I've been working through ways to build better self-esteem. I've laid out how long of a journey it can be. Like any long journey, the feeling of being stuck will pop up now and then. I've started to feel stuck over the last couple of weeks. Today, I'll talk about managing that feeling and getting back on track by resetting your perspective.

Reset Your Perspective When You Feel Stuck

I talked about finding positive aspects and sharing them with others in my last two posts. I've found this to be very helpful in understanding my place in the world.

However, sometimes I feel like I'm not making enough progress. Lack of progress can come in many forms. It may feel like being bored with work or not wanting to get out of bed on an off day. No matter what it looks like, it doesn't feel great. Let's talk about how resetting your perspective can help you break out of that slump.

Resetting Perspective and Setting Goals

I went into therapy today feeling like I was stuck. I've been feeling like this about my writing and acting career, so it weighed on me a good bit. I felt like the low man on the totem pole at work. I didn't book a single acting gig last year, and I haven't had any luck this year either. I was stuck.

When I listed these issues to my therapist, he suggested resetting my perspective. Rather than looking at all the things not going my way, he had me list all of the things that were. I came up with the following statements:

• I'm 24 years old and working full-time as a writer.
• I made it to the final round of casting for multiple roles in the last six months.
• I'm organizing a fantastic concert for my hometown to boost its economy.

Those three things made me realize I wasn't stuck at all. I was focusing on the things I hadn't accomplished rather than those I had. I then thought about some small, actionable goals I could achieve that would keep me moving forward. The first thing I can do is go to the gym three times this week. I always feel so much better about my progress in life after I work out, so accomplishing that goal will feel really good.

A New Perspective Is Key to Self-Esteem Recovery

It's okay to feel stuck sometimes. It's a part of life. However, taking control over that feeling and improving it is powerful. It's helped my self-esteem because I feel stronger each time I work through a slump like this. Resetting your perspective allows you to take a step back from the circumstances you're currently in and get a good scope of your actual progress.

I'll end this post with something my therapist told me today that really stuck with me.

"Your brain is very good at recovering; you just have to point it in the right direction."

I am someone who genuinely loves to exercise. I know this claim might elicit some eye rolls, but it's true. I even had a therapist at a residential treatment program once tell me that she suspected fitness would always be an integral part of my life. The trick, she continued, was learning to create a balanced relationship with how I choose to work out. It's been more than 10 years since that conversation, but I still have to be so careful about using exercise to stabilize my emotions in eating disorder recovery.

The Potential Harm of Using Exercise to Stabilize Emotions

I will state for the record that, in healthy moderation, exercise can be a beneficial intervention to cope with the effects of chronic stress, anxiety, or depression. In fact, researchers found that people who maintained at least some kind of fitness routine during the 2020 stay-at-home restrictions exhibited more positive, resilient mental health outcomes than those who were sedentary.¹ (Of course, no criticism whatsoever to anyone who didn't—or couldn't—exercise in quarantine. It was hard enough just to function at times.)

So to be clear, I do not entirely discourage the use of movement for stress management. However, I also think it's important for those with eating disorder histories to understand the potential harm of being too reliant on exercise as a mood or emotional stabilizer. While I can only share from my own experience, I find that when I choose to work out right in the thick of intense, volatile, or unprocessed emotions, I am more likely to overexert myself. And if it turns into a recurring habit, this opens the door for compulsive eating disorder behaviors to creep back in, no matter how long I have been in recovery. 

Becoming too dependent on exercise to stabilize emotions could affect physical health as well. Research from an American Heart Association journal, Circulation, reveals that working out in the midst of acute anger or upset can lead to a heart attack.²  This is because intense emotions raise blood pressure levels and cause the pulse to quicken. Combining those two biomarkers with the stress load of exercise can place a dangerous strain on the heart, so in the interest of both safety and wellbeing, please be careful about using exercise to stabilize emotions.

Exercise in Moderation for Emotional and Physical Wellness

As I mentioned earlier, fitness is an enjoyable and integral part of my life, but I also recognize the need to be cautious about exercising when I am not in a stable headspace. If I feel a particularly deep emotion such as anger, fear, shame, anxiety, or grief, I have to be honest with myself that it's not the time for a vigorous workout. I'm not always able to control the eating disorder compulsion to overexercise when my emotions are running the show.

