Emotional and behavioral disorders are specific mental health disorders that cause extreme difficulties with both emotions and behaviors. They affect a child’s functioning in most or all areas of their life.  Emotional and behavioral disorders (E/BD) make it difficult for a child to regulate emotions and make appropriate behavior choices in a wide variety of situations.

An emotional and behavioral disorder negatively impacts a child’s ability to be successful in school, control feelings and actions, and generally be happy in life. These disorders affect the whole child— feelings, behaviors, social development, and cognitive functioning. Children living with an E/BD have a hard time coping with life’s numerous demands.

Emotional and Behavioral Disorders Definition

A definition of emotional and behavioral disorders in children includes these elements:

• A pattern of disruptive behaviors and emotions
• Intense and often prolonged emotions and behaviors
• Inhibited healthy functioning at home, in school, in social situations, and in other settings
• Long duration; the behaviors and emotional disturbances must last six months or longer

A word of caution is in order: Most, if not all, children exhibit strong emotions and disruptive behaviors occasionally. That’s normal and part of their developmental stages (such as tantrums in young children). Typical challenging behaviors and negative emotional reactions don’t indicate an emotional and behavioral disorder, but when they’re severe, frequent, and last beyond a certain age (such as tantrums beyond early childhood) there might be a deeper issue.

What, exactly, might that deeper issue be? Several different disorders fall under the E/BD umbrella.

Types of Emotional and Behavioral Disorders

The following disorders can occur in children over the age of five. While signs can be present before age five, a diagnosis is almost never made in very young children. Even in older children, these diagnoses are made only with extreme caution, as there is controversy around the notion of labeling children.

Children can be diagnosed with the following types of emotional and behavioral disorders:

• Anxiety disorders
• Bipolar disorder
• Psychotic disorders
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder
• Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder*
• Oppositional-defiant disorder
• Conduct disorder

(*note: Some mental health professionals and groups include ADHD among emotional and behavior disorders, while others do not but do list and recognize some symptoms of ADHD as part of behavioral disorders.)

Together, these disorders of behavior and emotions have distinct characteristics that set them apart from “typical” childhood misbehavior.

Characteristics of Emotional and Behavioral Disorders

Children with E/BD have distinct traits that set their emotions and behaviors apart from other, less extreme actions or feelings. These characteristics of the emotional and behavioral disorder can include:

• Impulsiveness
• Short attention span
• Aggression, such as acting out or fighting
• Defiance, refusal to follow rules
• Disrespect for authority
• Arguing
• Difficulty handling frustration
• Blaming others, denying responsibility for actions
• Self-injury
• Withdrawal
• Excessive fear, often in reaction to personal problems
• Immaturity (crying, tantrums, lack of coping skills inappropriate for the age)
• Behaviors that are age-inappropriate
• Learning problems, other problems at school
• Difficulty forming and keeping relationships with other children, teachers, and even family members
• Pervasive unhappy and/or angry mood

Parenting, teaching, or otherwise caring for a child with emotional and behavioral disorders is challenging and exhausting ("Parenting Is Hard! How to Conquer Burnout and Exhaustion"). Knowing that your child’s taxing behavior and general intensity isn’t personal can help you put it in perspective. Emotional and behavioral disorders are psychiatric illnesses, which means they affect the brain and how it functions. These kids aren’t trying to be difficult (conduct disorder may be an exception). They need help and support so they experience life more positively and, by default, so others in their lives can experience life more positively, too.

Professional mental health help is essential for these children. To help with school success, many kids with emotional and behavioral disorders qualify for special education services. In addition to these professional supports, the more you as a parent or caregiver understand about emotional and behavioral disorders and the types and characteristics, the better able you’ll be to understand your child and help them get through times of strong emotions and undesirable behaviors.

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If your child is developing behavior problems at school, you can help them change their behavior. School misbehavior is complex and doesn’t happen because a child is “bad.” To help your child who’s developing behavior problems at school, it’s important to know what’s happening, why it’s happening, and how to deal with it.

Types of Behavior Problems in School

School behavior problems can take many forms. Some of the most common types of behavior problems in the classroom involve acting out, including:

• Becoming the class clown
• Picking on other kids, even blatant bullying
• Talking back
• Refusing to follow rules
• Refusing to listen, sit still, or complete work
• Verbal or physical misdeeds
• Explosive outbursts

No matter the type of behavior problems at school, it’s important for parents to address them. The reason is not to punish kids and “teach them a lesson.” The purpose is to teach them to learn how to handle situations in a constructive way, now and as they continue to grow and develop.

