Is There a Perfect Parenting Guide?

Alexander, J.J. & Sandahl, I. (n.d.). Better together: 10 essential parenting questions you’ve got to ask your partner. Motherly. Retrieved April 2019 from https://www.mother.ly/child/better-together-10-essential-parenting-questions-youve-got-to-ask-your-partner

Center for Parenting Education. Retrieved April 2019 from https://centerforparentingeducation.org/

Davis, J.L. (2004) 10 commandments of good parenting. WebMD. Retrieved April 2019 from https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/10-commandments-good-parenting#1

 Parent Toolkit. Retrieved April 2019 from https://www.parenttoolkit.com/

Parenting Resources: Organizations That Help Parents

Family Promise. Retrieved April 2019 from https://familypromise.org/

Financial assistance for single parents. (n.d.). Debt.org. Retrieved April 2019 from https://www.debt.org/advice/financial-assistance-for-single-parents/

HealthyChildren.Org. Powered by Pediatricians. Trusted by Parents. American Academy of Pediatrics. Retrieved April 2016 from https://www.healthychildren.org/English/Pages/default.aspx

How we LIFT: Investing in Parents. (n.d.) LIFT. Retrieved April 2019 from https://www.liftcommunities.org/why-lift/how-we-lift/

Parent Articles and Resources. (n.d..) National Education Association. Retrieved April 2019 from http://www.nea.org/home/ParentArticlesResources.html

Parenting. (n.d.).  Zero to Three. Retrieved April 2019 from https://www.zerotothree.org/parenting

PBS Kids for Parents. Retrieved April2019 from https://www.pbs.org/parents

What is keep connected? (n.d.). Retrieved April 2019 from https://keepconnected.searchinstitute.org/

Welcome to the Center for Parenting Education. (n.d.). Center for Parenting Education. Retrieved April2019 from https://centerforparentingeducation.org/

‘Good Enough Parenting’ Has Its Time and Place

Good enough parenting. (2014). Child Protection Resource. Retrieved May, 2019 from http://childprotectionresource.online/category/good-enough-parenting-2/
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Gray, P. (2015). The good enough parent is the best parent. Psychology Today. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-learn/201512/the-good-enough-parent-is-the-best-parent                         

Hoghughi, M. (1998). Good enough parenting for all children—a strategy for a healthier society. Archives of Diseases of Childhood, 78(4). Retrieved May 2019 from https://adc.bmj.com/content/78/4/293#article-bottom

Lehigh University. (2019). ‘Good enough’ parenting is good enough, new research says. Medical X press. Retrieved May, 2019 from https://medicalxpress.com/news/2019-05-good-parenting.html

Naumburg, C. (n.d.). The gift of the good enough mother. Seleni. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.seleni.org/advice-support/2018/3/14/the-gift-of-the-good-enough-mother

Pearlman, C. (n.d.). Why being a ‘good enough’ parent is better than being perfect. Brightly. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.readbrightly.com/good-enough-parent-better-than-perfect/

Singal, J. (2015). The case for ‘good enough’ parenting. The Cut. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.thecut.com/2015/12/case-for-good-enough-parenting.html

Should I Get Some Parenting Education Before the Baby Comes?

Birthing, breastfeeding, and parenting classes. (2019). Office on Women’s Health. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.womenshealth.gov/pregnancy/getting-ready-baby/birthing-breastfeeding-and-parenting-classes

Howstuffworks.com Contributors. (n.d.). Where can you find parenting classes? HowStuffWorks. Retrieved May 2019 from https://lifestyle.howstuffworks.com/family/parenting/parenting-tips/find-parenting-classes.htm

Noeling-Gustafsson, A., Skaghammer, K., & Adolfsson, A. (2011). Expectant parents’ experiences of parental education within the antenatal health service. Psychology Research and Behavior Management, 4, 159-167. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3255463/

Parent education. (2008). Programs for Parents. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/parented.pdf

Parenting education programs. (n.d.). Child Welfare Information Gateway. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/prevention-programs/parented/#top

Parent education to strengthen families and reduce the risk of maltreatment. (2019). Child Welfare Information Gallery. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/parented.pdf     

Pitts, J. (n.d.). How to find parenting classes. Health Guidance for Better Health. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.healthguidance.org/entry/10889/1/how-to-find-parenting-classes.html

Parenting Support Groups and Online Forums: Do They Really Help?

Arky, B. (n.d.). How parent support groups can help. Child Mind Institute. Retrieved May 2019 from https://childmind.org/article/how-parent-support-groups-can-help/

Dillon Godson, B. (2014). Parent support programs and outcomes for children. Encyclopedia of Early Child Development. Retrieved May 2019 from http://www.child-encyclopedia.com/parenting-skills/according-experts/parent-support-programs-and-outcomes-children

Parent Coach or Counseling: Which is Best for You?

