makes the situation worse for everyone, including your child. This doesn’t mean, however, that you must accept everything the teacher says. If you have reason to believe the reports are inaccurate, have a calm, respectful talk with the teacher.

An excellent way to foster a positive relationship with the school is to be present. Volunteer in your child’s classroom or in other capacities in the school. Your presence shows your child you support them and that education is important to you. It shows the school, too, that you support their efforts to educate kids (including yours).

How Do You Discipline a Child for Misbehaving in School? Know Your Child

Understand your child deeply. You already know them at home, but kids are often different people at school. Having a positive working relationship with the teacher and volunteering in the classroom are very helpful in understanding your child’s school behavior.

Look beyond the misbehavior to uncover what fuels it:

• Does your child feel left out?
• Are they behind in their schoolwork and struggling to keep up?
• Are they under-challenged?
• When they act up at home, what’s the reason? Hunger? Exhaustion? Need for physical activity? These can provide clues to what drives school misbehavior and point to simple fixes.
• What works to redirect your child?
• What doesn’t work but makes things worse?

If kids are struggling in any way at school, they are at risk of frustration, boredom, anxiety, and depression—any of which can cause behavior problems. Some detective work to discover what’s happening is an important part of how to discipline your child for misbehaving at school.

Once you’ve deepened your understanding of your child and the situation at school, you can create a plan to replace misbehavior with cooperative, productive behavior.

Disciplining a Child Who Misbehaves at School: Positive Action

A child’s behavior can’t improve without purposeful action from parents and school alike. A concerted effort works best. Be consistent and form a united front regarding behavior expectations for your child.

At home, uphold classroom rules, such as walking rather than running or using an inside voice. Provide incentives at home to reinforce good school behavior. Focus on rewarding what your child is doing right, but do have logical consequences in place for misbehavior. You and your child’s teacher might decide that for breaking a given rule, your child will lose a privilege. Following through at home is a positive way to discipline a child for misbehaving at school.

Other tips for helping your child behave better at school include:

• Listen fully to your child to hear their whole story without judging.
• Keep your emotions out of it. Remain calm and connected to your child and the school, and work together to move forward.
• Provide emotional support for your child.
• At home, brainstorm good choices and practice acting them out.
• Avoid punishing as it reinforces negative emotions and behaviors.

It’s anxiety-provoking to received calls from the school informing you that your child is in trouble. Knowing how you discipline a child for misbehaving in school can reduce your parental worries as it increases your child’s positive behavior.

See Also:

• What Are Child Behavior Problems?
• What Behavior Modification Techniques Might Help My Child?
• Do You Really Know How to Discipline Your Child?

article references