How to Help a Child with Behavior Problems at School: Understand the Reasons

Kids often communicate through behavior—and misbehavior. To help them, we need to listen and seek to understand why a child is having behavior problems at school. These problems commonly underly school misbehavior:

• Frustration over falling behind
• Boredom if the pace is too slow
• Difficulty getting along with others, feeling left out

Kids also misbehave if one or more of their basic needs are unmet. William Glasser (1998), the founder of a behavior and counseling approach called Choice Theory, describes five basic needs of people of all ages that drive behavior and misbehavior:

• Survival (adequate food, shelter, clothing)
• Love and belonging (feeling valued, accepted)
• Power (having a degree of control over their circumstances)
• Freedom (opportunities to make choices big and small)
• Fun (enjoyment, laughter)

Because children are still learning and developing, they often can’t articulate these problems. They alert parents and teachers to their problems by misbehaving. They need the adults in their lives to step in and help.   

How to Help a Child who is Developing Behavior Problems at School

Behavior is a form of communication, so use it to your advantage to learn how to help. Listen closely to both the child and their behavior to learn what’s happening.

A helpful place to start is your child’s school. Talk to their teacher. Depending on your child’s behavior and where it occurs, you might also include the principal and other relevant personnel. Together, you can create a consistent behavior plan for your child at school and at home. Consistency is crucial to change problem behavior.

There are strategies you can use to achieve the goal of not just ending problem behaviors in the classroom but replacing them with positive, effective behaviors:

• Investigate. What’s going on? When? Who is involved? Consider the five basic needs and what might be lacking. Look for patterns to complete the bigger picture of what is happening with your child.
• Talk to your child. Be open and non-judgmental, talking kindly and calmly. Avoid lecturing or scolding. When your child feels safe talking to you, you’ll be better able to understand them.
• Provide structure and routines. Structure and routines give kids a framework to know what to expect from home and school as well as what home and school expect from them.
• Use positive reinforcement. Trying to punish away bad behavior is ineffective because it doesn’t let kids know what they should be doing instead. Rules and expectations must be clear and consistent. When you’re sure that kids understand your behavior expectations, catch them being good and acknowledge it. Use reward charts or a token economy so they can earn stickers or tokens for good behavior that they can use to “buy” small rewards.

These strategies will let you help your child who’s developing behavior problems at school. What if your child has an emotional or behavior disorder?

Emotional and Behavioral Disorders in the Classroom

Some children have a diagnosed emotional disorder (psychiatric disorders like psychotic disorders, mood disorders, and anxiety disorders) or behavioral disorder (like oppositional defiant disorder or conduct disorder). Behavior problems associated with these disorders involve difficulties with peer relationships, inappropriate emotions and behaviors, and other disruptive actions.

Sometimes, a child may not have a behavior problem, but frustrations from undiagnosed learning disabilities or ADHD can lead to disruptive outbursts, anger, and aggression.

Helping a child with emotional and behavior disorders in the classroom is similar to helping other children. However, children with behavior or emotional disorders in the classroom need rules and consequences to be more black-and-white. Keeping your approach simple will reduce frustration and minimize misbehavior. Also, counselors or social workers can be useful in helping change problem behaviors at school.

In the end, learning how to help your child with behavior problems at school is not about correcting a specific misbehavior. It’s about a much bigger picture—helping your children prepare themselves for work, relationships, and life in general.

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Parenting advice is hurled at mothers and fathers like balls at a dunk tank. As a parent, you neither need nor want most of this unsolicited parenting advice. Yet there you are, sitting with your baby in the tank, behind glass where you are visible to the world. It can seem like you’re captive, unable to escape from all the people who think they have wisdom to offer you. You probably won’t be able to stop all unwanted parenting advice, but you can learn to deal with it positively and stay calm for yourself and your baby.  If this sounds good to you, read on—and no, this is not another source of parenting advice in disguise.