ACPI Parent Coach Mastery. (n.d.). Academy for Coaching Parents. Retrieved May 2019 from https://academyforcoachingparents.com/certified-parent-coach-training/

Benefits of a parenting coach. (n.d.). GITMom. Retrieved May 2019 from http://www.gitmom.com/benefits-parenting-coach/

Langham, R.Y. (2019). Parenting counseling. Therapy Tribe. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.therapytribe.com/therapy/parenting-therapy/

Morin, A. (2019). What is a parenting coach and do I need one? Verywell family. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.verywellfamily.com/what-is-a-parenting-coach-1094737

What is parent counseling: Overview, benefits, and expected results. (n.d.). Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.docdoc.com.sg/info/procedure/parenting-counseling/

Parenting Hacks That Take Some Stress Off Your Shoulders

Berman, M. (n.d.). 27 brilliant parenting hacks that will make life with kids just a little easier. Twenty- Two Words. Retrieved May 2019 from https://twentytwowords.com/27-amazing-parenting-hacks/      

Cleroux, A. (n.d.). 50 top parenting tricks and hacks that will make your life easier and more fun. Lifehack. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/50-top-parenting-tricks-and-hacks-that-will-make-life-easier-and-more-fun.html

G., V. (n.d.). 72 of the best parenting hacks ever. boredpanda. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.boredpanda.com/parenting-hacks-tricks-tips/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

Spohr, M. (2017). 100 genius hacks guaranteed to make a parent’s job easier. Buzzfeed. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.buzzfeed.com/mikespohr/100-parenting-hacks-that-will-help-from-birth-through-the-da  

Where Can I Get Quick Parenting Help?

Aunindita. (2016). Top 15 organizations that help new parents. Babygaga. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.babygaga.com/top-15-organizations-that-help-new-parents/

Classes, courses, conferences and webinars. (2019). Love and Logic. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.loveandlogic.com/classes-and-conferences

Do parenting classes work?  (n.d.). Parenting Class. Retrieved May 2019 from http://parentclass.net/Do_parenting_classes_work.html

Essentials for parenting toddlers and preschoolers. (n.d.). Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.cdc.gov/parents/essentials/communication/quicktips.html

Hardie-Williams, K. (2016).The importance of community support in raising children. Good Therapy. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/importance-of-community-support-in-raising-children-0503165

Only parenting advice you really need. (n.d.). Real Simple. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/kids-parenting/only-parenting-advice-you-really-need

Our programs. (n.d.). Empowering Parents. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.empoweringparents.com/shop/

Parenting 101. (n.d.). Child Development Institute. Retrieved May 2019 from https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/how-to-be-a-parent/parenting/#.XOMMZPZFzHk

Parenting advice and tips. (n.d.). Parents. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/?page=1        

Parenting education and support programs. (n.d.). Children’s Trust. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.childrenstrustma.org/our-programs/parent-education-and-support-programs
    
Positive parenting conference. (2019). A Fine Parent. Retrieved May 2019 from https://afineparent.com/positive-parenting-conference

Solutions you want. Coaches you trust. Find a PCI certified parent coach. (n.d.). Parent Coaching Institute (PCI). Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.thepci.org/findcoach/

Trivette, C., & Dunst, C. (2014). Community-based parent support programs. Encyclopedia on Early Child Development. Retrieved May 2019 from http://www.child-encyclopedia.com/sites/default/files/textes-experts/en/654/community-based-parent-support-programs.pdf

Parenting Is Hard! How to Conquer Burnout and Exhaustion

Davis-Laack, P. (2013). Maxed out parents: 5 strategies to ease burnout. Psychology Today. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pressure-proof/201312/maxed-out-parents-5-strategies-ease-burnout

Roskam, I., Raes, M-E, & Mikolajczak, M. (2017). Exhausted parents: Development and preliminary validation of the parental burnout inventory. Frontiers in Psychology Journal. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00163/full

Schiller, E. (n.d.). “I’m so exhausted”: 4 tips to combat parental burnout. Empowering Parents. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/im-so-exhausted-4-tips-to-combat-parental-burnout/

Wallace, K. (2017). Parental burnout: It’s really a thing. CNN. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.cnn.com/2017/05/09/health/parenting-burnout-professional-burnout/index.html

Watts, S. (2017). Just like burnout at work, it’s possible to burn out on parenting. The Cut. Retrieved May 2019 from https://www.thecut.com/2017/04/just-like-at-work-its-possible-to-burn-out-on-parenting.html

 

Discipline for disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD) is both crucial and challenging. Children and adolescents who live with DMDD have outbursts fueled by frustration. These kids yell and swear and act aggressively toward property, other people, and themselves. They’re also perpetually irritable or angry. Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder severely interferes in kids’ lives now, and it increases their risk of major depression in adulthood. Interventions and discipline for DMDD are clearly in order, but because of the vulnerability and volatility of those with it, discipline must be approached correctly.

How to Discipline a Child with DMDD: Helpful Strategies

Knowing your reason for disciplining your child with DMDD will help you shape your approach. When a child or teen has DMDD, the major goal of discipline is helping them develop emotional regulation. Without this (when they experience emotion dysregulation), they’re unable to manage their response to frustrations, triggers, and emotions. They’ll continue their outbursts and aggression until they’ve learned the proper skills.

Discipline and DMDD need specific skills and strategies. The following approaches have been found to be helpful:

• Set clear rules, boundaries, and limits, and ensure that your child knows what they are.
• Have logical consequences in place, and make these clearly known to your child, too.
• Consistently enforce your rules and limits with your consequences.
• Be predictable in your approach to discipline as well as in your daily life in general. To a child with DMDD, inconsistency and unpredictability are highly frustrating and trigger meltdowns.
• Reward positive behaviors. This is as important as applying consequences for verbal and physical aggression.
• Create and follow routines for all that you do every day.

It’s also necessary to teach kids skills in order to work toward emotion regulation. Help your child identify their moods and changes in their moods. Give them words by listening to them, noticing non-verbal cues, and then reflecting them back to your child. For example, you might say, “I see that it’s hard for you to wait your turn for the TV and that you feel impatient. I promise you’ll have your turn soon. While you wait, do you want to play with your cars or draw pictures?” Then, when they choose an activity to do until it’s their turn, reinforce the positive behavior with a small reward.