Ideally, I will take a moment like that to pause, breathe, then do something mindful or creative to restore my sense of peace and balance. But if the urge to move feels inescapable, I will choose a gentle, moderate pace to calm my fierce, accelerated energy rather than choosing a pace that would continue to exacerbate it. A quiet walk outside or a yoga flow in my bedroom can do absolute wonders for my mental health in periods of inner turmoil. I also find it helpful to set a 30-minute alarm on my phone, so I won't lose track of time and exert myself for hours on end.

I know just how tempting it can be to drown out heavy, uncomfortable feelings with intense physical activities. But I also firmly believe it's important to be careful about using exercise to stabilize emotions—specifically for those in eating disorder recovery.   

Sources

1. Hu, S. et al., "Beneficial Effects of Exercise on Depression and Anxiety During the COVID-19 Pandemic: A Narrative Review." Frontiers in Psychiatry, November 4, 2020.
2. Smyth, A. et al., "Physical Activity and Anger or Emotional Upset as Triggers of Acute Myocardial Infarction." Circulation, October 11, 2016. 

The mornings I've woken up after a binge have been the lowest points of my self-esteem. No matter how many times you've recovered from a binge, it's always an awful feeling to wake up and remember what happened the day before. How do you recover after a binge? How do you help yourself so you don't continue the cycle of binge eating and restriction?

Tips for Recovering from Binge Eating

I use these tips whenever I'm struggling with restrictive eating or binge eating. Either way, these tips help move my attention from food to my values and what is going on outside of my struggles. I know from experience that binge eating will be overshadowed by better days. These tips also help as a general reset whenever you want to work on building your self-esteem.

1. Rise -- It's overwhelming to get out of bed after a binge. However, getting out of bed immediately and starting the motions of caring for yourself will move you out of your discomfort quicker than if you stayed in bed longer. 
2. Tend to your body -- It may sound like nothing new, but drinking a glass of water, taking a shower, or stretching your body after rising sets an immediate tone to the new day; you are taking care of yourself. You might feel a little positive momentum after tending to your body, which is so helpful to move through discomfort after a binge.
3. Find different scenery -- It can be helpful to change your scenery the morning after a binge. You could take a short walk or go on a drive. Sometimes just stepping outside for a few minutes can pull you out of negative thoughts. You can hopefully re-enter your home with a slight shift in perspective.
4. Remind yourself -- As you recover from a binge, remind yourself what your values are. If you aren't sure what your values are, it might be helpful to evaluate what they might be. We should direct ourselves towards our values as a place to start when we don't know how to feel better. Here's a journal prompt if you need help discovering your values: If you could take back the time you've struggled with binge eating disorder, what would you spend that time doing? Who would you spend the time with?
5. Celebrate -- After every kind action you do for yourself after a binge, take a second to acknowledge what you've been able to do. Be proud of every little thing. Celebrate drinking a glass of water, going for a walk, stretching, sending someone you love a text, or getting out of bed. Celebrate every time you take back your day after a binge. 

Overcoming a Binge

I want to acknowledge how difficult it is to rebuild your confidence after a binge. The intention behind these tips is to gently shift you into a different, more hopeful state of mind. If you have been struggling with binge eating lately, I hope you take extra good care of yourself today.

How do you recover from a binge? What rebuilds your self-esteem? Let me know in the comments what helps you.

Hi, I'm Michael Thomas Kincella, and I’m the new co-author of Living with Adult ADHD. I'm a freelance writer living and working in Glasgow, originally from Ireland. More importantly, I'm a freelance writer living and working in Glasgow dealing with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), diagnosed a few years ago at the ripe old age of 32.

Michael Thomas Kincella Lives with Adult ADHD Without Knowing It

Until the ADHD diagnosis, I struggled to get anything together. My ADHD symptoms like impulsivity, overthinking, underperforming, procrastination, poor time management, and high start-then-quit incidence rates are – I hope you agree – ingredients for disaster, not, say, a burgeoning career in freelance writing.

If you're like me, you understand the internal conflicts and general frustration that goes hand in hand with ADHD. You wonder if you're just lazy.

“Well, if I'm lazy,” you might say to yourself, “why can't I sit in this chair? Isn't sitting down among the laziest activities there is? How do I reconcile the desire to get things done with the inability to sit down for more than ten minutes straight and perform a task?” 

As you probably know, sitting down and staying put isn't easy at all if you have adult ADHD.