Handling Unsolicited Parenting Advice from Well-Meaning Loved Ones

Loved ones often share unwanted opinions about how you should care for your baby, which calls for a kind, gentle response. The family members you care about also cares about you and your baby. Their parenting advice comes from a loving place. That doesn’t mean that you have to agree with their comments and implement every suggestion. You have options, including these:

• Listen openly, with no expectations and no judgments. When a family member or good friend gives you input, drop preconceived notions. Maybe they’ll have worthwhile advice. Maybe they won’t. You might gain a new idea. You might not. This helps you remain detached and unemotional.
• Consider using their parenting advice every now and then. If you take their advice sometimes, especially on little things such as putting a hat on your baby when you take them outside, you’ll be seen as rational rather than stubborn. This will make it easier to stand your ground on bigger topics that are important to you.
• Have an honest conversation. Listening and being reasonable doesn’t mean that you must always listen to unwanted parenting advice. When a close family member or friend is taking their role as advisor too far, it’s okay to talk to them about it. Let them know that they do have some sound advice and that you know that they’re competent and insightful. Then tell them that you have a parenting style that works for you.

Remembering that you care about these friends and relatives will help prevent you from firing back harsh words that could damage your relationship. What about strangers? There’s no relationship to preserve. Does that make a difference in how to respond to unsolicited parenting advice?

Dealing with Strangers Giving You Parenting Advice for Your Baby

Given that you don’t know these people who approach you out of nowhere, any place and any time, and tell you what you’re doing wrong and how to be better, you might be tempted to respond harshly and even sarcastically. Unfortunately, that can be worse for you than for them.

Strangers might fight back, becoming snarky about your parenting abilities. This risks escalating the situation. Reacting negatively is hard on you and your sense of serenity with your baby.  Reacting calmly and politely is for your sake rather than the stranger’s.

You can be civil without listening to unnecessary comments. Respond politely and shortly to discourage conversation, then walk away. Preparing and rehearsing some responses ahead of time will help you avoid being caught off guard when someone approaches you in the grocery store. Keep statements neutral, vague, and short. Avoiding arguing will get you out of the situation sooner and preserve your own mental health.

Try statements such as:

• “That makes sense. Thank you.”
• “Thanks. I’ll consider that.”
• “It’s nice of you to be concerned.”

Welcome Your Own Expertise

A great source of parenting advice is you, the parent of your baby. Become an expert on your parenting style by reading books, magazines, articles, and asking your doctor questions. You’ll gain the confidence required to let unsolicited parenting advice go.

You can also become an expert in letting things go. Rather than carrying around the frustration and irritation of unwanted parenting advice, try:

• Use your short statement, then walk away immediately.
• Take slow deep breaths.
• Focus on your baby, revel in the cuteness, play with little hands and feet, make faces to elicit laughter—baby mindfulness is effective in reducing stress and negativity
• Purpose and perspective: starting now, be a role model, acting the way you want your baby to grow up to act.

When you don’t feel trapped in the dunk tank with unsolicited parenting advice hurled at you, you don’t have to struggle and fight. You can choose to respond in a way that’s mentally healthy for you and your baby.

See Also:

• Where Can I Get Quick Parenting Help?
• Recovering from Parenting Fails
• Common Parenting Issues and How to Deal with Them

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"Conquering Your Child's Chronic Pain: A Pediatrician's Guide for Reclaiming a Normal Childhood" is an excellent book for parents of children living with chronic pain.

Zeltzer LK, Schlank CB. (2005). Conquering your child's chronic pain: a pediatrician's guide for reclaiming a normal childhood. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 320 pp. ISBN 0-06-057017-2 (Paperback: $20.95 CDN; $14.95 USD).

"The pain was getting worse and was affecting my sleep. I was having trouble walking. The pain was a burning sensation like my leg was on fire......I was starting the fifth grade, trying to do normal things, but the pain was so great that I couldn't concentrate. ......I was becoming really depressed. I was losing hope. I was in so much pain, I didn't know what to do about it."

In Conquering Your Child's Chronic Pain: A Pediatrician's Guide for Reclaiming a Normal Childhood, Zeltzer and Schlank present numerous case studies to demonstrate how increasing functioning (i.e., attending school, doing chores, socializing) typically also leads to a decrease in pain or pain perception and an increase in confidence and happiness. For example, Zeltzer describes a 5-year-old boy with migraines whose mother learned relaxation techniques and practiced them with her son. He learned that he could use these breathing and imagery techniques to stop the headaches on his own. This book is a guide for parents on how to help their children cope with chronic pain as well as to help themselves while caring for their children.

Lonnie Zeltzer writes from more than 30 years of experience as a researcher and pediatrician. She is the director of the UCLA Pediatric Pain Program, professor of pediatrics, anesthesiology, and psychiatry at UCLA, and medical director of the Trinity Kids Care Pediatric Hospice. Zeltzer and her co-writer, Christina Schlank, have incorporated the views of pediatric pain specialists worldwide in their book. The book explains how various factors (e.g., type of pain, previous pain experiences, parenting, coping style, developmental stage) are integrated in the pain experience. An appreciation for the complexity of pain sets the stage for openness regarding the integration of traditional and complementary treatment.