Also teach your child to pause before acting on emotions. Have them count backwards from 10 to one (or forward if trying to count in reverse is frustrating for your child). Teach them the useful coping skill of taking deep breaths. Let them know, too, that it’s okay to step away from a frustrating situation to cool down. Working closely with your child’s school will ensure that they know your child needs to do this.

As your child or teen’s parent, having discipline skills and teaching them their own coping skills will help them gradually have more control over their strong, negative emotions. Because DMDD affects lives so profoundly, professional help is recommended.

Professional Interventions for DMDD

Therapy is essential in treating and managing DMDD. Psychologists or mental health therapists use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help children and teens with DMDD identify and deal with negative thoughts and emotions.

This disorder involves the misinterpretation of other people’s attitudes and intentions, which causes frustration and triggers outbursts. Professional treatment helps children handle this frustration and learn to develop alternative interpretations of people and events.

Interventions for DMDD also involve teaching kids coping skills and anger management. The goal of all interventions is to increase a child’s ability to tolerate frustration as part of the development of emotion regulation.

Parent training is another component of interventions for DMDD. In a training program, parents learn skills and strategies such as the ones above to effectively discipline their child or teen. Parents also develop communication skills so they can interact with their child without triggering them. Parents learn crucial concepts like:

• Validation of their child’s emotions
• Consistency in rules, consequences, and routines
• Predictability so the child always knows what to expect
• How to reward positive behaviors

Interventions for DMDD, including discipline and disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, are designed to increase kids’ emotional coping skills, communication abilities, frustration tolerance, and self-awareness. In the case of DMDD, “discipline” fits perfectly. Discipline means teaching, and it’s teaching necessary skills that helps children, teens, and parents.

article references

Dealing with the loss of a parent is always hard but dealing with this when it's because of a parent's suicide is especially so. Children are left wondering what happened, what they did wrong to cause a parent's suicide, what they could have done differently to stop it and a myriad of other questions as well.

All the stages of grief – anger, bargaining, denial, depression, and acceptance – must be visited by a teen. The teen must fight the stigma that surrounds suicide and handle returning to school where many of her or his classmates may know what happened.

And perhaps worst of all, as found by researchers at Johns Hopkins Children Center, children who are under the age of 18 when a parent dies of suicide are three times as likely to commit suicide themselves when compared to people who lost a parent to suicide over the age of 18.

What a Parent's Suicide Is Like for a Teen

There are no words to express the devastation a teen feels after a parent's suicide. No matter what the relationship between the teen and parent was like, a hole is created deep in the heart of the survivor that can take years of therapy to fill.

Janiva Magness, who lost both her parents to suicide, recalls her mother's death when she was 13 years old:

"The night my mother killed herself, I was having trouble sleeping. I had a feeling that something was wrong, but I stayed in my bed and eventually drifted off. When my father woke me up the next morning, which he'd never done before, I knew that my mother was dead. She'd overdosed on sleeping pills and fell asleep in our garage with the car engine running. I was just 13 years old. I screamed at him and told him it was his fault. He just stood there and said nothing. We never talked about my mother's death again . . . I never had much of a relationship with my mother; I always felt ignored by her and thought she loved my sister more than me. But after she was gone, I felt so much pain."

The Questions a Teen May Ask After a Parent's Suicide

Katrina Diles, who lost her father to suicide at only one, says,

"I have grown up wondering who he was, what his life was like? Which personal characteristics I have taken from him? I have been haunted with so many questions over the years. Wondering why I wasn't enough for him to live. Why I had to grow up without him?"

Other questions a teen may ask include:

• Will I die by suicide too?
• Will my other parent die by suicide too? Will I be left alone?
• If I commit suicide, will I see my parent again?
• What do I tell kids at school?
• Why am I so sad? Will I be sad forever?
• What can I do to start feeling better?

Unfortunately, while these questions are very natural, some have no answers. No one but the parent who has died knows their reasons for suicide and the survivors are left wondering what happened forever.

Dealing with a Parent's Suicide

While the pain of a parent's suicide is very real, it' important to remember that teens can grow up to be happy and healthy and eventually stop hurting.

According to Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz, the following are what children need when dealing with a parent's suicide:

• Simple and honest answers to their questions. This is hard for the adult survivors who may want to avoid the topic, but it's important to address teen questions to begin the healing process.
• They need to know their feelings are acceptable. No matter how a teen feels after a parent's suicide, they need to know their feelings are okay. Even rage or relief are natural feelings depending on the circumstances.
• Teens need to know they are not to blame. Children tend to think they cause everything that happens in their lives as they don't yet understand differently. This means that children are more likely to blame themselves than adults. It's important to emphasize that the parent who died was sick and although people tried to help, it didn't work.
• They need to try to get back to a normal routine. This includes going back to school or work and avoiding any media coverage of the suicide.
• And finally, if the grieving doesn't start to dissipate over time, a teen may need professional help to facilitate a healthy grieving process. This help can be found through a psychiatrist, psychologist or even through a support group for suicide survivors.

Is your child having emotional or behavioral problems? Here are signs to look for and advice on where to get help.

Parents are usually the first to recognize that their child has a problem with emotions or behavior. Still, the decision to seek professional help can be difficult and painful for a parent. The first step is to gently try to talk to the child. An honest open talk about feelings can often help. Parents may choose to consult with the child's physicians, teachers, members of the clergy, or other adults who know the child well. These steps may resolve the problems for the child and family.

Following are a few signs which may indicate that a child and adolescent psychiatric evaluation will be useful.