Michael Thomas Kincella’s Goals for the ‘Living with Adult ADHD’ Blog

For more on Michael Thomas Kincella and his goals for the Living with Adult ADHD blog, watch this:

Over the course of this blog, I'll tell you how I learned to stay put. I'll show you how I got things together. And I'll take moments of personal anguish dealing with ADHD and present them for you here in real stories: as camaraderie for the diagnosed among you and as a bat signal to help the undiagnosed check if my experiences line up with your own experiences. In any event, the goal of the Living with Adult ADHD blog is primarily to help.

When I am anxious, one of the main symptoms I experience is a loss of sleep. And this is due to a couple of reasons -- first of all, my heart rate increases when I'm anxious, especially if I've had a panic attack. When this happens, it is hard to fall asleep and stay asleep. The other reason is that I will find myself thinking about whatever I'm worried or stressed about, and those racing thoughts make it difficult to sleep as my mind works overtime. Even if I fall asleep, I will wake up in the middle of the night and have a hard time going back to sleep, and so I might find myself fully awake before dawn.

How It Feels When You Can't Sleep Because of Anxiety

When you can't sleep because of anxiety, it can create a cycle of anxiety and lack of sleep. For example, I will find that I feel even more anxious the next day because of the lack of sleep, and then the increased anxiety contributes to having an even harder time sleeping. It is not until I am completely exhausted that I will get a restful night of sleep, but at that point, multiple days have passed by, and I've already had to cope with the effects of fatigue. These include feeling like I am in a brain fog for much of the day, having difficulty concentrating, and not having very much energy. 

Being anxious can make it difficult for your brain to relax, and I know that this is something I struggle with that makes it hard for me to fall asleep when it is time to go to bed. While I often share strategies for falling asleep and staying asleep, even if I use these strategies, it can still be hard to rest if I am in the middle of a stressful situation that worsens my anxiety.

What to Do When Anxiety Makes It Hard to Sleep

So what can you do if you are in the middle of a cycle of not sleeping because you are anxious and feeling even more anxious because you can't sleep?

In my experience, the key is in calming your nervous system to help you settle into sleep. I use calming techniques, such as mindfulness meditation. Practicing mindfulness is something that I have found calms my anxious brain in many situations.

It is also helpful for me to watch my caffeine consumption. In these situations, it is important that I reduce the coffee that I drink since I have noticed that caffeine exacerbates my anxiety. Because of this, I will reduce any caffeine that I drink, which is usually coffee.

Something else that can be helpful is a calming distraction. I find that reading a book before I go to sleep can calm me, and sometimes calming music or sounds can be helpful as well.

Lastly, I find it beneficial to focus on my breathing. Taking slow, deep breaths can help to slow the heart rate. Since this is so important for settling into sleep, I find it helpful to concentrate on it. When my mind starts to wander -- especially to something that I know will make me increasingly anxious, I bring my mind back to my breath and focus on it moving in and out of my body.

I have found this to be helpful for me in times of heightened anxiety and can't sleep. Share any strategies you use in the comments below.

Overdoing it with bipolar is not mentally healthy. Overdoing it is something people are encouraged to do regularly. The 9:00 a.m.-5:00 p.m. workday is a laugh for many people as work follows them, via cell phone, home, to the gym, and to the park with the kids. And then there's cooking, cleaning, friends, obligations, hobbies, and more with which to contend. And that doesn't even take into account "side hustle," which, for some reason, we're all supposed to have now. And while some people can handle a go-go-go lifestyle, people with a serious mental illness certainly cannot. When you have bipolar disorder, overdoing it comes with a very hefty price.

Why Do People with Bipolar Want to Overdo It?

I think part of the danger is that people with bipolar disorder want to overdo it. I suspect this is because of two reasons: 

1. We fall victim to the same pressures as everyone else.
2. We don't want to admit to our limits.

People with bipolar disorder live in the same society as everyone else. We have dreams. We want to be rich. We want to be successful. This is common regardless of mental illness. So, of course, we feel the same pressures as everyone else to overdo it -- even with bipolar disorder.

The trouble is, we have an illness that creates boundaries that are stricter and more constricting than other people. Other people may be able to skimp on sleep without an effect greater than tiredness. Other people may be able to undergo months of extreme stress without serious negative effects taking hold. Both of these things are unlikely for people with bipolar disorder. Additional limits are also common. And it's normal to want to hide these limitations and show that you're "like everyone else" because you're feeling pressure to do so either from others or even just from yourself. No one wants to admit that they can't handle what other people can. No one wants to admit to being sick, no matter how sick a person may be.

What Is the Price for Overdoing It with Bipolar Disorder?

What I have noticed is that you'll suffer far more from overdoing it than you'll gain with bipolar disorder.