The book has four parts. In part I, the authors describe the types of pain and various pain conditions. This section will answer questions such as "is pain physiological or psychological or both?" and "how do emotions influence pain?" The description of diseases associated with pain and of chronic pain conditions will help parents understand their child's condition. Also, this section provides a useful overview of pain for trainees.

Part II focuses on pain assessment and informs the reader about how to gauge the amount of pain the child is in and about developmental factors that influence the pain experience. Practical advice is provided that includes specific behavioral indicators of pain that parents can look for. Also, brief descriptions are provided of various pain tools, such as faces scales and the Pieces of Hurt tool, which may be used in clinics to aid health care providers in pain assessment. I appreciated that the authors went into detail about how the experience of pain is influenced by developmental factors such as learn- ing problems and developmental disorders, and mental health concerns such as anxiety and posttraumatic stress disorder. Unfortunately, there was an emphasis on psychological disorders and parents may be misled into thinking that if their child has symptoms but not a disorder per se they may not benefit from psychological treatment techniques.

Part III looks at a variety of interventions for chronic pain such as medicines, physiotherapy, psychotherapy, and complementary medicines such as acupuncture, meditation, yoga, and art therapy. This section provides a brief background for the philosophy behind each type of treatment, how the treatment works, and where to look for qualified professionals in each area of practice. However, it would have been helpful for the reader to have a more critical review of what is known about the effectiveness and the mechanism of action of these treatments. Professionals who are unfamiliar with treatments outside of their area of practice may benefit from reading Part III.

In Part IV parents are provided with step-by-step instructions on how to engage in relaxation exercises including meditation. Some guidance is provided for how to adapt these exercises to language suitable for children. The final chapter includes a section on frequently asked questions. Also, the book includes 2 pages of "golden rules of chronic pain" (e.g., "don't ask your child if she is in pain") - the authors encourage parents to copy and post this handy reminder.

This informative, practical, and well-written book will no doubt benefit parents wanting to know how to help their children. Also, this book may be an inspiring resource for older children and adolescents wanting to understand their pain and learn how to heal. To facilitate communication between clinicians and families this book is also recommended for clinicians - you will be able to recommend this book to your patients and discuss the knowledge your patients have gained.

See Also:

• Pain and Your Child or Teen
• How to Support Your Child with Chronic Pain

Source: Pediatric Pain Letter

A child with behavior problems isn’t doomed to become a teenager, then an adult, with behavior problems. A child’s bad behavior is precisely that—bad behavior. When parents approach their child not as a problem child but as a child with behavior problems, the behavior can change. In other words, when the child doesn’t think they’re a bad person, they’re more cooperative in learning to be good. Granted, it’s still a process that can sometimes be difficult and requires patience, practice, and time. Keep reading to discover ways to help a child with behavior problems learn to be good.

Yes, a Child with Behavior Problems can Learn to be Good

Behavior isn’t random. Nor is it methodically and deliberately chosen (unless a child has oppositional defiant disorder or, especially, conduct disorder, but these are uncommon behavior disorders that require professional help). There is, however, an underlying reason for the behavior. All behavior is a reaction or response to something in the child’s world.

Usually, kids don’t know why they misbehave. This means that your child isn’t deliberately misbehaving to make you angry. It’s not personal. Something, though, is happening, and your child needs to change their behavior. Asking them why they misbehaved will usually result in a resounding, “I don’t know!” They really don’t know, and what they might understand, they can’t articulate.

A child with behavior problems can’t be excused because they’re reacting to something, but you can’t ask them what they’re reacting to or why they’re misbehaving. This is where they need your help. They need you to guide them so they can learn to be good.

Prepare to Teach Your Child with Behavior Problems to be Good

These guidelines with help you teach acceptable behavior to your child who acts out.

• Do your research. Pay attention to your child’s behavior, good and bad. Look for patterns. When does the problem behavior happen? Are there certain circumstances or settings? Are transitions a problem? Is your child tired, hungry, or bored? This will help you see that your child isn’t naughty all the time, and it will help you know where to start working on the negative behavior.
• Change the circumstances to change the behavior. Use what you’ve learned in your investigation, and plan how you can modify what happens around your child to gain early success.
• Precisely define the behaviors you want your child to develop. Saying that your child will behave in the living room is too vague for them to understand and for you to enforce. Stating that your child won’t jump on the couch is more workable. To set your child up for success, your behavior goals should be specific, observable, and measurable.
• Be clear. Rules and expectations should be clear and consistent.
• Provide structure and routines. Kids need a framework for their days. Activities should flow predictably from morning through bedtime. Kids don’t handle unpredictability well, and kids who have behavior problems often don’t handle it at all without melting down.