Younger Children

• Marked fall in school performance.
• Poor grades in school despite trying very hard.
• Severe worry or anxiety, as shown by regular refusal to go to school, go to sleep or take part in activities that are normal for the child's age.
• Hyperactivity; fidgeting; constant movement beyond regular playing.
• Persistent nightmares.
• Persistent disobedience or aggression (longer than 6 months) and provocative opposition to authority figures.
• Frequent, unexplainable temper tantrums.

Pre-Adolescents and Adolescents

• Marked change in school performance.
• Inability to cope with problems and daily activities.
• Marked changes in sleeping and/or eating habits.
• Frequent physical complaints.
• Sexual acting out.
• Depression shown by sustained, prolonged negative mood and attitude, often accompanied by poor appetite, difficulty sleeping or thoughts of death.
• Abuse of alcohol and/or drugs.
• Intense fear of becoming obese with no relationship to actual body weight, purging food or restricting eating.
• Persistent nightmares.
• Threats of self-harm or harm to others.
• Self-injury or self destructive behavior.
• Frequent outbursts of anger, aggression.
• Threats to run away.
• Aggressive or non-aggressive consistent violation of rights of others; opposition to authority, truancy, thefts, or vandalism.
• Strange thoughts, beliefs, feelings, or unusual behaviors.

If problems persist over an extended period of time and especially if others involved in the child's life are concerned, consultation with a child and adolescent psychiatrist or other clinician specifically trained to work with children may be helpful.

Sources:

• American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry

A perfect parenting guide doesn’t exist because there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. Parents are human. Parents make mistakes no matter how hard they try not to. This drive to be perfect can zap the joy out of parenthood and rob you of the opportunity to simply be close to your kids. While there isn’t a perfect parenting guide, there are guiding principles to help you be a great parent the way you define parenting.

Your ‘Perfect’ Parenting Guide

“…parenting happens to be one of the hardest jobs in the world and yet it’s the only one we don’t get any training for.” (Jessica Joelle Alexander, n.d.)

The thought of forging ahead deep into the unknown territory of parenthood can instill fear, anxiety, and stress into the most loving of parents’ hearts. While there’s little (if no) training for this job, there is a parenting guide to help.

It might seem unbelievable at first, but it is quite true: The best parenting guide for you and your kids is…you.  You are your own best parenting guide, even if you’re new at parenting or new at parenting a child at any stage of development from babyhood to late adolescence.

Of course, you’ll seek parenting advice from multiple sources, but what you’re really doing is gathering information and assimilating it into your parental belief system. You use parenting resources to become your own handbook. If you have a spouse or partner, create this work of parenting art together.

Using Yourself as Your Parenting Guide

To build your personal parenting manual, start with introspection. Reflect on yourself and who you are. What will drive you as a parent? Consider such things as:

• Your values, the sense of what is important to you for your family
• Your thoughts on discipline—what does “discipline” mean to you, when do you think you should use it, how do you think discipline should be (there are almost as many definitions as there are parents, and with the exception of spanking, there isn’t a single discipline or parenting style recommended for every family)
• Your communication style and how you want to talk to your kids
• How your parents raised you (what worked well, and what didn’t work all that great)

As you reflect on these and other topics, craft a mission statement. In a few sentences (or less), summarize why you will do what you do as a parent. What do you think is your parental responsibility to your kids?

Consider this when you form your mission statement: As parents, we’re not raising kids; we’re raising adults. The ultimate goal is a well-adjusted, successfully functioning, independent adult. That’s only general, of course. You get to decide what this means to you. That definition will shape your parenting guide.

Writing Your Own Best Parenting Guide

Your parenting guide is personal and geared specifically to you and your family. As you continue to reflect on what’s important to you as a parent and for your kids, shape your thoughts into your guiding principles of good parenting. Below are some important topics to address.

• Love is paramount. Love is best expressed through actions (like the middle school writing lesson you might have learned, “Show. Don’t tell.”) How will you be involved and present in your children’s lives? How will you let your kids know that they’re your priority?
• Nurturing kids can boost their mental health and prevent depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and substance use. List things you can do with your child to foster their mental health.
• Kids need routines for predictability, stability, and habit-formation. What daily routines are important for you to create?
• Foster your children’s independence by assigning chores. What fits their age and ability levels? How much do you want your kids to have input into the chore list?
• What will you do with your kids to nurture character traits like curiosity, cooperation, drive, empathy, honesty, resilience, respect, self-control, social skills, and work ethic?
• How will you help your kids cultivate their interests and passions?
• Does your family have a spiritual life? How will you pass your spiritual beliefs and values on to your children?
• In what ways will you treat your children with respect? How will you teach them to respect you and others?

Completing the above activities will give you a working draft of your own perfect parenting guide. It will be ‘perfect’ in that it’s created by you for your own unique, wonderful family. It won’t be flawless, though, because when it comes to kids and the parenting of them, flawless perfection is impossible and parenting fails will happen.

Revise your guidebook over the years and with changes your family experiences. Through it all, if you’ve created and reworked your parenting guide with love and positive intentions, you’ll have the ‘perfect’ parenting guide around for healthy, happy kids (read some Parenting Quotes for inspiration).

article references

Ideas and strategies to help your child manage their problem behaviors resulting from sexual abuse.

Helping your child means helping him/her identify and use activities that can make him/her feel better and reduce their anxiety. Some activities could include: finding someone to talk to, picture drawing, relaxation exercises, play activities with a special purpose or something as common as using a night light.