For example:

• If I don't sleep enough for only one night, I might feel it for a week.
• If I don't take one dose of my medications on time, it will ruin the entire day.
• If I work too many hours one day, it'll take me multiple days to recover from it. 

And, of course, those are just tiny examples. When you start to look at chronic stress environments, chronic sleep loss (Sleep Disorders Test), and other evidence of overdoing it, bipolar disorder can create full-on hypomanic, manic, or depressed episodes, and those episodes can require protracted time off or even a hospital stay. It has happened to me. This is something I know about.  

In other words, it tends to be a short-term gain for long-term pain when it comes to overdoing it with bipolar disorder.

It isn't worth it.

As I stated above, we do still feel pressure to overdo it just like everyone else. But we don't pay the same price as everyone else. This is something we need to keep at the forefront of our minds. Most of us can't overdo it with bipolar disorder because we just can't afford it.

Schizophrenia is a spectrum disorder. Some people experience acute symptoms, while others experience mild to no symptoms. When you begin to notice signs of schizophrenia, it's best to reach out for help. I did, eventually, and I found an intensive outpatient program (IOP) that has helped me and that I enjoy.

You never have to feel ashamed or alone. Many people suffer in silence for far too long, and it causes a detriment in quality of life. Reaching out to a good psychologist or psychiatrist can make all the difference. If you find yourself having any schizophrenia symptoms (see here), remember there is help.

Before I Went to Intensive Outpatient Program Treatment with Schizophrenia

When I first began experiencing symptoms of schizophrenia, I didn't reach out for help. I just thought, "This is normal now; this is my life."

Then, reality became a distant memory. I was submerged in my hallucinations (experiences that aren't real) and delusions (false beliefs). I had a roommate at the time, and we began to argue and fight. He knew this wasn't my regular character. After an altercation, he called the police, and they escorted me to the local hospital. This episode made it difficult for me to trust people.

While in the hospital, I was diagnosed as schizophrenic. They put me on medication to help relieve the symptoms, but I was reluctant to take it. I didn't trust the doctors or any of the staff members. Oddly enough, my saving grace came in the form of a hallucination. I heard my friend Amalia (who was deceased at the time) telling me that I needed to take my medication. I listened. Once I began taking medication, my encounters with the staff and doctors were positive. My hospital psychiatrist recommended I join the intensive outpatient program (IOP).

After my discharge, I listened to my psychiatrist and joined the IOP. I was nervous during my first visit, but one of the patients assured me that everyone was friendly and I had no reason to worry. After meeting my new team of therapists and my new psychiatrist, I was relieved. Everyone wanted to help; no one was there to hurt me in any way.

We would cry together, express our emotions, and talk about our daily life and ways to cope with our various mental illnesses during class. It was relaxing. Finding a constructive IOP was the pivotal moment in my schizophrenia treatment.

Finding a Good IOP When You Are Diagnosed with Schizophrenia

Finding a good IOP can help anyone who is suffering from their schizophrenia. It can turn suffering into thriving. Because of my IOP, I learned different tools to navigate my mental illness. I learned how to express myself to others about my condition. I knew that there was no reason to be afraid or ashamed. There are people out there who desperately want to help.

Finding your own IOP can feel like a daunting task, but it needn't be. If you are new to treatment, asking your primary care doctor or your psychologist/psychiatrist can be a great start. They can point you in the right direction for receiving treatment.

If you prefer to find one on your own, then a quick Internet search will yield good results. Make sure you do ample research by reading their website and searching for reviews. Patient reviews will be the best source of information regarding the quality of treatment.

You want to find an IOP that's right for you, so taking the time out to visit first can give you a good feel of the facility. Finding doctors you can trust is crucial. Talk to the therapists first and find out if it is the right fit for you. Some IOPs even offer transportation to and from the facility, which may be necessary if mobility is an issue. Next, check with your insurance and make sure the treatment is covered. If not, call the doctors and determine if they accept Medicare or Medicaid.

If insurance is an issue, joining the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) can help. They host regular meetings and offer tools to cope with living with mental illness.

If you have postpartum depression (PPD), one of your symptoms might be anxiety. Anxiety can be overwhelming and severely interfere with everyday activities. I remember struggling to breathe as my heart raced and my stomach dropped simply because I was going to a community event. But if you're struggling with anxiety related to postpartum depression, there are some coping strategies that can help you get through it.