How to Teach Kids with Behavior Problems so They Learn to be Good

Once you’ve established a few, important rules you want your child to follow, communicate them to your child so they know what is expected. Also, teach them what the consequences will be if they break a rule. Consequences should be clear and logical and designed to teach kids what’s unacceptable rather than arbitrarily punishing them for doing something wrong.

Using the principles of behavior modification can be helpful in teaching appropriate behavior. This involves the use of positive and negative reinforcements to shape behavior. Kids learn how to be good by experiencing positive and negative consequences. They learn to do more of what works and less of what doesn’t.

Other strategies work well, too.

• Time outs give kids a chance to step away from an emotional reaction and calm down. They help kids learn to self-regulate, which is the ultimate manifestation of being ‘good.’
• Ignoring inappropriate behaviors teaches kids that misbehaving doesn’t get them what they want. To get your attention, they must figure out how to behave more effectively.
• Refraining from yelling models positive behavior, and it doesn’t give kids what they want: your attention. Sometimes kids misbehave so you pay attention, and yelling at them meets their goal. Instead of reacting to misbehavior, catch them being good and respond to that.

It doesn’t happen overnight, but by using these strategies, your child with behavior problems can absolutely learn to be good.

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‘Good enough’ parenting is human parenting. ‘Good enough’ parents aren’t perfect parents, but they are indeed good parents. Here, learn why ‘good enough parenting’ is perhaps the best parenting and its time and place in your kids’ lives.

The concept of being a good enough parent originated in 1953 with a British pediatrician and psychoanalyst named Donald Winnicott. Through observation, study, and practice, Winnicott concluded that children fare better when their mothers (true to his time, Winnicott referred exclusively to mothers) weren’t perfect but made mistakes. In other words, they were good enough.

The ‘good enough’ parent runs counter to the myth of the perfect parent. This is the notion that parents must live for raising their children, being constantly perfect, or the children might do poorly in school, activities, social relationships, and overall happiness.

According to Dr. Susan Woodhouse of Lehigh University (Lehigh University, 2019), her research on how and why infants attached to their parents indicates that even in this crucial stage of development, parents need to excel approximately 50 percent of the time. The other half can be ‘good enough,’ and the baby will still form the healthiest attachment style and thrive. Evidently, the time and place for ‘good enough parenting’ is every day in many places as long as parenting exceeds that at least half the time.

So What is ‘Good Enough Parenting?’

Good enough parenting is a style of parenting that is warm, positive, nurturing, patient, and loving—but flawed. The imperfect parent makes mistakes, even fails, but always get up and tries again ("Recovering from Parenting Fails").

‘Good enough parenting’ has certain components, among them:

• Meeting kids’ basic needs for food, shelter, clothing, security, and love
• Putting kids’ needs above their own but knowing that there will be exceptions to doing so
• Providing structure, consistency, and routing, but not upholding them rigidly

Parents themselves have characteristics that make them ‘good enough.’ ‘Good enough parents:

• Don’t strive for perfection, and don’t expect their kids to be perfect
• Strive to understand and accept their kids as they are, not as the parents think they should be
• Are present-minded rather than stuck in mistakes of the past or pushing kids toward a successful, distant future
• Provide kids’ needs without indulging them (parents will say no to some things)
• Confident in their positive parenting knowing that mistakes and imperfections don’t make them bad parents
• Don’t worry or obsess about what other parents might be thinking or doing
• Allow their kids to be kids instead of pressuring them to be perfect or highly intelligent or talented

In being who they are and doing what they do, ‘good-enough’ parents help their kid develop resiliency. Their children are better equipped to experience disappointments and adversity and bounce back. These parents know that mistakes don’t break kids; further, dealing with imperfection prepares kids for the annoyances and ups and downs of life. ‘Good enough parents’ teach kids to forgive and to apologize, to have realistic standards for themselves and others, to be self-reliant, and to simply be good people.

Some argue that the ‘good enough parent’ is a gift. “Each time we let our children down and they get through it, they get just a little bit stronger. That is the gift of the good enough mother, and it’s time we all embraced it.” (Naumburg, n.d.)