Some of the ideas and strategies will be more successful with some children than with others. It will be up to you as your child's parent to determine which ideas are better suited to your child's personality and specific situation.

Problem Behaviors You Might See in a Sexually Abused Child and What You Can Do to Help

Fears

Fears can be considered common in children between the ages of 2-6 years. More common fears include fear of dogs or animals; fear of the dark; fear of thunder/storms; fear of ghosts; and fear of insects. Children learn to be afraid and parents often model fears for their children.

In the case of sexually abused children, key factors associated with fear are: fear of recurrence of the sexual abuse even after disclosure; fear of follow through on threats made by the child's perpetrator; fear of retaliation by the perpetrator; fear of negative parental reaction and a generalized fear towards persons who have physical features that resemble the perpetrator, for example: adult males who wear glasses and have a mustache like the child's perpetrator.

Often, because of their age, preschool children are unable to verbalize their fears including identifying why they are afraid. Unverbalized fears can take the form of anger, somatic complaints such as tummy aches and nightmares.

Parents can help their children most by helping him/her to identify and overcome unreasonable fears. Having a nonjudgmental and supportive attitude is crucial. For example, ask, "What can I do to help you feel safe?" OR you can provide suggestions such as, "I wonder if having a night light on in your room would help you feel safe?" OR validate your child's fear, such as, "It looks like this is going to be scary for you to do today, that's okay, I will help you get through it".

Some children will use their own resources and create routines and rituals to help feel safer. An example of a ritual is: checking the windows, closet and doors every night before bedtime. Other examples include: keeping a small light on in their room at bedtime, putting a flashlight under their pillow, or insisting that the bedroom door stay open/closed.

Parents can also help their children by providing explanations and reassurance. For example, when helping your child deal with fear of noises, provide a reasonable explanation about what could have caused the noise, such as the wind, the cat under the bed, etc. Providing reassurance, such as, "I will check on you while you sleep" OR "I will leave my door open so that if you need me you can yell and I'll hear you". Suggesting to your child that re-arranging their room might get rid of scary shadows could be reassuring as well as offering an explanation. Another way of being reassuring is to explain: "Your fear will get smaller and smaller" OR "We will work together to get over your fears" OR "I will help you feel safe from your fears".

With young children who are unable to verbalize fear, it is helpful to use feeling words similar to the following: "I wonder, when you check the closet, doors and windows if you are afraid" OR "Being scared makes your tummy hurt." Reflecting your child's feelings helps him/her to learn to identify their feelings while giving them permission to say what they might be feeling.

Modeling calmness and providing a message of optimism that your child can survive their fears is also very important. You could state, "I know you can get through this" OR "I know how brave you can be" OR "I remember, you were brave when ______ and I know you can be brave again like that now".

Some children are able to verbalize fear of their perpetrator. It could be reassuring to establish a plan of safety with your child. For example, when a perpetrator is not in jail and the child has expressed a fear of retaliation, a safety plan could include a calm, matter of fact review of adults in your child's life whom are possible protectors. Other kinds of safety plans could include a discussion about what-if situations and ideas about ways they could help keep themselves safe.

A more specific strategy useful in reducing anxiety around fear is to teach your child to "self-talk". This is where you teach him/her to talk to him/herself to get through a potential scary situation. For example: your child tells self, "I can do this." OR "I'm brave".

Another specific strategy is to read books about other children who have fears. This can help to normalize and lessen feelings of being different.

Play can be another means of "mastering" or overcoming fear. Children will use play to act out how to deal with their fear and to help to relieve/reduce their fear. Parents can interact with their child through play offering suggestions and practicing how to deal with specific fearful situations. For example: using a doll to coach another doll to be brave before going to the doctor or helping a doll to talk about his/her fears.

Relaxation can also help a child reduce their level of distress from fear. For example, a soothing back rub just before naptime, listening to calming music as part of a ritual or routine and teaching relaxation exercises such as deep breathing can be helpful to your child.

Nightmares

Sleep problems including nightmares are common in children ages 1-6. The two different kinds of sleep problems we will discuss are night terrors and nightmares.

Night terrors occur suddenly in a sleeping child, usually early in their sleep. The child will thrash about wildly, while screaming and appearing to be intensely frightened. The child may appear to be awake but is not. They will also appear to be confused and will be unable to communicate.

Children having night terrors will not be aware of their parents presence and will not remember the night terror event. If your child suffers night terrors it is usually best not to try to wake him/her. Most children will gradually relax and can then be encouraged to lay down and fall back asleep. Night terrors are not as common as nightmares in sexually abused children.

Nightmares are more common in children and are frequently associated with stress. Parents know about nightmares because their child wakes them up crying or yelling in fear. They usually occur late in a child's nightime sleep. Nightmares are intense and frightening for the child and he/she has difficulty getting back to sleep. Children suffering from nightmares may need physical or verbal comfort from their parent(s).

Sexually abused children appear to have frequent nightmares. These nightmares could include actual content from the child's sexual abuse experience or be the result of bottled up feelings such as anger or fear. Some nightmares include themes of monsters, "bad people" and snakes. Nightmares can be so intense and real that children may have difficulty distinguishing them as not real. The following are some specific ideas for helping your child with their nightmares:

1) Some children may be afraid to talk about their nightmares, believing that if they did the nightmare would come true. Encourage them to talk about, act out or draw pictures of their nightmare while explaining that nightmares are not real but make- believe.

2) Provide verbal reassurance, "If you need me to stay with you until you fall asleep, I will".