Ways to Deal with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety

Start with True Statements

When I would feel anxious or angry, I knew that I couldn't trust that my emotions were grounded in reality. These emotions were not caused by outside events but by my postpartum depression. But that didn't translate into feeling better. As a result, I needed to focus on something else, something I knew I could trust.

Starting with true statements was extremely helpful. I would repeat things that I knew were true, and that helped me find my footing in the reality that surrounded me. For example, I might tell myself, "Today is Thursday. I am at home. My husband loves me. I love my children." The statements weren't always the same, but they were always true. They helped me navigate the emotional storm and into the clarity of truth.

Focus on Breathing

It may sound trite, but breathing exercises really helped me. I would focus on taking slow, deep breaths. After a while, I would be calmer and ready to keep going with whatever I was doing. These deep breaths did not make the anxiety go away, but they helped me regulate my heart rate. They also gave me something to focus on, as opposed to worrying about all the hypothetical disasters that I had conjured up in my mind. Breathing was a physical way to combat the mental turmoil that my postpartum depression was causing.

Let It Sit for a While

When we are experiencing an unpleasant emotion or sensation, our automatic reaction is to avoid it or run away from it. We might try to drown it out with distractions or coping mechanisms. But there was great value in acknowledging the anxiety and sitting with it for a minute. I would notice how I felt, what physical symptoms were happening, and what I was experiencing. After a couple of minutes, I noticed the anxiety would improve. Even though it's counterintuitive, when we stop resisting the anxiety and let it settle, we redirect our brains to the present tense. When I left the terrifying possibilities of the future and focused on the present, it helped me calm down. 

Anxiety is unpleasant, at best. At worst, it can be debilitating. But we don't have to let anxiety stop us from living life. Living with postpartum depression is a challenge, but it's better than merely existing or surviving with postpartum depression. Watch the video below to learn about flying with PPD-related anxiety.

I have continuously switched back and forth from being medicated to trying life on my own, with varying results due to depression and anxiety from abuse. While some days are better than others, one prominent element in my life has made it clear; psychiatric medication helps me. However, this may not always be the case with some individuals. For many years, doctors prescribed me psychiatric medication that did not help but also worsened my anxiety and depression symptoms. Thankfully, I have found a balance and a workable solution despite my reluctance to take psychiatric medication. 

Some Are Reluctant to Take Psychiatric Medications

Unfortunately, I was that person that refused medication for many years. I struggled to regulate my emotions and continuously felt overwhelmed and drowning in everyday life. I believed that drugs would make me numb or keep me from adequately functioning each day. A few select times, I did seek help from my family doctor and tried different types of psychiatric medication. But because the trial-and-error period can be bumpy, having no success reinforced my thoughts that medication would not help me. Therefore, I continued to struggle with no hope of feeling better. 

Having a Support System for Abuse Victims 

I am lucky enough to have a supportive group of friends around me. Many of these individuals talk openly about mental health, coping strategies, and helpful resources. One friend, in particular, was my sounding board for many years. As I would describe my panic attacks or overwhelming anxiety, she would offer suggestions and urge me to talk to a doctor or mental health professional. 

Although it took me several years to follow her advice, she was always there as a voice of reason and support. Some days she had no answers for me, which is okay too. It's always nice to have someone that just listens when those bad days come. I always felt that she was in my corner throughout this time, cheering me on and supporting me as I tried to navigate my life situations. I am not sure I would be in the place I am today without her support over the years. 

Not All Psychiatric Medications May Work for You: Don't Be Reluctant, Keep Trying

I soon found out that not all psychiatric medications would work for me. What may work for a friend or family member made me drowsy, nauseous, or gave me migraine headaches. I am lucky that I currently have a terrific family doctor who I can talk to, who listens to my concerns, and who genuinely wants to help me. After trying a couple of different types of medications, he found something that provides the results I need and want. 

Finding a balance in psychiatric medication can be tricky. Even medicine that may work well can take some time to determine the correct dose. So I now have open communication with my doctor and regular check-ins with my therapists. This way, if my therapists see a change in me or feel that an increase may be beneficial, we all work together, so I feel better. 

I may not always need medication, but having this option to help me navigate my life and deal with stressful situations is beneficial. Unfortunately, many individuals do not have the support system to guide them for healing. 

I hope that if you are facing anxiety or depression because of facing verbal abuse, you find the support and help you need to heal. It can be a long, lonely road trying to navigate recovery on your own. But with the right people around you and possibly some medication, you can find balance once again and begin to start living life as you should.