Good Parenting vs Bad Parenting

There’s an important distinction between parenting that’s good enough and parenting that is bad. ‘Good enough’ is still good. It just isn’t perfect, which is an impossible standard anyway. ‘Good enough’ parents do make mistakes and wrong decisions. Sometimes their choices are bad, but their parenting itself isn’t bad.

Bad parenting is parenting that harms children. It provides no routines or consistency or limits, or, conversely, too many rules and limits. People with bad parenting skills constantly put themselves before their kids. They’re minimally involved in their kids’ lives, and they often fail to meet kids’ basic needs.

Sometimes, bad parents are abusive parents. Through neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, and/or emotional abuse, these parents intentionally inflict damage onto their children.

Good parenting and ‘good enough’ parenting is a direct contrast to bad parenting. Good and ‘good enough’ parents always operate out of love. They meet their kids’ needs and support them daily through words and action. If they think they’ve harmed their child, they apologize and talk it through. The harm is never intentional or abusive.

When it comes to parenting, ‘good enough’ truly is good enough. Perhaps allowing yourself and your kids to be human and develop all the positive characteristics that go with the acceptance of imperfection makes you, ironically, the perfect parent. But that goes back to stress and pressure which damages you and your whole family. It’s better to remain a ‘good enough’ parent, perfectly imperfect.

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Your child's teacher can be your ally in helping determine if your child has a psychological disorder or learning disability.

You know how your child behaves at home, but do you really know what he or she is like at school? Now is a good time to find out if your child is ready to learn. A child's mental health is an important factor in his or her ability to do well in school.

Mental health is how a child thinks, feels, and acts. Mental health problems can affect any child even elementary or pre-school children. These problems are more common than you may think. One in five children has a diagnosable mental, emotional, or behavior problem that can lead to school failure, family discord, violence, or suicide. Help is available, but two-thirds of children with mental health problems are not getting the help they need. The federal Center for Mental Health Services, a component of the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, urges parents and teachers to talk about mental health. Your child's teacher should be your ally. He or she can help you decide if your child may need help.

Here are a few questions you should discuss with your child's teacher.

1. Does my child seem angry most of the time? Cry a lot? Overreact to things?
2. Does my child destroy school property or do things that are life-threatening? Harm other children on the playground? Break rules over and over again?
3. Does my child appear sad or anxious much of the time? Show an unusual concern about grades or tests?
4. Does my child seem obsessed about how he looks? Often complain about headaches, stomach aches, or other physical problems especially when it's time to take a test or participate in classroom social activities?
5. Is my child unable to sit still or focus her attention? Make decisions? Respect your authority as a teacher?
6. Has my child lost interest in things usually enjoyed, such as sports, music, or other school activities? Suddenly started avoiding friends?

If you and your child's teacher answer "yes" to any of these questions, and the problem seems persistent or severe, then you need to find out if a mental health problem is contributing to this behavior. It's not easy for parents to accept that their child may have a problem. Early treatment can help your child succeed in the classroom, but it is important that you seek help.

Sources:

• SAMHSA National Mental Health Information Center

Gathering parenting skills you need in the digital age is an important task you face no matter what age your kids are. If you’re a mom or dad currently engaged in parenting children 18 or younger, you are dealing with something no previous generation of parents has dealt with on this level: a wide array of technology and social media platforms ready and waiting for playtime with your kids. Developing parenting skills for the digital age will help you positively parent your kids as they navigate the world of technology.

One of the tricky aspects of parenting in the digital age is finding a balance between helping kids prepare for life in a rapidly changing electronic world and maintaining your media-free family values. The good news is that as important as technology is for everyone to learn about and use, you as a parent are still more important than the electronic devices in your kids’ lives. To get started, use this list of parenting skills you need in the digital age.

5 Parenting Skills You Need in the Digital Age

Use the following parenting skills and tips to guide your kids in the direction you want them to go.

1. Learn about what your children are doing on their devices.
   
   The more you understand what sites, apps, and systems your children are using as well as how they’re using it, the better you’ll be able to make decisions about use and monitor them from an informed perspective. When they know that you understand their world, they’ll be more likely to listen to you and respect your thoughts.
    
2. Be willing to let your kids teach you about their digital lives.
   
   It can be difficult for many parents to admit to their kids that the kids know more than their parents do. Regarding their use of technology, however, the kids do have more knowledge and experience. While you know all about your devices and the apps you use as well as what you do on social media, what your kids know and are doing is probably very different. Let them teach you, and you’ll be using another set of parenting skills: You’ll be teaching them self-confidence, communication skills, and as you talk to them as you learn, they’ll develop skills to make discerning choices online.
    