3) Provide statements that will normalize nightmares for your child, such as: "Other kids that had a touching problem like you, have nightmares too" or "Most kids have nightmares when they are scared." Read books about other children's nightmares and how they confronted them.

4) Bolster bedtime routines such as:

• provide a quiet time before bedtime
• read a comforting story
• talk about good dreams
• provide comforting music
• lie down with your child in their room and bed
• rock your child or give a back rub
• provide a relaxing bath

5) Be creative, think up and act out safe or humorous endings to nightmares.

6) Make a "dream helper" or "nightmare buster", a powerful yet friendly helper to protect from or chase away nightmares. For example, a dream helper could be a special stuffed animal, a nightmare buster could be a picture of Batman drawn by your child and hung on the door.

7) When helping your child return to sleep after being awakened by a nightmare it will be most helpful to provide physical comfort and verbal reassurance that, he/she is in a safe place and nightmares are not real and can't hurt. It could also be helpful to turn on a light in your child's bedroom to show them that are in a safe place. Any of the above suggestions could also be helpful, such as: a back rub, lying down with your child until they fall back to sleep, comforting music or a book.

Sexualized Behaviors

Sexual behaviors observed in preschool and school-aged children are a part of normal sexual development. When children are sexually abused they are prematurely introduced to sexual stimulation and pleasure that they are unable to understand and cope with because of their young age. Many of their sexual behaviors are a learned response to the perpetrator and sexual abuse acts. Sexual abuse may also increase a child's normal interest in sexual matters.

Children most often tell parents, by their behavior about their level of distress. Young children who are sexually abused appear to have more problem behaviors in the area of sexuality. These include:

1) excessive masturbation,

2) sexual acting out with peers,

3) pseudo-mature or false mature sexual behaviors, and

4) confusion over sexual identity and what is appropriate sexually between children and adults.

When helping your child with problem sexual behaviors it is very important that you maintain a matter of fact, nonjudgemental and firm attitude. Reacting in this way reduces the powerfulness of the behavior.

The following are some ideas and strategies helpful in dealing with excessive or public masturbation:

1) Reflect the child's confusion, such as "you must be confused about what is okay, I'll help you". Follow-up with specific expectations and limits.

2) Explain and set limits in a matter of fact tone and simple language. For example, when masturbation is in public, you could state "masturbation can be done in the bathroom or bedroom but not in the living room or grocery store".

3) Distract child when masturbation occurs before sleep by offering a soothing alternative like a back rub or quiet music.

4) Interrupt public masturbation without punishing and suggest an alternative behavior such as playing a game.

The following are some ideas and strategies helpful in dealing with inappropriate sexual acting out with peers and play with toys:

1) Set limits with a matter of fact, firm voice but not a punitive voice.

2) Supervise or monitor your child's play with peers and toys, so if necessary you can interrupt and set appropriate limits.

3) When the play is with toys and in front of a peer, use words such as, "it doesn't look like your friend likes that kind of play" and redirect to another more appropriate activity.

4) Some sexual play with toys and sexual acting out with peers can be the result of sexual abuse memories experienced by your child. Your child may be demonstrating or re-enacting them through his/her play to gain control over or an understanding of what happened to him/her. When the play is with toys such as, two dolls having sex, you may choose to interrupt or allow your child the opportunity to replay the situation. If you choose to give your child time to re-enact their experience it is important that you watch for continuous, endless play. If your child appears to be involved in repetitive play without a resolution or a "safe" ending, you may want to join your child's play and act out a safer ending. Some parents may have difficulty helping their child with these kinds of behaviors and if this is your experience you are encouraged to contact a child therapist for guidance.

5) Teach your child accurate sex education and sexuality information, using correct terms and correcting misinformation.

6) When the behavior is sexual acting out with a peer, use words such as, "it was not okay for _____ to touch your penis/vagina and it is not okay for you to touch ______ in their penis/vagina" OR "you are in charge of your penis/vagina, it's up to you to take good care of it." OR "it's up to you to make sure you give only safe touches."

7) When the behaviors are provocative or seductive, use words such as, "I like it much better when you give me a hug and kiss like this, (demonstrate)". After you have set these limits and demonstrated for child, catch him/her giving the appropriate affection and praise him/her. OR use words such as this, "I think you are confused about what are okay ways of showing that you love."

Sources:

• Dane County Commission on Sensitive Crimes

Are you looking for a list of child behavior disorders? You’ll find a comprehensive list of child behavior disorders below; but first, let’s briefly examine what they are.

Child behavior disorders involve extreme, problematic behaviors that are disruptive at best and aggressive, even harmful, at worst. To be considered a diagnosable disorder, a child’s behavior must be more disorderly and last longer (usually six months or more) than the misbehavior, tantrums, and “naughty” behavior that all kids engage in from time to time. Often, discipline methods that are successful with other kids don’t work at all for a child with a behavior disorder.

If you’re struggling with a child who has behavior problems like lying, stealing, threatening, harming themselves or others, relentless arguing, and strong temper tantrums, this comprehensive list of child behavior disorders could be helpful in sorting out what your child is experiencing and communicating your concerns to your child’s doctor. The list is divided into categories. Disorders in the first category are considered behavior disorders by the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-5, their official manual of mental disorders. Others have a disruptive behavior component but don’t predominantly relate to behavior.

Regardless of how they’re categorized, these child behavior disorders are tough to deal with. Let this list be your guide in learning about your child’s intense, negative behavior.

Disruptive, Impulse-Control, and Conduct Disorders

What all behavior disorders have in common are problems in emotional and/or behavioral self-control. However, disruptive, impulse-control, and conduct disorders violate the rights of others through aggression, destruction of property, etc. These include oppositional defiant disorder, intermittent explosive disorder, and conduct disorder.

