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I can't stop insulting myself. I'm depressed, and that's one of the things that I do when I'm depressed. The insults I say at myself are unbelievably harsh and things I would never say to anyone else. But even though I know that it's the depression, and even though I know that it's negative and harmful, I just can't stop insulting myself.
I've never considered myself a perfectionist. My handwriting is messy, and my closet is cluttered. I can't cook or draw. I sing off-key, and I can't visualize. As a flawed human being, I accept imperfection. Why, then, does my anxiety spike, and I feel as though I am to blame when things go wrong or when I perceive myself as having disappointed others?
Are you struggling to do things that were previously effortless? From eating breakfast to sending a text message, does everything seem impossible? Before you label yourself lazy or incapable, know this: it's not you; when everything seems impossible, it's depression.
Living with the intensity of borderline personality disorder (BPD) feelings used to make me feel crazy. I could feel so sure someone was going to leave me, only to find out later there was nothing to worry about. For most of my life, I struggled to control my painful and embarrassing emotions. It wasn't until I started accepting my perception as truth that I began to feel more in control.
A couple of years ago, I was in your place: anxious, nervous, and extremely stressed out for my very first therapy session. Countless questions were running through my mind, like, "Will my therapist judge me?", "Will they understand where I'm coming from?", "What will happen in the first session?", and "Will my therapist think my concerns are stupid?" Being anxious about your first therapy session is normal. As someone who grew up surrounded by people who thought that therapy was for "crazy people," I was extremely clueless about therapy and didn't know what to expect.
Do you ever feel like you never do anything right? I do. My baseline is feeling that everything I do is wrong to the point that feeling like I’m doing something right is a rarity. Anxiety keeps running questions in the back of my mind, whether I’m making the right decision, saying the right words, or doing the right thing.
As a victim of verbal abuse, I've slowly realized that I may never be totally free of the aftereffects of verbal abuse. Although I can spend hours, weeks, and years in therapy, there will always be a small part of it that is meshed inside my mind. I can use all the helpful tips and tricks my therapist gives me to handle that nagging voice I hear from my past, but it often doesn't work on my bad days.
In 2022, the potential for overstimulation is real, from phones to smartwatches and everything in between. Even now, as I type away on my laptop, I can't help but ponder the previous eight hours I spent staring at an almost identical screen. I'm not naive. I know that technology--and the no doubt plethora of benefits we reap from it--is an integral part of our daily lives. I'm no technology shunner; I'm simply a mental health enthusiast.
I’ve mentioned before that I wanted to see a dietician/nutritionist. The reason is that I want to lose weight to take pressure off of my arthritic knees. I was supposed to go at the end of May, but the doctor had an emergency, so she couldn’t see clients on the day of my appointment. My husband, Tom, and I went in to see her on June 16. Here’s how it went and how it’s going.
Is self-harm a sin? Whatever you believe in life, if you've asked yourself this question (or one like it) before, know that you're not alone. 