3. Know what’s important to you, and tailor your media plan to your own family.
   
   While there are some pre-written plans online for restricting media use, these guidelines might not fit your unique family. One of the most important parenting skills for the digital age is to think in terms of your family’s overall health and wellbeing.
    
4. Create a media use plan with your family.
   
   Media use agreements ensure that everyone in your family knows what they can do, when they can do it, where they can do it, and more. Being able to explain rules (at an age-appropriate level) and to provide a solid reason for them is an important skill for you to have as a parent.
   
   The most successful plans are those developed with kids’ and teens’ input. Working with kids rather than handing down orders helps them feel important and gets them onboard; further it’s an opportunity to help them develop critical thinking, reasoning, and negotiating skills. This is a good opportunity to build family communication skills, too.
   
   Things to consider including are time limits, what devices kids can and cannot use, what games and apps are acceptable, and anything else important to you to include.
    
5. Watch your own habits.
   
   Watch what you’re doing with your own tech use. The “do as I say, not as I do,” approach to family media use will quickly undermine kids’ cooperation with the family rules. So kids know they are valued and so they don’t become glued to media themselves, consider putting away your phone when you’re with your kids.

Parenting Skill for the Tech Age: Do More of What You Value Rather Than Restricting What You Don’t

Especially with the worries involved in kids’ online behavior, it is easy to focus on the “don’t” and the “nos;” after all, parents want their kids to be safe and develop in a healthy manner. A great way to foster this is to engage with your kids. Play board games with them. Do creative projects. Read together. Develop their sense of curiosity, exploration, and adventure. Give them opportunities to be so engaged in the real world that they don’t want to be in the digital world as much.

Focusing on how you think, what you value for your family, and what you do are all part of the skillset parents need in the digital age.  Use these six skills as a parenting skills checklist as you navigate your kids through this technological world.

See Also:

• Feeling Confident When Parenting Teens with Technology
• Parenting Apps That Help You Keep It All Together

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Many types of therapy for autism exist to help kids with autism spectrum disorder live their best life. For example, occupational therapy helps kids build skills they’ll need for independent living. Developmental therapy helps kids integrate motor skills, language skills, and others for uniform development and smoother usage. Sensory integration therapy gently exposes children to sensory input to help them handle auditory, visual, tactile, and olfactory stimulation. Another therapy for autism is SCERTS, an educational model that assists kids in developing skills in learning, relationships, and social communication.

Child therapy for autism also helps children learn to interact with others, build emotional skills, and develop flexible thinking and communication abilities. Such mental health-related therapies go far in teaching children with autism how to behave and function emotionally in a variety of settings. All therapies for autism overlap and develop the whole child, but we’ll look more closely at those that fall more solidly in the realm of mental health for kids with autism.

Types of Therapy for Autism

The following autism therapies have been proven to make a positive difference in the lives of children with autism. They increase kids’ ability to interact with peers and to regulate emotions.
 
Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) is currently the most widely accepted therapy designed for children with autism. Using positive reinforcements, meaningful rewards, and consequences, ABA teaches social skills, increases verbal competence, and increases positive behavior. Common goals of ABA are

• Improved social skills
• More effective communication
• Self-care and hygiene
• Learning to play interactively with others

Relationship Development Intervention (RDI) teaches children with autism to develop relationships with parents and other family members. This family-based therapy has multiple components: behavioral, emotional, and flexible thinking. Children also learn how to cope with change, something that is particularly difficult for children with autism. In RDI, parents receive training and become their child’s primary therapist.

Play Therapy for autism is slightly different than play therapy for other conditions. With play therapy for autism, therapists are much more directive than they are for play therapy for anxiety and other concerns. For kids with autism, play therapy helps them learn to connect with others in a format they understand—play. Kids with autism play but they do it differently than other children. A child with autism might focus only on one part of a toy, and they usually don’t engage in pretend play. By helping kids expand their focus and style of play, a therapist helps them connect with other children. Play therapy develops:

• The ability to share
• The notion of taking turns
• New ways of playing with toys
• Imaginative skills
• Abstract thinking
• Social skills
• Emotional skills
• Flexible thinking
• Connections with other kids and adults
• Language and communication skills

Play therapy for autism pulls a child out of their own self-absorbed world and into the world of shared experiences and interactions. By building on their interest, kids explore their environment, feelings, and relationships.  