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). ODD involves anger and irritability. Children with ODD are argumentative, defiant, and vindictive but are not willfully aggressive toward others or physically harmful.

Intermittent explosive disorder. A child with this behavior disorder is impulsive and aggressive, as seen in explosive tantrums, fights, and verbal arguments. Children come close to, but stop short of, causing physical harm to someone or destroying property.

Conduct disorder. Conduct disorder is considered by many to be the most frightening of all child behavior disorders. Children with this illness are aggressive and potentially harmful to others, even using weapons to cause physical harm. They’re destructive and deceitful, and they violate rules and do what they want, even before the teen years.

Neurodevelopmental Disorders

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Because of the hyperactivity and impulsivity component of ADHD, kids can seem intentionally disruptive and oppositional. However, the problem isn’t behavioral but instead is neurological, impacting the brain’s executive functioning.

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Autism is not a behavior disorder, but, depending on the child, it can be disruptive and have a behavioral component. This typically involves outbursts or resistance that aligns with the child’s symptoms.

Specific learning disorder. There are different types of learning disorders. Rarely does a learning problem have a disruptive behavior component. Like the other neurodevelopmental disorders here, learning disorders can cause frustration, causing irritability, general acting out, and provoking arguments with others. Sometimes, children want to hide their learning struggles, so they misbehave as a cover-up.

Anxiety and Mood Disorders

Generalized, social, and other anxiety disorders. Children with one or more anxiety disorders often feel in distress, and when they’re in a situation that elevates their anxiety, they may become disruptive (throwing tantrums and having meltdowns) and oppositional. The purpose is not to misbehave but to avoid or escape the stressful situation.

Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD). Kids with DMDD are almost always irritable and angry. They also have frequent temper outbursts involving verbal rage and physical aggression.

Bipolar disorder. While this disorder involving disruptive mood swings from depression to mania can be diagnosed in children, it is done so only with caution. In kids, components of the manic side of bipolar disorder look like many other behavior disorders: hyperactivity, aggression, impulsiveness, and socially inappropriate behavior.

A child with a behavior disorder causes significant, ongoing, problems for parents, siblings. teachers, and anyone else in the child’s life. These behaviors extend far past childhood problem behaviors. Seeking professional help for your child, yourself, and your family is important in managing child behavior disorders.

article references

Conduct disorder interventions can help your child or teenager who has this diagnosis. Professionals at Johns Hopkins Medicine (n.d.) sort the behavior of kids with conduct disorder into four primary categories: aggressive, destructive, deceitful, and/or rule-breaking. When applied consistently, conduct disorder interventions help you, your child, and your whole family.

One of the most powerful assets for children and teenagers with conduct disorder is a supportive parent. If you are available for your child and willing to listen, their behavior is likely to improve. Establishing a positive, loving home environment also helps kids with conduct disorder. These kids do better when their home is a low-stress place to be and is structured, predictable, and secure.

Being supportive and creating a positive environment is often easier said than done. The nature of conduct disorder causes kids to resist authority and rules, have a negative or even angry attitude, argue, disrupt family life, and even be cruel to pets, parents, and siblings. How, then, can a parent be loving, supportive, and create a positive home atmosphere? Conduct disorder interventions help, and perhaps surprisingly, you can discipline a child with conduct disorder. Let’s look at how you can do it.

How to Discipline a Child with Conduct Disorder at Home

Just by reading this article, you’ve taken an important first step in disciplining your child or teen. Educating yourself is crucial to help you understand why kids with conduct disorder behave the way they do and how to reach them. Equipped with deeper understanding, you’ll be more confident in disciplining effectively.

The general principles of discipline apply to all kids and adolescents, including those with conduct disorder. When your child has conduct disorder, though, your approach needs to be intensified: more structure, clearer rules, and firm (but still loving) delivery and follow-through.

How to discipline your child with conduct disorder while they’re at home involves specific principles:

• Establish rules that are reasonable, fair, logical, and consistent. Discuss them with your child so they know what they are, but don’t negotiate.
• Set firm limits and boundaries. Stick with them.
• To avoid power struggles around rules and limits, establish clear consequences, and let your child know in no uncertain terms what they are.
• The rules and the consequences for breaking them need to be enforced consistently—the same way every time. Avoid giving your child chances to manipulate you or get away with something.
• While difficult, remain calm in any discipline situation. Don’t react in fear, anxiety, or anger, and don’t create emotional drama. Your child wants these reactions and considers it a victory when you escalate.

A big part of disciplining your child with conduct disorder is establishing and maintaining a positive relationship despite the negativity involved in the illness. Stay connected to your child by talking kindly to them, being present, and encouraging them to spend time with you doing something they want to do. All this becomes easier when you don’t take your child’s negative behavior personally. His words and actions may seem hateful toward you, but they are only part of the disorder.

Your discipline efforts will be easier and more successful when you enlist professional assistance.

Professional Interventions for Conduct Disorder Help

Conduct disorder requires professional help. Interventions include:

• Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) for the child or teen to learn better ways of interacting with the world
• Group therapy with other kids living with conduct disorder to help build social skills
• Medication to treat other mental health conditions (medication doesn’t treat conduct disorder itself)
• Family therapy, in part to learn how to communicate and interact with the child with conduct disorder

Professional interventions for conduct disorder should be long-term and regular. Keeping all appointments is important. When a parent is active in the treatment, following through with recommendations and communicating regularly, the child is more likely to make positive behavior changes.