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Comments

Kb
Ugh you feel so foolish and used when you realize it was all just like everything else with them, fake… she was the master could flip hysterical tears off and on like that… the things I know now are so upsetting and hard to understand it broke trying to understand. I’m still on recovery and honestly it’s cost me almost everything at this point. These women are insidious and malicious, no matter what your heart tells you they meant to you they did it all with the intent of hurting you this deeply one day and leaving you dramatically to make you their next horror story. You knew it from the start, it was only a matte a time, she lied every single day
June
To put together an uneducated article is extremely hazardous for children and parents of children who actually do have pans or pandas.
My daughter did not have the typical strep throat. She threw up when she was 5 a couple of weeks later she started having sudden OCD, then came depression, anxiety, rage....
We have tried everything Mental Health medications that did not work. After I did research on why my child got so sick so fast I found pans/pandas. I diagnosed my child, I did not believe in this disorder, it was the craziest thing I've ever heard of. But this is my child and I know something wasn't right.
After sometime of researching and not just Googling s*** I realized this had to be something to explore I requested her pediatrician put her on 30 days of penicillin. She started eating again she started smiling again and in 45 days her OCD patterns started disappearing. 2 years later she got a flare and this all came back, this time penicillin didn't work. I told her doctor after doing more research, to try Augmentin for 30 days and that worked.
A couple of years later she had another flare. This time nothing's really worked and we've tried so many things I can't even begin to list them off. She was even diagnosed by an MGH expert with depression. She was wrong. My daughter now sees an excellent Panda's doctor and she says my daughter should have her tonsils and adenoids out and she's betting anything that because of the pattern of medications not working and in the beginning they did work she's betting that my daughter has staph infection in her tonsils and adenoids along with strep which would not be detected by a simple swab.
You are entitled to your opinion, and I will not judge you for that however if somehow your child May possibly even the littlest thought of maybe might have pans that can be cured much easier why would you not even entertain the idea and do more research. Having another child who has the most common OCD and depression I know there is a difference and I'm not saying every kid who has mental illness or OCD or depression has pans of pandas but I can tell you what one child goes through the other child does not even though they're equally as horrible.
I know you cannot find what these children go through online trust me what my daughter goes through would blow your socks off. If you ever want to talk and find out more I would be more than happy to talk to you. Find me online
June Greenlaw Waltham, ma
Yolanda
Hi Margaret,
I hope u see this again i read a book Complex ptsd by Paul walker and it has so much info from a man who actually has this as well. He teaches how this all comes to be and how to ease the symptoms we ge. They are flashbacks and how to calm ourselves when we feel them . He also gives you alot of resources to help ourselves when we can't fund a therapist thst understands this. I don't have insurance so I been doing alot of research. There's not alot out there which is messed up but he does say we need support from somebody. I have nobody. I went no contact with my toxic family. I had just those type of people around me being physically abused and I hate how I can't control the thoughts in my head but slowly this book is helping there's steps to take and we have to nature our inner child and stop our inner critic. I found a friend who I met when I was 16 I'm 42 now, he taught me a little about Buddhism and he lives in India now. He is coming to visit me for a few days but I think I'm getting a little better now since I came in contact with him .I hope you see this and you are doing better. I will think of u in my prayers to all of us out there as well.
Pascale B
I was ghosted by me neighbor who has bipolar disorder it hurt a lot

She was a user and entitled anytime she needed something she would ask for my help I would oblige, then one day when I couldn’t take her call she got mad and decided to “ghost” me even though I tried calling her back to see if everything was ok. Sorry I can’t be at her every beck and call waiting on her needs hand and foot I was in class when she called twice in a row. When she would get what she wanted she would toss me to the side I forgave her many times and told myself it’s ok, well it’s NOT ok not acceptable. When I texted her the next day to ask her if everything was ok since I missed her call she said “she’s busy” excuse me she’s a stay at home mom I work all week and have an entire home to manage as well as personal appointments to keep every day after work… who called who to bother them? She called me it wasn’t the other way around so when you say your “busy” don’t blow up my phone the day before because I am 10 times more busy than you are juggling my career, house work and personal responsibilities while you are a stay at home mom who looks at her window and spies on our neighbors all day long. Anyway now she does not speak to me she ignores me and if she sees me she pretends as if I am dead and put a sticker on her car that says “not today satan” lady are you talking to me? She has issues she’s a user throws people to the side when she gets what she needs out of them and if you can’t take her call one time she will discard you as if you never existed in her phone book or life. She will go to hell for her ghosting and say hi to satan every day in her afterlife for the hurt she has caused becuse I was nothing but nice and helpful to her and all I got in return was a slap to the face, very hurtful and rude. I never ever once asked her to help me I am very self sufficient she always needed my help and now I am ghosted. That’s why I decided to no longer help people who are users.
Paula
I'm 68 and picked bug bites into scabs and then picked the scabs repeatedly as a child. My parents constantly yelled at me for picking and my father warned me he'd bring me to "The Scratching Lady" if I didn't stop. The SL and her son lived in a home where everything was blood-soaked due to their constant picking. I was probably around 5 years old and had many allergies . One day, the family was in the car and I picked a scab. My sister ratted on me and the next thing I know, my Dad is pulling into the driveway of the SL and pulling a hysterical me out of the backseat. After what seemed like an eternity, he relented. I really don't remember the rest. The scratching behavior ended well over 50 years ago but has recently started back up in the last year or so. Go figure.