Equestrian therapy, or therapeutic horseback riding lets children with autism ride horses in a safe, nonthreatening manner. The therapist guides the horse and child. Research shows that therapeutic horseback riding builds social skills and communication skills. It also decreases both irritability and hyperactivity.

Numerous types of therapy exist for kids with autism. While autism is a social and communication disorder, it expresses itself differently in each individual child. Therefore, there isn’t one, standard go-to therapy for autism. Your child’s unique needs will guide you to the right therapy. It can be overwhelming, so talking to your child’s doctor about available therapies in your area that would be a good fit for your child is a great start.

Experts recommend starting therapy as soon as possible after your child is diagnosed, as earlier interventions lead to better outcomes. Of course, it’s never too late to begin therapy for autism. With treatment, your child can develop stronger emotional, behavior, communication, and social skills to function well at home and school.

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By developing, nurturing, and using good parenting skills, you can benefit your entire family. Parenting is a process that flows, sometimes smoothly, sometimes turbulently, but always in one general direction: forward. When you navigate your journey with good parenting skills, you and your family will stay on track despite the inevitable obstacles that disrupt your calm flow.

Parenting can be hard, even overwhelming, and it’s common to wonder what good parenting skills are. Good parenting that benefits your family involves different types of skills. Parenting traits are characteristics you have and can develop. Good parenting involves drawing from certain traits to help your child, and the whole family, grow. In addition to possessing traits, parents use actions, doing certain things to foster healthy growth and a positive family atmosphere.

This exploration of good parenting skills—traits and actions—can help you keep your family flowing smoothly forward.

Good Parenting Skills: Parental Traits That Will Benefit Your Family

One of the most important traits that parents can develop and use is the ability to think of the long-term, big picture. Rather than getting stuck in the day-to-day struggles and stressors, when parents keep the big picture in mind, the whole family thrives. Develop a vision and purpose for yourself as a parent and for your family. What goals do you have for raising your kids? How do you want your kids to be as they grow? As adults? Having a sense of your greater plan and values will keep your family moving in a unified direction.

Good parenting traits also include the knowledge that no one is perfect, including both you as a parent and your kids. Beyond simply knowing that they’re not perfect, parents with this trait admit it. They’re willing to apologize when they need to. This is great modeling, showing kids that they don’t have to be perfect and teaching them to ask for and give forgiveness ("Recovering from Parenting Fails").

Having high standards helps parents guide kids in the direction they’ve identified as important. Children will rise or fall to expectations; when parents communicate that they believe in their kids, kids come to believe in themselves. That said, it’s important that parenting expectations be realistic. Rigid, demanding expectations are dangerous because they create pressure, stress, and anxiety, and they set children up for failure. Your family needs high expectations but not unworkable ones.

Parents who use good parenting skills are present in their children’s lives. They’re an active part of the family, and they interact with them. They are willing to be on their kids’ level, playing with them, helping them problem-solve (without solving the problems), and more. Creating opportunities for fun and laughter is mentally healthy and helps you bond as a family. Your presence is vital to a thriving family.

Another important parenting trait is having unconditional positive regard for your kids. This means that you love them. Always. No matter what. Disciplining is part of that love. As a parent, you teach and shape your children with rules, logical consequences, and always loving who your kids are (even if you don’t love what they’ve done in a given moment).

These traits are in integral part of good parenting skills that benefit your family. In addition to traits are actions.

Good Parenting Skills: Things You Do That Benefit Your Family

A parent's actions reinforce their parenting traits and goals for their kids. Some of the best things parents can do include:

• Communicating openly, both talking and listening deeply
• Disciplining firmly and consistently; gently and never spanking ("Do You Really Know How to Discipline Your Child?")
• Guiding and supporting; not pushing and demanding
• Showing rather than telling; demonstrating positive attitudes, handling difficulties, practicing self-care, and other aspects of living well.
• Showing love and affection every day
• Spending dedicated family time together as well as giving each child one-on-one attention

Parents’ traits and actions instill character. In a family where everyone benefits from good parenting, kids and adults alike possess and develop life skills such as cooperation, empathy, kindness, honesty, independence, self-control, and motivation to succeed.

Additionally, kids and adults develop protective factors against mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, substance use, and antisocial behavior. Good parenting skills, including traits and actions, benefit the whole family, helping everyone flow in a forward direction and boosting mental health and wellbeing for life success.

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