Helping Conduct Disorder: Form a Team

When the adults in a child’s life coordinate their actions, everyone benefits. Work with your child’s therapist and school to create consistent behavior expectations and a system for consequences.

As the parent, you are the primary discipline provider, the one who keeps track of interventions from therapists, doctors, and the school, and the person in the best position to coordinate communication and information from all fronts. You also know what is working so everyone can do more of what works and less of what doesn’t.

In learning how to discipline a child with conduct disorder, be patient. Changing behaviors and attitudes takes time. Conduct disorder interventions help your child grow into a productive adult living a quality, prosocial, independent life.

See Also:

• Discipline and Interventions for Child with DMDD
• How to Discipline a Child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder

article references

While teen suicide is a scary reality, as it represents 20% of all deaths annually in the ages of 15-24, we know that teen suicide prevention is possible. Schools, parents, organizations, and society as a whole have a part to play in preventing teen suicide.

How to Prevent Teen Suicide – Education

One of the things that are so insidious about suicide is that it is often kept a secret. There is a myth that talking about suicide will actually encourage teens to do it. This is not the case. We know from research that education about suicide is actually a way of preventing teen suicide.

The American Psychological Association has put these research findings into action by creating Stop a Suicide Today!, a school-based suicide prevention program. This program teaches people how to recognize the signs of suicide in family members, friends, and coworkers and empowers people to step in if signs are seen. Other important areas of suicide education include addressing suicide myths, educating about the link between mental illnesses, like depression, and suicide and what to do about suicidal thoughts. The program emphasizes getting mental health help for those in need as a way of preventing teen suicide.

Other organizations, such as Suicide Awareness Voices of Education and The Trevor Project also have public awareness events that encourage suicide awareness and education.

Prevent Teen Suicide – Suicide Screening

The American Psychological Association has also developed The Teen Screen®, a community-based mental health program that has been shown to accurately identify youth who have a mental illness or who are at risk of suicidal behavior. This program enlists the help of parents and aids them in identifying and connecting with local mental health services where the teen can get the help he or she needs.

Suicide screening should always be done by a professional and if you feel a teen is at risk of suicidal behavior, make sure they are properly evaluated by a doctor or psychologist.

Ways to Prevent Teen Suicide – Resources

Additional resources, accessible by anyone, are also important weapons in teen suicide prevention. Foremost, the United States has a national suicide hotline called The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline that is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week to answer calls from anyone in any type of emotional distress, including thoughts of suicide. This hotline is staffed by professionals who can support people through these times and connect them with crisis centers and other mental health resources.

A teen-specific suicide prevention lifeline is one run by Boys Town National Hotline (for everyone, not just men), available 24 hours a day and is called Your Life, Your Voice. This hotline also accepts emails and offers chat and text messaging support.

Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE) is a non-profit also dedicated to prevent suicide through public awareness and education. SAVE offers suicide prevention and depression information and information on coping with loss.

The Trevor Project runs a hotline, chat and text message suicide prevention programs specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. The Trevor Project is specifically dedicated to suicide prevention.

• The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
• Youth Helpline, Your Life Your Voice: 1-800-448-3000 http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/SitePages/Home.aspx
• SAVE: http://save.org
• The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

A look at a child's behavioral changes as a result of being a victim of sexual abuse.

Behavioral Changes in Your Sexually Abused Child

Behavioral changes as a result of your child's sexual abuse experience are to be expected. These changes are normal responses to a highly stressful experience, even though that experience has stopped because of disclosure. Children have limited verbal skills in expressing their stress; therefore most children will express their distress through their behavior.

Professionals refer to behavioral difficulties or symptoms exhibited by your child immediately after disclosure as the "immediate or short-term effects" of sexual abuse. Children also suffer "long-term effects" from sexual abuse. The majority of professionals define long term effects as behavioral difficulties and symptoms experienced by a child victim up to two years after disclosure.

How Seriously Will the Sexually Abused Child be Affected?

Children are affected by their sexual abuse experience in different ways and at differing degrees of severity. The following are some of the factors that will influence the degree of severity of the sexual abuse on your child:

1) Support and belief by parents and significant other adults is the most significant factor that can reduce the negative impact of sexual abuse. When a parent/child relationship is relatively healthy and positive, the negative impact is reduced for the child victim.

2) A child's own internal coping resources will impact the effects of sexual abuse. For example, if a child is stress-resilient and has not had any other serious life stressors there could be a reduced negative impact. When children have already experienced life stressors, such as physical abuse and domestic violence, their self-esteem and resiliency is already lowered and they face even greater difficulties from the additional stress of sexual victimization.

3) The child's age and developmental level influence the impact of sexual abuse. Generally, professionals believe that the younger the child's chronological age or the younger the developmental stage of the child the more serious the negative effects. Also, girl victims appear to process the effects of their sexual abuse differently from boy victims. For example, boys are more apt to act out their anger about the abuse, where girls are prone to hold their anger inside and direct it at themselves.

4) Children who have a trusting, parental type relationship with their perpetrator appear to feel the effects of sexual abuse more seriously than children who were sexually abused by a baby-sitter or non-family member. Related to this relationship factor is denial by the child's perpetrator. For example, if a child has a close trusting relationship with their perpetrator who denies the sexual abuse, that child will suffer a more negative impact than when the perpetrator acknowledges and takes responsibility for the sexual abuse.

5) When physical abuse, threats or intimidation accompany the sexual abuse, children appear to be more seriously affected.

Sources:

• Dane County Commission on Sensitive Crimes